mad1
ONE love, blood, life
...now, when I say this too pple, plus say that my father was an alcoholic, and that I dont drink - lots of pple assume its because of my father............its not really, at least I dont think it is, right?
well, what would u tink........................
When my dad started, of course things at home became abnormal..........it wasnt his first to start drinking, but mum says he started basically when they both learnt about my brothers handicap-ness, that he could'nt cope/deal with it, so naturally she was left alone while he went out buddy-drinkin.........poor mum......
Anyway when he was made redundant, he just took all that money and started drinkin more and more, I was 10/11 at time, and as I mentioned before, fights at home, and daddy sleepin on the couch and stuff, and comin in at night with bad stomach pains, and hidin booze in the shed sneakin drinks, and lying to us as a family, and taking pocket-money off my brother for drink, and leavin my poor bro (while he was younger) outside pubs while he went in for ages for a drink, etc etc.......................my father wasnt that bad - he was def. not a violent person on drink......but his character did change quite a bit. He just became bitter and aggressive...........at that age I found it hard to handle, hard to cope with......
.......but Interbuddies, it still breaks my heart the time he was not livin at home and my mate and I passed him at the bottom of my street - hed had quite a few in him..........and we had just walked past him...........but I felt so shit, so bad, I couldnt believe it was like this at this stage, so I just had to run back and talk to my daddy..........he was a sorry sight (right now in tellin u all this my eyes are startin to well up........sorry guys).......oh listen to me.......Im goin on again..
let me get to the point...........(I was tryin to paint the slight background for u)
my mum used to drink a lot, of wine.................I never minded, but it used to bug me when she didnt eat before drinking the wine (over the past 2/3 years - just relaxation drinks), and start actin all silly and would never listen to you, or say you're wrong (NO SHES NOT AN ALCO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAVE to stress that!) - basically I could never eat or sleep, I dunno why, maybe Im so naive, but I used to, honestly, see her a pain-in-the-ass when tipsy........................
You can never, ever get ground with pple like that, they think they know everything...............
But anyway......her actions or voice or whatever when tipsy/gettin drunk........scared me...
yes.............scared me.....
nowadays shes had to cut back quite a good bit, and is NOT as bad as she was, due to all those changes I told u guys about.............while thats pleasing for me, its something shes worked at very well.........and is not the way she was anymore, but still enjoys the odd drink...........
but thats not the end of it, anytime too, when out with mates in pubs/clubs...........even pple THERE scare me................because I dont drink at all, I dont feel relaxed, and find it harder to socialise in that environment - because to me, those pple are so unpredictable....I never know their next move or anything......they would come up to me try and put their arm round me or talk dead close to my face and Im like 'Push off', or move away...........fear drives me to do that.......do u all think Im insane?????
Because I dont drink, I also feel 'left out' a lot, like the only sober person there, NOT havin a good time.
If I was out with any of u lot, and u started drinkin.......depending on how u were, Id be scared of u............................
I dont know, I dont know if my father has, at an early stage left a scar of his unpredictability on me, or else its just me, but it feels more that its me..........
well, what would u tink........................
When my dad started, of course things at home became abnormal..........it wasnt his first to start drinking, but mum says he started basically when they both learnt about my brothers handicap-ness, that he could'nt cope/deal with it, so naturally she was left alone while he went out buddy-drinkin.........poor mum......
Anyway when he was made redundant, he just took all that money and started drinkin more and more, I was 10/11 at time, and as I mentioned before, fights at home, and daddy sleepin on the couch and stuff, and comin in at night with bad stomach pains, and hidin booze in the shed sneakin drinks, and lying to us as a family, and taking pocket-money off my brother for drink, and leavin my poor bro (while he was younger) outside pubs while he went in for ages for a drink, etc etc.......................my father wasnt that bad - he was def. not a violent person on drink......but his character did change quite a bit. He just became bitter and aggressive...........at that age I found it hard to handle, hard to cope with......
.......but Interbuddies, it still breaks my heart the time he was not livin at home and my mate and I passed him at the bottom of my street - hed had quite a few in him..........and we had just walked past him...........but I felt so shit, so bad, I couldnt believe it was like this at this stage, so I just had to run back and talk to my daddy..........he was a sorry sight (right now in tellin u all this my eyes are startin to well up........sorry guys).......oh listen to me.......Im goin on again..
let me get to the point...........(I was tryin to paint the slight background for u)
my mum used to drink a lot, of wine.................I never minded, but it used to bug me when she didnt eat before drinking the wine (over the past 2/3 years - just relaxation drinks), and start actin all silly and would never listen to you, or say you're wrong (NO SHES NOT AN ALCO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAVE to stress that!) - basically I could never eat or sleep, I dunno why, maybe Im so naive, but I used to, honestly, see her a pain-in-the-ass when tipsy........................
You can never, ever get ground with pple like that, they think they know everything...............
But anyway......her actions or voice or whatever when tipsy/gettin drunk........scared me...
yes.............scared me.....
nowadays shes had to cut back quite a good bit, and is NOT as bad as she was, due to all those changes I told u guys about.............while thats pleasing for me, its something shes worked at very well.........and is not the way she was anymore, but still enjoys the odd drink...........
but thats not the end of it, anytime too, when out with mates in pubs/clubs...........even pple THERE scare me................because I dont drink at all, I dont feel relaxed, and find it harder to socialise in that environment - because to me, those pple are so unpredictable....I never know their next move or anything......they would come up to me try and put their arm round me or talk dead close to my face and Im like 'Push off', or move away...........fear drives me to do that.......do u all think Im insane?????
Because I dont drink, I also feel 'left out' a lot, like the only sober person there, NOT havin a good time.
If I was out with any of u lot, and u started drinkin.......depending on how u were, Id be scared of u............................
I dont know, I dont know if my father has, at an early stage left a scar of his unpredictability on me, or else its just me, but it feels more that its me..........