Post tramatic Stress

[Dismantled]

Has anyone every dealt with this?

I typed out a HUGE post to why I have it and I lost it..I seriously had to take deep breaths to keep my from throwing my computer out the window.

It all stems from a very rough and tramatic birth experience...I'll give details later. Just wondering if anyone else is in the same boat.

 

[Got Philk?]

I think I did.

It was because of my seizures. I would honestly have panic attacks if ever I felt something strange or different going on with my body. I even stopped doing some of the things I would normally do b/c of them.

When I had my seizures, it started with in my right hand. So any time I felt something at all...I would stiffen up or like hold open my hand thinking it would help. But my head would start racing and my body would just get ridiculously tense and anxious.

I went to someone to talk it out and so far, It's been much better.

 

[love2bmama]

Dis

sorry your computer did that to you, that's so frustrating!

I have PTSD. I was diagnosed 7 years ago. I'd be more than happy to talk to you about it if you want. Hang in there.

 

[Dismantled]

thanks to the both of you for responding. Got Philk- that sounds scary, I'm glad its better now

Yeah love2bmama (sorry do you have a nickname..I cannot keep everyones straight I would like to talk sometime

 

[anitram]

Yes, about 15 years ago.

My main problem was insomnia, which has stayed with me to this day. The other symptoms, especially that horrible unsettled, jittery feeling that just won't go away have pretty much gone away. But it takes time, and a lot of time.

I wish you the best.

 

[snowbunny00774]

I've had it after an accident in 2003. I'm mostly recovered, most of the time now, but as anitram says, it takes a lot of time. Symptoms come out of nowhere when I think I'm over it, so I don't know if it will ever go away completely. That's really shitty you lost the post, as I know one of the hardest things is being able to describe or talk about it. It manifests in all sorts of ways.

Good Luck

Let me know if you need/want to talk about it.

 

[love2bmama]

Yeah love2bmama (sorry do you have a nickname..I cannot keep everyones straight I would like to talk sometime

I'm Molly, and that's ok, it's hard to keep everyone straight!
Let me know when and where you want to talk. I don't mind posting here, it just depends on how private you want to be.

I'd share my story with you now but I don't want to upset you and it's kind of upsetting. Just let me know, ok?

 

[Dismantled]

thanks again everyone

 

[redkat]

Hi Dis

anxiety especially like you describe is very common after pregnancy. I'm sure it's made worse by the trauma of the delivery.
Have you talked to your dr?

I don't have PTSD I do have panic attacks though and they suck

 

[Dismantled]

Hi Dis

anxiety especially like you describe is very common after pregnancy. I'm sure it's made worse by the trauma of the delivery.
Have you talked to your dr?

I don't have PTSD I do have panic attacks though and they suck

RedKat

no because my Midwife is part of it...I'm familiar with the OB that did my emergency c-section..but I didn't say anything to anyone. It actually didn't come out until a few weeks after.

that sucks about panic attacks, they must suck

 

[redhotswami]

Hey Dismantled.

I'm currently going through PTSD. My sleep is irratic, if I get any at all. My moods can change in extremes quite suddenly. Sometimes little things trigger dramatic reactions. Also my eating habits went haywire, and I gained 20 lbs. All the weight I had worked so hard to lose!

I'm seeing a counselor. That helps a bit, but hasn't really stopped my symptoms. However, it is good to talk about it.

 

[verte76]

PTSD runs in my family. You have to have a predisposition for it, though. And, oh, yes, weight gain. I can talk about that, too.

 

[KhanadaRhodes]

i don't remember if i was ever officially diagnosed with it, but i probably had it after my accident. it sucks.

 

[Angela Harlem]

RedKat

no because my Midwife is part of it...I'm familiar with the OB that did my emergency c-section..but I didn't say anything to anyone. It actually didn't come out until a few weeks after.

that sucks about panic attacks, they must suck

I've never had PTSD, but my first delivery led to 2.5 - 3 years of other problems. I can't offer advice, just my story. I hope you have a good group of family and friends around you.

