Man, depression can be a real bitch
Nothing terrible occurred, mind you, but that's kinda what bothers me the most--because I can't place a name to this affliction, I've no remedy for my putrid state of mind. But above all else, I just
really hate being a sourpuss
![noooo :no: :no:](https://www.u2interference.com/forums/images/smilies/nono.gif)
I deal w/ people every day (mostly friends and acquaintances), so to emote a sudden change in disposition--without any real, demonstrable external influence--always seems to create some level of tension in the atmosphere:
"What's wrong with you?" "Did something happen?"
<responds w/ either some generic variant of "not feeling well" or just a non-answer, "nothing.">
"Okay, well... Hope you feel better..."
*conversation ends, and person walks away*
So for the majority of the time during these periods, I simply do my damnedest to keep busy and avoid any and all lengthy conversations w/ people. But lately... I dunno, I feel like the "cracks," so to speak, are beginning to show. I have all these preconceived notions of what others expect me to be, and I feel like I'm just faking it with them, and sooner or later they're gonna figure me out
I don't even know if what I'm typing makes any sense lol
![drunk :drunk: :drunk:](https://www.u2interference.com/images/smilies/drunk.gif)
Whatevs, it's the "I Hate..." thread; I haven't posted here in awhile, so I'm just gonna ramble on for a bit if you don't mind
More and more often I'm feeling so hopelessly, desperately lost. Confused? Maybe, but I don't know if it's depression or just apathy. I detest cynicism, but always come up empty handed when looking for something good. Maybe I'm down on everybody else's expectations; maybe sometimes it's okay to be everyone else's disappointment.
There seems to be a general format for living your life--much like a film, where you have the inciting incident, the hero's journey, etc. We go to school, get a job, meet someone and start a family... but what if you're unsure about things and don't know what you want to do? What if you're just peculiar and can't find anyone? Nobody wants to hear it; you're screwed up; you're not living things right. And now I feel like something for the waste bin, struggling to find something worthwhile at a time when there's no one to look up to and nothing left to look forward to...
![heart :heart: :heart:](https://www.u2interference.com/forums/images/smilies/heart.gif)