ask Irvine about men!

[Irvine511]

due to popular request ... ask away!

seriously, anything. i'll offer whatever i can, and i'll respond to all posts when i'm able to. everything and anything is on the table -- from what to buy your boyfriend for Christmas to why your husband doesn't seem to hear you when you're talking to him but the TV is on (hint: this is the time to get him to agree to things, like going to see "rent," that he normally wouldn't do) to how his equipment works to where is the prostate.

one caveat: this is not a "irvine plays a homosexual stereotype" thread. i am not going to sit you down, make us pina coladas, take you shopping, and then slap you playfully on the butt and say, "cheer up sister! now put some sass in that stride and go make him yours!"

quite the opposite. because i am a man and i date men, perhaps i can offer some insight. but this is not a pick-me-up thread. i'll be honest, and perhaps say some not-so-nice truths about men and relationships and if, as the proverb goes, "he's just not that into you."

so, ladies (and, hey even straight and gay men and gay women), let's hear it ...

 

[IWasBored]

you remind me of gorgias.

i'll call up socrates. i'm sure he'll have some questions for you. me, i got nothing. i simply don't care.

:nihilism:

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

Irvine rules, period.

 

[IWasBored]

Irvine rules, period.

i don't know if plato would agree.

 

[Shag On A Rock]

Irvine rules, period.

Irvine has periods?

 

[Irvine511]

i don't know if plato would agree.

would you be my Glaucon?

 

[IWasBored]

i don't swing that way.

 

[Irvine511]

i don't swing that way.

touche.

 

[the soul waits]

Is Dr.Phil gonna join in on this one?

 

[Irvine511]

Is Dr.Phil gonna join in on this one?

oh, let me count the ways i loathe Dr Phil.

i mean, honestly: who the fuck is he and what the fuck does he know?

 

[IWasBored]

i mean, honestly: who the fuck is he and what the fuck does he know?

i agree. so many people out there are like that, though. both in public and private aspects of life. why, just today i was surfing a message board and i saw a thread someone posted, soliciting questions on a certain subject he felt equiped to answer, despite the fact that he really doesn't know shit about shit. i caught myself thinking "who the fuck is that guy and what the fuck does he know?"




edit: yeah, i can't spell.

 

[Chizip]

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

why are some of them so insensitive?

why can't some of them apologize when they have done wrong/hurt your feelings-is it ego or some other reason?

 

[U2democrat]

Dear Irvine,
What makes some guys think that acting like arrogant assholes will attract girls to them?

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

Where's a smiley with a notebook and a pencil?

 

[Irvine511]

why are some of them so insensitive?]/QUOTE]


these are broad questions, but i think that men don't often think in terms of feelings. they think in terms of practicalities, of actions, and of results. they have to learn to see how their words will affect people emotionally, whereas women are very aware of how their words affect people emotionally. it's probably not intentional -- though if a man were trying to hurt your feelings, you'd probably be aware of it. if you don't sense any sort of aggression on his part, then he's not trying to be insensitive, it's just how it comes off.

why can't some of them apologize when they have done wrong/hurt your feelings-is it ego or some other reason?

it's a lot to do with ego -- men have fragile egos, and this has much to do with the pressure, i think, of being expected to be calm, cool, confident and in control, not that they are by nature insecure. admiting error -- where it really is a source of strength to know when you are wrong -- is often read, especially by other men, as a sign that you are weak, that you've made a mistake. guys don't usually apologize to one another -- or they might apologize, but they'd never say "i was wrong." it's more, "i'm sorry i did that." or they'd make a joke to diffuse the tension, and if both parties laugh, then it's sort of assumed that it has been dealt with, and then everyone should move on. these things are kept in simple terms, and are usually related directly to the thing itself, and there's very little to read beyond what is being spoken of at that moment. while some men do bear grudges, i think most would rather just ignore it and get over it, or just make a brief apology, and then get over it. let it go. moving on is important. it's a tough thing to expect a man to make a sincere, heartfelt, emotional apology -- he'd probably only do it not because it came naturally to him, but because he's been told that you're expecting him to do it. and if he does, it's not that he's being insincere, he's just being unnatural.

 

[IWasBored]

how do you feel about sweeping generalizations? sure, you can say men have fragile egos and are incredibly insecure on matters like asking for directions and whatnot, but you're going to tell me there aren't women who have the same exact mentality? what excuse do you use for a woman who would rather make a joke to difuse a situation rather than admit she was wrong? i'm assuming since you're oh-so-open-minded about sexuality that you're not going to just answer with "lesbian." because that would be lame.

