A silly story I wrote about U2 fans, Are you one of these?

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Rock n' Roll Doggie VIP PASS
Jul 25, 2000
Smile, you're reading my post
Now that the tour is over, I thought I'd share with you a silly story that I wrote about 2 years ago on Wire(insert Interferencers where it says Wirelings hehe). I think I posted it in DOL about a year ago, but thought Id share it again as I think some of you will relate to being a POpmartian(obviously it could be updated to include Elevation)...


Beware the Popmartians. Strange creatures that lurk around every corner, hide in dark alleyways, and obstruct stairwells. You will never know where one may be. They hide themselves well, and blend into the crowd as though part of normal society. However, underneath lies a sinister and twisted soul that spends their days idly worshipping the perculiar entity known as Rockgroup.

We believe they worship a group of men with odd clothing and funny names. These Popmartians are all ages and nationalities, and when friendly towards humans, speak only of these men, these men that they refer to by some sort of code. A simple code whereby a letter 'u' is placed in front of the number '2'.

The Popmartians also go by various other names pertaining to their particular breed of Popmartian. Names such as Wirelings, I Will Followers, Zoobabies, or Joshuans. Joshuans, being the name we give to those sad creatures who are caught in a type of limbo, you might say - the old school followers who can not let go and can not bring themselves to embrace the post Rattle and Hum era. Be weary of these, they can be found aimlessly wandering the Joshua Tree National Park searching for trees, and if you listen closely, you may hear them muttering "Why can't they make Joshua Tree II?". However, many breeds intertwine, and cross over between the others.

More on those scary Wirelings later.

Popmartians have strong beliefs that pertain to many of the words written in the countless ritual chants that their leaders make for them. However, as with all religions, the Popmartians sometimes have problems with some of the things that their leader is trying to say. For he, whom you should fear, wears many disguises and has the tendency to sprout words of wisdom to the Popmartians, and others, that are heartfelt and slighting on the wrong doers of the world, and many a time can lead off on a tangent that soon becomes confusing to others. Thus, leading us to believe that he, especially, is not originally of this world. But watch out, any person that dares to slight him or the other three leaders will be linched by a crowd of angry Popmartians.

The Popmartians are so heavily involved with their Popmart world, that they make it their duty to familiarise themselves with their leaders. Their main man, as we mentioned above, is highly respected and many of the followers claim that they are, in the words of Wayne and Garth, 'not worthy'.
He is man whom is so loved by his people, mainly due to his inspiring words and haunting voice that demands to be heard. He is also a favourite due to his love and appreciation of all the Popmartians.

One of the leaders, is known perculiarly as The Edge. This creature is fierce with a guitar in his hand, and could knock over the great wall of China with one pluck of a string. He is truly one of the most respected of all. Female Popmartians have been known to call his guitar solos orgasmic.Now a term itself, the mighty "edgasm". Can be seen shimmying across the front of the concert stage. Usually found under a cowboy hat.

The next in line is the odd creature known as Sparky, the Spoon Boy. Often seen wearing sarongs and sprouting one liners in a not- so- Dublin-more -decidedly- English accent. This member is considered the 'most Rock n' Roll' of the lot, fooling the other leaders with his rock lingo and bass playing, back in the 70's. Popmartians wait in anticipation of his ever changing hair colour.

Finally, the Popmartians praise their drumming man. An odd, reluctant member of the rock group, never wanting to be idolised or drooled over (even though many a female Popmartian does). This creature can be found salivating over his motorcycle and basically trying to avoid anything that comes with being a rockstar.

If we watch the Popmartian in their natural habitat you will see the creature most content, standing in front of a CD player trying to make the very important and critical musical selection for the day. Not only does their choice reflect mood, and time of day, but shows the place that one's head is at, indicating a state of mind that can only be understood by other Popmartians.

What vibe is the flowing from the Popmartian? 'Where is my head?', you hear them say. This creates an aura that surrounds the body of the Popmartian, and will lead watchers to understand their musical choice. Is the choice one of a nostalgic, classic, safe and steady rememberance where the music had meaning and importance? If so, The Joshua Tree is chosen.

Does the Popmartian feel in a state of disco, tangled with soul, where innovation and funk mix together to create a cocktail of supermarket exstacy? Then POP gets a turn.

They might be feeling a little raw, a little rebellious, full of naivety and dreamful hope. If so, the little BOY plays them a tune.

Or perhaps, the subject is feeling a mixed head of confusion, doubt, fear, sexual frustration and wants to bang their head inside a trash can. ACHTUNG BABY the obvious choice.
Whatever the Popmartians' choice it will always be done with great care (there is no leaving the CD in, or on top of, the CD player by these puppies).

Other daily rituals could include a number of things. They could be found reading one of the many arrays of pages dedicated to the four leaders, or watching one of the countless video masterpieces on offer. The Popmartian is a busy and dedicated creature, stopping only to eat, lemons being the food of choice.

One of the most important of daily rituals involves communicating with the countless other Popmartians, on a perculiar underground network which is known in secret service socieites as WIRE. We believe that the initials are some sort of code.

Secret messages appear in mysterious ways, without warning, discussing all matter of things, as the Popmartians put it, 'U2ey'. This breed of Popmartian call themselves 'Wirelings' and these include some of the most fearsome of all Popmartians, knowing every intimate detail about their leaders. They hold meetings to discuss the delicate nature of life as a Popmartian. Some even wear arm bands to let themselves be known to other Wirelings. To join the Wirelings on their quest to find what it is they are still looking for, is a great and gruelling process. New members to this group must take care to understand the strange and at times bitter and twisted minds of the older Wirelings.

