maycocksean
Rock n' Roll Doggie Band-aid
I had an experience the other night at a concert that really bothered me. I realize this might better go in Zoo Confessional or some place like that, and if the mods feel the need to move it that’s fine with me. But this is the forum I spend the most time in and I feel like the regular posters here “know” me and that’s important to me in gauging responses. Further, the issue arguably could be appropriate for this forum as it deals with issues of sexual harassment and the appropriate response to questionable situations which have been touched on in recent threads such as the Disgusting Stories and Rape threads.
Anyway, my best friend and I were at a Mat Kearney concert in Chicago Thursday night. We had great spots right on the rail and were really enjoying the show. My friend was on the rail and I was right behind him, having given my spot on the rail to a ten year old girl who couldn’t see very well. Late in the concert I look to my left and this guy is openly groping this woman in front of him. I’m not sure whether he knew her prior to that evening or not. He had been at the rail already with a woman I presumed was his girlfriend when we arrived. Two other women who had been in line with us also arrived on the rail at the same time as us, and they started chatting while waiting for the show to start. As the evening progressed all four gradually got fairly drunk. By the end of the concert the girlfriend? and one of the two women were still on the rail, and the guy and the other girl were behind them, next to me. I happened to glance over and notice her leaning back against him, and his hands around her waist I guess they were kind of dancing except her shirt was up and/or pants were lowered a little. At first I didn’t think much of it but eventually it was pretty clear that he was literally getting in her pants. At one point it appeared that he had his hand well down the inside of her pants, though I can’t say 100% for sure. It just made me really uncomfortable.
I wasn’t sure if I should say or do anything. I wasn’t sure if he’d crossed a line or not. She was clearly drunk, but not to the point of insensibility. She would lean over and talk to him from time to time, or check her phone. She didn’t seem bothered by it, as far as I could tell. I just felt that I was seeing someone taken advantage of and it felt wrong to me.
So my question is should I have done something? Should I have told him to cut it out?
Full disclosure: I feel that none of this would have happened if both people hadn’t been drinking. I don’t drink myself, and while I have had a drink on a few occasions in my life it was never enough to be drunk or even get a buzz. As a result, I really don’t know what the “rules” are among people who do drink. Is this normal “party behavior” between two consenting adults? Or is outside the bounds of what’s considered appropriate. I’d like to hear the perspective from both men and women on this. Ladies, if it’s a guy that you’re not uncomfortable with (but who is a stranger to you), is this something you might be okay with? Guys, how do you know when you’re crossing the line?
After the concert I talked to my friend about it and eventually I realized that I could have simply asked her if she was okay and perhaps if the gentleman was bothering her. Unfortunately I didn’t think of that until it was too late.
Also the next morning, I woke up and realized that there was another legitimate reason I could have told him to cut it out. . .simply because it bothered me. I could have said, “Dude, get a room. I don’t need to see this.” I mean there was a ten year old girl not five feet away. ..come on!
At any rate, I’d be interested in hearing your thoughts. Worst case scenario, I’m told that I witnessed a sexual assault and was too much of weenie to do something about it and as a result I feel like a moral failure. Best case scenario, I’m told that I’m being a prude and that I should just mind my own business, in which case I feel relieved that I didn’t say anything.
Whatever the case, I welcome your input.
Anyway, my best friend and I were at a Mat Kearney concert in Chicago Thursday night. We had great spots right on the rail and were really enjoying the show. My friend was on the rail and I was right behind him, having given my spot on the rail to a ten year old girl who couldn’t see very well. Late in the concert I look to my left and this guy is openly groping this woman in front of him. I’m not sure whether he knew her prior to that evening or not. He had been at the rail already with a woman I presumed was his girlfriend when we arrived. Two other women who had been in line with us also arrived on the rail at the same time as us, and they started chatting while waiting for the show to start. As the evening progressed all four gradually got fairly drunk. By the end of the concert the girlfriend? and one of the two women were still on the rail, and the guy and the other girl were behind them, next to me. I happened to glance over and notice her leaning back against him, and his hands around her waist I guess they were kind of dancing except her shirt was up and/or pants were lowered a little. At first I didn’t think much of it but eventually it was pretty clear that he was literally getting in her pants. At one point it appeared that he had his hand well down the inside of her pants, though I can’t say 100% for sure. It just made me really uncomfortable.
I wasn’t sure if I should say or do anything. I wasn’t sure if he’d crossed a line or not. She was clearly drunk, but not to the point of insensibility. She would lean over and talk to him from time to time, or check her phone. She didn’t seem bothered by it, as far as I could tell. I just felt that I was seeing someone taken advantage of and it felt wrong to me.
So my question is should I have done something? Should I have told him to cut it out?
Full disclosure: I feel that none of this would have happened if both people hadn’t been drinking. I don’t drink myself, and while I have had a drink on a few occasions in my life it was never enough to be drunk or even get a buzz. As a result, I really don’t know what the “rules” are among people who do drink. Is this normal “party behavior” between two consenting adults? Or is outside the bounds of what’s considered appropriate. I’d like to hear the perspective from both men and women on this. Ladies, if it’s a guy that you’re not uncomfortable with (but who is a stranger to you), is this something you might be okay with? Guys, how do you know when you’re crossing the line?
After the concert I talked to my friend about it and eventually I realized that I could have simply asked her if she was okay and perhaps if the gentleman was bothering her. Unfortunately I didn’t think of that until it was too late.
Also the next morning, I woke up and realized that there was another legitimate reason I could have told him to cut it out. . .simply because it bothered me. I could have said, “Dude, get a room. I don’t need to see this.” I mean there was a ten year old girl not five feet away. ..come on!
At any rate, I’d be interested in hearing your thoughts. Worst case scenario, I’m told that I witnessed a sexual assault and was too much of weenie to do something about it and as a result I feel like a moral failure. Best case scenario, I’m told that I’m being a prude and that I should just mind my own business, in which case I feel relieved that I didn’t say anything.
Whatever the case, I welcome your input.