Balls bounce a very different way
By Gerry Callahan
Tuesday, May 20, 2008 - Updated 18h ago
+ Recent Articles Boston Herald General Sports Columnist
For the second year in a row, the future of the Celtics will depend on the bounce of the ping-pong balls as the dregs of the NBA gather in Secaucus, N.J., tonight for the annual draft lottery. With a league-worst 9-73 record, the Celtics have the best chance of landing the top pick in the losers lottery tonight, just as they did a year ago.
Last May, it appeared as if the Celtics’ luck finally was changing. After two decades of missteps and malfeasance, the team’s prayers were answered. The balls bounced their way on lottery day and the Celtics got the No. 1 pick for the first time ever.
In New Jersey, Celtics emissary Tom Heinsohn lit up a victory Pall Mall while mayor Tom Menino ordered a rally outside City Hall headlined by his favorite singer, Dropkick Murphy.
The party continued into June when the team grabbed highly touted Ohio State center Greg Oden with the pick, and the club seemed to be turning the corner. Happy days had returned to Causeway Street at last.
But soon dark clouds again moved in over the storied Celtics franchise as an ESPN investigation revealed that Oden really was 67 and a decorated Korean War veteran. Oden admitted he lied about his age to get into sorority parties in Columbus and decided to come clean so he could get the senior discount at Dunkin’ Donuts.
Late last summer, as he was preparing for his first NBA training camp, Oden fell down while watching “Matlock” with his canasta group and suffered a hip injury. The Minnesota Timberwolves, who had offered to trade Kevin Garnett for Oden, withdrew their offer.
The Celtics had no choice but to set their sights on the lottery again and lose as many games as possible in the 2007-08 season. Former coach Doc Rivers announced that he couldn’t handle another season of tanking games so he resigned his position, allowing Celtics owner Wyc Grousbeck to hire the perfect man for the job.
“We needed one more season of complete ineptitude, and I think we can all agree that this is the best man to lead us there,” Grousbeck said as he introduced Isiah Thomas to the media.
Thomas was released from his contract with the Knicks after he was caught stealing office supplies.
“I came here because I think this is a young team with lots of potential,” Thomas said. “Plus, they have a couple of smoking-hot secretaries.”
Former Celtics director of basketball operations Danny Ainge followed Rivers out the door, allowing Thomas to assume the duties of general manager as well as coach. After trading Paul Pierce to New York for Stephon Marbury, Thomas set his sights on the available free agents. He called James Posey, who claimed he had given up basketball to focus on his true passion - alpaca farming. He also made an offer to Eddie House, who immediately hung up and changed his phone number.
During the season, veteran P.J. Brown laughed when asked if they would like to play in Boston.
“I’m waiting to see if Siberia makes me an offer first,” Brown said, giggling uncontrollably.
Sam Cassell told Thomas he would like to play for the Celtics but was busy re-arranging his sock drawer.
Boston again became the last place any decent NBA player wanted to play. Players claimed they didn’t like the weather, the traffic, the media and the taxes. But in reality, there again was no chance of winning a championship. After years of trying to rebuild through the draft, the Celtics were back to square one.
The low point in the season probably was when Jordan’s offered its customers free furniture if the Celts won two games in a row - a feat they failed to accomplish. On most nights, the courtside seats normally reserved for celebrity fans went to street musicians and state reps. TV ratings sunk below Revolution games and “Hardball with Chris Matthews.”
Even Heinsohn has reached the end of his rope.
“We don’t have much talent,” Heinsohn said. “Which makes it that much harder to overcome rotten officiating.”
But tonight it could all turnaround. Just before the Pistons and Cavaliers square off in Game 1 of the Eastern Conference finals, the ping-pong balls will fall into place and the Celtics will learn their fate. If they again land the top pick, they are expected to take Derrick Rose, the young point guard out of Memphis.
Unfortunately, without much talent or leadership around him, Rajon Rondo struggled through a horrendous sophomore season and the point guard appears to be a lost cause. Rose is only 19, so he’ll be expected to back up Marbury and learn from the wily veteran. Once the draft is complete, the Celtics will have to deal with another pressing issue. Their best player, Al Jefferson, still is demanding a trade.
“Obviously, we have hit rock bottom,” Thomas said. “Which reminds me: Did you check out the bottom on that new hottie in sales? Sweet.”
Said Grousbeck: “I just pray we don’t get unlucky to slip all the way to, say, No. 5. God only knows what we’ll do then.”
This year the team will be represented in Secaucus by Oden. He already was planning a bus tour of Atlantic City this week.