Rats And Children Follow Thom Yorke Out Of Town
It's June now and the 'Morning Mr Magpie' hitmaker is leading the entire youth of the village of Oxford out into the fields during the traditional 'exodus of the rats' festival, a noted annual happening in this ancient town. When they get to the fields, they will all have a great big picnic, Yorke, 53, says. The rats will eat the crops, and if this were olden times, the whole county would go hungry. But it isn't olden times.
"Have you tried our new app," Yorke asks our reporter. "No, of course you haven't. Because you're a fucking luddite. Well it's pretty good. It's like interactive and swampy and verdant. That's my new favourite word, verdant. I'm the Green Man."
Radiohead are nearing the finish line on their ninth album (fifteenth if you count the Christian-metal late eighties output of 'On A Friday'), and Yorke and the boys are frantic. "We have no fucking clue what we are doing. We did an album, but then Colin's cat pissed over the master drive. Then we rerecorded it from memory but it was a new, different and actually better album. But then we didn't like it, so we smashed it up with the hammer that Johnny uses when his home computer plays up."
"Now we are literally back to square one, and there's only weeks to go before we... oh wait, I forgot, we're not on a label anymore. Yeah."
Johnny Greenwood, 58, joins the midday picnic in a wheat field outside of Oxford, having bicycled the short distance from his cottage where he keeps the hammer he uses when an old computer has given up the ghost ("I don't like leaving evidence," the Karma Police svengali remarked enigmatically), combover flapping wildly in the summer breeze. "Who's up for some pickled eggs and ham sammiches then?!"
The other band members filter in in dribs and drabs, as this entire day is revealed to be a shoot for the band's new video to their new song "I'm the Green Man". "Rats and children, man, you can't keep them down," Phil Selway, 48, opines via his wheelchair-mounted voice synthesiser ("Phil's fine, he's just super lazy," Yorke rang to tell our reporter's editor later in the week. "Not like my lazy eye, just really lacking any sort of work ethic.").