Guess what? It's another help-someone-with-a-girl-problem thread.

[VintagePunk]

On the bright side, when they're in their mid-40's after their 3rd divorce, those assholish "cocky" skills will come in handy when they're trolling bars to get laid, and to ultimately pick up wife number 4!

 

[Angela Harlem]

 

[Galeongirl]

On the bright side, when they're in their mid-40's after their 3rd divorce, those assholish "cocky" skills will come in handy when they're trolling bars to get laid, and to ultimately pick up wife number 4!

 

[bigjohn2441]

dont misunderstand me, im not saying he needs to be one of those arrogant prick types that treat women like shit.

im saying having confidence and being able to make her laugh, sometimes with midly insulting funny comments, and in other ways is a better way to attract women, as opposed to trying to be her best friend and always agreeing with her and sucking up and all that stuff. being confident and kind of cocky/funny (in moderation) doesnt mean being a compete asshole and treating her like shit, you still have to be friendly, just dont try too much to be her friend is all im saying.

here's a couple "cocky/funny" examples i remember using

talking about movies with girl at work
her: i like 40 y/o virgin, superbad, knocked up, etc
me oh, so you like all those dirty movies about sex?
her: *laughs, face reddens* nooo
me: get away from me, you fiend! (in joking voice)
her: *laughs harder*, tells me to shut up in playful voice

another one in college i was walking to class and these 2 attractive ladies were walking towards me. when they got close the one grabbed the others arm and put her other arm up and started groping in front of her like she was blind. she got her hand amost touching me. her friend said her name in a scolding/suprised/amused voice. right after they passed i turned around and said with a smile, "hey if you want to touch me, you dont have to pretend you're blind." her friend started laughing and the one that did it had a suprised/amused look on her face. i turned around and walked to class and nothing happened, but i bet if she saw me at a party that night or whatever she wouldve came up.


cocky/funny to me means being playful/joking/mildy insulting/funny, not being a complete asshole like some of you think.

 

[Screwtape2]

dont misunderstand me, im not saying he needs to be one of those arrogant prick types that treat women like shit.

im saying having confidence and being able to make her laugh, sometimes with midly insulting funny comments, and in other ways is a better way to attract women, as opposed to trying to be her best friend and always agreeing with her and sucking up and all that stuff. being confident and kind of cocky/funny (in moderation) doesnt mean being a compete asshole and treating her like shit, you still have to be friendly, just dont try too much to be her friend is all im saying.

Isn't at the core of a great relationship, a great friendship? I'm not saying sucking up or any of that but being a great friend is critical to a good relationship. If you care about a person, shouldn't you try everyday to make them smile, laugh or in general just making them happy? I don't think women want assholes. I think they want someone to make them happy, someone to be there for them, empower them and to treat them with respect.

 

[DrTeeth]

here's a couple "cocky/funny" examples i remember using

talking about movies with girl at work
her: i like 40 y/o virgin, superbad, knocked up, etc
me oh, so you like all those dirty movies about sex?
her: *laughs, face reddens* nooo
me: get away from me, you fiend! (in joking voice)
her: *laughs harder*, tells me to shut up in playful voice

I just threw up a little.

 

[Galeongirl]

I just threw up a little.

agreed. That sounds so incredibly fake, like you are in highschool talking to someone you pretend to like.

 

[bigjohn2441]

whatever, that was at least a year and a half ago and i always joked around with her like that. how come she ended up asking me out, since you all seem to know better than i do?

 

[Zoots]

I think bigjohn2441 here may be talking about this school of thought...

David DeAngelo - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Advice on attraction

DeAngelo contends most men lack a deep understanding of women, and are thus at a loss to attract the ones they desire. As a result, men are forced to accept whomever selects them.

