Abandon All Hope Ye Who Enter Here (AKA New Album Speculation)

[Mrs. Garrison]

they bought a new field for Norman, and im sure they did the same for all of the college venues.

 

[PhilsFan]

U2 Concert Bright, Noisy

 

[Headache in a Suitcase]

... says drunken mcguinness.

 

[Danny Boy]

In Brussels U2 also paid for new grass. They probably do this in more places.

Adam paid for grass in Dublin and got arrested for it.

 

[nielsgov]

lol

It took me a moment to understand.

 

[Dragonfave]

Edit: nevermind. Old quotes.

 

[corianderstem]

Well, thank god he's talking about what I'm assuming is NLOTH and not the next one:

"The writer had asked me about a U2 record that had just been released ..."

That scared me for a second.

 

[zoocarolina]

Must have news, I just want to refresh this blue crack page and see Pg 22 or 44 or something for god sakes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[DoctorGonzo]

In Brussels U2 also paid for new grass. They probably do this in more places.

The issue isn't that U2 failed to replace it, but that the replacement grass wasn't good enough to actually play on.

 

[coolian2]

no doubt u2 found the lowest possible bidder and the venues jumped at a free turf replacement.

 

[Headache in a Suitcase]

The issue isn't that U2 failed to replace it, but that the replacement grass wasn't good enough to actually play on.

I'm guessing people who work on the stadium ordered the sod, not paul mcguinness. If they didn't, fuck 'em... they're stupid.

 

[LuckyNumber7]

Yeah... since when was it U2's responsibility to make the grass good? I mean, of course if they're not funding enough for grass equivalent to what they ruined that's one thing, but I doubt it's the case.

 

[nirniva]

We are literally talking about watching grass grow.

I think we're bored.

 

[LuckyNumber7]

Almost 2000 replies on nothing but the ever so important Drunken McGuinness. And the introduction of Sober McGuinness, who apparently is also Hungover McGuinness.

Bored? More like busy.

 

[corianderstem]

Yeah... since when was it U2's responsibility to make the grass good?

It's Bono's responsibility to fix and/or save everything. Have you learned nothing on the interwebs?

We are literally talking about watching grass grow.

I think we're bored.

Nah. When we start talking about watching paint dry, then we're officially bored.

 

[gvox]

Add one more thing to their long list of failures: repeatedly unable to score good grass.

 

[Mrs. Garrison]

Some people like to compare my job to that of an air traffic controller, with bombs and UFO's, and Universial meltdowns, etc.

I was at the grocery store the other day, before the big ass snowstorm that pretty much fucked up the Super_Bowel. I was trying to make my way through the store and buy tampons and beer, and maybe some food as well. I found that i could not make my way easily through the store, i would get stuck on an aisle here or there, people just would not budge. Mom with five bratty kids taking up the whole aisle grabbing random shit off of the shelf, oblivious like the cell phone SUV driver with their blinker on for miles...driving slow in the fast lane. Bitch! plus I was drunk.

Out of sheer frustration i growled and began to bark like a dog, a rabid one at that. That got their attention. Then i grabbed some alka seltzer and put those effervescent tablets in my mouth, got all nice and foamy..... You'd be surprised how many "soccer mom's" got the fuck out of my way after i went Sick Marley on their asses.

Fast forward to last night, im flying home from someplace i cannot talk about, and im awaken by the sound of nothing at all. I notice we are floating around in a holding pattern, not really landing, not really doing shit. Planes everywhere. Our pilot has a few near misses and he's honking the planes' horn at other planes who come close to us, shaking his fists, the co-pilot even moons the other planes. We're all wondering what the hell is going on, all of these planes just circling around, so i call my ex brother in law who works for the FAA.

Ex brother in law tells me that monkeys have taken over the control tower. They are jumping around having fits, throwing food, kicking down chairs, knocking down tables, flinging shit, basically rioting. I don't know that many monkeys, other than the basic chimps I've seen at the zoo. I'm wondering how the government allowed so many chimps to take over the control tower. "Right turn, Clyde". Then it dawns on me...

