There's a catch......

[U2democrat]

So I met this guy today. Good looking. In fact he approached me. We started chatting, there was instant chemistry. We went out for coffee and talked for 3 hours. We talked politics (he loves the same politicians I love), we talked religion (a liberal like me), and music (he loves U2, we discussed Bono's philosophy and Edge's master guitar playing). Basically we were meant for each other. He gave me his number and really wants to go see V for Vendetta with me.








The catch....








He's probably 30-35ish, and I'm 19 (he knows how old I am). He's an actor and was playing Thomas Jefferson at the reenactment of Patrick Henry's infamous "Give me liberty or give me death!" speech.

Fascinating guy, I'd love to see more of him. Not necessarily have a relationship, I do have my boundaries despite my weakness for older men, but I would like to see him again. Of course, if my parents knew any of this, they would FLIP out, which is understandable from their point of view.

Anyway, I don't know what to do. I most likely will not call him, but I'm tempted to go to another reenactment (they do it every Sunday in the summer).




However I do get to brag that I got asked out by Thomas Jefferson

 

[Bonochick]

Frankly, I don't see age as being a problem, so long as the two people involved don't see it as a problem...and are of legal age. If you have common interests, it doesn't hurt to go out...or at least just be friends.

 

[U2democrat]

As I said I would really like to see him again (a fellow CNN junkie!) but I know my parents would not approve, and I really don't feel like going around them when I've never even dated anyone before.

 

[Bonochick]

I understand wanting parental approval...I'm 24, and I still greatly value my parents' opinions and feelings. I desire for them to approve of the things I do. However, I also realize that I am an adult and ultimately need to do what I feel is best for me.

 

[anitram]

Sometimes it's not just about parental approval, it's about evaluating whether or not a person is "worth" all the extra stress in your life. That's being pragmatic and realistic, not failing to do what's best for yourself.

For example, I had a good Jewish friend who would never date a non-Jew because it was incredibly important to her orthodox family and she always felt that the chasm was too deep and she was better off just avoiding putting herself in those sorts of situations in the first place. I don't think I was in any position to pass judgment on that.

Follow your gut instinct in this matter is my advice.

 

[U2democrat]

Part of me is saying "Yes! Go see him again, even if it's just for fun! Have a nice summer fling."

Another part of me is saying "He's 36, what would friends and family say? Is it worth trying to hide him from them, yet still see him?"

I don't know which to follow.

 

[LJT]

Well for a start a first proper date wouldn't hurt....just go out once with the guy...if you are still attracted and maybe even more convinced that you like him. If it looks like it won't work....parents need never know.

Take a chance is all I'm saying

 

[Techie2000]

He's probably 30-35ish

He's 36, what would friends and family say?

He seems to be getting older with every post. Six years in the span of a few hours. I think that the question isn't about whether or not everyone else is comfortable with his age, but whether or not you are. Judging by the fact that his age has changed so much and that you're posting this, I don't believe you are. I would say there is nothing wrong with being friends...

 

[Carek1230]

Could you and this older guy just be friends? Lord knows we can't have too many friends, and it sounds like you've REALLY found a good match with this guy friendship and interest wise. Make it very clear right now what the boundaries of this friendship are and go from there. There is nothing wrong with having friends of varying ages, races, religions I always say. And also, go with your gut. And good luck

 

[ILuvLarryMullen]

I think that is a bit much of an age difference ESPECIALLY since you have never had a boyfriend before. Maybe if you had more life experience it would be something to consider, but I would advise against it. That's just my 2 cents though .

 

[meegannie]

I think that is a bit much of an age difference ESPECIALLY since you have never had a boyfriend before. Maybe if you had more life experience it would be something to consider, but I would advise against it. That's just my 2 cents though .

 

[digsy]

hmmm... i've never had an issue with age differences but i really think its person and circumstance dependent.
if youwere 30 and he were 45 i would say "whats the prob" but 19 and 35 is a huge difference.

i know you generally have more mature interests for your age u2dem and thats clear from the things in common you guys have, but having never had a boyfriend before and the very fact that you are only 19 and have limited experience, i would be wary.
add to that the fact that your concerned about your parents approval and i would probably also advise against this.

then again it is person dependent and only you can know whats right and whats best for you, but the very fact that its concerning you already i think shows its obviously an issue you're not ok to handle.

 

[U2democrat]

There's some great advice in this thread Thanks a lot folks

(About the age thing, I wasn't sure how old he was but a simple google search solved that )

I probably won't go on a date with him but I figure he'd make a good friend.

 

[A_Wanderer]

Your choice to be sure, but if you did get into a relationship like that without the experience, a man could take advantage (if he were so inclined). On the other hand I do have a friend who is dating a guy some 15 years her senior and they make a great couple, but she had a good deal of experience before they got together (im all about the pro's and cons ). Keeping a relationship at friendslength for a time would no doubt be a good judge of character and given enough time for that gap to seem a bit less insurmountable, that experience being a little more existent it could develop furthur.

Incidently how do you feel your parents view quirky yet erudite foreigners with nut points of view

 

[U2democrat]

Your choice to be sure, but if you did get into a relationship like that without the experience, a man could take advantage (if he were so inclined). On the other hand I do have a friend who is dating a guy some 15 years her senior and they make a great couple, but she had a good deal of experience before they got together (im all about the pro's and cons ). Keeping a relationship at friendslength for a time would no doubt be a good judge of character and given enough time for that gap to seem a bit less insurmountable, that experience being a little more existent it could develop furthur.

