Love is tough

The friendliest place on the web for anyone that follows U2.
If you have answers, please help by responding to the unanswered posts.
See posts with no answers
I agree with the others. You need distance, and time away from her to clear your head and get over these romantic feelings. I've become very close friends with some of my exes, but not until I'm fully over them in a romantic way. Usually, having a relationship with someone else adds a buffer, and then you can revisit your old flame as truly nothing more than a friend, as opposed to the kind of pretending that you're doing right now.

Good luck. :hug:
 
i agree with everyone else and say it's best if you just move on without her. sometimes in situations like this you can be friends, but more often than not you can't. most can't believe i'm better friends with my ex than we were before we were together, but i know we're a rare case.

but it really sounds like to be able to move on, you need to be away from her. so it'd really be best if you just stopped speaking to her and hanging out with her. and if she's a good friend, she'll understand.
 
2 quote Craig David, "I'm walking away..... from the troubles in my life, I'm walking away.... gonna find a better day, I'm walking away....."
 
It seems like you went through a lot of stuff very quickly. It seems like it's the first time you've gone through this but believe me, it gets better with time.

I don't know if it's even worth for me to post my two cents at this point but I just hope you can benefit from the wisdom of my experience. :wink:

After what you said that she was hesitant to break up with him even DURING Christmas break, I'm not really surprised at all that she decided to stay with her boyfriend. It seems like she's created a very hurtful dependance on the guy considering he has been with her for three years. What We KNOW she's cheated on him. (Does the bf/Jordan know that?) Usually when something like that happens there is a terrible rift in the relationship. My take is that eventually they WILL break up. She just needs to grow out of that dependance on him.

But enough of her.

I think the first few times are terrible and heart breaking but with time rejection isn't more than an "oh well, on to the next girl" if she doesn't accept you, IT'S NOT YOU AT ALL!! She's just not the one!! Sooner or later, someone WILL come along who will make you happy and trust me the wait makes your end in sight so much more worth it when it finally comes along.

When you're young (I'm still 20 but I have an idea of how it is,I was once very dependant on a relationship about two years ago) you create a sort of fixation on a person and you somehow convince yourself that there is absolutely nobody else and how could you ever go on? Believe me. Life goes on. Hearts are really broken every day. It's tough when it feels like the whole world is ending to accept that it happens all the time.

As far as your relationship with her goes, right now, sorry to say, it's done. You won't be able to be friends with her without wanting to have her in a different way. You might be able to hide but your hopes will always be right there. The rest of the people in this forum are right, split, man. It'll be oooh so difficult to not have your drug (the girl) for one day but every minute that goes by is easier than the last one ...well, maybe every MONTH that goes by. :wink: There are millions of women in the world, man, get out there and have fun. Find another Kate. Find someone else and be happy.

I've found that life is a bitch in this case, though. When you're waiting for the one she'll HIDE if she has to. When you're casual and cool with yourself and content and confident with you being single, they'll flock for you. Basically, women sense desperation on a guy like the plague ...and they'll act accordingly. Not good.

So be cool, go out with your friends and have the best time you can. Ms. Right will show up in due time. Best of luck. :up:
 
Last edited:
Thanks for all the advice, once again.

I think I'm starting to get past that difficult post-turmoil phase now. I don't think it will be too long before I'm "back to normal". At least I hope not.

But I've decided I'm not going to cut off the friendship. I'm a fighter God-dammit, and I'm not just gonna give up everything. :wink: No, but seriously, I have been distancing myself a bit these past couple weeks, and I think it's helped. And now we're on Spring Break, so I won't be seeing her at all for a while. Hopefully after a couple more weeks things WILL be genuinely fine between us and I'll be emotionaly open for a new relationship. I honestly think things will work out.
 
UberBeaver said:
A good thing to do now would be to get real drunk and then call her. And tape the call. And post a link to the audio here. For real. That's a good idea.
Click to expand...

:lol: Would you be totally surprised to know that I already did something like that? Well, it wasn't exactly a drunk phonecall, but it carried the same "intent" and consequences I suppose. Definitely not my finest hour. Also why I didn't even mention it here.:wink: Let's just say I'm fairly surprised she still spoke to me the next day.
 
Ok, so we fell alseep together in her bed the other night after watching a movie. I woke up around noon the next day and she was out doing homework or something. Is that weird? :wink:

No, but seriously, I'm not going to get all analytical and nuts over this happening. Just thought it was kind funny and a perfect example of how completely fucked up this relationship is. :lol:

:yikes:

:wink:
 
you fell asleep in her bed? she must really trust you :lol:

that is kind of strange. do you feel like you're moving on at all?
 
UberBeaver said:
A good thing to do now would be to get real drunk and then call her. And tape the call. And post a link to the audio here. For real. That's a good idea.
Click to expand...
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS :bonodrum:
 
AtomicBono said:
you fell asleep in her bed? she must really trust you :lol:
Click to expand...

