Love is tough

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You know, I'm thinking the same damn thing, and I just don't know. Frankly, I don't quite understand her relationship with Jordan. She makes it sound like there's just best friends or something, and I guess that's what results from a young and expectedly immature relationship that lasts this long. And I'm not gonna lie, I still have some major concerns. I'm going to have another serious talk with her either tomorrow or the next day, because I have a few questions I want answered, and I think I deserve that much.

We've been frank with one another several times already, and she's assured me on all occasions that she does want to end things with him, but I'm not %100 confident in that to tell the truth. So basically I'm going to lay it out like it is, and hopefully it won't come accross too hard, but I'm not going to fluff it up either. If we're going to pursue this, I want to know the God's honest truth about how she feels about both of us, and I'm going to give her one more chance to completely back out of this before she makes a decision she might regret and either of us get too hurt.

I think it's time to straighten things out, tie up some loose ends if you will.
 
Lancemc said:
You know, I'm thinking the same damn thing, and I just don't know. Frankly, I don't quite understand her relationship with Jordan. She makes it sound like there's just best friends or something, and I guess that's what results from a young and expectedly immature relationship that lasts this long. And I'm not gonna lie, I still have some major concerns. I'm going to have another serious talk with her either tomorrow or the next day, because I have a few questions I want answered, and I think I deserve that much.

We've been frank with one another several times already, and she's assured me on all occasions that she does want to end things with him, but I'm not %100 confident in that to tell the truth. So basically I'm going to lay it out like it is, and hopefully it won't come accross too hard, but I'm not going to fluff it up either. If we're going to pursue this, I want to know the God's honest truth about how she feels about both of us, and I'm going to give her one more chance to completely back out of this before she makes a decision she might regret and either of us get too hurt.

I think it's time to straighten things out, tie up some loose ends if you will.
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I'm glad you're doing this. One of my concerns was that she might take advantage of you. Not saying she is sinister or anything, but that she was clearly getting physical with you (even before you talked) knowing full well she was in a relationship. I just don't want you to get played. That would suck. Make sure she steps up to the plate, instead of leaving you hanging like she has been all this time. You don't deserve that.
 
redhotswami said:


I'm glad you're doing this. One of my concerns was that she might take advantage of you. Not saying she is sinister or anything, but that she was clearly getting physical with you (even before you talked) knowing full well she was in a relationship. I just don't want you to get played. That would suck. Make sure she steps up to the plate, instead of leaving you hanging like she has been all this time. You don't deserve that.
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I hear you. Yeah, we definitely need to have an other chat real soon, and I doubt she'll like hearing some of this. It's not my aim to offend her though, just like you said, it's time for her to step up. I've certainly put my ass on the line enough times already. And honestly, I don't think she'd ever intentionally do something to hurt me like that, but you really never know. I have faith though, that if things do get too sticky, I'll be given another sign, just like I was when I started this whole thing...but that's not to say I won't be looking out for myself either. ;)
 
Well, I didn't get to talk to her today, but I did take the time to sit down, organize my thoughts, and write a good, long, coherent, message explaining my thoughts and concerns in the matter. I said most of what I wanted to say in the message, but I also said I wanted to talk to her directly tomorrow to discuss this. Time to set the record straight dammit! :wink:
 
UberBeaver said:
Sounds to me like she's got some bullshit going on, but I may not be the best judge.

Good luck, player!
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Well, I certainly hope not, and honestly don't believe she does. I think it's more due to the fact that she's a tad immature and scared to lose the security of a three-year relationship, even if she no longer really wants it. That's something I can handle. But if there is bullshit going on, I intend on finding out. And that's just no good. ;)
 
Well, we just had a good talk, though I can't say I'm too pleased with the result. I don't want to get into too many details right now. I'm not in a real good state. Basically she said "I still really like you and think you're amazing, but I don't think I can be the kind of girlfriend you need right now". So what it comes down to is she needs time to work things out with Jordan. I knew that. I knew things were going too fast, and I can't believe I let things get this fucked up. It's a matter of time. I held myself together remarkably well during the conversation, but I have to be honest, I'm a wreck right now.

There is still a lot I want to tell and ask her, but I think it's probably a good idea to wait a couple days at least. It would probably just be best for me to try to get over her as quickly as possible, but I don't think I want to do that. I really do love her. I think there's still a chance for us when the time comes that she's fully gotten over Jordan and is ready for a new relationship, but if I/we wait for that time, the span in between could be pretty awkward.

Well, like I said, I need to talk to her some more, if only to help make a decision on what I want to do for myself. Or maybe this whole thing really was just a mistake to begin with and I'm already in denial. Fuck.
 
Lancemc said:
Well, we just had a good talk, though I can't say I'm too pleased with the result. I don't want to get into too many details right now. I'm not in a real good state. Basically she said "I still really like you and think you're amazing, but I don't think I can be the kind of girlfriend you need right now". So what it comes down to is she needs time to work things out with Jordan. I knew that. I knew things were going too fast, and I can't believe I let things get this fucked up. It's a matter of time. I held myself together remarkably well during the conversation, but I have to be honest, I'm a wreck right now.

