Prayers/Good Thots/Vibes 4 Dazz's Dad & Sister!!!

[dazzledbylight]

Possible very bad news for me & my sis!


My sis just got a call for the nursing home where my dad still is....
...he didn't eat dinner, and now is not responding -not opening his eyes.....
He's being sent to the little hospital (satalite of the Big university hospital) right near my sis's (where our mom was sent to) . I can stay over night
It could be a product of a bad unirnary infection
or he could be dying..... his Advance Directive was changed (I don't remember it being changed) to DNR, i didn't know that, or i didn't remember.
My dad doesn't really know us any more etc either totally or raely...he did seem to follow some of my last conversartion... which being at the end of Mrach last year ...you can imagine the clouds of guilt are now hovering.
My dad for those of you who don't know turned often very nasty & even cruel esp in some of his remearks to our mom after his 3rd major depression in '87 both verbally and he even held his first up to me several times late '90's. He got nasty aftr his 2nd depression in 81 but it still wasn't way as much most of the time. He was even often nasty to us in the nursing homes he was in (2). He could still manifest his sweet, funny, empathetic side but it often got eclipsed too often from 87 onward.

I've hardly visited him since our mom died in late May 08 b/c just going back there with out her being there was too much.... this past year was dealing with my new home & diffcult (relatively to the whole rest of my life) to get in & out of my new neihborhood.And inbetween lookinm for a new place and dealing with my sis & mine's mutal friend's illness and death.

Hopefully I'll be able to make up for this lack of visiting .

At the hospital we can find out which direction by blood tests etc

I'm most worried about my sister ...she just told she's having some breathing problerms. She had certain symptoms summer in Summer '09 when our friend was so very stricken with cancer (who died 2 months later) which is why she went to have her heart checked when they (by accident found out she had a unexpected small mass by her thyroid)... it turned out to be thyroid cancer 6 - 8 month later.

I'm sure her breathing problems are major anxiety, as they were last time in dealing with her friend.

SHe's lost 3 very major people in her life each in the last 3 years I've lost 2 but was quite unhappy at the time but just sad here, and there at times but not devastated as she is but some what extremely upset /partly spaced out for the first several days.


I've been praying that he remains stable for like another 2 years so that sher could get relief from all the deaths these past 3 years before having to deal with such a direct one so soon again!

I have kind of remembered now about the DNR directive for my dad....

So please send prayers, good wihes, good vibes to him and her .

 

[Moonlit_Angel]

Unfortunately, the depression and illness he's going through make it that much harder. I fully understand you not wanting to be around that, but I know it's got to be frustrating as well when you know he has a good side to him. I think he'll appreciate any support and love you show him, though.

And as for your sister, that's so much crap to have dumped on one person in such a short time span. I feel so horrible for her.

I wish you and your family the absolute best. I hope both your dad and sister come out of their problems all right, and I hope your sister knows she's got you to lean on to help her through the difficult times should anything, god forbid, happen. You're all certainly in my thoughts, take care of yourselves. And Dazz, of course, we're here for you, too.

Massive s to you.

Angela

 

[dazzledbylight]

We just got back from the ER/ at my sis's house now.

Keep fingers crossed - it's looks like it's a urinary
infection. They have to figure out it's origin so they can treat it, so he's being admitted.
Ween the doc said his name, he opened his eyes. Then when my sis kissed him good-bye on the forehead "good-bye daddy"- she couldn't see but the nurse was facing him- his eyes flew open again. (He hardly ever talks these past 3 years anyway)

SO fingers crossed, it'll be treated and he can go back to the Nursing home in a few days.

thanks, everyone! ssss

 

[MsPurrl]

to you and your family, dazz.

 

[KristenCaNaDiAn]

Positive vibes and prayers coming your way Dazz

 

[ryancoke71]

Dazz

I'm glad you found out what was wrong with him. Sending a million hugs your way, and some good vibes too!

 

[dazzledbylight]

#UPDATE#

Well, my dad is not out of the woods yet....
They are treating him both for urinary infection, and more wide spectrum antibiotic b/c in his more fragile condition he still could go septic (blood poisoning) which then we might let nature run it's course instead masssive amounts of injections, tubings etc

His sodium(salt) levels are like 40% too high so they're giving him extra fluids, too.


My Sis when she said her good-byes to him today - told him that if he was ready to go he should and we'd (me & her) would take care of each other.

I had mentioned how upset she was when she got the news...(physical symptoms)..I said how worried I was about her.

So I asked her... you're "OK" (in the sense of her own health) with that possibility> She said..I'll be sad...bu OK.

Well that was a suprise. And I thought more myself. I was like no...I'm not ready to feel SO sad again yet! I'm like 99% sure that my physical self will not manifest anything major to terrible from emotional reactions because my feeling for my dad are way more mixed than my feelings for my mom, I identified more with my mom in many ways etc.