Haha, well, I guess she does. Well I think we both fell asleep some time around 2 a.m. and then during the middle of the night she got out and went into her vacant roommates bed. That morning she was obviously up and about when I was still alseep. The next say I asked her why she didn't just wake me up and throw me out. She said something like "I was too lazy to do that, so I just moved.". I was sorta :huh:, but ok, whatever. Her bed is absurdly comfortable. :drool:

do you feel like you're moving on at all?
Click to expand...

You know, some days I do, some days I don't. It's hard to tell difinitively one way. Well, I mean, I know I haven't moved on a whole lot yet, but I think some days I could be in the process. :wink: I think it's going to take a long time to totally get over her, whether we remain friends or not, so I think I just need to meet somebody else and I'll be OK.
 
Just sign up for some Facebook parties and shit like everyone else does and go meet new girls and people.

It's awesome how you don't even need to call or talk to people in RL™ anymore in order to get invited to shit or make new friends.
 
Well, I think this story's just about over. Since my nervous breakdown last weekend and the first steps toward breaking out of this depression I've pretty much cut off all contact with her. I told her a few days ago that I would be starting therapy and shit and she said something like "Oh, I'm so sorry, but I'm here if you need a hug or want to talk or whatever."

I said "Nah, that's ok. That's what I'm paying 45 bucks an hour for a therapist to do." And that I thought it would be a good idea if I didn't see much of her anymore. All she had to say was "...Ok...like just for a little while or forever?" I said "Who knows." And that was pretty much that last thing we've sadi to each other. I did wrote her a little note appologizing for acting like an ass recently, but that was just for posterity I guess.

The more I think about the whole thing the more frustrated I get though. All she's ever done is say she's sorry for stupid shit that doesn't really matter and never actually told me anything of significance...like...what the fuck happened exactly that caused things to turn out this way? Yeah, that would have been a good one. But like my father said, nobody else is crying themselves to sleep worrying about ME. So fuck 'em. :)wink: gotta love my dad's way with words) And the most depressing thing is that if she really did care about me at all, she would at least ask about why I've been feeling like this recently and not just give me the same old "well if you want to talk, blah blah" Nobody gives a shit about me, so what's the point in me worrying about them? Damn straight.

So I passed her in the hall this afternoon...the first time I've seen her in about a week. Nothing. Not even a nod of recognition. Not a "Hey, how are you holding up?" So what. I still had a nasty panic attack on the spot. Made me feel like shit. BUt the difference now is that I get angry almost instantly. That's good. It's progress. Like, why should I have a fucking panic attack just because I pass someone in the hallway? fuck that. She's just going on fine, with her happy bullshit. I can't get worked up about that anymore.

So i went right back to my room and removed just about all contacts with her. Deleted her from my phone, took her off my aim buddy list, de-friended her from facebook. It's done. good. You were all right all along. And I regret not doing this sooner.
 
Ok, I've got a bit of a problem. So I'm sitting here watching The Riches (wonderful show :drool: ) and I turn to see a nice little gem of an AIM message sitting there from Kate.

It says "I think you owe me an explanation."

By the time I go to respond she's offline. But I'm sure this is going to come up again. So what do I do? I honestly have no idea. I mean, my gut instinct is to chew her out. I owe her an explanation??? Get the fuck out of here. But I don't want to go there with her. Not now. I mean, what do I say now, after having apologized for pushing her away the other day when she wanted to "help"? I don't want to just ignore her forever. I'm better than that at least.

Oh man. I don't know, I don't know. Help me out here.
 
Lancemc said:
Ok, I've got a bit of a problem. So I'm sitting here watching The Riches (wonderful show :drool: ) and I turn to see a nice little gem of an AIM message sitting there from Kate.

It says "I think you owe me an explanation."

By the time I go to respond she's offline. But I'm sure this is going to come up again. So what do I do? I honestly have no idea. I mean, my gut instinct is to chew her out. I owe her an explanation??? Get the fuck out of here. But I don't want to go there with her. Not now. I mean, what do I say now, after having apologized for pushing her away the other day when she wanted to "help"? I don't want to just ignore her forever. I'm better than that at least.

Oh man. I don't know, I don't know. Help me out here.
Click to expand...

You do and you don't owe her an explanation. You seem to be confusing hurt with anger. You don't really have the right to be angry at her, but you are/might be, because it is generally easier to deal with than hurt. I think many of us do this. We get cranky and let that out because it is more accepted, and an easier emotion to let out rather than bottle up. Don't misinterpret anything I am saying here. You've been hurt and duped in some way and are reacting however you feel is best. What happened leading up to this is irrelevent to how you approach it now. She owes you an apology about as much as you do her. You both entered territory you both thought you wanted, but turned out not to for various reasons. She because she couldn't let go of her boyfriend, and you because... well, you seem cranky at everything so I don't know. I read this thread earlier today and my reaction was you need to pull your head out of your arse and stop, at least, acting like tantrum throwing teen. You are a man and need to draw a very deep breath and deal with it the most respectable way to you. If you were to draw up the theoretical best way of dealing with this, how would you do it? You may not get to it in reality, but you need to try. Is your behaviour and whining what you think is best for you? Is letting this drama continue the best for you? My view would be to keep it painfully simple "Kate, I am hurt. I need to time to get over this relationship never getting started. I need space and time, and with space and time things will improve. Take it easy, but I am out." Then go wallow like a pig in mud in private, where you can lick your wounds without Days of Our Lives being replayed over and over. You're going to get over her in time. Do it away from her, though.
 
