elizabeth
New Yorker
ok i am gonna do it .... i'm gonna toot my own horn and post one of my early fanfics that i really enjoyed writing. yes, there are some typos (i think) and perhaps it is not quite as cerebral or carnal as some would like....but here you have it....
Unbeknownst to the band, a miniscule secret camera has been implanted in Adam's glasses. This camera records both audio and visual information. The following expose was captured at their studio in Dublin, not long after the Elevation 2001 tour finished.
"Where's Larry?" Adamcam glances around the studio.
"Uh, I think he's in the other room...ummm, wait a minute, Adam." Edge's eyes dart from side to side. He grabs a notebook and starts flipping through it. "Can you help me with this one riff? It's right here." Edge walks over to the couch and pats the cushion next to him.
"I think you're covering for him!" Adam replies. "Where is he, Edge? Is he? Oh god, don't tell me! He's not, is he?" Adamcam moves toward the TV room and discovers Larry on the floor, huddled next to the TV.
"Larry! Not again! This is like the 500th time! And it's quite possibly the most ridiculous movie!" Adamcam shows a close up of the VCR and Adam's finger hitting stop.
"No! C'mon it's the best! I just need a quick break, Adam!" Larry flops onto his back and starts to kick at Adam's feet.
"I tried to distract him, Lar, sorry." Edge is in the doorway, wringing his beanie in his hands.
"What am I going to do with both of you!" Adamcam catches a glimpse of the ceiling and Adam's hands being thrown into the air.
"What were you watching, Lar?" Edge asked quietly. "Speed?"
"Speed," confirmed Larry, still on his back. "I fockin' love it, man. I love all the action! I could be a cop like that."
"Yeah, and I could write a book about everything you've wanted to be. Let's go, time to get to work."
All three band members move back into the main recording studio. Bono is waiting on the couch.
"Oh Adam, I was wondering where you were. I have this interview at 3:00pm today and I wanted to go over a few things with you. See, I was figurin' I could start by talking about my new look, how I am not afraid to take off my shades, see-" Adamcam zooms in. Bono is tapping a pencil on notebook page that is full of naked pictures of himself.
"For chrisssakes, Bono. Don't take this notebook to the interview." Adamcam records a view of the ceiling.
"Oh fuck it - wrong page, bro. Sorry." Bono turns page to reveal sketches of himself with and without shades. "Here we are. I think they're really going to be into it. For instance-"
Adam gently pushes notebook down.
"Bono, I want you to take a look at these." Adam hands a few typed sheets to Bono. "These are a few of the things you might want to talk about this afternoon. I worked on them fairly late last night, so just ignore any typos. Now, I need to work with Larry and Edge, so ask me if you have any questions."
Adamcam shows Bono walking away, reading pages, following the words with his finger.
Adamcam swivels to find Larry with both drumsticks hanging out his nose.
"Larry, c'mon let's get serious. Now, I want you to start on the cymbals," Adamcam moves to look at drum kit over Larry's shoulders. Adam's hands hold Larry's hands over the drumsticks. He starts out with slow taps.
"I got the hang of it now, Adam. I can do it." Larry shakes off Adam's hands and begins to bang away on the drums.
"Whatever, just keep practicing." Adamcam tilts upward to catch Edge carefully lining up a pick to flick it right at the back of Bono's head. Bono's voice is heard, very quietly, sounding out the word "globalization."
"Edge NO!" Adam starts to say but it is too late. Edge has sent the pick careening toward the back of Bono's head. It hits with a satisfying "thwick." Bono yells and jumps up, spots Edge in his "sharpshooter" pose and jumps on him.
Adamcam rushes toard the pair as they wrestle each other on to the ground. Adam's hands are grasping at them, trying to pull them apart. Finally he grabs one ear on each and pulls them apart. As he straightens up, he notices the drum kit is quiet...and empty.
"Lar-REE!" Adam yells.
Police sirens and Keanu Reeves' voice come floating in from the TV room, followed by the sounds of a terrific explosion and Larry cheering. Adam releases Bono's and Edge's ears. They collapse on the floor laughing.
Adamcam moves from the studio into the TV room. Larry is sprawled on his stomach in front of the TV, cheering.
"Whatcha doin', boyo?" Bono moves in front of Adamcam and flops onto a beanbag chair next to Larry. Edge pops a burrito into the microwave settles down on a huge cushion shaped like a turtle. Bono begins nudging Larry's butt with his foot.
