Dreadsox said:
I have not attended church now but once since May.
I am pissed off at God right now.
I cannot get through it and I want no part of the church community.
The church did nothing to me....my family still goes every Sunday.
I am pissed off.
I am angry.
I was ready to go back three weeks ago....
Then I lost two people in a car crash who were near and dear to me on Thanksgiving.
Then a former student drowned 48 hours later.
Then a good friends wife was diagnosed with a brain tumor.
I am FUCKING pissed off at God.
And God had better be the bigger of the two of us...because the fucking chasm is pretty big right now.
Any thoughts?
Mr. Dreadsox, unlike most of the other people who have responded, I'm not sure if - in any forum here on interference - I have ever personally addressed. I do not know you as much as some of the other regulars in FYM. Nevertheless, I just want you to know that I've always enjoyed reading your posts. Your posts are illuminating, insightful, and they instigate critical thinking.
This one is no different. Immediately questions about God, evil, power, love, reality etc. all flood the mind. I think these questions often make us feel uncomfortable. So often this uncomfortability leads us to giving rather heartfelt, but unneccessary responses.
Church people do this so often - maybe more often that non-church people, I'm not sure though. Some common responses to someone going through a difficult time are, "God is trying to teach you something," "Maybe God is just trying to get your attention," "Remember to praise God in everything," "Well, just remember that without free will this wouldn't have happened, but without free will life would not be worth living."
- God is trying to teach me something? Like God - the big almighty Lord - can't teach me unless he uses something bad?
- God is just trying to get your attention? Again, screw God if he can't get my attention any other way. That's not a God i care to worship. Sounds rather limited.
-Remember to praise God in everything? Screw that. If i step on a nail, i'm not going to praise God for allowing me the chance to step on a nail and bleed. I'm going to say, "FUCK!" Why would God want to be praised for allowing me to step on a nail?
- Free will? When I'm going through painful experiences, the last thing I want to hear is some mini-philosophical/theological argument. C.S. Lewis had written a book on the problem of pain (titled thusly). However, when he experienced the death of his wife, the arguments he had put forth, gave little comfort.
Here's the thing though. The God i believe in is big enough to take our screams, yells, fights...i think God believes that all of that is a sign of faith. God, for all intensive purposes, invented logic, so if events seem cruel and illogical to you, then he will understand why you feel that way.
If you need another to person to scream at though, i think most of us here would be more than willing to listen. I believe that the people here - though i may disagree with them on political issues etc - are great people. We're hear to listen.