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greeneyedgirl said:
Its really odd how you do meet up with people at funerals.
When my grandpa died, I was talking to everyone....walking around from spot to spot....just looking for something, I didn't know what.
Then I looked over at the casket. Realized that I had been looking for my grandpa. He was the one that I always hung out with at stuff like this.
Was really sad for me.
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Aww GG :hug: :sad: :heart:
 
VintagePunk said:


Curious on your take - are there any cultures that you think help the survivors to deal with it better? I have my own ideas, but I'd be fascinated to hear yours. :)
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You've probably read in Bono in Conversation about how Bono half-jokingly half-seriously says he wants to have a three-day Maori wake as part of his funeral service (this is at the start of the birthday chapter, ironically). He got this idea from Greg Carroll's wake in New Zealand, which was a traditional Maori wake.

Even though it doesn't seem to jive with Bono's Christian beliefs, it's an interesting-sounding ritual. It gives the survivors a set period of time to spend with and around the body and with each other. And they have to say things about the deceased. Here in America, we go to a funeral home for a few hours and maybe the funeral service and that's that.
 
greeneyedgirl said:
Its really odd how you do meet up with people at funerals.
When my grandpa died, I was talking to everyone....walking around from spot to spot....just looking for something, I didn't know what.
Then I looked over at the casket. Realized that I had been looking for my grandpa. He was the one that I always hung out with at stuff like this.
Was really sad for me.
Click to expand...

:sad:
 
Sad_Girl said:


There's nothing wrong with wanting to be close to someone like that right now. Just be careful that you don't get in over your head and end up with more than you want when things get back to normal
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I can't get into the mindset where I think I can run to him for comfort. Too risky.
 
I believe it was an Irish tradition for a long time, Joanne, if I'm not mistaken, to sit up with the dead body all night for the nights between the death and the burial. they kept the body in the main room of the house and people would not leave it alone, sitting up awake all night and all day. They took turns, obviously, but it was a family obligation to do this.

And of course, the Irish wake is notorious.

Both were Catholic Irish traditions
 
RedrocksU2 said:
...sorry to intrude, but what would be a great present for a PLEBA girl?
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There are a lot of U2 books out there; some out of print, with great pictures and stories. I say check into used books and see if you can find something like that
 
RedrocksU2 said:
...sorry to intrude, but what would be a great present for a PLEBA girl?
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The new iPod. In black. With an iTunes gift card so she can download her favorite U2 songs and videos to it for herself.

She'll be like this when she sees Bono's face on the box: :drool:
 
jobob said:


You've probably read in Bono in Conversation about how Bono half-jokingly half-seriously says he wants to have a three-day Maori wake as part of his funeral service (this is at the start of the birthday chapter, ironically). He got this idea from Greg Carroll's wake in New Zealand, which was a traditional Maori wake.

Even though it doesn't seem to jive with Bono's Christian beliefs, it's an interesting-sounding ritual. It gives the survivors a set period of time to spend with and around the body and with each other. And they have to say things about the deceased. Here in America, we go to a funeral home for a few hours and maybe the funeral service and that's that.
Click to expand...

Yes, someone from Interference just gave me a link several days ago that discussed One Tree Hill, and the local stuff that went along with it. It went into a great deal of depth about Greg's burial ritual.
 
Last edited:
Wow VP - you and I have very different ideas about Funerals, I think.

I won't go to visitations. I have serious objections to them, for several reasons. I think a funeral service should be short and sweet, nothing fancy for the burial/scattering of ashes.

A more in depth memorial service is a good idea, after the remains have been dealt with, not too long after the death but not as soon as a funeral is usually held
 
Sad_Girl said:
Wow VP - you and I have very different ideas about Funerals, I think.

I won't go to visitations. I have serious objections to them, for several reasons. I think a funeral service should be short and sweet, nothing fancy for the burial/scattering of ashes.

A more in depth memorial service is a good idea, after the remains have been dealt with, not too long after the death but not as soon as a funeral is usually held
Click to expand...

I know it can seem morbid, or extremely painful at the time, but from experience, in our case at least, it would have helped us to come to terms with it. I think ultimately, it would have helped the mourning/healing process proceed more smoothly, and probably faster.

I'm sure you had your fair share of survivors who lost people unexpectedly in your line of work. When it happens, it's as though you go into shock. You are aware intellectually that the person is gone, but on all other levels, it takes a long time to comprehend. Seeing all of them today, I know exactly how they're feeling. And staring at a body certainly isn't the most pleasant thing in the world, but at least by the end of tomorrow, I think they'll have a greater degree of comprehension than I did.

I know it's a very personal thing, but I know it would have helped me and my siblings.
 
VintagePunk said:


edited :)
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I don't dispute that some people feel they need that experience to deal with loss. I would never tell anyone how they should mourn, it's a very personal thing. Most of my problems lie in the fact that a lot of people are more concerned at these things about 'what would 'so and so' think, if you don't come to show your respect. It's not necessary to disrespect a body in the ways that we do in order to show respect, in my opinion.

It hurts a great deal that people in my own family think I am cold or callous because I won't participate. That, in some way, I'm not as effected as people who go mill around and make empty conversation for awhile.