 

[Dismantled]

unico...I totally understand about little things triggering dramatic reactions, I hate that..it's so frustrating. I'm sorry you're going through it now also. Seems like the only cure is time and talking If you every want to talk and compare notes feel free to use this thread

verte and Khanada Thanks for the support. I don't know if I've experienced weight gain or what, I think it's just baby weight. My appetite was messed up, all I wanted was cereal ...I think that was because of labor the c-section and medications..but who knows...it was probably part of this.

Angela, I do have a good group of family here..sometimes it's good sometimes they drive me nuts Sorry you experienced problems after your first too..it's makes you feel like crap doesn't it, your left wondering why you feel bad when you have this perfect little baby. I think there needs to be better support for mom's AFTER the baby..not just during pregnancy.

Thanks everyone

my biggest problem I guess is opening up to the people are me. Mr. Dis and I have been talking about it almost non-stop for a long time now...yesterday I just opened up to my mom about it..I really didn't want to but she sensed something was wrong and thought it was her so that made me feel bad.

 

[Angela Harlem]

I'm glad you have good friends and family. I found it actually made little difference, really, quite simply because it was hard to talk and open up. Full stop. I was blissfully naive during the pregnancy, had no hangups, no preconceived notions of what had to happen during her birth (as it is I'll probably never have a natural birth because the risks are too high), and so when the emergency C was booked utterly out of the blue, I was shellshocked. I'd have coped with that except due to human error with my IV drips and my insulin infusion, I collapsed in the shower the morning before the caesar. I woke up on the floor of the shower with a cleaner leaning over me yelling "ohmygod, is she alive? Is her baby alive? I need a nurse!" And I came to wondering where the hell I was, how I had got there, who I was, and where were my clothes? And why was my hand covered in blood? I had this short-term amnesia until it came back to me. I got fixed up and had some sugar and thought that was the end of it. Next thing I wake up again in the X-Ray deptartment in a wheelchair with my husband holding my hand and another nurse telling me I was going to get some X-Rays on my head and hand (which I'd bit or fell on when I collapsed). Then I flipped out and hysterically said no one was going to kill my baby and I wanted to go back to my room. I sat in the wheelchair thinking 'who is that mental patient yelling at everyone?' Then I realised it was me. I wanted to cry, but I fell asleep/passed out again instead. So began a few days where I honestly spent maybe an hour in total conscious and trying to keep up with everything. I barely remember the caesar, though it was a spinal epi. It took me 2 days to get down to the NICU to see my baby who I wasn't allowed to hold or even touch. I couldn't walk, I couldn't stay awake, no one helped me. I would have wanted to curl up and die if I'd been awake enough. Anyway, this period passed and eventually I got more alert and the chronic concussion started easing off. I got out of hospital and was bumming lifts off anyone I could to get to the hospital to visit the bub. Thankfully it was New Years so lots of friends etc were off from work. I wanted to breastfeed, but a shakey start to motherhood and hardcore lactation fembots at the hospital soon ended my attempts. I was engorged and in agony until someone kindly suggested cabbage leaves. They forgot to tell me that leaving them overnight would dry it up completely. I was distraught and couldn't get the milk back. I sunk into such a low. I tried a playgroup. That was a nightmare. I lived in this horrible yuppy suburb where everything looks perfect on the outside but you think that there's more underneath than they let on. These mothers in their newly returned pre-preggers figures, their flash cars, their rich husbands, their massive houses.... They were making it look so easy. Why was I spending my days wondering about how peaceful death would be? I should have been laughing with them at which dishwashing cleaner cleaned the filter better [insert Leave it to Beaver smile here]. I should have been gloating over my baby and her milestones. My baby was born 6 weeks early and therefore took a little longer to do everything. I should have been bursting with pride at her delayed but definite achievements. Why did everythign hurt, and why did I feel so alone? Everything everyone could say cut me right to the core. My mum would offer to help me clean the house. I'd feel like a failure as a housewife. The husband would come home and pick the baby up and say 'Eww, she smells. Want me to change her?' and I would feel I was on trial even though I checked her nappy often. I must have looked really unobservant for her to go unchanged, right? I could go on, but everything was building up. I didn't understand it. Why was nothing about this enjoyable? Had I failed motherhood? Anyway, long story short, eventually things got better. I learned to be a mother. I got through the depression which made me feel everything I had. I learned I'd never actually done anything wrong. She was well fed, well loved, and you know, she even loved me. She still does Depression has little to do with your mothering. The way they come into this world has little to no impact on your skill and ability as a mother. Any problems you are going through are legitimate and unique to each day you are a mum. It might be as result of having a baby, that you are where you are, but your bub is thriving with or without what you're going through.