Lancemc said:
Ok, I've got a bit of a problem. So I'm sitting here watching The Riches (wonderful show :drool: ) and I turn to see a nice little gem of an AIM message sitting there from Kate.

It says "I think you owe me an explanation."

By the time I go to respond she's offline. But I'm sure this is going to come up again. So what do I do? I honestly have no idea. I mean, my gut instinct is to chew her out. I owe her an explanation??? Get the fuck out of here. But I don't want to go there with her. Not now. I mean, what do I say now, after having apologized for pushing her away the other day when she wanted to "help"? I don't want to just ignore her forever. I'm better than that at least.

Oh man. I don't know, I don't know. Help me out here.
Click to expand...
that's the thing. at this point, you don't owe her anything. you've already apologized. at this point, you need to look out for yourself and try to heal from this. if she keeps sending you messages like this, block her, change your screenname, whatever you have to do. you're not going to be able to properly deal with this if she keeps doing this.

if she's as good of a friend to you as she likes to think she is, she'd understand you need space right now. you're going into therapy to deal with the fallout of what happened between the two of you, maybe it's just me but talking to her might not be the best thing.

but yes, you can't ignore her forever. i think once your wounds have healed a bit, then it couldn't hurt to talk to her. but for right now, you've got to at least temporarily sever contact with her, no matter how painful it may seem or how often she'll try to bombard you with messages demanding your attention. part of me is thinking she's not taking this as seriously as she should be.

you said you had a nervous breakdown and are entering therapy because of what happened between you two. and that was how she reacts? basically "aww sweetie i'm sorry" like your pet hamster died? either she's incredibly immature, or incredibly uncaring. i'm probably not making much sense and i know i'm repeating myself, sorry about that.

basically, you need to distance yourself from her and tell her this. for the time being, you need to cut off all forms of contact with her so you can heal, and then later see about starting the friendship up again.
 
Man, this post confessional friendship stuff is such a minefield :uhoh: At least you're not hopelessly lusting over her anymore, I guess.

Give it time.
 
Well, i think you do owe her an explanation at least to the point of why you completely cut her out of your life in a pretty public way (taking her off facebook, deleting her yada yada) because she doesn't know whats going on in your head, and really what do you expect from her when you see her in the hallway after you told her you need space? Shes just a person, she seems a little immature and its probably her way to deal.

You're a good guy lance, but this is the way things roll in the world, perople go back on their word and fuck around all the time, especially at uni, you're all still spreading your wings, finding your feet yada yada.

What you need to do is focus on YOU. You need keep up your grades, so its time to stop thinking about her and what went wrong with the non starting relationship and focus on the important things like grades and your health.

Let me tell you, you will meet another girl, and your feelings and love for her will make your feelings for kate look like your friendship with your grade school desk buddy. Seriously.
 
Angela Harlem said:


You do and you don't owe her an explanation....

My view would be to keep it painfully simple "Kate, I am hurt. I need to time to get over this relationship never getting started. I need space and time, and with space and time things will improve. Take it easy, but I am out."
Click to expand...

I agree with those 2 bits
while i don't know if you OWE her an explanation I can see why you should maybe give her one anyway.
and like Angela Harlem described above - short, to the point and, if possible, without too much emotion.

there is no shame in telling her that what happened has hurt you, that you need to deal with that and that you can't do it with her around.

So yeah, while you think she may not deserve and explanation, i think give her a line or two to try make her understand what's going on and what it has to do with her, and with any luck she may respect that and leave you be.
 
UberBeaver said:
Have you read the Count of Monte Cristo? That guy dealt with his ex properly. Do what he did.
Click to expand...

:bow:

Beav, have you ever considered getting your own talk show al la Oprah and Dr Phil?

I would watch, seriously...

It's a shame "Leave it to Beaver" is already taken cus that title would own...
 
Go into exile and become the man of wealth and taste only to return and win your love over. It may involve spending years without any touch but damn if the end result isn't a better reward.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

U
Hey there! I finally made an account here!
Replies
2
Views
279
U2_family365
U
O
Better late than never “they” say…
Replies
1
Views
300
Headache in a Suitcase
Headache in a Suitcase
S
"Red Zone"
Replies
4
Views
3K
Racerke
R
MrsSpringsteen
Gilead States Of America
Replies
16
Views
925
MrsSpringsteen
MrsSpringsteen
B
Can someone help me identify this U2 song? Has anyone else heard of this song?
Replies
14
Views
581
clerks
clerks

Latest posts

Back
Top Bottom