Just like the magpie species, the Popmartians hunt, gather, collect and hoard anything to do with their idols. Things made of old black vinyl seem most superior. Much of this collecting and hoarding is discussed at great length on the WIRE network.
The fashions and trends created by their leaders cause quite a stir among the Popmartians. Many choosing to adopt the style that their leaders portray, the most noted though, being odd shaped black goggles worn over the eyes, giving the wearer a 'fly like' appearance. These are the Popmartians that one must be weary of. These are the highly dedicated, smooth talking, hip swaggering, almost sinister character of Popmartian. They smoke cigars, wear head to toe black leather, and can usually be found crawling out of a club at five in the morning. Beware, beware the Fly like Martian. He is a dangerous man.

As the Popmartians are a dedicated group who know every line of every song, quote whole chapters of the Bible (the Flanagan bible that is), many of them make the impassioned pilgrimage to their leaders' homeland (even if it has bad weather), to retrace their famous steps. Starting where the music all began, visiting the pubs and clubs where their leaders first played.

Popmartians can be found all over Dublin, frantically taking photographs of anything related to their heroes. One of the most common places you may spot some, is outside an odd looking temple they refer to as, simply, The Clarence. And at night, strange devil like dancing takes place in an underground dive, below the Clarence, where they apparently meet and swap cooking recipes.
And finally they pay homage to their leaders at the Great Wall. The Wall, in Windmill Lane. A holy wall, dedicated to four men, where thousands of Popmartians come to give thanks and praise to their leaders.
Beware these streets, if you venture to go down this lane, be very careful, no one has ever been known to come out without their names mysteriously appearing on the wall. Nobody knows how or why these names appear there, it is one of the world's great mysteries.

One of the other great moments in a Popmartian's life is the extravaganza known in Popmartian circles, as THE TOUR. A Popmartian can withstand the normalities of our world, basically in the knowledge and anticipation of the fact that they will be blessed with the event known as THE TOUR. This is what charges their world, keeps them alive inside and enables them to function in our society. For without it, they could not exist. This special event only now comes around every four years or so. Many Popmartians recall the day when the event was more frequent. The build up to this highly assembled and at times, absurd occurance is much prepared and anticipated for years before by the Popmartians. They save their money, and discuss the event years in advance, and continue to talk about it years after.

The last two Popmartian Spectaculars included video screens with perculiar messages and pictures, female belly dancers, and sacrificial offerings of trabant cars and giant lemons. We believe that one was known as zoo, pertaining to the Popmartians being kept there without being allowed out for over two and a half hours. And the noise! the Screaming! - heartwrenching sounds that pierce the ear, all humans outside this temple where the spectacular is held, are too fearful for their lives to venture near.

It is believed that at the end of the zoo experience, the Popmartians are lectured by a creature in big, gold boots and white face make up. This creature is known to cause havoc at the American White House, and entices young girls onto the stage to partake in devillish dances. Once the event is over, the leaders leave their (I Will) Followers, and return to their own lives. The Popmartains then live in the hope that the leaders, Bono,Mr Edge, Sparky the Spoon Boy, and Junior, will go away and dream it all up again.

Brought to you by a girl who had far too much time on her hands during her uni days

[This message has been edited by zooropamanda (edited 12-09-2001).]
not really


Shake it, shake it, shake it
I read it until the "Strange creatures"-part and decided I didn't fit the profile

Shake it, shake it, shake it
I enjoyed reading all of that!!

I think I was a Popmartian back when POP was around! Maybe I still am!


Love, slowly stripped away
Love has seen its better day...

(??.?(?*?.? ?.?*?)?.??)
?.???. *Monica*.???.?
(?.??(?.??* *??.?)??.)
Originally posted by zooropamanda:
If we watch the Popmartian in their natural habitat you will see the creature most content, standing in front of a CD player trying to make the very important and critical musical selection for the day. Not only does their choice reflect mood, and time of day, but shows the place that one's head is at, indicating a state of mind that can only be understood by other Popmartians.

That?s me.

Cool stuff Amanda

"To me a rock and roll concert is 3-D, it?s a physical thing - it?s rhythm for the body. It?s a mental thing in that it should be intellectually challenging. But it?s also a spiritual thing, because it?s a community, it?s people agreeing on something, even if it?s only for an hour and a half." (Bono, as quoted in the book U2 The Road to Pop)
I've read the whole story now

still don't think I'm one of them though

Shake it, shake it, shake it
ay, thaz me!
Nice story, man... you wanna be a freelance writer? Get a little more cynical and you might as well enlighten us in the Rolling Stone!
You should come on over to my world...the dreaded world of PLEBA and post this story! We would love it! I really enjoyed it!

Fishy <><

It's fascinating to think that all around us there's an invisible world we can't even see. I'm speaking, of course, of the World of the Invisible Scary Skeletons.
Jesse = the_fly??
I didnt realise matey! Hows things?
Long time no chat.

Yeah whenhiphop, i have an article i did with the hairy one from NSync coming up in the next issue!
I'm askeerd. I think I just realizd I'm a PopMartian.

zooropamanda, I'm used to long threads...ya been over to Pleba lately??

Originally posted by zooropamanda:

And I could make a very Pleba-esque comment on that...but I won't. Thik I'll leave that for Mona.

Now a term itself, the mighty "edgasm".

MIGHTY indeed. Heh. [did I say that out loud??]
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