I just don't want to experience the still serious level of sadness etc that will happen yet. So it's "selfish" but ...hopefully not, not for a while yet.

 

[dazzledbylight]

thank yous to angela, kristen, Ms Purl & amy

 

[dazzledbylight]

My sis talked to the Doctor, they're still growing cultures to further try and find out mre about the infection..... and they're working on his dehydration (way too high sodium count). I thought thayt might be why his sodium was too high.

I'll go visit him tomorrow.

 

[zuropa_fit]

 

[Casamares]

Sending positive energy to you and your family
I hope everything will be fine

 

[dazzledbylight]

UPDATE 1
as of llast nite cultures still not back
then my sis got a later call from the doctorshe was tryin to get intouch with.

NEW problems lower potasium level too

they think he is not getting enough nuitrition or water ( thus the high sddium due to not enough water)



they can put a (hiutrittion) port ( considered non-ivasive) but they don't know whether the Nursing hHome would do do the maitance.

we made need some one to do it but meciad may only pay it for so long.

My sis & I just don't have the energy to go there and feed him everyday.,
Someone I spoke to today said most faimilies can't do this.
I have to call her now and she waht's up.

 

[dazzledbylight]

UPDATE 2

Well, it's not good news, it's not the immediately worst news yet...but sooner or later

did I mention he has a DNR (do not resusitate)

the intravenous feeding tube is called a "peg" (not a port), my sis read more about it, and felt it would be too painful/uncomfortable for him.

Then the ?Nursing Home doctor told my sis told her that it would be a moot point because for some mysterious reason while when this is used for cancer patients who can not be feed other-wise it works, but for people with (?later stage) dementia it doesn't. No idea why.

His sodium levels are down from 170 to 150. When it gets down to 145 (it should be around 140 - 135), the nursing home doctor wants him coming back.

He never had an infection (the cultures came back). His kidneys had been fine in Nov, so why they suddenly seemed to be a problem.....

The doctor also told her that in late state dementia the person either dies of infection or the organ systems begain to not work.

IF he wakes up again enough to be fed and drink water back at the NH that might OK for a while -only it he eats and drinks enough (which is questioanble because he refuses to a fair amoint)....and it's possible that some of his systems are beginning to not work so well....so that he'll be malnourshed again, and that will create more problems which X one could kill him.
Once he comes home to the NH, he will not ber sent to the hospital again, this is it.

Whether it takes more time, or shorter as in if he does not become awake enough to be able to be fed...it'll be a matter of days, a week ?

If hecan't be fed he'll be switched to Comfort Care to make him as comfortable as possible, and then switch to Hospice Care (hospice people will come in) for the very last.

 

[dazzledbylight]

thank you zu & casmares ssss

 

[dazzledbylight]

UPDATE From my sis

Well, my dad is back home in the NH again.
He is more alert and awake .

It willbe a matter of time...the doctor said sometimes patients rally for a while.

No more hospital for anything, so it's Pallitive care. He'll have his meals (and water) fed to him.
If he's up for it - he'll be wheeled down for the music concerts they have there as he has been before, and as he used to wheel himself around as well.

They'll call my sis if there's any major change.

Hopefully he'll be around for some weeks, a month or 2 more? Hard to tell right now.
I'm going to do my best to visit 2x's week.

 

[dazzledbylight]

UPDATE

I went to see him yesterday....

Just in case I told him what I needed & wanted to say.
He did have his eyes open at times... but compared to my visit in April was less responsive... ... still- better than the eventual alternative.

but I got there at 5:30, I just didn't have the energy to go earlier. I wanted to be there earlier so I'll go there first on Fri. May he'll be a bit more lively then, but maybe not.

 

[Alisaura]

More s here too.

 

[Casamares]

Something is better than nothing...
Sending more positive energy

 

[dazzledbylight]

ali & casa, thanks! s

A special moment yesterday.

UPDATE

I visited my dad yesterday.
I finely got there when he was sitting up in the Day Room.
Whether he knew it was me he did keeping looking up at me as I was talking. I showed him a plan I draw of my apt, and he flowed the paper I held up.

then out of the blue and it's been a long time he asked me, "what are you doing?" Which he would do when he still had a longer window of short term memory (after the stroke 15+ mins, shrinking down to 1 min, 30 secs some years later: thus much repetitive convos!).

It was sweet.

the workers watching over him were very happy to see this.

 

[Casamares]

Good news!

 

[dazzledbylight]

thanks casamares

 

[Bono's Doll]

coming your way. I feel so bad--I check in on all you guys everyday-but don't always log in.

 

[dazzledbylight]

That's OK and thanks, bd!

 

[Alisaura]

That was nice you had that moment with him, Dazz.

 

[dazzledbylight]

thanks ali