"Watchin' Speed, now shut up." Larry shoves Bono's leg away. Bono continues to shove Larry.
"Come ON guys we need to get to work. I was out walking along the river today and came up with some great stuff. I was thinking about the plight of Native Americans, and we should really address that. We could make all sorts of connections between their displacement and the displacement of the Irish by the English. Those things were happening sort of the same times, and we could really raise some awareness."
Throughout Adam's speech, Bono's foot has been shoving Larry's ass progressively harder until Larry loses patience and turns to punch Bono. Edge retrieves his burrito from the microwave and settles back on his turtle pillow.
"Cut it out, focker!" Larry aims a punch at Bono's thigh.
"Not a chance, rubber pants!" Bono rolls to his left to dodge the punch, and in the process rolls over Edge.
"Guys, come on! Let's focus!" Adam's voice goes unheard in the melee.
"Git offa me!" Edge voice is muffled under Bono. Bono doesn't roll off. Instead he lays there and laughs. Larry catches on and jumps on top of both of them. Repeatedly. Edge's hand scrabbles around on the floor until he finds the burrito. He picks it to fling it at Larry before his next jump. Larry, senses heightened from watching Dennis Hopper movies, quickly dodges.
Adamcam is suddenly covered in burrito.
"Shiiiiiiiit." Adamcam visuals record fingers wiping away a mix refried beans and salsa.
"Boys, the photographer's here!" Paul's voice floats in from the other room.
"Yeeeeeees!" All three guys jump up and push at each other in their hurry to get to the photographer.
"Adam? Come on, get in here for the shot!" Paul McGuinness is barely visible through the goo covering Adamcam. "If I didn't know any better, Adam, I'd say you planned this to avoid the photographer." Paul winked (or a small green chile slid over Adamcam's lens for a moment.)
"Anything but," replies Adam.
Adamcam visuals totally obscured during cleaning process. Audio continues and picks up photographer's voice from other room.
"So where's your bass player?" Click.Click.Click. "His name's Adam right? He can't be shy, I heard he posed nude once!" Click. Click.
"Oh, he actually avoids the press. Not really into publicity." Bono's booming voice comes through clear on Adamcam audio.
Remaining audio deleted due to extremely offensive material.
Unbeknownst to the band, a miniscule secret camera has been implanted in Adam's glasses. This camera records both audio and visual information. The following expose was captured at their studio in Dublin, not long after the Elevation 2001 tour finished.
"Where's Larry?" Adamcam glances around the studio.
"Uh, I think he's in the other room...ummm, wait a minute, Adam." Edge's eyes dart from side to side. He grabs a notebook and starts flipping through it. "Can you help me with this one riff? It's right here." Edge walks over to the couch and pats the cushion next to him.
"I think you're covering for him!" Adam replies. "Where is he, Edge? Is he? Oh god, don't tell me! He's not, is he?" Adamcam moves toward the TV room and discovers Larry on the floor, huddled next to the TV.
"Larry! Not again! This is like the 500th time! And it's quite possibly the most ridiculous movie!" Adamcam shows a close up of the VCR and Adam's finger hitting stop.
"No! C'mon it's the best! I just need a quick break, Adam!" Larry flops onto his back and starts to kick at Adam's feet.
"I tried to distract him, Lar, sorry." Edge is in the doorway, wringing his beanie in his hands.
"What am I going to do with both of you!" Adamcam catches a glimpse of the ceiling and Adam's hands being thrown into the air.
"What were you watching, Lar?" Edge asked quietly. "Speed?"
"Speed," confirmed Larry, still on his back. "I fockin' love it, man. I love all the action! I could be a cop like that."
"Yeah, and I could write a book about everything you've wanted to be. Let's go, time to get to work."
All three band members move back into the main recording studio. Bono is waiting on the couch.
"Oh Adam, I was wondering where you were. I have this interview at 3:00pm today and I wanted to go over a few things with you. See, I was figurin' I could start by talking about my new look, how I am not afraid to take off my shades, see-" Adamcam zooms in. Bono is tapping a pencil on notebook page that is full of naked pictures of himself.
"For chrisssakes, Bono. Don't take this notebook to the interview." Adamcam records a view of the ceiling.
