starsgoblue
Blue Crack Addict
Can you want to die without actually wanting to do yourself in? Sometimes I wonder....if you can wish for death without actually wanting to bring it upon yourself, if that makes any sense...
starsforu2 said:I remember when I was a bit depressed in High School and I would have these thoughts of "what if". Like what if this car hit me right now, and would anyone care. It was self-piteous, and was a long way off from suicidal, but it was still alarming in retrospect.
Hope, is what keeps driving on in moments like that. Hope that things will change if one is unhappy. Hope that God will intercede where we can't.
I find that looking around and seeing what is right helps me to appreciate things quite a bit and drags me out of the pit. To be honest, life has been good to me and it's easier for me to pull myself up, but disappointments do arrive and when they do, it's good to count your blessings. It is good to be grateful for what you do possess, for your friends, for your family (the functioning part) and for health, God, job, school, U2, or whatever you are thankful for. It's a good time to be alive right now! Just being able to listen to new uplifting music is the best! and a tour is coming round, and maybe you will meet the band. Lots to hope for, lots to be thankful for. You're young, attractive, smart and ebullient. People can't help notice you, these are good things and will serve you well, if you can manage to keep your chin off the ground. See you later in the Octagon...
TwoAmericas said:
Awesome post.
Lately, I have been thinking about death and dying. Every night before I go to bed, I think, "Will tomorrow be my last day of living?" There is just so much tragedy going on lately with the tsunami disaster and war in Iraq. Even in the local paper, I read about how young people are tragically dying. I also have a lot of insecurity issues and have very low self-esteem. Sometimes, I say to myself, "I don't want to live anymore. I have had enough of this life."
But for the past 20 years, U2's music has brought me so much joy. God, this album is amazing. Even today, as I was driving to work, I had tears coming down while listening to COBL. It's such a beutiful, uplifting song. A few weeks ago, the same thing happened to me while listening to OOTS. And when I first listened to SYCMIOYO, it brought me to tears, especially when Bono sings, "A house doesn't make a home."
A U2 album has never brought me to tears before. I swear to God.
And the best song is Yahweh. That song is perfect to sing in Church. It is such a perfect Church hym.
This album is really keeping me alive, literally. I think this album might save my life.
U2democrat said:This is getting way too deep for my feeble mind.
starsforu2 said:
I love Yahweh! What a humble song. Here is the cool part... you're heart is breaking, but not without cause, it's in those moments that we are most vulnerable and able to hear God, because that's when we need him most. Great Celebrations and Great weeping are when I desire to see God most clearly, other times I have to remind myself to thank him for not making it so dramatic all the time.
I remember last year, at about this time, I was very angry at God because I felt like he had set me up for disappointment. I had met this girl in a way that seemed to be divinely appointed and yet there was one thing missing... she wasn't a Christian, in fact she couldn't believe in God at all. She tried, just couldn't. I was mad at God for not making it happen since everything else seemed perfect.
I remember being out to dinner with some friends and one of my buddies basically put the issue on the table (without my permission ), and as I talked about it, I just broke. I didn't realize how heavy this weight was that I was carrying. That was a holy moment. I was no longer strong enough to continue holding on to this burden and over the next several months I anger at God began to disappear completely. In part, because I realized that God knew more about who was right for me than I did. I realize now how imperfect our union would have been, even if she had become a Christian.
So even though I went through fire to get that point, it was required in order for me to arrive at the point where I'm at now. Today, I consider a relationship that is laid out in front of me, and I carry with me an assurance that I didn't have a year ago. If it fails, it's because it's supposed to, and in the end I will be grateful because somewhere round the corner is that person that I'm supposed to be with. That doesn't mean that there won't be disappointment involved or that there won't be tears, but I believe that the healing process will be reduced, and that I won't be destroyed by it, like so many do.
Good luck my friend! Thanks for offering your encouragement. Sometimes we can actually make a difference! How about that. Wow!
LoveTown said:
life is hard and often lonely but it's still life. Even at it's worst it still holds amazing beauty.
MrsSpringsteen said:
That's a great quote, you have excellent perspective
starsgoblue said:
Feeble minded my arse, U2Dem! You're alot of things....feeble isn't one of them. *playfully slaps U2Dem upside the head*
Salome said:yes
the wish for the bad stuff to end
and the longing for and the believe that you might get the good stuff are two seperate things
it's a scary balance I admit though
starsgoblue said:Can you want to die without actually wanting to do yourself in? Sometimes I wonder....if you can wish for death without actually wanting to bring it upon yourself, if that makes any sense...