Here We Go Again...(My friend might be a giant douche)

[Lancemc]

Shit, so I promised myself I would never make another thread here, considering how the last one turned out. But dammit, I'm pissed right now, and I don't currently have anyone appropriate to vent to. Here's the story.

Last night, I went to a party with two of my roommates and supposedly best friend here in D.C, Dave (the giant douche in question). When we get there (shitty frat house with warm beer, horrah! We promptly left after 15 minutes), we meet up with our friend Molly and a friend of hers from the Swim Team she's involved with here. I've very briefly met this other girl, Caroline, once or twice before, but this was the first time I really got to talk to her in any depth. We all leave the party together, and decide to do a bit more drinkin' back at my suite. I go with her and Molly to their dorm to buy some mixers, and come back to the suite. By this time, about 2AM, there are about 12 total people in the two-room suite.

My roommate and a few people are in our room having a drunken jam session (which didn't take long for the RA's to notice and write us all up for, BTW), and I went in the other room with Molly, Caroline, my two other suitemates, and Dave. I quickly find myself sitting on a bed next to Caroline, the two of us joking around with everyone else and reading Stephen Colbert's "I Am America (And So Can You)". To keep things brief, we really seemed to hit it off, have a lot in common, there was a bit of flirtatious contact back and both, and so on. Anyway, I really liked her, and she seemed to be responsive, and I didn't really try to keep it any secret to anyone there that I was interested, and I think (the booze didn't help my judgement I'm sure) neither did she. And later that "night" Dave even made a mention that he noticed I was interested.

So this is what happens today. Both he and I friend her on facebook, which isn't a big deal, because he friends just about anyone with tits, so whatever. But later I see him leaving her a little message like "Friday, Saturday, maybe Sunday too? Third time's a charm" or some shit. And she's like "Well, sure, just text me if there's anything going on tonight." Now, he and I go to dinner together tonight and hang out in my room for a couple hours, and the entire time I see him sending these texts every couple minutes or so, and I obviously noticed who he was talking to. But the thing that killed me was, he never once mentioned to me that he was talking to her, and planning to do something later tonight. And I could tell, as the night went on, he'd just make more awkward jokes and force my attention than usual, because it's so obvious he knows he's being underhanded and (selfish? Is it?) knowing full well I liked this girl quite a bit.

Then after the Giants/Packers game tonight, with me in the room, he outright asks my roommate if he wants to go drink with him and "Caroline, Molly's friend from last night" somewhere with him tonight. Doesn't even look at me, doesn't acknowledge my glare, doesn't invite me, nothing. So he leaves, and I'm assuming off they went, because my roommate left shortly thereafter.

Now, I'm just trying to figure out whether I have the right to be angry, the right to feel as hurt and betrayed as I do right now? Now maybe I should have taken a bit more initiative today and asked her to do something myself, but Christ, excuse me for wanting to wait a day or two to ask a girl out. And it's not just the fact that I didn't do anything about it, or be more upfront today, because maybe I should have done something, I don't know, I thought I was doing fine for a change! But I feel utterly betrayed, dismissed, looked down on, I don't know what. I feel like someone I thought cared about me as a friend, and even as a better friend than most people, would act so clearly selfishly, inconsiderately, deceptively, and make me question a friendship that's been so strongly forged over the past year and a half.

Maybe I'm overreacting, but what should I do here? Do I talk to him about it outright? Do I ignore it, brush it off as him just being the usual ass he can be (never to me though, not like this) and just press my luck with this wonderful girl anyway? Well, I mean, I know I should at least wait until my roommate comes back tonight and see what happened, and see if Dave mentions anything at all about it first, before I flip too much shit, but I'm still a bit dumbfounded over the whole thing.

This one friend always calls me a misanthrope, and I guess he's right to a joking extent, but dammit, I really do hate people sometimes.

 

[LMP]

Well, if he knew you were interested and he is your friend then she shouldn't have made a move at all. Maybe the same is true in your case.

