I have trouble letting go my GF's sexual past...

[theu2fly]

She has told me she has had sex with one guy, but it didn't mean anything -- and I still keep thinking about it. I just can't see her doing that kind of thing, and I don't know why she did it. What's wrong with me?

I can't see some guy other than me doing something as private and meaningful to her.

 

[starsgoblue]

It is her PAST. The reason it bothers you is because you feel threatened by it, which is on you to deal with. It isn't fair to hold things over her head. How did this even come up? Did you ask her to explain her sexual history to you? As far as ascertaining whether or not one is sexually healthy enough to have intercourse with that is legit, but I feel the details of the who's and how many's aren't really anyones business. ...especially since there is usually no correct answer to that question. U2Fly, this girl is with you because she wants to be in a relationship with you....don't let something that happened before she even knew you ruin that or you'll regret it. Nobody is an angel, not even you.

 

[Bono's Doll]

Don't let the past eat you alive--there's nothing you can do about it. There's nothing to forgive--just forget & move on in your relationship. Good luck.

 

[Muggsy]

Honestly... by reading this post and your last ones, I feel that you are putting yourself too much handicaps in the relationship. I'm starting to think that you are expecting too much from her and you don't want to realize that she's with you because she loves you and that's all that matters

As a woman, I feel that it is really uncomfortable if a man can't deal with the fact that I've had sex before. I don't know if you are idealizing your gf, but she doesn't need that kind of pressure, she has come through her past and her problems, why can't you?.

 

[mikal]

wow. you're only concerned about one other guy?

i'm happy to find a girl who's number is under 20.

 

[Laura M]

Aren't you the same guy who didn't believe his girlfriend hadn't quit smoking and then started checking through her bag and going through her e-mails because of some ex?

You really need to give your girlfriend a break. You weren't around then so there's nothing you can do about it. If you get into a relationship with someone who has been with other people before you just have to accept it. It's likely that you may get involved with girls who may have had sex with another person / people before. That was in the past and if you can't get over something your girlfriend did before you were with her, what are you going to do whan you face something that you really might have to worry about?

Judging from the advice people have given you in other threads, you're not really paying much attention so saying this could be a waste of my time. I do think that if you keep being like this you could just push your girlfriend away eventually because of your behaviour, not hers.

 

[Liesje]

I completely agree with Muggsy. I think you should work on your expectations and what you're relationship means for the two of you, not her and her past. When you say "I just can't see her doing that kind of thing", it shows that she's not the person you want her to be or thought her to be. Don't read too much into it and appreciate that she was honest about it (unless you were snooping around, then that's another story). Let the past go and work on the future...

 

[LPU2]

Wait a minute. This guy she slept with was BEFORE you? And you're concerned about that? My friend, I hate to say this, but she's the one who should be concerned.

 

[martha]

Unless she's 12, one guy is not a "sexual past."

 

[U2SavesTheWorld]

i swear, i thought this was a bump of that other thread

 

[Diemen]

Me too.

You've got some serious trust (and boundary) issues, u2fly.

 

[UberBeaver]

Dude, you need to chill out.

 

[BonosBaby12]

U2fly I think you need to give your gf a break here. Honestly it's not like she slept with someone while she was with you. Everyone has a past but unless it's too horrible to deal with than why hold onto your gf's?

 

[nbcrusader]

Are you married to her?

If not, how can you expect a perfect monogamous relationship, when you are not ready to commit to one yourself?

Unless a couple enters the marriage bed as virgins, you will need to deal with the idea that others have been where you think only you belong.

 

[redkat]

Me too.

You've got some serious trust (and boundary) issues, u2fly.

seriously. Maybe you two shouldn't be together until you get yourself worked out. Based on your posts you seem a bit obsessive about her.

If not being a virgin, smoking, having a troubled family etc... are all deal breakers for you then you need to let the poor girl be. She deserves to find someone that can accept her.

 

[U2SavesTheWorld]

I can't see some guy other than me doing something as private and meaningful to her.

OK, class:

Who can find the disturbing wording in this phrase??

C'mon.....

I'm sure someone out there sees this!

 

[cell]

good god. i'd run in the other direction if i was that girl.

 

[BVS]

She should run!!!

 

[BAW]

yeah...what icelle and BVS said.

 

[DrTeeth]

Re: Re: I have trouble letting go my GF's sexual past...

OK, class:

Who can find the disturbing wording in this phrase??

C'mon.....

I'm sure someone out there sees this!

Is it the "to her" part? Is it? Is it!!!???

 

[U2SavesTheWorld]

WINNER! WINNER! WINNER!!!





Your prize is in the mail!!!

 

[MissVelvetDress_75]

good God. Wow I made the mistake of being too nosey and reading previous threads by this poster.

 

[U2Girl1978]

 

[digsy]

wow. you're only concerned about one other guy?

i'm happy to find a girl who's number is under 20.

 

[the soul waits]

Are you married to her?

If not, how can you expect a perfect monogamous relationship, when you are not ready to commit to one yourself?

yes, because people in committed relationships outside of wedlock cheat on eachother by definition and people who are married never ever ever cheat on eachother right?

 

[YBORCITY]

U2Fly - I might suggest that you are not ready for a relationship yet. It's extremely immature and one sided to be acting/thinking this way. You might want to step back from this lady and get some help in some way. If you can, just chill out a bit.

 

[VintagePunk]

seriously. Maybe you two shouldn't be together until you get yourself worked out. Based on your posts you seem a bit obsessive about her.

If not being a virgin, smoking, having a troubled family etc... are all deal breakers for you then you need to let the poor girl be. She deserves to find someone that can accept her.

Dude, you're possessive, obsessive and controlling. Not good.

 

[BonosBaby12]

Im not even the gf and I feel really anxious whenever I read these threads pertaining to her

 

[BrownEyedBoy]

Dude, you're possessive, obsessive and controlling. Not good.

You make it sound like it´s a choice.ç

He can´t help it. It´s just the way he is. He is AWARE he has problems so instead of being redundant and calling him out on it why don´t you suggest a solution?

Because I would sure love to hear one seeing as though no one has even tried to help.

 

[redkat]

You make it sound like it´s a choice.ç

He can´t help it. It´s just the way he is. He is AWARE he has problems so instead of being redundant and calling him out on it why don´t you suggest a solution?

Because I would sure love to hear one seeing as though no one has even tried to help.

It doesn't sound to me like he is AWARE. I believe the suggested solution has been to leave her alone and get some perspective. Possibly professional help.