DeAngelo also believes that women are not as obsessed with the appearance of prospective mates as males are.[11] Further, he contends that typical male courting gambits such as excessive flattery and gifting are seen by women as manipulative and insecure, and are thus ultimately unattractive.[12] Instead, he contends that "attraction isn't a choice" -- women cannot be bribed into choosing to feel attraction. Rather, DeAngelo asserts that a woman will feel attraction automatically when she perceives a man to have certain characteristics such as confidence, lightheartedness, humor and independence, qualities he labels "cocky and funny" or "cocky funny."[13]

Thus, while a typical man might hope to appeal to a desirable woman with obsequiousness and unbridled enthusiasm, carefully hiding any reservations he might have about her, a "cocky and funny" one would actually make his reservations abundantly clear from the outset, albeit flirtatiously and with humor.

[edit] Used terms

* The Inner Wuss: a character trait of men developed through time that causes them to become submissive around women in order to get their approval. DeAngelo claims that women prefer men who are of higher status than they.[14] (see also Nice guy).
* Cocky and funny: also known as 'cocky comedy' can be called flirting, this refers to combination of arrogance and humor. A humorous mock arrogance intended to communicate with intelligence and being 'a challenge'. DeAngelo points out that it is important to get the balance right, as just using 'cocky' "comes across as insecure, and comedy alone usually comes across as goofy and dumb." "Cocky and Funny" is often abbreviated as "C&F."[15][16]
* Counterintuitive behavior: DeAngelo's description of some of his techniques to attract women, as they are the opposite of what most people think is attractive. Examples of such behavior include teasing a woman offhandedly and refusing to compliment her appearance. Can also be phrased as Don't behave in a boring or predictable way.[17]
* Life changes: DeAngelo reiterates that the purpose of his programs is to effect a complete personality and lifestyle change among men that will help them achieve dating success.[18]
* Emulate the Successful: DeAngelo encourages the following and emulation of those successful with women. He records interviews with those very successful in dating and releases them monthly as part of a subscription service.
* Sexual Communication: DeAngelo's principle of a 'secret mating language' or 'secret mating dance' that takes place between a man and a woman before they can mate.
* Reframing: Restructuring one's own beliefs set into a new one, such as changing self-doubt to positive thinking.

It's so sad that in 2008 men and women still don't know what the other sex wants!

 

[bigjohn2441]

^WHOA, does this mean im not competely full of shit?


and for the women on here suggesting i dont know what im talking about:

what, are you experts on attracting other women?

just because you think a certain way, doesnt mean every other woman thinks that way. i dont know if you realize this, but i hear a lot of different women are attracted to a lot of different apperances/personalities. but what seems to be a constant is confidence and humor, which is what i have been saying all along. i never said that all women like assholes.

 

[Chizip]

I am actually going to be blunt and say it; move on.

i agree, school is over and you're going to different uni's soon. there will be plenty of girls there who dont like douches.

 

[VintagePunk]

dont misunderstand me, im not saying he needs to be one of those arrogant prick types that treat women like shit.

im saying having confidence and being able to make her laugh, sometimes with midly insulting funny comments, and in other ways is a better way to attract women, as opposed to trying to be her best friend and always agreeing with her and sucking up and all that stuff. being confident and kind of cocky/funny (in moderation) doesnt mean being a compete asshole and treating her like shit, you still have to be friendly, just dont try too much to be her friend is all im saying.

I actually get what you mean with this post, and to an extent, I think you're at least partly right. If by "mildly insulting," (I'd prefer to think of it as mildly teasing, but whatever) you mean something like your example of mock accusing her of liking sex movies, then yeah, that's not that bad. But if you're going to "mildly insult" her appearance, or some aspect of her personality, then no, that's going too far and would get you the opposite effect. I also think that, like that guy Zoots quoted, it's a fine balance and could be easy to overdo to the point of obnoxiousness, for some. However, while this kind of approach may work best with initial attention/attraction, there has to be something more to move beyond the superficial, to actually develop a relationship, if that's what you're looking for. You can be funny, confident, mildly teasing, flirtatious, but you also have to show what a great guy you are at times - polite, friendly, caring, reliable, and all those other boring but important qualities.

 

[bigjohn2441]

^ EXACTLY! couldn't have said it better myself.

getting the initial attraction is key, then once you get into the relationship thing, then you start with the best friend, nice guy thing, but still having the cocky/funniness that got her attracted to you in the first place.

 

[VintagePunk]

Dude! I could so be a guy, and pick up chicks!

