"Also, did anyone else start getting a headache after “Single Ladies?” And did anyone else think it was weird that Beyoncé would headbang to “Halo?” And for chrissake, did anyone else notice that Beyoncé was just doing a bunch of dance moves from 2005 for 15 minutes while lip-synching and standing in front of a video board? That’s the greatest performance in Super Bowl history? PRINCE PLAYED "PURPLE RAIN" ON THE PRINCE GUITAR IN THE RAIN!
Beyoncé was better than the Black Eyed Peas. She was better than The Who. She was better than Madonna. But she did not bend time or turn water into wine. And if all it takes to enthrall America is some high-performance strutting, stripper boots, and a bunch of sparklers, I think America should all collectively go to a drag show. Because, trust me, the strutting is pretty comparable, the drinks are cheaper, and we don’t have to all pretend to like music that has been perfected by the woman who once sang “Cater 2 U” and who hasn’t put out a decent album in five years.
I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again. Beyoncé’s emotional depth is akin to the fleeting happiness you feel when you see that one of your tweets has been retweeted by more than five people. Or that someone you secretly had a crush on in high school has requested your friendship on Facebook. She’s popular because she’s easy to like and she’s something everyone has decided to agree upon across race, class, and creed. To quote Critical Race scholars and high school debaters everywhere: Beyoncé is the shine on the rotten apple. She is the Illuminati’s co-option tool."
