I feel like a Millionaire

[For Honor]

"I'm just like you, friend
I only do what I know
I am a profuct of my environment, too, like you
And of my mind and destiny

So I sit here and make a statement, again
Yet I am sincere:

"I feel like a millionaire"


What is there left for me to do?
My life, 5 months past 17 years and 12 months
And what, there are no challenges left for me?


I don't know... is it even safe to think in such ways...
It doesn't matter, really, I've got my life to live.
It's been a long time now...
Most people get to the point - where they can justify, or negate, about anything.

That's what I've done; everything.
No doubts, I'm still looking for my ever present "quest" that I speak of, sure.
But really, I do feel like a millionare.
Meditations upon meditations
Observations
Speculations and revelations, apocalypses, you know of what I mean.
I have no needs

I have no desires, and for this I do feel a happiness
With but one exception,of course, and probably not a big surprise
Nor an uncommon occurance...

What would a man who had everything in the world want?
More?
...how about a man who has come to realize that there can be no more, that he's got it?

To take it further, what, in fact, would actually keep such a man alive?
To keep such a man from becoming a man, and not a machine
And not a monster?

It's not really a difficult riddle, it's no riddle at all. It's as clear as the day and the night.
Night and day..."

 

[ZeroDude]

"That's what I've done; everything.
No doubts, I'm still looking for my ever present "quest" that I speak of, sure.
But really, I do feel like a millionare.
Meditations upon meditations
Observations
Speculations and revelations, apocalypses, you know of what I mean.
I have no needs"

Now that kicks some considerable ass.

 

[wizard2c]

reply

Very good writing, For Honor.

Except, myself, I have not done enough.....you must remember that wizards remain ageless so there is so much more to learn and understand and pursue. It's like that timeline of a movie and the movie ends. One begins a new movie.

carol
wizard2c

 

[For Honor]

Thankyou..........

=


How much is there to know, really....

Even if you had several lifetimes to live... Eventually it would just come down to patterns and cycles. Especially once you start "knowing what you don't know".

But really, I do not want to come off as arrogant or whatver, though I know I do. It doesn't really make a difference what anyone else thinks


I realize this now more than ever before.

 

[ZeroDude]

Well having self realisation is an important step, a lot of people never even realise what their own personalities are like.

 

[For Honor]

I agree

 

[Numb1075]

it's a never ending quest

 

[youtooellen]

great writing FH

it's unfortunate how I've come to that 'step in self-realization' in my past but I seemed to have.. wandered off, trying to avoid confrontation...
oh the fear in knowing what I don't know...

 

[For Honor]

Confidence is such a strange thing. Sometimes it fluctuates, and other times, you know it is there. SO much of it is relevant.....

====


Can you explain this fear, fear of knowing what you don'y know?

 

[youtooellen]

hard to explain but I must agree that confidence is a strange thing.

this fear is somewhere along the lines of knowing what will happen and not having the ability to prevent it from happening. or even learning what I don't know yet, but having a sense of knowledge of it. it drives me to points where I question myself and wonder is it fear, is it doubt, is it just me thinking too much, or whatever.

I must make no sense at all, and I apologize for that.
I wish I could explain a bit more clearly, but the words can't seem to put together in my mind..

 

[For Honor]

No, I can understand what you mean, at least partially.

whether related to it or not...
control is also an interesting thing. I think that, too, is an illusion, an apperance of comfort and such. "I am in control, I know what's going on, I control what happenes"

that is sort of along the lines of a confidence. I can understand why confidence and these things are attractive to people. But even then, they are relevant....


*way out there comment*

But Iguess one way to cheat the system is to try to get as much power and such, even though illusionary, and then give it up or dissolve it before you have to suffer the loss of it. Even then, I wonder how this manipulation of the equation affects things..........

 

[youtooellen]

your way out there comment is actually... very insightful

it kind of.. changes my view on something personal to be honest. thanks for that.

and I agree with what you're saying about control.
sometimes I get the vibe from people that they abuse the word control, and instead mistake it for something else.
or even .. 'out of control'..

a friend of mine pretty much concludes that thought. the saying of 'I'm out of control'.. my friend seems to be unconfident.. and tends to stray away from control.

 

[For Honor]

I enjoy looking at things from different perspectives.


People are fascinating, in that different people react to different stimuli in different ways, and there are so many reasons and explanations for everything.

Sometimes I wonder how I came to become what I am today. And yet, it's not that hard to figure some things. There are an infinite number of possibilities... but then again, it seems as though only a small number are in the realm of things likely to happen.......


eh, this is one of those dangerous conversations that could go in many directions, almost. Heh.......


=

I'm glad you may have gained something for yourself


(I'm trying to find a way to close this post, but everything seems to not fit:

good luck
take care
enjoy life
etc.......... )


they are all relevant!




"May your journey be fruitful"

I guess that is decent.

 

[For Honor]

I feel like.... I'm playing a video game, and ..... like, the game (say football) is already out of hand. The score is so high, that it's boring and pointless, and I am setting it on cruise control and ready for the next game or whatever.


Maybe I should learn how to take joy out of the everyday things, but.......

really, I have a feeling I'd get bored of that, too.
I don't know.......


I mena, I am reminded of pride and prejudice (I actually opened that book once, well, not really, but saw the quite online, and am reminded of it now)

something about it being a universal truth that a man possesing great fortune must be in want of a wife.

Well, I guess that's the only thing left, though my "fortune" may be a ....... intangbile one. I don't really know.


An interesting point in my life.

I'm caught up in some anti-mundane.... quest......

 

[For Honor]

It seems like the only thing left would be to help others.

But help others do what?
I don't want to be mean, but, if I was to help them get where I am, really....... what good would that do?

There would be a bunch of people doing nothing, in one light.


I know, part of the problem is I'm looking for some sort of external answer, but... I almost feel like there's nothing left to do. I mean, I'm pretty solid. I fluctuate, but, I've got a good grip on myself at the moment. I'm okay. So then what.... where else do I look, and what for?

I'd turn to religion, or philosohpy for some answers, but there are non I can subscribe to yet.

I guess I'll keep looking...........