tuf bono respect

[OrARoundabout]

now that is some tuf bona fide respecting right there. And with that, an interlude.

respect

 

[bono_212]

I don't know how to react to what I just read. I laughed a few times. Tears came at others.

 

[The Sad Punk]

tuf bono managed to escape from the alleyway just in time. He ran twenty metres, before stumbling down and clutching his chest. No! Too much! he thought. Too much time without some super crispy lager!

He rose to his feet, using a fire hydrant as support. He could hear >>P0PB0N0<< still charging his laser eyes nearby. He knew he didn't have much time - that shit might be ready in as soon as thirty-five minutes! Without thinking, he lurched from the hydrant and staggered into the Red Light District.

Right next to the Dude and Catastrophe, he found a quaint little joint known simply as Gaf's. Seemed swell enough. He fell through the door and tripped down the staircase, causing many a nearby hooker to respect him. tuf bono was here in the now.

"Hey man, what'll it be?" asked a young chap in a tuxedo, holding a bong in one hand. "uh, do you have heineken i mean it's a pretty uncommon drink like you can't get it at say micky d's but do you have it here? thanks for you time". Gaf took a swift hit and then poured a frosty pint of the gold stuff. tuf bono grinned cheesily and began to relish it.

"Hey bratennuh anudda heineken HIC anudtha heineken fanks"

Where could that voice have come from?! It obviously wasn't tuf bono, because there was a capital letter at the beginning of the sentence, if you could refer to it as a sentence it all. tuf bono's eyes gleamed with excitement when he saw they came from the lad sitting next to him. He looked just like him, only kind of different! It was probably the clothes. tuf bono wouldn't wear a bandana even at the worst of times, which was, for tuf bono, most of the time. But no tuf bono worst times could compare to even the best times of this poor fellow! tuf bono turned to the guy.

"gee mister, i reckon you're pretty terrif'! i mean, you like heineken and everything! man, maybe sometime we could get married or something." tuf bono was a polygamist.

"Nah shucksh nah shorry Is sgotahsa wive ashomeme nah shorry suh I's busy wis my own relashsutnsnahip okay".

tuf bono didn't really get this.

 

[Axver]

To resolve his confusion, tuf bono decided to see if tuf edge could explain things to him. That encounter with >>P0PB0N0<< had left tuf bono rather shaken, but he knew tuf edge could explain things. Luckily for him, tuf edge was sitting not far away, talking to some guy who looked vaguely like Adam Clayton, but with black hair.

"hey hey tuf edge man you made it! dude where'd you get that swish beret!"

tuf edge ignored him. Partly because he was not, in fact, tuf edge.

"Shheeeshh duude whosh yahsh tawshkin'sh tew? SHthat'sh my gitarish HIC gitarish!"

"oh wow you're in a band too!" tuf bono's eyes lit up. Though that was probably because Gaf had just offered him a free pint of Heineken. Good times were had. tuf bono then returned to his sentence. "wow man wow a band! i'm in a band too! wow being in a band!" Finishing sentences was over-rated when you'd just had a free Heineken.

"Shuuurre yesh I'm in a bananadana if HIC if yoshay so! Oh we jushtsh playded thshish sweetest gig! We we played that shong i wrote lasht night about a mer HIC mermaided i met in Sumeria."

"Wasn't it America?" asked the nearby black haired chap.

"YESH THATSH WHAT I SHED, SHUMERICA!"

tuf bono was now even more confused. But Gaf had just passed him the bong, so he didn't care. Good times.

 

[WildHoney]

I'd just like to say tuf Bono is the Bono i feel in love with

 

[The Sad Punk]

But did he love you back.

 

[Axver]

The author stomped his foot and waited for something to happen. tuf bono had another Heineken and a deinonychus poutine pizza or twenty.

 

[The Sad Punk]

This author was getting sick of the other author's yadda yaddas and decided to get back into gear. Top Gear, no less.

tuf bono placed the bong back in Gaf's hand, before he started to hack and cough. Everybody in the bar laughed - Gaf, the mysterious man tuf bono felt an affiliation with, the guy that was sort of like tuf edge, the Grecian Adam Clayton, Jeremy Clarkson, and forty-three prostitutes. All had a grand ol' laughing adventure. Even tuf bono started laughing after a few moments. Everything was just really fucking dandy.

tuf bono's strange doppelganger started to slur wildly speak vividly.

"Haey eman yakenow yeou aint shusha bah guy yaknow HIC yaknow lemme inshtrahdahooshe myshelsh okay?"

tuf bono nodded.

"Wellshar I's knowen toh deshe guysh ash uh I thunka shomethigg lika Inthissh... inthistho... fugk. Inthishtowntastic Edge, gimme a handhs here!".

Inthistowntastic Edge reminded the fellow that his name was Inthistowntastic Bono. The two high-fived, per the suggestion of Inthistowntastic Bono.

tuf bono watched them for a while, beginning to feel hungrier than usual.

"k."

 

[Axver]

A mermaid slithered through the pub. Inthistowntastic Bono's eye was caught.

"HANGERMAN HANG FROSHMM YER OWNER SHTREE!!!" This was apparently meant to be singing.

tuf bono stared around in a rather clueless way. He felt like some significant information had been imparted, but it failed to register. After all, it hadn't got him a free Heineken, had it? He turned back to Gaf.

"gaf, gaf, you're a good man! you believe in good times!"

"tuf bono, I believe in ALWAYS having good times!"

"d'you ... d'you want to come have good times delivering a MESSIDGE?"

"Do I get to take a shit in a paper bag and set it on fire on Pitchfork's doorstep?"

"yeah yeah 'course we can do that kinda thing! man that'd be mad! i hate pitchforks. by the way ... you got any food?"

Ten seconds later, tuf bono's head was buried in a range of pizzas and small woodland creature carcasses. He did not even notice >>P0PB0N0<<'s entry. Inthistowntastic Bono did, but he assumed it was just a mermaid. >>P0PB0N0<< decided to bide his time. He ordered more absinthe than it was safe to consume, and sat in a corner consuming it all unsafely.

tuf bono wolfed down his stash of food and looked around at the prostitutes. Most of them were of the human female form. One, however ... one, he respected. A velociraptor. He wanted to more deeply respect it. So he chugged fourteen kegs of Heineken and waddled over to the velociraptor.

"hey hey velociraptor! how's a pretty thing like you in Springtime has come!"

The velociraptor stared deeply into tuf bono's eyes and was entraced by the way they swirled in hazy, drunken glory. tuf bono tried to gaze ... tried ... he sort of perceived velociraptor eyes, respectable in their beadiness. tuf bono liked beads. His wife wore a beaded necklace when she brought him pizza sometimes. He lay a hand on the velociraptor. It was respectably scaly to the touch.

tuf bono knew, he just knew with all his Heineken-infused heart, that he needed to be alone with the velociraptor. There was no other way he could properly respect it. Who shares pizza with a dinosaur in public? tuf bono didn't want people to think he was silly. In any case, that Inthistowntastic Bono guy kept looking and hiccuping at him, as if he should perceive some significance in their meeting. Maybe, thought tuf bono, if he took the velociraptor aside, it would be respectable enough to explain the situation.

>>P0PB0N0<< smirked. Everything was falling into place. The author made the reader aware here that >>P0PB0N0<< retroactively knew the velociraptor.

tuf bono waddled into a private room with the velociraptor. The room was full of poutine pizza and a pie made out of hat mouse's lady mice. It was all very delicious. It was all a good way to respect the velociraptor. tuf bono moved closer to the velociraptor. It delicately raised a leg towards him. Sickle claws at the end of its toes glistened. Through tuf bono's drunken hazy gaze, it was positively psychedelic. He drooled, though that was probably because he just had some amazing poutine pizza. He admired the claws as it came closer ... then became rather alarmed when one was suddenly jabbed into the side of his neck. It was dragged slowly across his skin and the slash dribbled a little blood.

"tuf bono, you are the victim of KNIFE CRIME!" gargled the velociraptor. Velociraptors, in speaking English, can manage gargles only.

"oh fuck what no not again! oh god this can't be happening!" tuf bono wimpered. >>P0PB0N0<< entered the room, his lasers fully charged.

Out in the pub, Inthistowntastic Bono suddenly felt HORRIFIED. Through his even more drunken haze, he realised that tuf bono guy who wasn't so bad might actually be in trouble!

"Mayshbeeae my bananadanash can HIC can-can shave him!"

Inthistowntastic Bono had a mission. He steadied himself on a nearby microphone stand and prepared to charge into the private room that was currently the scene of KNIFE CRIME.

Inthistowntastic Edge sighed and looked perceptibly into the future. "If only he had an Oasis cassette rather than a harmonica in his pocket ..."

 

[The Sad Punk]

>>P0PB0N0<< began to laugh insanely. "Ahahahah! My powers have finally reached 100%! You'll never defeat me now, tuf bono! Prepare to meet thy last night on Earth!". Somehow, even tuf bono knew that was a corny line.

"oh shit oh shit oh fuck fuck i'm so screwed!" he stuttered, "will any of these so much more people here tonight help me!?"

A few more frames held on an intense closeup of >>P0PB0N0<<, for effect.

Suddenly, Inthistowntastic Bono launched through the door and slammed into >>P0PB0N0<<, knocking the frailer villain off from his feet, and causing his laser eyes to misfire, blasting a hole through the Velociraptor's torso.

"what the HELL people." remarked tuf bono. After a good quarter of an hour, Inthistowntastic Bono managed to prop himself against the doorway, despite numerous failed attempts. Inthistowntastic Edge pushed a wooden chair next to his comrade, but Inthistowntastic Bono insisted that he was chill. He started to... speak, or whatever, to tuf bono.

"Looshk, whahkunnahshay, I fhink we HIC, we hasha lotta in commoan! You goh shum real moshxie, kid!"

The pair shared eight breweries and three distilleries before Gaf walked into the room. "Oh man, not my hooker corner! You're gonna have to do a lot of work around here to pay that off, Boner!", he started. "Nah, but f'real, let's get on with the good times." Everybody partied the night away. It was good for everyone involved to forget about knife crime, even for just a little while.

The next morning, tuf bono woke up in an unfamiliar bed.

 

[Alisaura]

With a grinding wrench and the sound of a tortured space-time continuum relinquishing its integrity, a forty-foot mirrorball artichoke crashed through the plotline.

With the noise of a screaming jet plane, a guy in a pornstache emerged from the spotlit smoke.
"Oops, sorry," >>P0PMrTheEdge<< said. "Didn't mean to de-rail the story there. Say, have you seen the Mark 1 psychotic >>P0PB0N0<< with laser eyes around here? I must have wired it wrong, because it's run amok across space and time."

tuf bono could only gasp with relief at his close escape from KNIFE CRIME, and poutine-pizza-related congestive heart failure.
"woah shit man!" he spluttered, proving the author wrong.

"Aah thoushght ah shaw im shineer" Inthistowntastic Bono said, struggling to recall the last thirty seconds. "Wannee shtha wunner sshhotsh tha vloshishkabobrashptor?"

tuf bono perked up. "shishkabob?"

The velociraptor, who both had and had not been shot, was confused.
"Yo yo yo what up hos?" it gargle-rapped.

The prostitutes didn't know what was up.

>>P0PB0N0<< twitched and sparked feebly from under the forty-foot mirrorball artichoke. >>P0PMrTheEdge<< gathered him up with electrical tape and resolved to read the manual before he tried any more DIY.
"You should have expected KNIFE CRIME from a velociraptor," he chided tuf bono gently, being rather fond of the pudgy little bloke. "The only way to settle this is to defeat it at its own evil, DEPRESSING art form. And if that doesn't work, try this." He tossed a cassette to tuf bono, who ate it reflexively. He burped, releasing a snatch of Beatles-esque melodic pop.

"thanks anyway mate," tuf bono told the guy with the pornstache. "i reckon i can hold me own."

Wasting no more time, the velociraptor grabbed a mic stand, causing Inthistowntastic Bono to fall over. It spewed forth a torrent of mesozoic rapping too rapid for the human ear to follow, since it was a velociraptor. It gesticulated furiously, its sudden bling swinging and flashing in the light from the forty-foot mirrorball artichoke.

tuf bono blinked, and cleared his throat. "hyueeew! whoooauh!"

"whushataetnow," he said, by way of an introductory remark. "yashrugh, juskeemeegoin."

tuf bono drew a breath.

"nisawrightjak
yoocomebrigh'jak
cartooncuhout
cuthrowleahowt
i'monyawsigh
beontheboafsigh
i'mawrighjak
yoogerroffmahback
i'mnodowp
ahgivyoohowp
heersuhrowpheersuhrowp
naw, swingonit!"

The velociraptor reeled respectfully, defeated.

"Righto, I'll be off then," >>P0PMrTheEdge<< said, and shortly the forty-foot mirrorball artichoke vanished from whence it came, with another jet noise.

THEN tuf bono woke in an unfamiliar bed.

 

[Axver]

tuf bono blinked and looked around. He ... he actually thought he'd just come up with a new song for the album he vaguely remembered Brian Eno and Adam Clayton had been recording.

"... i think i'll call it WIYAH! there's never been a word like that before!"

He slowly sat up. A Heineken was on the bedside table. He gulped it and scavenged around the room for more. Luckily, an entire keg was in the wardrobe. It was at this point that he realised he was in fact in his own bedroom in Dublin.

"woah what the fuck i didn't know this place existed after 1979!"

tuf bono then flopped back down on the bed, in the process disturbing what else was on the bed. A small woodland creature was squashed under his dead cat mullet, so he ate it. A piece of paper was flicked into the air. tuf bono snatched it and glanced carelessly at it. It looked like ... a futuristic sort of land vehicle and some scrawled writing. It wasn't a pizza menu anyway. He screwed it up, put it in his pocket, and felt around for a pizza menu. There were no pizza menus, but there were a few more small woodland creatures. They disappeared down his throat.

"god i gotta get me some more pizza!"

tuf bono, for once in his life, decided to be proactive. Hunger compelled him onwards. He hummed lyrics about nisawrightjak yoocomebrigh'jak cartooncuhout cuthrowleahowt to himself as he strolled dishevelledly down the street, stalked decrepitly by Bob Geldof, who had insisted that he be restored to this A Story. tuf bono felt walking half a block was quite enough, and out of breath, he staggered into a railway station. The train would take him to pizza! Trains were his friend. Well, they were the author's friend, and tuf bono was in a cheerful mood, so a friend of the author's was a friend of his!

Then the train turned up. tuf bono's blood ran cold. He fumbled in his pocket and removed the piece of paper that had been flicked in the air, and studied it as if it too were a hallowed pizza menu holding the answer to life.

"oh ... oh my god. the ... this is the train in this picture!"

It was a Velocity.

The train stopped at the platform. The doors opened. A respectable velociraptor hopped off, followed by >>P0PB0N0<<.

tuf bono prayed this was the classy, artsy European Mark 2 >>P0PB0N0<<.

It was in fact the depressed Mark 3 >>P0PB0N0<<. The mournful Mark 3 >>P0PB0N0<< who could no longer hit the High C thanks to the smoke sound overtaking his entire being.

This horrifying vision of the future compelled tuf bono to charge blindly onto the Velocity and consume the entire contents of its onboard bar. A few velociraptors were rather unimpressed, but tuf bono respected them and they chose not to partake in any vengeful slashery. Unfortunately for tuf bono, he was still stuck on a train going to a destination completely unknown to either him or the author. Its pizza stocks were a mystery. tuf bono quivered in fear.

 

[Axver]

As a footnote, the author wished to express his glee that he had just posted a train photo in PLEB- er, in this A Story, which of course possesses an essence and a stature beyond mere forum categorisation!

Also in this footnote, tuf bono managed to find some pizza aboard the Velocity and converted a poor deinonychus into the pizza topping. He ate it and continued to quiver in fear over whether or not there would be hallowed pizza menus at the train's destination.

 

[bono_212]

tuf bono was no longer actually sure what was going on. Mostly this was because the author had been away from the respectable rpg for some time because something called life happened.

But the author had drawn a picture of a train in her notes the other day. It was engine 212, and Axver was the conductor. Passengers included Robert Smith, Edge in a beanie, Pipe smoking Adam, an angry Larry, and tuf bono in a respectable car all to himself.

It was in this car that tuf bono now quivered.

He nibbled pizza

Then he quivered again.

and nibbled pizza.

Then quivered.

This went on for some time, until the author realized she wasn't actually writing anything at all. Taylor Swift songs were rumbling through her ears, and suddenly the world felt wrong. Then gaf entered, and it all made sense.

