It's the way I am, if you want to do that.
You know, I guess I don't really care if I seem like an ass or something.
There are a lot of stubborn people in the world who try to do (uh-oh, a non objective term) "bad" things. I'm just as stobborn, I guess.
I don't want to sound like I ride my high horse and try to save the day. I can't. I can't do anything.
Me? My life? What is there to do? I can't do anything.
And even if I wanted to, and I do, I can't because I don't have the means. I guess that's not evident when I post, but, I don't talk to a lot of people or anything.
If we are going to say "oh, that's how it is" in regards to some people living their life a certain way,then I get that very same excuse. "That's how it is" with me.
I spent so many hours looking, thinking, exlpore, tring to find out why I am the way I am. And yeah, I've got a good idea. But a lot of things I didn't ask for myself, and a lot of things shouldn't be what they are.
BUt they are
and I am what I am.
Oh yeah, and my group of friends, the ones at school, the ones I eat lunch with......
I don't have those. So don't worry about me being like that.
I don't talk to anyone at school.
If yuo want to talk about someone who "does not get involved", that is me. I don't do a damn thing, honestly. I really don't think you could find someone who is more uninvolved than I am in regards to that.
I don't think there is anything more I can do with my life at the moment. I've got things reasonably under control, all things considered.
Perhaps the very reason I chose to get involved is because that allows me to actually do something. Even in the matters directrly related to my family, like everything else, I don't do anything. My father does this, my mother can't do that, but I react. Sure. That's fine. That's how it is.
Look, the post about "dieabetes", that was out of line. I should have never even started that. But again, that wasn't something where I badgered anyone.
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now, the reason I am so bent over this new situation, is because she came to me.
I didn't ask, I didn't probe, I didn't ponder, I didn't worry, I didn't pry, I didn't seek, I didn't interogate, I didn't force her to talk, I didn't force her to write to me.
And if someone comes to me, I want to try to help them with what I can.
I can't change their life, I don't control that.
But sometimes people need someone to direct them.
And if this is another lesson from God, if you will,
in "Hey, kid, there's nothing you can do about it", well, I guess I'll learn it all over again
I don't mean to sound harsh or anything, but, I have a lot of opinions about everything that's going on in my life, as everyone may already know.
And right now, even if I loose a friend, even if I get dissapointed, even if something bad comes out of this, I have to do what I think is right. For once, someone is allowing me, seeking for me to be there, and I won't turn my back on that.
I know a lot of my posts have made me come off as someone who's up in everyone's business, but really, it's not like that. I spend most of my time in my world with my own "problems". I don't seem to have much of an impact on anything else but my own mood or my own present mindest when that happens.
(the Zack posts are what they are - he sees me as his big brother, and he wants me to play that role)
(Everything else that's going on in my life, well, there's not much I can do. THat's the long and short of it)
But this thread, this is more than just about me.
I don't want to boost my ego, it's not like that.
I just don't want to see someone cry
when I know that I can do something about it
even if it is just to listen
and just listening is something that I'll be fine with
(Maybe I just shouldn't have posted this thread at all, because I don't want it to seem like I'm sending out an all points bulliten "MY FRIEND NEEDS HELP". I wanted to write things out and get opinions, perhaps. I wanted to gain some knowledge as to the best way to deal with the situation, regardless of my involvement. Sure, I'd like to be the one to mentor her through this, but if my role is to watch from afar, I can deal with that. If there is anyone who knows about "hey kid, there's nothing you can do", that would be me. But just because I might not be able to do anything doesn't mean I'm going to just not care)
that being said,
thanks for your words.
I'll keep them in mind