"Oh fuck it - wrong page, bro. Sorry." Bono turns page to reveal sketches of himself with and without shades. "Here we are. I think they're really going to be into it. For instance-"
Adam gently pushes notebook down.
"Bono, I want you to take a look at these." Adam hands a few typed sheets to Bono. "These are a few of the things you might want to talk about this afternoon. I worked on them fairly late last night, so just ignore any typos. Now, I need to work with Larry and Edge, so ask me if you have any questions."
Adamcam shows Bono walking away, reading pages, following the words with his finger.
Adamcam swivels to find Larry with both drumsticks hanging out his nose.
"Larry, c'mon let's get serious. Now, I want you to start on the cymbals," Adamcam moves to look at drum kit over Larry's shoulders. Adam's hands hold Larry's hands over the drumsticks. He starts out with slow taps.
"I got the hang of it now, Adam. I can do it." Larry shakes off Adam's hands and begins to bang away on the drums.
"Whatever, just keep practicing." Adamcam tilts upward to catch Edge carefully lining up a pick to flick it right at the back of Bono's head. Bono's voice is heard, very quietly, sounding out the word "globalization."
"Edge NO!" Adam starts to say but it is too late. Edge has sent the pick careening toward the back of Bono's head. It hits with a satisfying "thwick." Bono yells and jumps up, spots Edge in his "sharpshooter" pose and jumps on him.
Adamcam rushes toard the pair as they wrestle each other on to the ground. Adam's hands are grasping at them, trying to pull them apart. Finally he grabs one ear on each and pulls them apart. As he straightens up, he notices the drum kit is quiet...and empty.
"Lar-REE!" Adam yells.
Police sirens and Keanu Reeves' voice come floating in from the TV room, followed by the sounds of a terrific explosion and Larry cheering. Adam releases Bono's and Edge's ears. They collapse on the floor laughing.
Adamcam moves from the studio into the TV room. Larry is sprawled on his stomach in front of the TV, cheering.
"Whatcha doin', boyo?" Bono moves in front of Adamcam and flops onto a beanbag chair next to Larry. Edge pops a burrito into the microwave settles down on a huge cushion shaped like a turtle. Bono begins nudging Larry's butt with his foot.
"Watchin' Speed, now shut up." Larry shoves Bono's leg away. Bono continues to shove Larry.
"Come ON guys we need to get to work. I was out walking along the river today and came up with some great stuff. I was thinking about the plight of Native Americans, and we should really address that. We could make all sorts of connections between their displacement and the displacement of the Irish by the English. Those things were happening sort of the same times, and we could really raise some awareness."
Throughout Adam's speech, Bono's foot has been shoving Larry's ass progressively harder until Larry loses patience and turns to punch Bono. Edge retrieves his burrito from the microwave and settles back on his turtle pillow.
"Cut it out, focker!" Larry aims a punch at Bono's thigh.
"Not a chance, rubber pants!" Bono rolls to his left to dodge the punch, and in the process rolls over Edge.
"Guys, come on! Let's focus!" Adam's voice goes unheard in the melee.
"Git offa me!" Edge voice is muffled under Bono. Bono doesn't roll off. Instead he lays there and laughs. Larry catches on and jumps on top of both of them. Repeatedly. Edge's hand scrabbles around on the floor until he finds the burrito. He picks it to fling it at Larry before his next jump. Larry, senses heightened from watching Dennis Hopper movies, quickly dodges.
Adamcam is suddenly covered in burrito.
"Shiiiiiiiit." Adamcam visuals record fingers wiping away a mix refried beans and salsa.
"Boys, the photographer's here!" Paul's voice floats in from the other room.
"Yeeeeeees!" All three guys jump up and push at each other in their hurry to get to the photographer.
"Adam? Come on, get in here for the shot!" Paul McGuinness is barely visible through the goo covering Adamcam. "If I didn't know any better, Adam, I'd say you planned this to avoid the photographer." Paul winked (or a small green chile slid over Adamcam's lens for a moment.)
"Anything but," replies Adam.
Adamcam visuals totally obscured during cleaning process. Audio continues and picks up photographer's voice from other room.
"So where's your bass player?" Click.Click.Click. "His name's Adam right? He can't be shy, I heard he posed nude once!" Click. Click.
"Oh, he actually avoids the press. Not really into publicity." Bono's booming voice comes through clear on Adamcam audio.
Remaining audio deleted due to extremely offensive material.
I was seriously lmao @ that!
