feedthetree
The Fly
- Joined
- May 10, 2010
- Messages
- 60
Seriously fucked up but true.
I was born to a 17 year old mother. I was taken care of mainly by my grandmother (her mother) and my father until their untimely and tragic deaths when I was just 6 years old.
Just recently my friend's son was hospitalized due to leukemia and I spent as much time there to be there for her and her son, since she has no friends or family here in the vicinity. Well anyway, I was sleeping on the couch in the hospital room and was awoken by several beeps and I had a flashback of myself being in the hospital and laying in a hospital room and hearing those same beeps and, gasp, I was alone! Later after being there I had even more flashbacks and I told my friend, that I couldn't shake it and that I felt like I remembered it and it was not a dream. I then texted my mother that I remembered being in the hospital and she admitted, that yes I was hospitalized a couple of times as a young child and no, she was not there. I told my friend and she looked at me with an unbelievable look on her face, "I could never EVER leave my son no matter what it is! I can't see how she could leave you alone, especially over night!" Well apparently I was about 2 years old the first time and my grandma and dad and aunt were there, not my mom, and the second time I was six and again my aunt was there but since my grandma and dad died, they were not there and neither was my mom, not once.
At 18 I found survivor checks from Social Security in my name. They were about $900- I wanted them for myself since I was indeed 18 and my mom refused, saying that they were HER checks and if I didn't hand them over, I had to pay rent for being 18 and living in HER home and guess what the rent was for the $1200 a month 3 bedroom home I shared with her, her husband and her two new children? $900.
My aunt/Godmother who raised me mainly after my dad and grandma died then told me to move in with her, keep the checks, and I moved in with her and bought myself a car and attended the local university and held a full time job. I learned later that I also received checks from my father's estate, all of which my mother took and rarely spent a penny on me. I was working at the age of 16, so my mother didn't have to buy me anything, if I wanted a U2 book or a CD or anything out of the ordinary like nice clothes, I had to work to pay for it. I also was a "live in nanny" for my mom at the age of 16 working Monday thru Friday 8am to 5.30pm for $50 a week during the summer. Then taking off to work from 6pm to midnight as a restaurant hostess. While other kids got to go to prom and got nice things like cars and their college paid for, I received nothing.
I moved to Las Vegas at the age of 19 to go to school, which I paid for. I moved back to home because my aunt was stricken with cancer and lived with her and took care of her.
Off and on for brief periods of time I lived with my mother. When I left her at age 18, she had to move into a trailer park to make ends meet because my checks weren't paying $900 a month any longer and she had to pay full price for daycare. Her husband was often unemployed and was a drunk she had to pay for, including and up to: rent, Christmas gifts, he never helped with anything and she had to look to me for help, she even paid for his ankle monitor and all the legal bills he accrued for his legal troubles. I moved in in my early 20's and I paid $450 for a small tiny room that I shared with my sister for a room in a TRAILER!
About 5 years ago, I got in trouble for a DUI and my mother REFUSED to pay my bail and get me out on ankle monitor and enter drug and alcohol treatment. Just last night however, my 18 year old brother got caught for the same thing, and you know what she said? She said she was going to pay his $5000 bail and have him live with her on ankle monitor!
Now I am facing a severe health issue. I have had a problem with my kidneys for 13 years, I don't know if I was born with them like this or what the deal is. I'm currently working as an under the table paid nanny so I don't have health insurance and I don't have any children so I'm not eligible for any kind of health assistance, so basically, I'm really fucked.
I really need to see a specialist and I need to get home to my hometown where I'm covered for health reasons, but my mom just an hour ago sent me a text saying that I'm no longer welcome at her home. (Because I went off on a rant and said that she was being unfair and treating her children differently because she would help out her son and not me)
My kidney infection will turn into a serious problem, which will turn me into septic shock, which will in time kill me.
When I tell people that my mother doesn't love me, they laugh at me and say that I'm lying or exaggerating. But I'm seriously not. I've only told a few instances on here in confessionals, there are more anecdotes that would prove that she doesn't love me, but these here are the big ones that do not sit well with me.
