So, I'm clearly worthless and unhappy

[The_Sweetest_Thing]

Why the heck do people assume you can't be happy unless you're dating someone? I mean, really...

Yesterday I ran into an old friend (she's in her 30s, married w/ kids. I am 20, btw).

Her first question to me was, "How is school?"
Her second question was, "Are you dating anybody now? No? Oh, poor thing. Don't worry, it'll happen one day. You'd like to be, I know."

O-K-A-Y.

YES, I admit, being in a worthwhile relationship is very nice. Emphasis on worthwhile. But, in the meantime, if I don't come across the guy for me, I'm not going to fill up my time w/ some random guy (like the geek from Bio class who sists next to me and asks, 'What kind of guys do you like? What was your ex-boyfriend like?")

Why is it that people, specifically my parent's generation and younger, say, "Go out, concentrate on school. Have a good career. Make money. Get a good job."

But when someone acomplishes all this, and doesn't get married, there's something wrong with them?

For the love of god. I'm 20. 2-0. I can go around randomly if I like and date a million people. I can go out to Palazzo (this hideous club) tonight and bring home a random stranger. But I choose not to. Quite frankly, I don't want to waste my time. Maybe other people do, that's fun for them, they're cool with that. I'll concentrate on other things right now, school, dance, music. When it happens, it happens. Would I like it to happen sooner than later? YES. SURE.
Why not? Who doesn't love being in love? But just because I haven't run into the perfect guy since the last time she saw me (I.e. two months-three months ago), there must be something wrong.

Even worse yet is the, "Oh. You're so pretty and so smart. Why can't you find a boyfriend?"

Why does my life mean nothing unless I'm chained to someone else? I've been in relationships. It hasn't made me who I am. I don't feel any less 'worth' because I'm not dating someone steadily right now (ohh, and for the record, telling someone you're not dating anyone steadily, but just meeting 'a bunch of new people' gets you labelled a whore, or something to that effect. Doesn't anyone ever think that it takes time to meet people? Nonetheless, go out? What if I have my eye on someone right now? But we're not dating. There must be something wrong with me/him then).
I think people would like to see me settle down, but then they say I'm too young.
Or maybe they want to see me happy.

But apparently, I couldn't possibly be happy unless I was in a relationship.

I apologize if this seems like a bitch-rant. IT's not. It's just me, getting tired...

 

[Lilly]

It's time for a review:

Things you have that I (someone with a SO, does not):

*smarties at your disposal

*Tim Hortons, again at your disposal

*Twonies whenever ye want




See? You certainly have stuff I don't!




Everybody knows that relationships are bullshit without meaning. So what? You're single. It doesn't mean you're a bad person or a freak or anything.



People like that need a life.

 

[The Wanderer]

i'm hunting wabbit

if I don't come across the guy...

what do you do if you come across an elephant?

 

[HelloAngel]

I'm gonna move this to ZC because I think it will receive the TLC it deserves there.

 

[lady lemonade]

I know exactly what you're talking about. I'm 23, single, and the first question people ask me is: "so how's your love life?" I hate that stupid question. Just ran into a friend of mine that I hadn't seen since high school and there was that question again: "so, do you have a boyfriend?" Who cares about the boyfriend, I have other things going on in my life but it seems that around a certain age, when you turn 20, you're supposed to be engaged and prepared to settle down. The fact that you're in school or just graduated from college, that you're starting your career and that you're still growing as an individual is completely irelevant it seems, you are only defined by whether or not you're involved with someone. Well you know what, who cares what people think, if you're happy with who you are and you feel that you don't need someone at this point in your life, then more power to you.

 

[daisybean]

You have no idea how much this thread cheered me up.

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

daisy your avatar rotating is making me head explode, lol

I swear to God, I know what you mean!


It's so annoying, that people think that no matter what else goes on in your life, if you don't have someone you're worthless or there's something wrong with you.