Sometimes the Devil you know is better than the Devil you don't...

or so they say.

I woke up this morning and looked into the mirror, into my own eyes after splashing around water on my face to try and shake up the cobwebs in my mind. Once i began to focus my gaze turned to horror at what i would find....


Last night we floated above the cooling city with a distant sunset telling us the lights were almost out. The Air Marshall guarding the cockpit succumbed to my grip, i entered to find our plane was on auto-pilot, and the crew were sitting there playing strip poker, drunk and smoking cigars, and wearing women's undergarments.

I reached past the oblivious pilots and grabbed the headset to radio the tower, my response was a bizarre assortment of screams "OHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHH EEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" So I flipped on the monitor to the control tower on the IP and that's when we saw the roomful of monkeys going bananas, throwing chairs, flinging shit around the tower, they had gone totally ape shit. The drunken pilots pointed and laughed at the IP screen, the pilot taking a gulp from his flask and the copilot beginning to take off his silky bra.

The fuel indicator light on the instrument control panel lit up the cockpit like a Christmas tree (don't you just love that word, cock_pit?), which announced an even more ominous event unfolding; DANGER! LOW FUEL! DANGER! The warnings fell on deaf ears to an indifferent crew.

Looking out at the darkening sky, several dozen other planes circled with us in a similar patter like vultures awaiting our own fate. Personally i blame the city of Dallas, first the Super_Bowel and now this! Though sometimes you have to take the bull by the horns, so i kicked the pilot out of his chair, stole his booze, and took control of the plane myself.


Back to this morning, the blood ran down my forehead from places where horns were sprouting new growth. My head hurt a bit from these recent developments. I'm not entirely sure the world is ready to know my true identity...just yet.

5*10*11

The roof of the airplane was filled with blood from the nose to the tail. Everything was quiet throughout the cabin as i made my way out of the cockpit from where i had just awoke. My head hurt terribly and i could barely see, as if i had just recovered from surgery and really didn't know what the hell was going on or where i was. It occurred to me that we were upside down, as i walked along the bloody trail and noticed seats hanging upside down with the safety belts dangling below them.

It also became clear to me that i was alone on this plane, which no longer smelled like people but more like an appliance or a machine. I felt a bit disoriented as i staggered towards the emergency exit and tried to force it open. It would not budge no matter how hard i pushed on it. I looked out the small window and saw only black, so i continued towards the middle section of the plane.

I began to feel a bit dizzy, perhaps even sick, as i stumbled and fell down. Before i knew what happened i began to float upwards and had to grab the nearest chair to steady myself. I assumed that the plane was "turning over" so i guided myself towards another window to try and see what was outside, this time i could clearly make out some very bright stars.

Unsure of what to do i continued to steady myself in this position until i could focus a bit more outside of the window. We seemed to be moving as i could see the stars were sort of "floating". Maybe we had landed upside down in the ocean, i thought to myself? I closed my eyes and tried to listen for the sound of waves crashing on the fuselage, but heard nothing. As i opened my eyes and looked out the window again, i came to see something few people can say they have actually seen in person. Out in the distance, i noticed Planet Earth floating by in all of her majesty...

damn monkeys

five * ten * eleven

Floating into the galley in search of food, i passed by a window on the opposite side of the plane that provided a view over several sunsets, or sunrises depending on your outlook on things. I chose neither.

Once inside the galley i came to the realization that the food in those special little trays was hard as a rock. I even tried to put one of the trays in the oven, but the electronics in the galley didn't seem to be working. In fact, i don't think it was working anywhere in the plane. I found a beverage and some stale peanuts, but consumption of either was challenging in my gravity defying position.

I carefully swam back through the aisle into the cockpit to see if the pilots chair would be a nice place to rest my aching body. I sat down into the padded leather chair with some blankets and pillows i had managed to grab along the way. I strapped my tired body into the chair to hopefully grab some rest and come up with a plan or two.