I was born to a 17 year old mother. I was taken care of mainly by my grandmother (her mother) and my father until their untimely and tragic deaths when I was just 6 years old.
Just recently my friend's son was hospitalized due to leukemia and I spent as much time there to be there for her and her son, since she has no friends or family here in the vicinity. Well anyway, I was sleeping on the couch in the hospital room and was awoken by several beeps and I had a flashback of myself being in the hospital and laying in a hospital room and hearing those same beeps and, gasp, I was alone! Later after being there I had even more flashbacks and I told my friend, that I couldn't shake it and that I felt like I remembered it and it was not a dream. I then texted my mother that I remembered being in the hospital and she admitted, that yes I was hospitalized a couple of times as a young child and no, she was not there. I told my friend and she looked at me with an unbelievable look on her face, "I could never EVER leave my son no matter what it is! I can't see how she could leave you alone, especially over night!" Well apparently I was about 2 years old the first time and my grandma and dad and aunt were there, not my mom, and the second time I was six and again my aunt was there but since my grandma and dad died, they were not there and neither was my mom, not once.
At 18 I found survivor checks from Social Security in my name. They were about $900- I wanted them for myself since I was indeed 18 and my mom refused, saying that they were HER checks and if I didn't hand them over, I had to pay rent for being 18 and living in HER home and guess what the rent was for the $1200 a month 3 bedroom home I shared with her, her husband and her two new children? $900.
My aunt/Godmother who raised me mainly after my dad and grandma died then told me to move in with her, keep the checks, and I moved in with her and bought myself a car and attended the local university and held a full time job. I learned later that I also received checks from my father's estate, all of which my mother took and rarely spent a penny on me. I was working at the age of 16, so my mother didn't have to buy me anything, if I wanted a U2 book or a CD or anything out of the ordinary like nice clothes, I had to work to pay for it. I also was a "live in nanny" for my mom at the age of 16 working Monday thru Friday 8am to 5.30pm for $50 a week during the summer. Then taking off to work from 6pm to midnight as a restaurant hostess. While other kids got to go to prom and got nice things like cars and their college paid for, I received nothing.
I moved to Las Vegas at the age of 19 to go to school, which I paid for. I moved back to home because my aunt was stricken with cancer and lived with her and took care of her.
Off and on for brief periods of time I lived with my mother. When I left her at age 18, she had to move into a trailer park to make ends meet because my checks weren't paying $900 a month any longer and she had to pay full price for daycare. Her husband was often unemployed and was a drunk she had to pay for, including and up to: rent, Christmas gifts, he never helped with anything and she had to look to me for help, she even paid for his ankle monitor and all the legal bills he accrued for his legal troubles. I moved in in my early 20's and I paid $450 for a small tiny room that I shared with my sister for a room in a TRAILER!
About 5 years ago, I got in trouble for a DUI and my mother REFUSED to pay my bail and get me out on ankle monitor and enter drug and alcohol treatment. Just last night however, my 18 year old brother got caught for the same thing, and you know what she said? She said she was going to pay his $5000 bail and have him live with her on ankle monitor!
Now I am facing a severe health issue. I have had a problem with my kidneys for 13 years, I don't know if I was born with them like this or what the deal is. I'm currently working as an under the table paid nanny so I don't have health insurance and I don't have any children so I'm not eligible for any kind of health assistance, so basically, I'm really fucked.
I really need to see a specialist and I need to get home to my hometown where I'm covered for health reasons, but my mom just an hour ago sent me a text saying that I'm no longer welcome at her home. (Because I went off on a rant and said that she was being unfair and treating her children differently because she would help out her son and not me)
My kidney infection will turn into a serious problem, which will turn me into septic shock, which will in time kill me.
When I tell people that my mother doesn't love me, they laugh at me and say that I'm lying or exaggerating. But I'm seriously not. I've only told a few instances on here in confessionals, there are more anecdotes that would prove that she doesn't love me, but these here are the big ones that do not sit well with me.