I really do talk too much about this, lol. Once I really conquered it, I found each time was easier. You get stronger and stronger until you go back to thinking you can handle anything in life. That is no reason interference has to keep on hearing about it, though!

Good luck, Dimantled. Sorry for rambling on with something which is probably unrelated to your story entirely. I hope whatever it is ends soon.

 

[redhotswami]

Thanks Dis
I do have a question, a lot of people seem to agree that "time" is the cure. I know this is true, I know everyone is right. But it is just so frustrating. How much time?? How long do I have to deal with this?

I know, I know, it is all probably relative and depends on the person. But it almost makes me feel hopeless.

Time.

I wish that time could be now. I don't like where I am, I don't like my state of mind, I don't like how my personality has changed, and I don't like how I don't like myself.

I just don't like it.

When will it stop? Why is my watch going so slow?

 

[Dismantled]

Angela..I was reading your story totally opened mouthed and just aching for you. That must have been absolutely terrifying. I'm so sorry you went through that...like you I was pretty naive about everything..I NEVER even thought about a C-section, never crossed my mind, I'd have to have one let alone being faced with an emergency one.

You are not talking too much about it and you are not rambling on! Talking is healing and whoever doesn't want to hear it doesn't have to read it I'm so glad things are better for you:hugs: I'll post what happened to me in a few minutes after I finish this post and cross your fingers my little guy stays asleep long enough to let me

Unico-yeah, time can be a buggar cannot it. I think part of the secret to healing is HOW you spend that time...just sitting around waiting for it to get better will just eat you alive. You need to fight it...don't let the darkness in. I find things just as simple as walking in the sun very refreshing. I find helping others helpful too...I did volunteer at the hospital I delivered in last week..granted it almost caused me to have a panic attack and I swore I'd never go back..but now I see I have to, it cannot beat me this way. I also find U2's music inspiring, I guess that's why I like them so much. Just the other day Walk On came on the raido and it snapped me out of a funk...I don't know, I found I could relate to the lyrics. Just don't let it beat you, do things to beat it down. Anytime you want to talk about stuff I'm here:hugs:

 

[Dismantled]

I was in labor for 31 hours....but I'll start near the end where everything started...I was trying for a natural birth but was stalled at 4cm..