My bones ached inside and out, my head hurt, my muscles were exhausted and shrinking. Just before i was about to fade out i noticed something that jolted me awake and made me sit upright in the chair. First off, planet Earth seemed to be drifting farther and farther away from me.....not good. And secondly, it suddenly appeared as though i was not alone out here.....

There were thousands of other objects in space, like mine, which all appeared to be floating towards a gathering celestial storm. Bright lights and blinding colors were growing in what must have been the center of the Universe. As we floated towards this milky way event, the more detail would become available and the more warmth would comfort me as a kaleidoscope of colors filled the aircraft.

A giant "gate" of sorts would open and let us all into this strange new territory, which is filled with unimaginable beauty and indescribable colors and shapes. All of the floating objects, the vessels of the departed, began to disappear one by one, freeing their captives. Millions of us were now standing together before a glorious sight above and around us.

Trumpets sounded as HE appeared and took to a giant majestic throne. The masses would take to their knees at his presence, some weeping, others frozen in silence and awestruck. Angels flew overhead in dizzying circles to watch over the flock. Two landed next to me, creatures more beautiful than the mind could ever imagine and the eye had ever seen. They invited me to the base of the throne occupied by The Creator.

I could not look into the eyes of the Creator nor did I speak. The story of my life appeared above in the backdrop of the clouds for all to see, from my birth all the way through my most recent trip to the supermarket. "DO YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS" a loud voice echoed from the heavens....at first i was silent. Then i looked up at the throne and asked "Who was supposed to be the false prophet? The Anti-Christ? Does this person know his own name?"

The angels turned to me with a look of what could only be described as disbelief on their perfectly crafted faces. I suddenly began to feel very weak again, knees buckling and my stomach churning. I looked up into HIS eyes for a brief instant before i was sucked into a dark tunnel from below. Darkness enveloped me and i was travelling at incomprehensible speeds.

I crashed into a heap of myself and the giant sucking sound was replaced by constant wild screaming. "Uh-Oh" i thought to myself, but i was too dizzy and groggy to open my eyes and see. "SHUT UP! SHUT UP!" The long haired, bearded man screamed as one by one he let the monkeys out of their cages. They ran wild and he continued to scream, holding his ears from their deafening shrieks.

Slowly i came too, on the floor of the supermarket in a pool of fresh water near the bucket that read "CAUTION WET FLOOR". I'd hit my head pretty good in the fall, beer and tampons everywhere. "Are you okay, Sir?" the store manager asked me "we have a paramedic on the way to check you out". In the background i could see "Internet Guy" standing there holding a mop, his eyes rolled back into his head as he hummed a monotone connection path to the mother-ship, his pale white skin hidden under his star wars cap and his 'wold of war-craft XIV' t-shirt tucked under his supermarket apron.

 

[topplehatU2]

What.

 

[Rachel D.]

It looks like U2 aren't the only ones buying replacement grass.

 

[ndmaxfield]

There were thousands of other objects in space, like mine, which all appeared to be floating towards a gathering celestial storm. Bright lights and blinding colors were growing in what must have been the center of the Universe. As we floated towards this milky way event, the more detail would become available and the more warmth would comfort me as a kaleidoscope of colors filled the aircraft.

A giant "gate" of sorts would open and let us all into this strange new territory, which is filled with unimaginable beauty and indescribable colors and shapes. All of the floating objects, the vessels of the departed, began to disappear one by one, freeing their captives. Millions of us were now standing together before a glorious sight above and around us.

Trumpets sounded as HE appeared and took to a giant majestic throne. The masses would take to their knees at his presence, some weeping, others frozen in silence and awestruck. Angels flew overhead in dizzying circles to watch over the flock. Two landed next to me, creatures more beautiful than the mind could ever imagine and the eye had ever seen. They invited me to the base of the throne occupied by The Creator.

