My second relationship was as close as I've been to real love, but it only lasted about 2 and a half months. It was about 8 months after my first relationship. I was 24 and she was 22. We were both taking Ornithology (birds) at the university, and I kind of got to know her during one of the field trips. She seemed very kind and genuine. I didn't talk to her for a long time (or anybody for that matter), and then a few months later I was eating in McDonald's and she tapped me on the shoulder and asked me if I wanted to go birding with her and her friend. I thought that was the most wonderful thing in the world and I was terrified.
So the day finally came and the three of us went on a road trip to various birding spots in southern Arizona. They both loved music as much as I do, and we listened to mix tapes and albums the whole time, and I really liked almost everything she played: intelligent, compassionate, we had the same major,
and we had very similar tastes in music.. I thought I had found the girl of my dreams. We communicated by email every once in a while (just small talk), and then she proposed that the 3 of us go on a 3-day birding trip to some wetlands in New Mexico. I tend to put a lot of people on a pedestal, and during that trip I felt like I was in the presence of an angel.. every laugh, every bright smile, the scent of her hair.. I didn't feel like I was worthy of being there with them. About a week after the trip, I somehow found the courage to ask her (by email
) if she had feelings for me. After an awkward start, we started going out. I was in shock during the whole relationship that she was even going out with me. We did things that I thought I would never do; we went to a place in the mountains where couples go to watch the sunset, and we watched the sunset (she sat behind me and put her arms around me!!); we went hiking together; we went to the zoo; we went to a new year's party that her friend was having (my first real party).. and other things. I can still remember our first uncertain kiss. As the relationship went on, I noticed a few major differences between us, but I chose to overlook them.
One night while she was driving me home, she said something that made me think maybe she wanted to break up. I asked her about it and it turned out that she did. I started crying and couldn't stop for a long time (I felt pretty stupid). She was very understanding and kept on driving passed my house for quite a while out into the desert so that I wouldn't walk into the house crying (I was still living at home at that time). One of the reasons she wanted to break up was because we were going to graduate in a couple of months and she was going to go out of state for a job, but things just weren't working out. She was very outspoken and had a quick temper and I am very quiet and withdrawn and don't like conflict at all, and I know that it really was for the best.
That was the best 2 months of my life, and I came away from it with a lot more confidence in myself. During that relationship, she was literally my only friend. I don't think that's healthy for a relationship. I think I need to form some good strong friendships before I ask another girl out (probably won't happen), but meeting people is not easy, especially since I'm not even trying.
This might seem like a strange regret, but the thing I regret the most is not letting myself be more spontaneous.
Definitely not one of the great love stories of our time, but I felt like I got a glimpse of real love. Johnny, you're one of the funniest people around here, and I can tell from your posts that you have got all kinds of good qualities; it would be a crime if you don't one day find true love.
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"Love, it's who you know."