Either way, if he has been ignoring you then maybe he's feeling guilty about going after a girl you liked as well.

If it doesn't work out with him and Caroline, Molly's friend from last night, then you should go for it. If he's already dropped the gauntlet like that, there's no reason for you to follow any Dude Rule for his sake.

 

[anitram]

I hate men today so my inclination is to tell you that he's a sketchbag.

In reality, I don't know. He did swoop in, but maybe that's seen as showing initiative by some womenfolk who would respond favourably to it.

Like I said, I'm not in a generous mood tonight, so I would probably dismiss that idea.

 

[No spoken words]

I'm the wrong person to comment because I always put the wants/needs of my friends above my own, so, I could never do what your friend did....so, to me, he's in the wrong, but I'm sure one could argue that neither of you had an "official" claim on her, so he was free to act, just as you were. I just know that if I were in your shoes, I'd be disappointed and at some point would talk it out with him. I'm not saying you should, I'm just saying I would.

Either way, Lance, sorry this happened. Let us know how their evening out went, and what you plan to do next.....oh, and the little bastard is right, any "Dude Rules" are now out the window as it pertains to this situation.

 

[Lancemc]

It's not so clear though. Like, he's interested in more girls than I can count right now, and he seems to just go after anything that's available, regardless. Like I said, I have no idea what he's thinking right now, and I didn't get the impression she was into him that much either. It's not really the fact that I might not get the girl, so much as the fact that he so underhandedly yet stupidly obviously did this, knowing full well how I felt (unless he really is that oblivious to other people's feelings).

I don't know how to explain this well. It's not exactly like "Oh Noes! I lose again, woe is me..." But that aspect is frustrating as well just the same. Seemingly unlike most of my friends here, it's not everyday I meet a girl I genuinely like, and hit it off with. Actually, it's quite rare, despite my going out and meeting a lot of people, I'm not a hermit or anything. And in fact, I haven't liked anyone this much (as much as 3 or so hours together can warrant) since the last epic drama that I documented here.

 

[LMP]

oh, and the little bastard is right, any "Dude Rules" are now out the window as it pertains to this situation.

Good.

 

[No spoken words]

It's not so clear though. Like, he's interested in more girls than I can count right now, and he seems to just go after anything that's available, regardless. Like I said, I have no idea what he's thinking right now, and I didn't get the impression she was into him that much either. It's not really the fact that I might not get the girl, so much as the fact that he so underhandedly yet stupidly obviously did this, knowing full well how I felt (unless he really is that oblivious to other people's feelings).

I don't know how to explain this well. It's not exactly like "Oh Noes! I lose again, woe is me..." But that aspect is frustrating as well just the same. Seemingly unlike most of my friends here, it's not everyday I meet a girl I genuinely like, and hit it off with. Actually, it's quite rare, despite my going out and meeting a lot of people, I'm not a hermit or anything. And in fact, I haven't liked anyone this much (as much as 3 or so hours together can warrant) since the last epic drama that I documented here.

Then call or text or e-mail her tomorrow, whatever you crazy kids do these days, and try to hang out with her.

And, like I said, I personally think he's completely in the wrong and an asshole for doing this, just saying that I could imagine others arguing the other way.

 

[Lancemc]

but I'm sure one could argue that neither of you had an "official" claim on her, so he was free to act, just as you were.

You know, this is the part that's really bothering me too. The good humane decent person part of me likes to think this is true, and I just missed an opportunity (BUT LESS THAN ONE FUCKING DAY? CAN THE MAN NOT WAIT? MADNESS! MADNESS I SAY!!!) Errhmm, I mean, you're right. But like I said, I so rarely find people like this, and it seems to me he's just playing all his cards all the time, which wouldn't be so horrible if he wasn't so obviously deceptive about the whole thing.

 

[LMP]

Is there any way you could interest him more in the other girl?