The Pitocin is started slowly at first, (I don't really remember much here) Its getting pretty bad but the demoral seems to be working..I can breath and hum through each contraction. Then all of a sudden around 6:45-7 BAM I am in severe...and I mean SEVERE pain. Pain like I've never felt is screaming through my back and my hips. There is a nurse shift, I open my eyes and a man is sitting by my side taking my pulse, I didn't know him and didn't care who he was...I just knew he was concerned and trying to help me. The nurse who's shift is up is also still there watching me...(cannot remember too much, I will go on what I do and what I was told by my husband) My midwife is coming in...I start to not be able to tolerate the pain well anymore...humming and breathing has turned into cries of pain and hyperventilating...I seriously was in PAIN!! It wasn't like normal screaming..but something coming from deep within me...I couldn't lie still I was just writing around. My husband said he can only imagine that's what someone being tortured sounds like...I was scaring him to death. MY husband told me my male nurse (george) is concerned for my safety, he tell the midwife this isn't normal.... he tells the midwife the Pitocin is TOO HIGH, they have an exchange of words..I think she told him it's not ..she checks me again, at this time I cannot stand to be on my back, I scream and writhe in pain then she leaves. He comes back to help me breath..he gets me in several different positions..nothing is helping..NOTHING! I cannot believe it hurts this much!!!!! He checks me and tells me I'm almost complete but cannot feel a baby..... George tells me to stand up and hold onto my husband, as soon as I stand I feel this small gush of liquid, I couldn't even see straight so I just tell them I'm leaking something LOL...George looks...I remember the look on his face, it wasn't good.....he calmly tells me my water broke and grabs a towel to wipe it up. I see the towel, its all black...it's pure meconium.. He helps me back into bed, he pretty much had to pick me up and put me there, I couldn't stand, I couldn't walk..I was seriously loosing it, I wanted to throw up but couldn't there was nothing comming up, i feel like i'm dying....I'm still screaming and writing in severe pain, he runs to get my midwife...again she comes back, she cannot feel the babies head. (now here's where I was totally out of it, this was all told to me)

The high risk specialist is called in, AND HE CHECKS ME..he had to use his whole hand and yes it really really hurt, I cried out in pain and pleaded with him to stop...he said "no that's not a head" and told my midwife to run and get the ultrasound machine. Now there is about 93 people in my room, I'm being told there is a good chance this is goign to be an emergency CS, I'm signing paper left and right, my contractions are on top of each other all I can do is scream..I though we were dying, ...it was so painful!!!

Midwife comes flying in the the ultrasound machine, everyone is running around doing things..there are people already in scrubs. George is preparing my IV to be moved..he tells me the demoral ran out a long time ago!!! He is pretty furious about that (explains the pain, and the baby was being forced into my hip bone and spine) I do remember asking him if I could have more, he says "sorry sweetie, it's too late but this is all going to be over soon" .I remember seeing a baby on the ultrasound monitor and hearing a voice say.."the baby is transverse and breech...C-Section now, call the OR and the Peditrician". My baby is being crushed to death by my own body......
I see George getting something out of the closet, it's a catheter! and boy did that ever hurt going in then he is at my side with a syringe, I'm in a total daze and I ask him what is that, he says it's going to stop my contractions... I cried becasue I was so happy the pain was going to stop.

George, My husband who is in tears..(who is now in scrubs and I don't even remember him getting in them) and my midwife take me to the OR..everyone is in scrubs, I totally missed that. I get blood drawn quickly just incase of a transfusion..I'm taken in get a spinal. Hoping to do it quick or else they will have to put me out and my husband won't be allowed it. Everyone is so nice and they've had already heard what had happend to me, (they could probably hear me screaming) The anestisologist is very very nice..talking to me and DH the whole time..baby is out in less then 5 mintes. I hear alittle cry and the OB say "it's a boy" but cannot see him..I look at my husband for cues..he's crying. He looks at me and says "He's so cute"...the blue curtain is pushed aside and I see the most perfect baby boy being cleaned off my George and his peditrician..I start to cry. I cried because he was here..I cried because he was alive. He was really really beat up..but alive.

 

[anitram]

AH, that's a terrifying experience. Thanks so much for sharing. My Mom went through a similar thing when she had me (emergency C-section) and then couldn't breastfeed after so apparently when I was still in the hospital they had another woman breastfeed me for about a week and that was really difficult to watch. That's why when I hear Tom Cruise on about vitamins, I want to slap him.

As for time, which Mia brought up - the hardest thing for me was to wake up and live in a world where everyone else is okay. Their lives are as they were, they're going about their business, working, taking care of their families and so on. It's really hard to watch them be okay when your entire world has changed. How can they just do all those ordinary, banal things we take for granted when on the inside, you're falling apart?

But that's where time kicks in, because eventually you transition into being "normal" again and you preoccupy yourself with all the little things again. And that's when it starts to get better.

