I debated on whether or not to post this...it's not good...it's a lame piece of work...but there's a story behind it.
I was going through my closet, and a small green notebook fell out. I recognized the notebook right away...it was the notebook I always carried with me during my semester away at university. I wrote almost all of my poetry and lyrics in it back then...most of the work in there was from September of the year 2000. That was the month I attempted suicide.
How creepy it is to look back at this stuff two years later. The poetry was horrible...I liked the lyrics...but the poetry seems so trite and cliche...because I'd just write the first damn thing in my mind...and I often made things rhyme, which I think cheapened a lot of those works (not that all rhyming poems are cheapened, mind you...I'm just talking about this case).
Thumbing through the pages, I found the last poem I wrote before I tried to kill myself. It's called "My Wall"...and it's another lame, rhyming piece...but I still remember when I wrote it...I remember how I was and where I was...and it's just fucking insane to look back.
Everything is crumbling now
I can hear it fall,
It is the sickening collapse
Of my protective wall
My wall that would hide
All of the thoughts in my head,
But I made a mistake
And now my wall is dead
My last source of comfort
Has broken down on me,
I try so hard to run
But there is nowhere to flee
I am struggling now
I am barely able to crawl,
Through the twisted ruins
Of my shattered wall
--------
A page followed...a list of words...
Pissed
Cut
Slice
Skin
Blood
Pain
Hurt
Wound
Scream
Cry
Help
Stab
Dig
Vein
Open
Spurt
Floor
Stain
Smash
Breakdown
Frustration
Time
Pressure
Everywhere
Glass
Break
Shatter
Shards
Prick
Blood
Drip
Pool
Lip
Split
Bruise
Wild
Teeth
Sharp
Spear
Life
Death
Black
Day
Heart
Dead
Rip
Tear
Kill
Killer
Murder
Broken
--------
Do you ever find old things you've written...and read them...and just think to yourself, holy hell.....? That's what this whole damn notebook is doing to me. Sometimes, I still think I am so fucked up. I'm not nearly as bad as I was though...
I was going through my closet, and a small green notebook fell out. I recognized the notebook right away...it was the notebook I always carried with me during my semester away at university. I wrote almost all of my poetry and lyrics in it back then...most of the work in there was from September of the year 2000. That was the month I attempted suicide.
How creepy it is to look back at this stuff two years later. The poetry was horrible...I liked the lyrics...but the poetry seems so trite and cliche...because I'd just write the first damn thing in my mind...and I often made things rhyme, which I think cheapened a lot of those works (not that all rhyming poems are cheapened, mind you...I'm just talking about this case).
Thumbing through the pages, I found the last poem I wrote before I tried to kill myself. It's called "My Wall"...and it's another lame, rhyming piece...but I still remember when I wrote it...I remember how I was and where I was...and it's just fucking insane to look back.
Everything is crumbling now
I can hear it fall,
It is the sickening collapse
Of my protective wall
My wall that would hide
All of the thoughts in my head,
But I made a mistake
And now my wall is dead
My last source of comfort
Has broken down on me,
I try so hard to run
But there is nowhere to flee
I am struggling now
I am barely able to crawl,
Through the twisted ruins
Of my shattered wall
--------
A page followed...a list of words...
Pissed
Cut
Slice
Skin
Blood
Pain
Hurt
Wound
Scream
Cry
Help
Stab
Dig
Vein
Open
Spurt
Floor
Stain
Smash
Breakdown
Frustration
Time
Pressure
Everywhere
Glass
Break
Shatter
Shards
Prick
Blood
Drip
Pool
Lip
Split
Bruise
Wild
Teeth
Sharp
Spear
Life
Death
Black
Day
Heart
Dead
Rip
Tear
Kill
Killer
Murder
Broken
--------
Do you ever find old things you've written...and read them...and just think to yourself, holy hell.....? That's what this whole damn notebook is doing to me. Sometimes, I still think I am so fucked up. I'm not nearly as bad as I was though...