"tuf bono. Got some brews. Why are you quivering? We're going to get drunk, then attack whatever baseball team is playing the White Sox right now. We're headed to VEGAS tuf bono. VEGAS."

 

[Axver]

The author was impressed. Here was a Victorian raptor-approved Velocity, drawn by Ashley of Indiana, departing some random Dublin suburban train station, bound for Las Vegas. The inter-continental, oceanic expansion of the global rail network was pleasing!

The Velocity trundled along a bridge over the Atlantic Ocean. tuf bono rejoiced in his solitary carriage. It was full of pizzas and small woodland creatures. There was even a guitar in the corner ... he wasn't quite sure what to do with that. He called tuf edge into the room.

"this ... this thing, tuf edge, this thingy with strings and knobs and strings, what's it do? i see you use one a lot ..."

"tuf bono, you can use this to make music! We need to record an album! Paul McGuinne$$ is going to become Paul McGuinne$ or maybe even Paul McGuinne if you don't hurry up and create some music."

"... i created a pizza!" He showed tuf edge deinonychus poutine pizza. tuf edge acted as if he'd never seen it before and tried to teach tuf bono some chords.

The author thought tuf edge's choice of song was appropriate:

People get ready, there's a train a-comin'
Picking up passengers coast to coast ...

Unfortunately, tuf bono could only concentrate on lyrics about pizza. He didn't have enough schmuck in him. tuf edge took the offending guitar away and left tuf bono to consume delectable varieties of pizza to his heart's content.

The train rumbled through Heart's Content, Newfoundland. A few kegs of Heineken were thrown aboard and clattered into tuf bono's carriage. Gaf charged in. tuf bono did not anticipate anybody else trying to consume his beer! But Gaf was the bringer of good times. tuf bono relented.

The train charged onwards to Vegas. However, it had one stop to make beforehand. In Washington DC.

THE HOME OF RONALD RAYGUN.

 

[The Sad Punk]

The train charged through the states, taking the odd stop here and there, until it reached DC. There wasn't much time to go! This was good, because Gaf needed to refill his Good Times Party Kegz, and tuf bono was thinkin' that some deep-fried yiros pizza would punish. So the two prepared to hop off as some new passengers hopped in.

But no. Trouble was afoot again. Just as tuf bono was about to collapse through the door, in came his old rival - Robert Smith.

"SO


YOU THOUGHT THAT I WOULDNOT COME BACK TO THIS A STORY, DID YOU NOT?

HOW WRONG YOU ARE!!



I HAVE RETURNED TO HIJACK THIS TRAIN


ANDTAKE IT TO MOUNT RUSHMORE!




EXCELLENT!"

tuf bono and Gaf turned to each other in comical disbelief. They weren't counting on this twist in the plot! "consarn it, you Robert Smith, you! always tryin' to ruin my pizza fantasies!". Robert Smith tied up Gaf to a stick of crazy-ass illegal Mexican fireworks and threw him out in front of the train. He then chained tuf bono up to, I don't know, some kind of tree that was growing in the middle of a carriage. Robert Smith grew a curly moustache. tuf edge rolled his eyes at this.

Wait! tuf edge is in the story! Can he rescue these damsels in distress?!

 

[bono_212]

The author greatly respected the Dudley Do-Rightness of the previous entry, because, as we all know, Snidley Whiplash is my baby momma or something. Anyways, the author was also amused that Robert Smith somehow entered the train that he was already on.


REGARDLESS, as the train neared the boarder of Canada, the red shirt of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police came into view. Dudley Do-Right was on his way, along with tuf edge, to save GAF and Bono from Snidley WhipSmith.

Then NSFW swooped out of the sky in a fucking star destroyer.

 

[Axver]

The author no longer had any fucking clue what was happening, so he gave tuf bono a slice of pizza and waited for the next respectable installment.

 

[Axver]

As it happened, the next installment fell to the very same author.

"Goddamn," he muttered as he kicked back in his seat aboard the Velocity and watched the star destroyer swoop out of the sky. Whether he was goddamning the star destroyer or having to do the installment, not even he was sure. A star destroyer could be nasty, but could it be as nasty as having to write an update when he has no idea what's going on? A mystery for the ages!

The train realised crossing the border into Canada would be a bad idea. It also wasn't fond of obeying Robert Smith. It was a pretty purple and green raptor-approved train. It wasn't very goth at all.