It's hard because people react differently to different situations. I mean, if you hear 2 people talk about PTSD, it could be that you think one experience is horrifying and you wonder how they even survived, while the other experience may be bad, but it's not THAT bad. Well it doesn't matter in the eyes of the person who lived through it.

 

[Dismantled]

AH, that's a terrifying experience. Thanks so much for sharing. My Mom went through a similar thing when she had me (emergency C-section) and then couldn't breastfeed after so apparently when I was still in the hospital they had another woman breastfeed me for about a week and that was really difficult to watch. That's why when I hear Tom Cruise on about vitamins, I want to slap him.

As for time, which Mia brought up - the hardest thing for me was to wake up and live in a world where everyone else is okay. Their lives are as they were, they're going about their business, working, taking care of their families and so on. It's really hard to watch them be okay when your entire world has changed. How can they just do all those ordinary, banal things we take for granted when on the inside, you're falling apart?

But that's where time kicks in, because eventually you transition into being "normal" again and you preoccupy yourself with all the little things again. And that's when it starts to get better.

It's hard because people react differently to different situations. I mean, if you hear 2 people talk about PTSD, it could be that you think one experience is horrifying and you wonder how they even survived, while the other experience may be bad, but it's not THAT bad. Well it doesn't matter in the eyes of the person who lived through it.

Tom Cruise is a clueless jerk, I hope in his second life he is a woman facing this.

Your right, one experience can be horrifying and the other not as bad..but it doesn't matter to the person that had to go through it..it's like comparing two seperate things.

I have lots of reasons why I'm haunted...I have flashbacks to what I remember constantly and I mean constantly! Sometimes I think I'm going nuts...it's like life is flying by me, my son is growing..yet I'm still 11 weeks behind trying to figure out what the hell just happend to me. The not remember part really gets to me..I think thats why I cannot let go....it's very frustrating to me not to remember this. I don't feel depressed or anything I just struggle and fight ot remember and I cannot. The thought of my baby dying in labor by my own body is a thought that makes me sick and something I cannot even explain..it would have destroyed me and terrifies me that was happening ...I know a women that lost a baby this way and I dont' know how she goes on.

The pain is something I will never forget though! I was pretty much tortured and my midwife was so annoying when she was suppose to be helping me. I was in her hands and she was playing with my life and my sons life, I cannot EVER and will NEVER trust her again...I thank GOD there were people there who knew what to do.

 

[Dismantled]

wait..I screwed up and quoted myself

 

[Dismantled]

wait I'm not done blabbing on...all this stuff keep popping in my head

the fact that he's had some avoidable birth injuires as a result irks me to and doesn't help.

According to the OB who preformed my CS he was NEVER headdown..he was turned wrong for a long time..according to the midwife he was headdown I know mistakes are made..and she honestly didn't do anything wrong on purpose..but come on! You HAVE to be sure of these things..lives are at stake.

 

[redhotswami]

Angela Harlem & Dismantled
both of your birthing stories sound like frightning experiences. I couldn't imagine what that must've been like. I'm glad both you and your babies have survived and are doing fine.

Martina - you are right on with the pensive thoughts about people going back to "normal." It bothers me to no end because even my colleagues have moved on and they act as if nothing happened. Then again, I think I'm just hyper-emotional. I mean, I seriously fell to my knees crying when I discovered that my landlord had planted those awful sticky traps in my apartment, and I saw the little mouse struggling to free himself.

Sometimes I wonder if they are preoccupying themselves with little things because they refuse to confront what they're really feeling. And with some of my colleagues, and even my students, it seemed as if they were even emotionally struck by it at all. People were making jokes about it just a few days later!

I guess we all handle things differently. Sometimes I wish I was more toward the middle of the spectrum.

 

[Dismantled]

Angela Harlem & Dismantled
both of your birthing stories sound like frightning experiences. I couldn't imagine what that must've been like. I'm glad both you and your babies have survived and are doing fine.