I prefer to reach out in other ways, and to spend mourning time in prayer and reflection than putting on a false brave face for people.

And the funeral isn't about the person who died, but the people left behind. If I'm one of the people left behind and I don't want to be a part of certain traditions, is it right to force them upon me?

That is the heart of my problem with visitation and funerals.

and it started, as many things do, I guess, by knowing too much. I know what a mortician does. In far too much detail. it's not right, in my opinion.

and thats all I have to say about that.


Sorry for ranting :reject:
 
I wrote this, and my sister read it for my Grandmas funeral back in April. I had someone request a copy of it not too long ago, to read at another memorial. I just wanted to post it, take it or leave it. I feel pushy - like I do the writing/poetry stuff too much. Sorry if thats the case.

This is from my thread in Dream Out Loud
Sad_Girl said:
Yesterday, my Grandmother passed on. As we go through the strange, yet oddly comforting rituals of mourning this week, I'll be sharing this poem of mine with my family. I thought I'd like to share it here as well.

Sorrow fades

As sorrow fades, as I know it shall
Know that I rejoice
I know that you will miss me,
But there should be laughter in your voice
When the tears dry up
And life goes on
It doesn’t mean that you’ve forgotten me
And It doesn’t mean I’m gone
I live in your heart as a memory,
And I would be a happy one
I hope to be in your smile, not tears,
When all is said and done
If I could take away the grief ,
Know surely that I would
But the knowledge that you’re missing me,
Tells me that my life was good
To see how I touched your heart
more deeply than I even knew
I am content in knowing you loved me
Just as I loved you
Worry not for me,
For there is no sorrow, here
No more pain or misery,
No anger and no fear.
And now grant me one favor,
For all that I did give,
What you are to do for me,
Simply, is to live.
Go on, each day, and be glad
To feel the sunshine on your face,
See new times and do new things,
Take my memory to each new place.
Now you must go on,
learn to love and live again
Spread your wings and fly
And waste nothing on what might have been.
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SG, I'm firmly against forcing people to do things they're not comfortable with. For example, Sarah came home at noon today, and decided she wasn't feeling up to going this afternoon. Both me and her dad told her that was totally fine, and from what they said to me tonight, the rest of his family wholeheartedly agreed. If people are uncomfortable with the viewing or service, it's cruel to expect them to be there, and to not realize they're mourning in their own way.

As for the ritual itself, I agree completely, it has very little to do with the deceased, and is almost entirely for the survivors. But if it can help them, then that's great. We watch Six Feet Under, and while it's not exactly mortician's school, they are very graphic and realistic about what they do...and my feeling is, the person is gone, and so what does it matter to them? It's just a shell that held the person. I hope that doesn't sound TOO icky or disrespectful, I certainly don't mean it that way...but to me, the body is just a container for the person.
 
VintagePunk said:
I hope that doesn't sound TOO icky or disrepectful, I certainly don't mean it that way...but to me, the body is just a container for the person.
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I agree wholeheartedly on that - I want to be cut up for spare parts and then creamated because a body is a container. A cell, holding my spirit here.

But I also think that a photo is a better tribute at a funeral, because what you see isn't really the person at all.

I look at a body and I know there are plugs pushed into the eyes to push the eyelids up. I know where there are stitches, I know the color is make up. You know what I mean? It's fake. The person you're mourning couldn't be farther away from the thing in the box.



Ok, I'll really stop now. Promise.


:reject:

















sorry to be such a big old bummer tonight.
Would it help if I told you I was working on a cap? :shifty:
 
That's beautiful, SG. :) :heart:

I wrote something for the first anniversary of my dad's, to put in the paper as a memorial. Nothing that long, I think it was only 8 or 12 lines. I have NO idea where it would be, or even what it said. But not long after, I was reading the memorials and someone else used it for someone in their family. I was touched. :)
 
Sad_Girl said:


And the funeral isn't about the person who died, but the people left behind. If I'm one of the people left behind and I don't want to be a part of certain traditions, is it right to force them upon me?

That is the heart of my problem with visitation and funerals.

and it started, as many things do, I guess, by knowing too much. I know what a mortician does. In far too much detail. it's not right, in my opinion.

and thats all I have to say about that.


Sorry for ranting :reject:
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Naah, no problem here.

It is weird to think about what morticians do -- make-up, hair styling, clothing, chemicals -- to prepare bodies for burial. And I know just a fraction of the details that someone like SG knows.

Yes, funerals are for the living. Most people need to have a ritual to cope with the loss of their family member, loved one, or friend. Most of the time, it's a religious, traditional, funeral ritual. However, it could also be the more secular "moment of silence" or "thoughts" too.
 
VintagePunk said:
That's beautiful, SG. :) :heart:

I wrote something for the first anniversary of my dad's, to put in the paper as a memorial. Nothing that long, I think it was only 8 or 12 lines. I have NO idea where it would be, or even what it said. But not long after, I was reading the memorials and someone else used it for someone in their family. I was touched. :)
Click to expand...

Thats nice, isn't it? Thats a really amazing honor, to have helped someone through a hard time like that. :yes:




and thank you, Drea! :lmao: I so needed that, I was about to start bawling, but now I'm actually smiling again :hug:
 
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