But it could home. It was like a pigeon, but on rails. The homing Velocity made for its great state of origin, Victoria. Soon, it arrived in Melbourne ... Florida.

What matters is The Melbourne. This is A Melbourne.

tuf bono rejoiced! Surely this would be a fine place to make deep-fried yiros pizza and share Good Times Party Kegz with Gaf. Robert Smith wept giant goth tears as tuf bono and Gaf disembarked the train, Heinekens in hand.

 

[bono_212]

The author was not quite sure what was going on anymore. Apparently we're in Florida, Canada. I didn't know such a place existed, but I have a Heineken here, so I think I can join in on the party.

Oh wait, I'm just the author.

The party raged on, deep into the nigh, until Gaffer had collapsed into a pool of vomit, as he does every night, Robert Smith began to converse with an owl about the ways of the universe, tuf Edge built some electronic band mates, and tuf bono ate the last gyro.

What a party.

What a time.

It was time, tuf bono thought, for a jog. A respectable jog.

And that's just where he went.

He jogged his way right to Las Vegas.

 

[The Sad Punk]

If there was one aspect of athletics that tuf bono somehow excelled at, it was jogging. He could do a great jog, usually at the end of something. In this case, it was the end of Gaf's liver, so tuf bono did some fine jogging over to dusty old Nevada.

"i can jog like a millionaire!" he exclaimed proudly. Sho'nuff, he arrived at Pricadilly's, a casino-cum-brothel. He thought it would be a fine place to stop, just to make sure his alcohol-blood level remained. He staggered into the main dining area, knocking over a few fountains in the process before reaching the bar. "say, barkeep! could you lend a man some crunchy lager?". The barkeep was aghast. He recognised tuf bono from the television!

"Wow, a celebrity! We don't get any of them in Vegas!" he began. "Hey buddy, I don't wanna alarm you, but Gallagher didn't show up tonight. You wanna, I don't know, be our entertainer for tonight? I'll show you backstage and everything!".

tuf bono was hardly in a condition to say no.

 

[Axver]

tuf edge was terrified. Firstly, he'd run into his doppelganger, tuf Edge. Secondly, tuf bono was going to perform. The barkeep took tuf bono on a tour of the backstage facilities, showing him the many different alcohols he could consume from many different locations, while tuf edge hid in a corner and tried to plan his escape.

tuf Edge was already soundchecking with his electronic bandmates. Performance! This would be great. tuf Edge hadn't played live in a while, and he had full confidence in tuf bono and his electronic inventions.

"Hey tuf bono!" called tuf Edge. "You reckon we could promote your MESSIDGE tonight?"

"yeah yeah sure," said tuf bono, who was thoroughly distracted by the impressive woodfired pizza oven the barkeep was showing him.

tuf Edge soundchecked Seconds.

tuf edge sulked.

ocean rain ian mcculloch schemed outside.

Robert Smith wasn't sure if he was still in this A Story or not, so he did some HERAWIN.

 

[Reggo]

tuf edge hopped in the hearse and drove off into the desert.

tuf bono swilled a case of Pabst.

tuf Edge soundchecked Pride.

Ian Curtis rolled over in his grave.

ian mcculloch schemed closer to the door.

and Robert Smith ate some Swedish Fish.

 

[bono_212]

Things in this A Story suddenly felt quite choppy, like an episode of 24 going to commercial break.

 

[OrARoundabout]

This made me LOL...I really don't know why...

 

[The Sad Punk]

Can you delete that picture of the goddamn Predator?

... except for the respectable bit? Thanks!!

 

[Reggo]

Not very much respect in letting the thread slip to page two.

 

[The Sad Punk]

It's the cruel magic of that shitty picture above us, Reggo. It has some respect in it, but hardly enough.

 

[The Sad Punk]

Folks, you shouldn't fear, because I've got much in the way of respecting to come, and hopefully so do you. In the meantime, why not enjoy this wallpaper? It may look like it was made in ten minutes, but actually it only took about five.



If you found that one a bit too cluttered and prefer your wallpapers to look refined, then there's this masterfully elegant piece, bound to astound and impress anyone who uses your otherwise ugly computer.

 

[Alisaura]

Bonnie... i respect you.