 

[Irvine511]

What makes some guys think that acting like arrogant assholes will attract girls to them?

frankly, because many girls are attracted to arrogant assholes.

there's no question -- confidence is sexy. and confidence is often confused with arrogance, or arrogance is the sign on an unconfident person trying to be confident.

i remember a friend saying to me: "if you act like you are going to get laid, you are going to get laid." it becomes a self-fufilling prophecy, of sorts. and when you're young, and not looking to find a mate, and are probably just looking for action, it's confidence that the insecure girls -- i.e., those girls who are probably going to be more willing to give it up because the both crave male attention and sometimes see in the guy the confidence (that they don't recognize as arrogance which is insecurity in disguise) -- are attracted to and respond to.

there's also something alluring about an arrogant man. like, why does he think he's so great? and how can i find out? appearance, especially at bars or clubs that are little more than meat markets, is reality, and men know this.

last night, i was at a fundraiser with my BF who works for a very competitive consulting firm -- wow, were the men there ever done up and metrosexualized to the nines. i thought they looked silly, and i thought that gay men would never strut like that. it was interesting being in a heterosexual meat market than a homosexual meat market, because you see how straight men act -- cocksure, confident, you should want to be with them -- it's giving the illusion that they know something you don't, and that then makes you more interesting and appealing, especially if you're insecure enough to think that what they're pretending they're on about is worth knowing about.

 

[Irvine511]

how do you feel about sweeping generalizations? sure, you can say men have fragile egos and are incredibly insecure on matters like asking for directions and whatnot, but you're going to tell me there aren't women who have the same exact mentality? what excuse do you use for a woman who would rather make a joke to difuse a situation rather than admit she was wrong? i'm assuming since you're oh-so-open-minded about sexuality that you're not going to just answer with "lesbian." because that would be lame.

this is all about sweeping generalizations.

that's what advice is. that should be understood at the outset.

 

[IWasBored]

this is all about sweeping generalizations.

that's what advice is. that should be understood at the outset.

well, thank you very much for clearning that up, phil.

 

[Irvine511]

well, thank you very much for clearning that up, phil.

well, you're still here so obviously i'm saying something of interest to you.

 

[IWasBored]

well, you're still here so obviously i'm saying something of interest to you.

nope, i'm just bored and the mods haven't told me to stop trying to pick a fight with you yet.

 

[Irvine511]

nope, i'm just bored and the mods haven't told me to stop trying to pick a fight with you yet.

if you wanna fight, i'm ready to fight.

name your topic.

though this was supposed to be a lighthearted thread, with perhaps a few insights. you know, like a typical Oprah show.

but if you want to piss on other people's fun, i've brought an umbrella and a full bladder of my own.

 

[IWasBored]

nah, my work here is done. i proved my point. you're not an arrogant, concieted jackass who thinks he knows everything about everyone. you're martha stewart.

 

[Dismantled]

thread seemed like a good idea to me...

 

[Irvine511]

nah, my work here is done. i proved my point. you're not an arrogant, concieted jackass who thinks he knows everything about everyone. you're martha stewart.

i thank you for your contributions. your "work" has been most helpful. we are all grateful for your vetting of my personality.

you're right: i'm not a conceited, arrogant jackass. i am a nice guy, and if you'd read some other threads in here, starting this particular thread wasn't my idea, though i was happy to have a little fun with some of the good people in here.

but still, don't fuck with me. it's not a nice thing to do.

when you graduate from college and have to deal with real people, you'll figure out that fucking with people for fun gets you nowhere.

 

[Carmelu2fan]

 

[the soul waits]

when you graduate from college and have to deal with real people, you'll figure out that fucking with people for fun gets you nowhere. [/B]

Wow Irvine, that's quite catty, don't you think.

Are you saying that someone in college doesn't deal with real people? What do you know about their background?

For the record, I graduated 10-ish years ago and I share IwasBored's opnion.

The intent of this thread rubs me the wrong way in more ways than I have the energy to even share right now.

 

[IWasBored]

when you graduate from college and have to deal with real people, you'll figure out that fucking with people for fun gets you nowhere.

you know me so well.

 

[Irvine511]

you know me so well.

about as well as you know me.

hello, pot? this is the kettle calling.