I got my first taste of this when I was 16. It was at Thanksgiving, and my aunt asked, "So, anyone special we should know about?" I did not date in high school, at all. I had offers to go out, but was (still am) very picky, and because of self-esteem issues (that were way worse back then because I was more overweight than I am now-I lost 30lbs 4 years ago) I never took any compliments as truth and always thought I was being patronized. Anyways, so my family would always ask, I would always politely say no.

Then I got my first real boyfriend, and they would actually CALL me to ask how things were going. Wtf? Ok, now I had someone, did they really have to keep tabs on it? After he and I broke up, I was single again for a few months before my next relationship, which as of this date, has been "the one". So, right off the bat I tell my mom that I would not tell anyone details besides the specifics as how we met (online, which is why I protected this relationship so closely, I swear, I was like Larry but to my own family!) and no more than necessary. Of course when it was obvious we were serious, I began getting things for my hope chest, i.e. crystal, linens, etc. (And we were 20 at the time!!!!)

Anyways, after that ended, I wanted that news to be broken quietly as well, and since then I have not received one inquiry about if I'm seeing anyone. I dunno, maybe they think it's hopeless for me.

Some people=so frickin nosy.

 

[nbcrusader]

Just wait until you DO get married - then you endlessly hear "So, when are you going to have children?"

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

Oh yeah, what was that comedian or movie that said:


"And after that, is it like, 'when are you going to die?'"





two words: smug marrieds=grrrrrrrrrr

 

[Mrs. Edge]

Just wait until you DO get married - then you endlessly hear "So, when are you going to have children?"

EXACTLY!!! In fact, just last weekend I met some friend of my dad's who said "well how are your two kids?" (she was confusing me with my sister I think), and I said I didn't have any. She then said "Well you're working on it though, right?" With a mixture of concern and a sort of plotting and scheming tone in her voice.

Although I'm sure she meant well, I found this extremely presumptuous and rude. For all she knows, I am infertile. I briskly responded "No, I just don't feel maternal yet." She didn't know how to answer that one!

Janine, I was married just after I turned 21. There are lots of benefits to that, but if I had to do it over, I'd spend my 20s having fun and not worring about a mate at all. You are just fine the way you are!

 

[u2loopy]

Even worse yet is the, "Oh. You're so pretty and so smart. Why can't you find a boyfriend?"

I hated when people used to say that to me. I was single my whole teenage life. Everytime I saw family & friends I got the same thing, "Oh, when are you going to get a boyfriend???" Like it's something you buy in a store!!! I used to tell them, "Do you think it's my choice that I'm single???" It was really hard to meet people and every guy I ever hung out with we ended up being really good friends.

When I finally met my man I had just turned 21. A cousin of mine told me that my dad was relieved when he knew I started dating someone. My father told him that he actually thought I might have been gay!!!!! ......not that there's anything wrong with that!

 

[Sicy]

you're fine

You seem to have your priorities in order.

Dont waste your time with guys that you dont like or dont see a future with. Focus your positive energy on your school & dance ! There's plenty of time for boys later.

 

[HelloAngel]

Just wait until you DO get married - then you endlessly hear "So, when are you going to have children?"

Omigawsh - I get this alll the damn time.

I have lived with my boyfriend for 4 years. We just bought us a house together, and we run a business together.

Not a day goes by that someone doesn't call me Mrs (his last name), addresses HIM only when we're in public, asks me where my husband is, or where our kids are.

I have never wanted to be anyone's WIFE OR MOTHER.

I WANT TO BE ME. That's all I've ever wanted. I want to continue to live my life and only my life without a fucking ring or child on my arm. And I want to do it without other's insenstivity. It's as if some people don't realize that life has many paths and alternatives, and as a woman over 20 or so - you don't necessarily need to be a wife or mother to realize your ultimate identity. ARGH

 

[joyfulgirl]

They're just projecting their own fears and insecurities onto you.