There is still a lot I want to tell and ask her, but I think it's probably a good idea to wait a couple days at least. It would probably just be best for me to try to get over her as quickly as possible, but I don't think I want to do that. I really do love her. I think there's still a chance for us when the time comes that she's fully gotten over Jordan and is ready for a new relationship, but if I/we wait for that time, the span in between could be pretty awkward.

Well, like I said, I need to talk to her some more, if only to help make a decision on what I want to do for myself. Or maybe this whole thing really was just a mistake to begin with and I'm already in denial. Fuck.
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I'm sorry you're not feeling great right now.

Give her time to make up her own mind and that also gives you time to decide what you want to do. You have to make your own decisions. Getting her to answer to you probably isn't the best way to tackle things and help her decide what she wants. Honestly, if someone did that to me I'd feel under pressure and want them to back off. I can't imagine calling her and making her talk about it will make the situation any better. You need to take a breather. A bit of space can be a good thing. :up:

:hug:
 
Thanks for the hugs..haha...sheesh...i've exhausted myself just thinking about this stuff. I'm feeling a little better now though. I overracted initally...i know things will still be alright, it will just be difficult. God's on my side, and when I need guidance I know he'll provide it. :yes: thanks again.
 
Well, she talked to me today, and I got to say pretty much everything I had left to say. It was a good conversation, so let me just paraphrase what I said.

I told her I still love her and I want her to take her time, work out all the things she has to work out, and basically just clear her head. Then, when she's ready, and if she still feels the same way about me, we can continue what we have together.

She thinks that's a good idea, but said she doesn't want me to wait for her, because it might take her a long time to straighten things out. Well, that's what I expected from the beginning, and hell! I never even imagined we would get this far back before I ever told her. So, we go back to school in a little under two weeks, and from there we'll stay close, and enjoy the things ahead of us, and when she's finally worked things out, maybe then we'll pursue something realisticly substantial. :)
 
Jeez.. she obviously doesnt know what the hell she wants. I say move on.
 
Sicy said:
Jeez.. she obviously doesnt know what the hell she wants. I say move on.
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yep.

either she doesn't know what she wants or she is stringing you along.
 
i don't recommend waiting for her. not saying that's your intention, of course. but you don't want to waste your youth waiting for someone in the hopes they'll figure everything out and decide to be with you. what if six months down the road she's finished with all this and decides she wants to be single, or with someone else?

no one is worth waiting for. go out and enjoy being a single guy in college and if later down the road she's single, and you're single, and you both still like each other, then you can pursue something.
 
Well, I'm going to say I don't think she's stringing me along. She even said straight out that she's not sure what she wants to an extent, but that "us" is still essentially something she'd want to explore.

But I'm not entirely sure what I want to do either. I have plenty of time to figure it out. I suppose it has a lot to do with how long it takes her to work things out, but unfortunately there's no way to know that. I'm definitely not waiting 6 months, that's for damn sure, but at the same time I don't want to give up on this right now either, because there's still a good chance we could have something wonderful. So, I'm AT LEAST going to wait until we're back in school and together again to make any serious decision of any kind about this.

I'm going to give her time to clear her head, and hopefully before too long we'll make some progress one way or the other. I also know myself though. And I know that I don't get over things like this quickly. By the time I'd get over Kate and find someone else, she'll probably already be at a state where we would be compatible.

Well, whatever. I just want to let all of you know how much I appreciate your concerns and advice.
 
I agree with everyone else. You have a problem insofar as you obviously still want her and I have no idea what it is that she wants, but I just don't see how you can even function as friends at this point. I wouldn't be surprised if you fell back into your old patterns when she is with you 24/7 and the boyfriend is out of sight, out of mind. And that's when you have to be careful and think of yourself first.

You seem like a really nice guy. Don't accept something that's halfway, because when you're willing to do that, all you'll ever get from other people is half-assed efforts. JMO.
 
My $0.02 to add to everyone else's: you should try to get a better idea, if you can, of the real state of this gal's relationship with her boyfriend. Some people find it easy to say they are unhappy with a relationship, when what they really mean is something like they are not 100% happy with it! She might be unsure about what she really wants, so is assessing her options. If you find out that her relationship with her boyfriend really is an unhappy one, then I think it would be OK for you to try to persuade her to break up with him. Maybe in that case she just needs some encouragement. If you get the idea that the relationship is actually quite solid, well, personally, I'd leave them alone. I've been in a (sort of) similar situation, which also happened in my first year of Uni.
 
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UberBeaver said:


This thread is 2 and half months old. She's got less than 3 and half to get her shit together.
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Well, if we're counting days, I'd technically start the clock on December 6. :wink:
 
Sicy said:
Jeez.. she obviously doesnt know what the hell she wants. I say move on.
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Quoted for motherfucking truth! :yes:

College is full of smart, beautiful, wonderful girls. Go out and meet them and have sex with them.
 
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