Wasn't There When My Love Left Town...

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The Fly
May 6, 2001
Royal Oak, MI USA
Not sure if this would be considered a poem or a story. The poetry may be only fair, but the story is true.

I Wasn?t There When My Love Left Town - On That Last Cold, Full Night of Winter.

I wasn?t there when she left - on that Winter night - the last one before spring.
For some -- Winter comes much sooner than for others, but for us all, it comes in due time.
Her Winter started 2 years prior, when diagnosed with breast cancer
- on her 33rd birthday - 8 months pregnant with our 3rd child.

She held on through months of treatments
and for a while we had an Indian Summer.
But the Winter Storm returned with a such great vengeance we could not stand.
The cancer had spread to her bones, hip and spine.
All the sensible people saw so clearly ?that it was just a matter of time.?

A matter of time - wasted worrying about so many things
that really weren?t of matter - at that time.
- of things easily seen with the physical eyes,
rather then with eyes for the unseen.
Time to preplan a funeral and put all her affairs in order...
Overrode the need for the time to celebrate who she was and the family we were.

As her parents and friends stayed vigil at her side,
I imagined angels attending to her - taking her to heal places hidden deep inside.
But knew it was time for me to go - My children needed me by their side.
As I left, I took off my watches (I, unusually, wear two)
and I switched my wedding ring from my left hand to my right.
I knew I was leaving her in that hospital alive for the last time that night.
- just knowing she was in God?s hands and was in His Time.

What time I got home, I really don?t know - We prayed and wept and went to bed.
And I wondered if somehow. somewhere some clock
might just stop as soon as she would leave us.
A few days after she had died, one of my children noticed
the hands of my ?Goofy? watch (a cherished gift from her) had stopped.
- not at midnight as one might suspect and what is typed on her death certificate,
- but right about the same time that I had said that last goodbye
from the side of her bed in the hospital room
- on that last full night of a long, hard Winter under a three quarters moon.

(I still wonder what we might have said if It was like in the movies or I had had more time alone with her. She was mostly comatose and didn?t really speak coherently to me once we got to the hospital room. Today, I?m still saying my good-byes, but I wonder what her good-byes would have been. When we went to the hospital, we knew it could be serious, but we did not know that she wouldn?t be coming home - at least to our familiar home here on earth.)

I do still sometimes see her or talk to her in my dreams,
But I still wish I could have said so much more in ?the Living Years?.

M. Anderson Jones in memory of Kim Marie (Latham) Jones (12/18/62-3/20/98)

majxtc (majestic)- Kim's story is on my web site at: http://members.home.net/majxtc/index.htm
And love is not the easy thing... The only baggage you can bring... Is all that you can't leave behind.

[This message has been edited by majxtc (edited 05-16-2001).]
Thank you for sharing your story, here and on your website. I was moved by the courage and faith of you and your wife. It reminded me of my aunt who lost her battle with ovarian cancer several years ago. She has two young daughters - 4 and 6 at the time. You and your family are in my prayers. May God bless you and give you strength.

**Still looking for the
face I had before the
world was made....**

**Work like you don't
need money, love like
you've never been hurt,
and dance like no
one's watching.**
God Bless you and your family. Thank you for sharing with us, for helping those of us who forget the important things -- to remember... and for keeping alive the memory of someone who has touched your life and others... and for doing it in such a beautfiul way.

I imagined angels attending to her - taking her to heal places hidden deep inside

[This message has been edited by The Wanderer (edited 05-14-2001).]
Originally posted by majxtc:

M. Anderson Jones in memory of Kim Marie (Latham) Jones (12/18/62-3/20/98)

"Breathe when you breathe,
Walk where you walk.
talk when you talk,
cry when you cry,
die when you die,
let go when you let go..."

...Allen Ginsberg

Originally posted by Bacchus:
"let go when you let go..."

...Allen Ginsberg



Thanks for the Ginsberg poem. It pretty much hits right where I'm at now - figuring out how to let go.

As I write this, Scandal's "Good-bye to You" plays on the radio in the background - just like it was when I was leaving the cemetery with the kids Sunday on Mother's day. I'm trying to, in a way, write a 'message in a bottle', so I can move on. I know that there is stuff that I will always carry with me, but I need to figure out the baggage that I can leave behind and send it down the river - like I intend to do with that 'message in a bottle'.

Thanks everyone for the prayers and encouragement.

majxtc (majestic)

And love is not the easy thing... The only baggage you can bring... Is all that you can't leave behind.
May God bless and keep you and your children. Thank you so much for sharing this story; I know a woman, a teacher who became a friend, who is going through this right now. She probably won't make it but thank you for your strength and for seeing beauty where I would believe it never possible.

You are in my prayers.

I wish winter never came.
Spring always comes after the Winter

God be with u mate...
Thank you for having the strength to share your story. Your story touched me so much that I decided to post a poem I just recently finished about my grandparents.(Lillian's Grace) My grandmother died of breast cancer when I was 14 and we lost my grandfather within a few minutes after she died. He died of a sudden heart attack while my father was on the way to be with him. My father lost both parents on the same day and was not able to say goodbye to either. Time and God's grace helped him through. I now understand that God had a plan for my grandparents. God bless you and give you the courage to be strong for your children.

"Maybe you could educate my mind"

[This message has been edited by UpwiththeSun (edited 05-17-2001).]
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