This place has definitely seen a decline in civility over the course of the election
May 2008
The Desperate Need To Learn Civility As A Church And As A Culture
Here are some excerpts from emails that were sent to me as senior pastor of the Vineyard:
I heard that you were going to speak at a prayer breakfast for the Devil (Governor Strickland). If you are a MAN OF GOD and not just some limp-wristed preacher, who gets a thrill out of being around the world’s power players, you will rip into this evil monster. [After I had the privilege of preaching at the Governor’s prayer breakfast, we saw 40+ commitments to Christ.]
For months now there has been a smoldering issue in the local church. The "social justice theme" has been whispered about and kept under wraps. Now it is beginning to come out, a movement by 30 local churches under the guise of revival are unleashing this socialist, anti US, anti family, anti bible bilge on the local church. This group stands for redistribution of wealth, they call homosexual marriage and abortion narrow issues and try to make believers feel ignorant for standing by the Bible as the true word of God. [This was sent in a mass email to believers all across Central Ohio.]
Whose fool are you? You are Jim Wallis’ fool. [This was sent to me by a young man, who is less than half of my age.]
All of these emails were sent with “a deep concern for the state of my soul” by “concerned Christians.”
We live at a time in which there has been an almost complete loss of civility in the public square. Rosie O’Donnell and Donald Trump made headlines by verbally battering each other for weeks on TV. Folks watch Hannity and Colmes (a conservative and a liberal) scream past each other on what is now called “news.” The capacity to seriously listen to an opposing viewpoint and to graciously respond are becoming endangered species in our country.
The word “civility” means public politeness. Civility entails showing tact, moderation, and good manners towards people who are different from us, and towards viewpoints that are different than our own. Part of learning to maturely function in this world is learning how to communicate politely. Families used to train children to be civil. No longer!
The church now needs to step up and fill the gap created by the family’s decline. To rewrite Frank Sinatra’s old song lyrics from “New York, New York,” “If you can make it there, you’ll make it anywhere,” I would suggest, “If you can’t make it here [in the church], you can’t make it anywhere [in the world].” In other words, if we Christians can’t learn to be civil in the church (which, after all, is our own family and is the Bride of Christ), how can we possibly hope to function peaceably and well in the world?
Let me suggest a few principles for growing in civility.
1. Before pushing the send button on an angry, accusing email, print off a copy and put it in your drawer for a week. During the week, pray for God’s generous heart to be shown to the planned recipient of your email. We can always pray for God’s generosity to be shown, even to our enemies (Mt. 5.43-48). After praying blessing, you will almost certainly change your mind about firing off your original email. If you haven’t changed your mind, consider this: angry emails are among the least helpful forms of communication under the sun. Email is great for setting up appointments, and conveying neutral information. For disagreements, anything less than face to face discussion is almost always disastrous. We must see each other’s faces when we disagree. We must hear each others tone. We must look one another in the eye. So…avoid email disagreements, if it is humanly possible.
2. Remember that we Christians are called to “honor everyone.” That doesn’t mean we agree with everyone, or say only what the other person wants to hear. But even when we share our convictions, we must do so with the right attitude. It says in 1 Peter 3:15-16,
But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander.
3. As Richard Mouw, the President of Fuller Seminary put it, “A great way to learn civility is to concentrate on your own sinfulness and the other person’s humanness. We become more civil when we gain an honest picture of ourselves and others.”. In other words, this other person is not just “a fool,” or a “pro-gay socialist,” or “the Devil.” He or she is made in the image of God and God the Father sent his Son to die for them. And we are not God’s last best hope for the defense of truth in this world. We all are sinners with limited perspectives. Being modest in our self-assessment is fitting for finite sinners.
4. Approach other people in a spirit of empathy and teachability. Empathy, Mouw points out, literally means “in-feeling.” We project ourselves into the feelings of the other person, or in the old Native American saying, “We must walk a mile in the other person’s moccasins.” What would it be like to feel what they feel, to have experienced their hurts and fears, or to receive correction in the way we delivered it? Can we learn anything from them? Are there lessons from the Lord for us in our disagreements with another person?
We don’t all have to agree about everything. Still less should we simply silence our convictions. But there is a way for people (especially those who claim to have the Spirit of Christ) to disagree without becoming disagreeable and to not always indulge our need for self-expression. The way forward is for us to re-learn the old lesson of civility as a church and as a culture.