Martina - you are right on with the pensive thoughts about people going back to "normal." It bothers me to no end because even my colleagues have moved on and they act as if nothing happened. Then again, I think I'm just hyper-emotional. I mean, I seriously fell to my knees crying when I discovered that my landlord had planted those awful sticky traps in my apartment, and I saw the little mouse struggling to free himself.

Sometimes I wonder if they are preoccupying themselves with little things because they refuse to confront what they're really feeling. And with some of my colleagues, and even my students, it seemed as if they were even emotionally struck by it at all. People were making jokes about it just a few days later!

I guess we all handle things differently. Sometimes I wish I was more toward the middle of the spectrum.

I'm so sorry, I just saw your sig and location..you were at VT?! I had no idea until now. I'm so sorry.

 

[redhotswami]

Thanks Dis. I was. I lost a student of mine that I had worked with last year. I was supposed to see him at a department party that evening. I was looking forward to seeing him.

I completely understand you relating to Walk On. That song, along with Peace on Earth and surprisingly Mothers of the Disappeared, really really stuck with me during that time...and they still do.

 

[Dismantled]

Thanks Dis. I was. I lost a student of mine that I had worked with last year. I was supposed to see him at a department party that evening. I was looking forward to seeing him.

I completely understand you relating to Walk On. That song, along with Peace on Earth and surprisingly Mothers of the Disappeared, really really stuck with me during that time...and they still do.

thats awful really awful.

i am a paraeducator in a highschool and work closely with kids. Some are from other states and countries so they kinda use me as their guardian and the person they turn to for advice or just a shoulder to cry on....I couldn't imagine losing one like that.

I'm sorry you did and I'm sorry for what happened at your school.

 

[love2bmama]

wow, I just got done catching up on this thread and wish I could give each of you a

Angela Harlem and Dis, I can so relate to what you both shared about your births. I have 4 kids and 4 very different birth stories, and I understand how these things can stick with you and just go around and around in your head afterwards.

I also had an emergency c-section, for me it was with my 4th baby. I had 3 previous vaginal births, the 3rd was a beautiful planned homebirth, and the last thing I ever expected was a c-section.

I won't go into all the boring details, but it was a crash emergency like you both experienced and I had the same feelings for weeks afterwards like you said, Dis, about still trying to figure out WTF happened to me.

I also thought the baby and I were both going to die, I had a placenta abruption where the placenta detaches from the uterine wall, so I was bleeding out fast and everyone around me looked pretty scared. I think that alone is enough to cause someone PTSD, facing what is or what realistically feels like a life-or-death situation can definitely do it, in my experience.

My post-traumatic stress disorder isn't related to any of my birth experiences, it goes back to a time when I was a girl and my older brother was being beaten by an adult and was screaming for me to help him, but I couldn't. My understanding from when I was diagnosed with PTSD is that there are a lot of things that can cause it, and a lot of different ways for it to be dealt with.

I definitely recommend talking about it, here or to family and to anyone who will listen if that makes you feel better.

In my case, I take medication to control the anxiety related to my PTSD and also major depressive disorder. I don't feel like medication is for everyone, but I've been on the same med for 7 years and it's the only reason I'm here now. Don't discount the idea of getting professional help and taking meds if someone recommends it, sometimes that is the only way to be able to function and move on with your life.

Sorry this is so long. I wish I could give you each a hug IRL (oops, just realized I already said that above. I guess I'd give you each 2 hugs, lol)

Oh, I also want to say that Walk On helped me SO much. I was going through a lot of shit when ATYCLB came out, I was suicidal and...well, anyway, that song and Stuck, and really just the whole album just spoke to me on such a deep level.

I also listened to Rattle and Hum a lot during that time and Love Rescue Me really touched me:

I've conquered my past
The future is here at last
I stand at the entrance to a new world I can see.
The ruins to the right of me
Will soon have lost sight of me.
Love, rescue me.


(edit to add, as I was finishing and posting this, Walk On came on my ipod. I when that happens. U2)

 

[Dismantled]

wow, I just got done catching up on this thread and wish I could give each of you a

Angela Harlem and Dis, I can so relate to what you both shared about your births. I have 4 kids and 4 very different birth stories, and I understand how these things can stick with you and just go around and around in your head afterwards.