I could not look into the eyes of the Creator nor did I speak. The story of my life appeared above in the backdrop of the clouds for all to see, from my birth all the way through my most recent trip to the supermarket. "DO YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS" a loud voice echoed from the heavens....at first i was silent. Then i looked up at the throne and asked "Who was supposed to be the false prophet? The Anti-Christ? Does this person know his own name?"

The angels turned to me with a look of what could only be described as disbelief on their perfectly crafted faces. I suddenly began to feel very weak again, knees buckling and my stomach churning. I looked up into HIS eyes for a brief instant before i was sucked into a dark tunnel from below. Darkness enveloped me and i was travelling at incomprehensible speeds.

I crashed into a heap of myself and the giant sucking sound was replaced by constant wild screaming. "Uh-Oh" i thought to myself, but i was too dizzy and groggy to open my eyes and see. "SHUT UP! SHUT UP!" The long haired, bearded man screamed as one by one he let the monkeys out of their cages. They ran wild and he continued to scream, holding his ears from their deafening shrieks.

Slowly i came too, on the floor of the supermarket in a pool of fresh water near the bucket that read "CAUTION WET FLOOR". I'd hit my head pretty good in the fall, beer and tampons everywhere. "Are you okay, Sir?" the store manager asked me "we have a paramedic on the way to check you out". In the background i could see "Internet Guy" standing there holding a mop, his eyes rolled back into his head as he hummed a monotone connection path to the mother-ship, his pale white skin hidden under his star wars cap and his 'wold of war-craft XIV' t-shirt tucked under his supermarket apron.

This made me think of creamsicles. Not sure why, but it did.

 

[Registered Dude]

come on ye people, abandon all your hope (Hope hope hope)

 

[Registered Dude]

so I wonder if U2 will follow the model many artists are now using, and release a new song every few weeks as a teaser.. rem, strokes, kanye, elbow are a few who immediately come to mind that have done this..

I also wonder if they intended or hoped that the new songs they played on the last leg would have gone viral.. and that more people would have been interested in viewing them.

I also wonder if we'll get a new album this year.

 

[bonocomet]

This thread has 2 stars? How is this thread 1 star better than the last thread?

 

[Earnie Shavers]

so I wonder if U2 will follow the model many artists are now using, and release a new song every few weeks as a teaser.. rem, strokes, kanye, elbow are a few who immediately come to mind that have done this..

Evidently no.

I also wonder if they intended or hoped that the new songs they played on the last leg would have gone viral.. and that more people would have been interested in viewing them.

They would have known that would happen amongst U2 fans, but there's no way that would happen in any wider way. I don't think U2 would generate that kind of interest. I think if they thought there was any hope or strategy in 'pushing' a song that way, we probably would have seen them play BFFTS more. That being the only one that has anything to sell. And I doubt any other than perhaps EBW would be on any new U2 album.

I also wonder if we'll get a new album this year.

In about seven days, if we have nothing, I think we go from 50% chance of getting an album to 90% chance of not getting an album. If they reach that midway point in the SA leg having given up nothing, 2013-2014 it is.

 

[Registered Dude]

I don't think U2 would generate that kind of interest.

I wonder though, if U2 thought they would generate that level of interest..

 

[Danny Boy]

This thread has 2 stars? How is this thread 1 star better than the last thread?

Less Radiohead; more Bieber.

 

[clipper699]

Uh, for what it's worth...

Jay-Z Made U2's Bono Rework New Album - TaleTela

 

[BVS]

That quote is pretty old and is apparently about NLOTH...

TaleTela must be hard up for stories.

 

[corianderstem]

Normally I'd get all bitchy about that just being posted in the last page or two, but in these threads, one cannot be blamed for not reading back to see if it had been posted.

 

[Steved1998]

My friend high up in the 'biz' just played the new U-2 record for me. I can't believe they have not one, but two rock-rap hybrid songs on it. Ten years too late if you ask me.

You guys aren't missing much.

Although

Spoiler

Maybe...we'll see..

is the best track in years.