 

[No spoken words]

Maybe he's just not a true friend, you know? A true friend would recognize that you rarely find people like this, and would respect that, as opposed to doing his usual seek and destroy bullshit.

 

[Lancemc]

Is there any way you could interest him more in the other girl?

This isn't Spy Vs. Spy, fool.

 

[Angela Harlem]

Yeah, NSW is right (sue me, Ube ). Some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue, Lance.
The girl aside, he was a shithead. That's the big issue here. Either they'll forge some merry bond or they won't; what happened with you and her in a drunken evening is as moot as what didn't happen. Don't be bringing her into it so much as telling your mate what a bitch he's been.

 

[LMP]

This isn't Spy Vs. Spy, fool.

Everything is Spy vs. Spy.

 

[Lancemc]

Yeah, NSW is right (sue me, Ube ). Some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue, Lance.
The girl aside, he was a shithead. That's the big issue here. Either they'll forge some merry bond or they won't; what happened with you and her in a drunken evening is as moot as what didn't happen. Don't be bringing her into it so much as telling your mate what a bitch he's been.

Yeah, as I said, that really is the part that has me so upset. Along with what NSW said above too, I'd almost devastating to think that someone I thought I was so close to and in tune with, which be so callously inconsiderate and despicable. Fucktard.

 

[phillyfan26]

I have underhanded friends. They're sons of bitches, man.

 

[anitram]

Just to pipe in from the female side of things...I don't respond well to very aggressive men. They strike me as creepy type-A personalities and I have enough of that going on with myself. That said, there have been times when I was really interested in someone and he didn't respond....or didn't do so right away. So then you're left thinking, well what the hell, did I misread the whole thing? Not saying this is going on here since it was only a day, but I think NSW is right, if you're interested, you need to let her know. Women may sit there and overanalyze things, but we can't read your minds.

 

[No spoken words]

Yeah, NSW is right (sue me, Ube

Well said.



Beav is married. How does that work?

 

[corianderstem]

Women may sit there and overanalyze things, but we can't read your minds.

Speak for yourself.



I kid. I do overanalyze every little thing. I also think your "friend" is indeed being a douche.

I think you should try and get to know the girl you like - show her you're interested. If she'd rather be with your "friend," then maybe she has a penchant for douchebags and you're better off.

 

[snowbunny00774]

It's not so clear though. Like, he's interested in more girls than I can count right now, and he seems to just go after anything that's available, regardless. Like I said, I have no idea what he's thinking right now, and I didn't get the impression she was into him that much either. It's not really the fact that I might not get the girl, so much as the fact that he so underhandedly yet stupidly obviously did this, knowing full well how I felt (unless he really is that oblivious to other people's feelings).

I don't know how to explain this well. It's not exactly like "Oh Noes! I lose again, woe is me..." But that aspect is frustrating as well just the same. Seemingly unlike most of my friends here, it's not everyday I meet a girl I genuinely like, and hit it off with. Actually, it's quite rare, despite my going out and meeting a lot of people, I'm not a hermit or anything. And in fact, I haven't liked anyone this much (as much as 3 or so hours together can warrant) since the last epic drama that I documented here.

I've been on the other side of this (not sure how, it's happened) and from the girls point of view, I don't understand the wait. I know there are some girls who automatically dimiss any guy who follows up within 24.48 hrs as a loser, but some girls don't care for those games. if you're interested, you're interested. what may have gone through her mind is that you guys might have discussed this and he liked her more than you did so he went for it. there doesn't have to be any truth to this, but scenarios abound wherein you are not the most interested character. not really an answer to should you discuss with your friend (altough you should ask him why he did this). but how it may be interpreted.

 

[Lancemc]

Ok, quick update while I have a second alone. The three of them came back to my room, brought the booze, so I took the opportunity to go get some soda with Dave. We leave the room, him blatantly hitting on her (he really is obnoxious too, but I've known that already), and he says to me "I want to fuck her. Should I?" Knee jerk reaction, I say "No!" He says "Why?, because you do too, don't you?" What an asshole, how do I even respond. I'm sure we'll talk about this whole thing later. I need to straighten this shit out. Unbelievable. Until then, I'll take the good advice, and try to make it known to her that I am interested, and see how things go.