Very true.

Incidently how do you feel your parents view quirky yet erudite foreigners with nut points of view

They'd probably be worried about the whole meeting someone from the internet thing...

 

[A_Wanderer]

says the user who may be a 45 year old man called Morris

Or perhaps with all the evidence to the contrary, not.

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

I would agree that for your first dating type relationship that he is too old for you. It is easy to get caught up in someone who shares interests with you and with whom you feel comfortable, but obviously you don't even know him yet. Best to be just friends and forget about anything else. I know how hard that is though when you feel a certain attraction and want the companionship of a man, but you have to think of yourself and what is best for you in the long run.

 

[BonosBaby12]

I would agree that for your first dating type relationship that he is too old for you. It is easy to get caught up in someone who shares interests with you and with whom you feel comfortable, but obviously you don't even know him yet. Best to be just friends and forget about anything else. I know how hard that is though when you feel a certain attraction and want the companionship of a man, but you have to think of yourself and what is best for you in the long run.

Very well said

U2dem you are such a sweet person and I believe that the right one will come along soon As for being friends with this guy I see nothing wrong with that. It's always fun meeting someone who share the common interests. Have to agree with some others though that the age is a bit too much for a relationship.

 

[ILuvLarryMullen]

Maybe I am too cynical, but I don't see a 36 year old man looking to be friends with a 19 year old girl. I could be wrong and he could be a real great guy, but I guess what I'm saying is just be careful.

 

[She Is Raging]

hmmm... your age difference is pretty much the same as my parents when they met, they've been married 36 years.

I know I really don't know you other than reading your posts, but I know you come off as a lot older and mature than 19. You have a good head on your shoulders and won't rush into anything. Good luck.

 

[hiphop]

You have to do what you want to do.

Dating with younger girls I found out that they naturally have very different expectations of a relationship compared to mine. Ok, he´s still four years older than me.. and there are persons who are more mature with 19 than others with 30. If you happen to get close to him or still thinking of it, I would generally ask him what he expects of his next relationship. Sometimes you just fall for someone, and you don´t care about age difference.. most of the times, anyway the expectations are different; he´ll maybe want someone very close (living together, or a family or whatever), after all, he´s approaching his 40s. For you this might be a tad bit too early. Anyway, there´s no general rule for or against - if you fall in love, enjoy it.

 

[Liesje]

I don't think age differences are a big deal. However, age differences usually indicate very different stages of life, and that's a big deal.

A lot of times I feel bad for Phil b/c he was basically stuck "waiting" for me to finish school and get my act together....and he's only 3 years older than me.

 

[hiphop]

A lot of times I feel bad for Phil b/c he was basically stuck "waiting" for me to finish school and get my act together....and he's only 3 years older than me.

Maybe it was ok to wait for you, see? Maybe it was all developing very naturally and that´s exactly what you needed. I understand though that in the U.S. life must be different, because while you´re in college you´re staying at the campus. We don´t..

Its generally a good thing to keep promises. Someone once promised me she would... when she had finished her studies. I waited for seven years. By the time she had finished, things had changed. So - Phil is lucky!

 

[bonnevoix02]

It's obviously quite a high when you've finally met someone you felt an immediate connection to and haven't had that experience before.

I would agree, however, that a man that age is not looking for another friend, he's looking for something more (whether it's a fling or relationship). I think it's ok to go slightly older at your age (like 25 or 26), but a guy in his 30s, no matter how great he may seem, is probably not a good idea.

 

[Laura M]

I am seeing someone 9 years older than me, we live together now.

I took a year off from studying to move abroad, work, pay for my own flat / bills, etc which really helped me. I always had a lot of independence at home but you really grow up living away - especially in a foreign country.

The age difference was never a problem for me or our families - my parents have always liked him. I guess if the age gap was as big as 15 years or if we had very different pasts we wouldn't be going out. I never think about the age difference, it isn't an issue for me and nobody ever brings it up, most people think there is only a 3 or 4 year age gap.

The fact that you made a thread about your concern about this suggests you wouldn't be at all comfortable seeing him.

 

[U2democrat]

Ooooooooookay no worries folks, he's just going to be a friend.

 

[ewings]

It would be interesting to hear his thoughts on "just being friends". If I were you, I'd run like the wind.

 

[indra]

He seems to be getting older with every post. Six years in the span of a few hours. I think that the question isn't about whether or not everyone else is comfortable with his age, but whether or not you are. Judging by the fact that his age has changed so much and that you're posting this, I don't believe you are. I would say there is nothing wrong with being friends...

You know it's funny you see a six year span and I see only one year. Shows how different people perceive the same info.

 

[Techie2000]

You know it's funny you see a six year span and I see only one year. Shows how different people perceive the same info.

I could have said 1-6 years or whatever but I really think that the issue you raise is besides the point now that the original poster has made her decision and is happy with it, and that's all that matters.

 

[indra]

I could have said 1-6 years or whatever but I really think that the issue you raise is besides the point now that the original poster has made her decision and is happy with it, and that's all that matters.

Yes sir! How dare I respond to anything. :madspot: