redhotswami
Blue Crack Addict
all ya'll are way off. pigeons are archaic. owls are the new black.
MsMofoGone said:she has told me that she's grateful for all the posts of advice. It seemed to help her make her decision alot quicker.
MsMofoGone said:
I was speaking from the way she has addressed what SHE WANTS to do. As I have said in previous posts, she is very, very depressed and feels as if her whole world is in turmoil, which truthfully, it is. But, the only thing I have offered her is cautious advice ... as she is ready to plunge off the deep-end, honestly. She doesn't seem strong enough to handle counseling at the moment.
Originally posted by BonoManiac
Uh....I know none of my co-workers' home numbers and vice-versa, as their cell is much more convenient because it's presumably on that person all the time. What if I need to speak to someone and they're not home? It would make sense to have their cell number. What if you're not home because you're stuck in traffic and you just left work? It would make sense that co-workers can reach you on your cell and vice-versa.
Not a problem, bonosgirl ... I said she made her decision ALOT quicker ... not that people here made it for her. My friend knew exactly what she intended to do, she was just actually happy that MOST of the responses here were leading to the SAME conclusion, that's all.Originally posted by bonosgirl84
I don't mean to be rude but making decisions regarding her marriage based on the opinions of a handful of strangers on a message board seems really strange to me.
Originally posted by unico
I really don't understand this part. Strong people don't seek counseling. Counselors want to help us make sense of ourselves and our lives and offer us support for our personal development. I think as soon as her husband returns they should go to counseling together. If he is cheating, that will come to surface through that. She doesn't need to put herself through this, and my guess is she must feel terrible at times for even having this suspicion.
MsMofoGone said:
I can see where you're coming from, unico. But, I think my friend was torn so-ooo deeply that she just needed to take some time for herself to think. I know that isn't always the BEST option to take, especially when your life is in difficulty ... but, I know her so-ooo well that I understood the WHY she needed time away and to be with people who cared about her BEFORE seeking professional counseling. She was very disturbed at one point, it seemed that ANY little mention of her dilemma would cause her to get overly-emotional. I just couldn't see her in counseling with her husband yet, as she would have been constantly crying at every single matter discussed. She needed to recompose herself at little first, just to give her some control of what was happening (and by control, I mean that she could handle herself) so she could deal with whatever was in-store for her through counseling. Her marriage may have a possible happy resolution because of counseling ... then again, it may not. I believe she can realize this now, as before she could not. Hopefully, it will progress into a good outcome in the end.
bonosgirl84 said:I don't mean to be rude but making decisions regarding her marriage based on the opinions of a handful of strangers on a message board seems really strange to me.
unico said:all ya'll are way off. pigeons are archaic. owls are the new black.
Originally posted by unico
but that's the point of counseling. people are afraid to go because of a stigma or some sort of expectation. even if she was bawling so hard she was at the point where she couldn't stand on her own two feet, she should go (by herself or with her husband, whatever works.) that is the role of counselors. you don't need to put on a facade or have some sort of level of self control. they are trained to meet people where they are (WHEREVER that may be) and help them from there. i hope she understands that.
we are only human. we are fragile and weak and incapable of solving our own or the worlds problems alone. that's why there are people in this world who dedicate their lives to helping others.
Originally posted by Kiki
I do agree that this whole assistant thing would be sending up some red flags in my mind too.
Can she find anything out about her? Like how old she is, if she's married, etc?
MsMofoGone said:Now, forgive me as I am NOT trying to sound judgemental ... but, sometimes hispanics say that they're married and they really are not ... they're just simply living together with someone. They think of their relationship as a marriage BECAUSE they are together sharing expenses, etc.
MsMofoGone said:
She doesn't know how old she is, but what she does know from her husband's mentioning is ... his Asst. is married and she's hispanic.
Now, forgive me as I am NOT trying to sound judgemental ... but, sometimes hispanics say that they're married and they really are not ... they're just simply living together with someone. They think of their relationship as a marriage BECAUSE they are together sharing expenses, etc.
This also might justify why her husband can't leave his wife (if that is his intentions someday) If his Asst. is really married, not just living with someone ... maybe he hasn't won her over yet, or she too might not want to leave her husband. Who knows ?? Just some more possible inquiries.
Originally posted by bonosgirl84
MsMofoGone said:
Again, I'm not trying to be judgemental ... there are alot of hispanics at my own company who indeed live under that scenario that I mentioned. Although, it's not guaranteed that's what's happening with my friend's situation ... but, it was reason why I implied it could be possible.
Originally posted by Kiki
in reference to the whole counseling thing, I'll be honest, the first time we went I got sick to my stomach and had to go to the bathroom to throw up.
I learned somethings that I hadn't even thought about, granted I was pretty naive and sheltered growing up so my mind didn't even go in the direction of the questions the counselor asked and my husband was honest. The first "step" of seeking out help from a counselor is ALWAYS the hardest. You sort of break down all walls and have to rebuild the relationship. It sucks, but to be honest, it's saved my marriage.
It's brought my husband to realize what he was doing really was hurting me and really was destroying our marriage. I even had to admit to him that I'd seeked out how to go about filing for a divorce, that's how close he pushed me.
No one can tell her what to do, she has to make her own decisions and whats right and best for her. I put up with shit for quite a few years before we figured out how to fix our problems and I had alot of people asking, "why don't you just leave him? Why are you putting up with this?" Well.....because I still needed answers myself and I didn't want to give up that quickly.
I'm not saying I was right, but in my situation I am terribly happy that I did stick it out. Granted I do think about, If I had to go through all of that again, to get where we are today----would I?
and.......yeah.....sad thing is I just might. At least now I have answers and I know that everything's taken care of, I know what to look for in the future if things go funny again, and I have a decision made of what I'd do and just how long I'd stick around.
My heart really goes out to your friend.
No spoken words said:
You don't sound judgemental, don't worry. You just sound ignorant.
Originally posted by Sicy
Er whether or not she's married or living with someone, its still wrong.
I dont really see how that or the fact that she's hispanic has anything to do with the issue of cheating.
Originally posted by No spoken words
You don't sound judgemental, don't worry. You just sound ignorant
Kiki said:any time MsMofo.
I know alot more than just "hispanic" people that say they're married and they aren't too. It's becoming more of a common thing in this day and age, the so-called common law marriage.
MsMofoGone said:
She doesn't know how old she is, but what she does know from her husband's mentioning is ... his Asst. is married and she's hispanic.
Now, forgive me as I am NOT trying to sound judgemental ... but, sometimes hispanics say that they're married and they really are not ... they're just simply living together with someone. They think of their relationship as a marriage BECAUSE they are together sharing expenses, etc.
Originally posted by corianderstem
Not to harp on the cell phone/assistant issue, but I think you're in the minority in thinking it's an inappropriate form of contact between boss and assistant.
Which just means that if the assistant calling him on his cell is the ONLY thing that makes his wife suspect he's boinking her, I don't think that theory holds much water.
MsMofoGone said:No, it's NOT the ONLY issue.
No spoken words said:Can this thread be moved to Fan Fiction?
Just curious.
Originally posted by Kiki
she is asking how she should deal with this, whether this is something the rest of us would see as a problem in a marriage or a relationship, etc.
She's asking for advice on how to handle a tough situation, she's asking for her friend what the rest of us may or may not know about similar situations, and she's asking for support in a way to be strong--whether it be for her or her friend.