I run from relationships when they get serious!

[SweetOnU2]

I don't know WTF is my problem but I get so afraid of getting close to someone romantically. Last year I broke with this great guy, I was seeing for 9 months.... and I broke up with him because I was scared .... scared of actually having "true" feelings for him. WTF?? I gave him a stupid reason to break up, like we were just "growing apart," and stuff. He to this day still can't figure out where we went wrong.

And now I've been seeing this guy since late Januarry, and I'm starting to get such deep feelings for him, but I'm afraid and I'm starting to push him away. I'm just afraid of beeing in a "serious" relationship. I just want to run away when those feelings start coming to me. I'm fine when I first meet someone and we just go out on a date and stuff and hang out..make out or what have you... but I guess the fact of being "in love" scares me.

Sometimes I feel that there is something terribly wrong with me. And I don't know how to express myself to guys when I start feeling this way. I don't want to alienate myself from this guy, because he has treated me so great and doesn't deserve this but I dunno, this damn stupid fear I have.

Damn, sorry wow, I actually confessed somethnig personal.

 

[The Wild Honey]

Yeah...I run from em too

 

[BabyGrace]

I have the same problem, except it's even with just getting to know a guy. I shy away from any boy that likes me, I know that I am just too afraid of expectations, both my own and theirs. i dont want to let them down and I dont want to get close to them and build up my hopes only to be dissappointed. I think this fear is pretty common and hopefully something that you grow out of. i dont know if it's something that can be forced or something that you just have to wait until it comes to you. it better change though or i will be the lonliest person alive.

 

[daafish]

Sometimes I feel that there is something terribly wrong with me.

Well, unless there's been some emotional pain in your past, theres nothing wrong with you.

And I don't know how to express myself to guys when I start feeling this way. I don't want to alienate myself from this guy, because he has treated me so great and doesn't deserve this but I dunno, this damn stupid fear I have.

At this moment, You're probably thinking that you have to act different then you normally do. This is not the case. I mean, think about it...what is it that attracts you two to each other? Be yourself, let your feelings flow, COMMUNICATE! There definately is a risk when a relationship goes into "serious"! Not every relationship is going to work out. It does take work! It takes committment on both sides! It takes courage! You must cross this boundary in order grow emotionally or else it's going to be repetative cycle that could lead to a depressing love life and self-pity like you're feeling now. Lastly, don't feel that you don't deserve the treatment he's giving you. There's obviously something in you that he sees, otherwise he wouldn't be with you. Don't be afraid of his affection and most of all don't be afraid to give it.


[/QUOTE]

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

I have the same problem, except it's even with just getting to know a guy. I shy away from any boy that likes me, I know that I am just too afraid of expectations, both my own and theirs. i dont want to let them down and I dont want to get close to them and build up my hopes only to be dissappointed. I think this fear is pretty common and hopefully something that you grow out of. i dont know if it's something that can be forced or something that you just have to wait until it comes to you. it better change though or i will be the lonliest person alive.

I can really relate, BG. All too often I find myself imagining the way things could be rather than going out and putting myself on the line trying to make it happen. I am deathly afraid of rejection, and any expectations I allow myself to have make things even worse when/if things don't work out. I guess the key is to find someone you could feel comfortable enough around, and take it slow from there. I feel anytime there's a connection of some sort, only good things can come of it.

As for the whole being with someone then drawing away, one of my ex's was like that. He had been hurt badly in the past. If you feel yourself getting that way, maybe talking to them and explaining your situation might ease things and they could help you work out any doubts you may have? I hope things work out. *hugs*

 

[scatteroflight]

It might sound a bit mean, but I have to say that I am so glad I am not the only person who has this type of fear. I have often thought there's something wrong with me.

 

[Stories for Boys]

i've got about the same predicament, but not exactly. i have an issue, where i am a huge perfectionist with myself, but i allow other ppl to have faults. for example, it's ok if someone else doesn't have a perfect figure, but i must be perfect. i leave it so i think i don't deserve anything...i'm not only scared of being close, but i also have these huge issues with what i "deserve". heh...i shoulda started a new thread...heh

 

[bono-vox]

I fear relatrionships too but im only ever in short relationships and then feel trapped- i *hate* that...i think its normal....

 

[SweetOnU2]

Re: Re: I run from relationships when they get serious!

Well, unless there's been some emotional pain in your past, theres nothing wrong with you.

There has. I guess I just don't know how to let go.

At this moment, You're probably thinking that you have to act different then you normally do. This is not the case. I mean, think about it...what is it that attracts you two to each other? Be yourself, let your feelings flow, COMMUNICATE! There definately is a risk when a relationship goes into "serious"! Not every relationship is going to work out. It does take work! It takes committment on both sides! It takes courage! You must cross this boundary in order grow emotionally or else it's going to be repetative cycle that could lead to a depressing love life and self-pity like you're feeling now. Lastly, don't feel that you don't deserve the treatment he's giving you. There's obviously something in you that he sees, otherwise he wouldn't be with you. Don't be afraid of his affection and most of all don't be afraid to give it.

WOW, yes you are so right... I do feel like I have to act different than my normal self.. and I hate it. I just feel that maybe I'll do something stupid infront ofhim or something. And yeah, he has told me, that no matter what he loves me how I am. I just get so insecure. And yes you are absolutely right, I don't communicate much of my true feelings with him. He on the other hand does and I just hold back. I know I need to change that, like I said I don't want it to be a repetive cycle for me, that scares me too.
Awww, thanks for that advice, really made me think about this.

 

[SweetOnU2]

As for the whole being with someone then drawing away, one of my ex's was like that. He had been hurt badly in the past. If you feel yourself getting that way, maybe talking to them and explaining your situation might ease things and they could help you work out any doubts you may have? I hope things work out. *hugs*

Yeah I know, I do need to talk things with him, he knows there's something bothering me and I always say "nothing is wrong" Thanks.

Originally posted by BabyGrace



I think this fear is pretty common and hopefully something that you grow out of. i dont know if it's something that can be forced or something that you just have to wait until it comes to you. it better change though or i will be the lonliest person alive.

Yeah so true.

Originally posted by Scatteroflight


It might sound a bit mean, but I have to say that I am so glad I am not the only person who has this type of fear. I have often thought there's something wrong with me.

Not mean at all, I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way, actually.

 

[Stories for Boys]

Re: Re: Re: I run from relationships when they get serious!

WOW, yes you are so right... I do feel like I have to act different than my normal self.. and I hate it. I just feel that maybe I'll do something stupid in front of him or something.

exactly! i hate changing myself for other ppl, but i do it unintentionally...

(the rest doesn't apply to me cause i don't have a man )

 

[daafish]

SweetOnU2:

I'm glad I could shed some light on the subject.

 

[SweetOnU2]

SweetOnU2:

I'm glad I could shed some light on the subject.

Thanks!

And storiesforboys, I know what you mean! I hate it and I do it unintentially too!

 

[ouizy]

my relationship now is very serious and I am afraid of marriage.

I am trying to get past this...