I also had an emergency c-section, for me it was with my 4th baby. I had 3 previous vaginal births, the 3rd was a beautiful planned homebirth, and the last thing I ever expected was a c-section.

I won't go into all the boring details, but it was a crash emergency like you both experienced and I had the same feelings for weeks afterwards like you said, Dis, about still trying to figure out WTF happened to me.

I also thought the baby and I were both going to die, I had a placenta abruption where the placenta detaches from the uterine wall, so I was bleeding out fast and everyone around me looked pretty scared. I think that alone is enough to cause someone PTSD, facing what is or what realistically feels like a life-or-death situation can definitely do it, in my experience.

My post-traumatic stress disorder isn't related to any of my birth experiences, it goes back to a time when I was a girl and my older brother was being beaten by an adult and was screaming for me to help him, but I couldn't. My understanding from when I was diagnosed with PTSD is that there are a lot of things that can cause it, and a lot of different ways for it to be dealt with.

I definitely recommend talking about it, here or to family and to anyone who will listen if that makes you feel better.

In my case, I take medication to control the anxiety related to my PTSD and also major depressive disorder. I don't feel like medication is for everyone, but I've been on the same med for 7 years and it's the only reason I'm here now. Don't discount the idea of getting professional help and taking meds if someone recommends it, sometimes that is the only way to be able to function and move on with your life.

Sorry this is so long. I wish I could give you each a hug IRL (oops, just realized I already said that above. I guess I'd give you each 2 hugs, lol)

Oh, I also want to say that Walk On helped me SO much. I was going through a lot of shit when ATYCLB came out, I was suicidal and...well, anyway, that song and Stuck, and really just the whole album just spoke to me on such a deep level.

I also listened to Rattle and Hum a lot during that time and Love Rescue Me really touched me:

I've conquered my past
The future is here at last
I stand at the entrance to a new world I can see.
The ruins to the right of me
Will soon have lost sight of me.
Love, rescue me.


(edit to add, as I was finishing and posting this, Walk On came on my ipod. I when that happens. U2)

placenta abruption scares me to death..I'm so sorry you had to experience that...childbirth is so scary. Thanks for sharing your experience.

hearing what happened to your brother made me sick..I can honestly say I don't know how you feel because I've never experienced that..BUT I put myself and my brother in your place and just thinking of that happening to my brother makes me cry. That is so awful and I can totally see how that can cause some major PTSD...that is something you cannot just forget. I'm sorry that happened to you and your brother.


That is weird about the iPod! It's a sign I tell ya.

this is amazing...perfect!! You can tell he's been through some sh*t too.

I've conquered my past
The future is here at last
I stand at the entrance to a new world I can see.
The ruins to the right of me
Will soon have lost sight of me.
Love, rescue me.

 

[love2bmama]

hearing what happened to your brother made me sick..I can honestly say I don't know how you feel because I've never experienced that..BUT I put myself and my brother in your place and just thinking of that happening to my brother makes me cry. That is so awful and I can totally see how that can cause some major PTSD...that is something you cannot just forget. I'm sorry that happened to you and your brother.


That is weird about the iPod! It's a sign I tell ya.

this is amazing...perfect!! You can tell he's been through some sh*t too.

I've conquered my past
The future is here at last
I stand at the entrance to a new world I can see.
The ruins to the right of me
Will soon have lost sight of me.
Love, rescue me.

I really really don't want to upset anyone by sharing what happened to me, I know that it is a horrible thing to hear and I don't want to make anyone sad, especially someone who is already

It took me a long, long time to realize what effect that had on me, and facing it almost killed me but I made it through somehow.

Aren't those lyrics just perfect? They really speak to me. Like so many of their songs, it's why u2 is so close to my heart and why they mean so much to me. I can't explain how or why thier music has helped me so much, but lyrics like that can kind of explain it.