AI Recaps-April 11th
The Results
Yes, if it’s Wednesday night, then it’s results night. Ryan claims the AI contestants brought flair, passion, and style to Latin Night. Ryan must have been watching a different American Idol. I thought the contestants brought fatigue, passiveness, and sacrilege.
What would AI results night be without a group sing? Well, probably a better night. I was bored during their sleepwalking. The wine label from the bottle of Riesling I was drinking was more entertaining. I usually love the group sings. They’re so cheesy and fun. But this one was so blah.
After the group sing, Ryan introduces the winners of last week’s Idol Challenge and tells us to face this week’s Idol Challenge. He also mentions that the winner can win 10,000 dollars. This means nothing to Simon. 10,000 dollars is his yearly T-shirt budget.
Now Akon comes out to sing “No Matter.” No, it doesn’t matter. I know I’m rapidly entering my dotage, but is this what the kids are listening to? Eesh!!
During the pimpmercial, featuring the Turtles’ song “Happy Together,” the contestants morph into each other. Now we know what would happen if they mated and had lots of AI babies, not pretty.
But AI turns serious when it discusses “Idol Gives Back.” Some footage of Simon in Africa is shown. I wish we would learn what African country Simon and Ryan visited. It’s almost as if Africa is treated as a huge country rather than a diverse continent. Oh well. Simon shows us “School in a Box” that can educate children for not much money. Simon introduces one of the students, Caroline. Sweet Caroline is my new hero for drawing a picture of Simon with his moobs. I know I’ve complained about Simon’s moobs, but Caroline actually has the guts to draw a picture of them. She’s braver than I am. I want her brought back to AI for "Idol Gives Back" night.
But what about the results? Melinda is safe, as is Jordin. I had a strange idea LaKisha might be in the bottom three, but she’s safe. Not surprisingly, one of my favorites of last night, Blake, is safe. After screwing with Sanjaya’s head, Ryan announces that he, too, is safe. The usual suspects, Phil, Haley, and Chris end up on the AI Seal of Failure.
But do we let everyone know who is leaving us? Of course not! We need a guest performance before we can get to why we tune into Wednesday nights. Our Lady of Badonkadonk, Jennifer Lopez must perform. J-Lo wears a hotel curtain that appears to have been shredded by my cat. She sings a song from her Spanish language CD. Is she lip-synching? From what I’ve heard, La Lopez’s vocals are Pro-tooled to death. And if you can’t dazzle people with your singing, dazzle them with dramatics, wind machines, smoke, and lighting.
Okay, J-Lo is done. Let’s get on with it. Who is going home? Phil is deemed safe, as is Chris. Yes, Haley is going home. I guess her Legs of Victory are her Legs of Defeat. Well, I’m sure Princess Cruise Lines would be interested in hiring her. And did you see Sharon Osbourne in the audience during Haley's sing-out? Could she be any more less impressed? Now maybe if Haley would have bit the head off a bat....
(as always!) Sanjaya wasnt as bad as usual, but I still hated him. I was hoping that he would really suck last night so maybe he'd open America's eyes to see that he really sucks. 
Melinda, Jordin and Blake are my favorites. Not thrilled about Lakisha. Chris annoys me with his JT wannabe voice. 
....and was he TRYING too look like Marc Anthony?!