I think part of the problem in discussing this here, why you're getting the reaction that you are from females in this thread is that the word "cocky" (along with the phrase "mildly insulting") has negative connotations. Cocky guys are thought of as dudes who strut around thinking they're God's gift, and that's really off-putting to most women. I think you're actually describing something a little different here.

Also, I really do think there's some wisdom in the danger of getting caught in that friend zone, and not being able to be perceived as a potential date/bf/gf once you're there. I don't know. I guess it really depends on the people involved. I've dated people who have started out as friends, but no one who was so firmly entrenched as a friend that I was afraid of losing the friendship, or of facing potential awkwardness if things didn't work out.

It's all so complicated, unfortunately. There are no easy answers that apply to everyone.

 

[bigjohn2441]

yeah! we should totally write a book or something, we'll make millions!


i can see how 'cocky' could be misinterpreted, but i didnt know how else to desribe it, cause that's what the cocky/funny thing is all about. they are bold, slightly cocky, smart-ass statements or comments made in a joking way that are supposed to make her laugh, not piss her off. flirting really.

being an arrogant prick that thinks they are god's gift to women will get you nowhere fast for sure.

another tip for COBL:

if you're going to college, learn guitar. quick.

 

[cobl04]

Always wanted to do that.

 

[A_Wanderer]

Cocky works people

But still, I think we all know what you should do

Learn hypnosis!

Either that or get your hands on some rohypnol.

Then you can pick up the chicks with ease, after all it is all part of

/I don't advocate or endorse hypnosis, pickup artists, date rape or Tom Cruise

 

[Screwtape2]

You know what you need to do, COBL? You need to not listen to bigjohn because in the end it should be about being yourself. Be yourself. Don't follow any methods. You are a great guy. You are sweet and she knows that with the present you gave her. Just ask her while being yourself so that she can see that you are honest and really do care. There is only worse heartache if you be someone you're not. Be a great friend. That is the basis of all relationships. You won't get stuck in the friend zone if you are honest about how you feel. Ask her out already.

 

[bigjohn2441]

yeah, go tell her how you feel and ask her out, lemme know how that goes

but then again, what do i know? i only was in the exact spot you were in to doing a complete 180 and getting girls i liked to persue me

 

[LJT]

You know there isn't really any method anyhow, what seems to work for one guy, often falls flat with another...it all just is The best I would say to do is just to take the initiative.

It's not even a question of not understanding the opposite sex...I don't think people really understand people of the same sex most of the time. Be casual about it anyway, there's probably nothing worse than weirding someone out by being too serious over what will be just a first date. Just go with the flow really. As some have said though your going to uni soon, a whole world of new experiences and girls, from my general experience quite a few relationships pre-uni don't survive the first year too well, I wouldn't get too hung up about one girl who seems to make bad choices. But anyway you never know so take your chances.

 

[cobl04]

Cheers all!

Kind words screwy I like the flow.

 

[Barney Stinson]

COBL_4, dude, I have two words for you:

SUIT UP!!

Women can't resist a man in a suit. You put on a suit, go right up to her and tell her how you feel. This one time I was in a similar situation as yours, but I went up to this girl at the bar, told her my life story and next thing you know she's at my place and we're....well, you know. All I can tell you is that it was....awesome!

True story.

Good luck.

 

[bigjohn2441]

true, chicks dig the suits

 

[The Sad Punk]

Show 'em your guns, Danny. No lady can resist Danny's guns!

 

[cobl04]

Cheers, Bonnie.

When are you coming to Australia next Barney? I could use a wingman.

 

[A_Wanderer]

Are the parties you go to frequented by slender (of age) teenage girls?

 

[cobl04]

Mmmmmhmmm

 

[The Sad Punk]

And slender (of age) guys?

 

[A_Wanderer]

Sorry, lechery is a one way street, or else its creepy

/hey you're younger than I suspected, what are you doing friday

 

[elevated_u2_fan]

there will be plenty of girls there who dont like douches.

there will be plenty of douches as well...

Either that or get your hands on some rohypnol.

ah yes, Pepokiss and GAF's drink of choice