Christ...how ridiculous..

 

[LMP]

Is he a walking penis? That's just sick.

 

[coolian2]

Ok, quick update while I have a second alone. The three of them came back to my room, brought the booze, so I took the opportunity to go get some soda with Dave. We leave the room, him blatantly hitting on her (he really is obnoxious too, but I've known that already), and he says to me "I want to fuck her. Should I?" Knee jerk reaction, I say "No!" He says "Why?, because you do too, don't you?" What an asshole, how do I even respond. I'm sure we'll talk about this whole thing later. I need to straighten this shit out. Unbelievable. Until then, I'll take the good advice, and try to make it known to her that I am interested, and see how things go.

Christ...how ridiculous..

.....he sounds charming

 

[BoMac]

Is he a walking penis? That's just sick.

Exactly. Unless he looks like this:

what he said was totally devoid of class.

 

[BoMac]

Quoted my own post by mistake.

 

[snowbunny00774]

Ok, quick update while I have a second alone. The three of them came back to my room, brought the booze, so I took the opportunity to go get some soda with Dave. We leave the room, him blatantly hitting on her (he really is obnoxious too, but I've known that already), and he says to me "I want to fuck her. Should I?" Knee jerk reaction, I say "No!" He says "Why?, because you do too, don't you?" What an asshole, how do I even respond. I'm sure we'll talk about this whole thing later. I need to straighten this shit out. Unbelievable. Until then, I'll take the good advice, and try to make it known to her that I am interested, and see how things go.

Christ...how ridiculous..

he sounds like 50% of the guys i've ever met. some have class, and care, some don't get there till they are older, and some never get it. When I worked overnights I used to pick my bro and lots of his friends up from different parties/etc. thankfully he always had respect, but sometimes some of them were so drunk they would forget who was in the car and the stuff they said made me want to roll them in a ditch. nowadays they're mostly married, besotted with their newborn daughters, and would pay me to keep my mouth shut about their disgraceful behaviour.

I can't wait till my speech at his wedding in June


you guys clearly are light yrs ahead of your peers. you'd be brilliant to keep it that way

 

[cobl04]

I sympathise with ya man, And I reckon you have the right to be angry, this has happened to me before and its pissed me off hugely. Unfortunately I've always been a bit of a submissive, come up with excuses crap.

 

[A_Wanderer]

We need people, we don't need friends

Make sure that you ask him if he really wanted to fuck her (make sure to highlight that as a quote) next time all three of you are together; your shot may be ruined but at least you can ruin his odds.

 

[Lancemc]

God, what a weird fucking night. Yes, just now getting to bed. I really can't begin to describe how bizarre it was, just outside of this whole personal drama. I won't get into it.

But as it stands, she and I spend a long time together tonight for the most part, completely great, and Dave just got more and more drunk, inappropriate and passive aggressive. I was talking to 4 of my friends here just now (3 of whom I live with), and they all said how obvious it was tonight that Dave was completely out of line...like horribly out of line, so I don't think it's just me. So things might very well take off with her, but Dave and I are in some thick shit as it stands, and there's going to be some drama come afternoon.

 

[Trinity3000]

Did you call dibs on her? You shoulda.

Seriously though, he sounds like one of those people that just has to steal your love interest out from under you (so to speak) because they can. I've had female friends like that, who can score anyone but suddenly become very interested in whoever you're interested in.

Dude sounds like a wanker.

 

[Lancemc]

Well, now that it's increasingly obvious she's interested in me, and not him, the bottom line is basically how he treats me from this point on. He actually said earlier, when she left the room momentarily, and while he was wayyyyy gone by then, "I didn't think I'd be competing with you, Lance."

I which point I kindly suggested he leave me room. So that's how it is.