susannag75
The Fly
Hello! Hopefully I'm not annoying you with my story... If you don't like it, just tell me! Here are chapters 3 and 4
DISCLAIMER: All invented by me on the basis of my mind's reaction to listening to the Elevation tour shows in the UK, not own U2, not making money from this....
PG for language
Too much alike him - Chapter 3
Bono woke up feeling bad, as it happened in the last two days. He had been sick, and he could barely stand on his feet. I can't break up now... just three dates. And it will be better, then.
But he lacked all of the energy that had kept him up in the past month. He could see no lights of hope around him, he felt like he was trapped in a long tunnel with no way out.
He went back to his bed after taking some aspirin and tried to lay still not to feel the pain coming from every part of his body.
There was a knock on the door, and Edge entered his room bringing some hot coffee and muffins.
Bono waved hello to him, and Edge observed his friend's pale face and his sad blue eyes, pain in his own eyes at the sight.
"Come on, you never come down for breakfast, never eat anything after the shows... I think you should really be eating something before I get you to the rehearsals."
Bono got up slowly, and Edge realized he had not even undressed before going to bed. He put his sunglasses on and grabbed some coffee, drinking in silence.
Edge sat on the bed next to him and put his arm around his shoulders. He could tell that he would not have argued this time. He looked so vulnerable. "You don't feel any better, do you? I am a lot worried. We all are. You try to run from us, it's been six days now, and I'm sick of avoiding the subject with you. I want to know if you feel good enough to go on with the shows, if you need anything, if you want to talk... When we are on stage, you come towards me and I can see you are feeling bad but I don't know what is really happening to you and I just hug you. But if I ask you what is the matter you pretend you do not hear me. I'm very happy to support you throughout the show, of course, but I would like you to talk to me about what you felt when we are here afterwards. Just to help you. Larry wanted to have a talk with you, but he's afraid of getting you angry... You helped him, you helped me, you helped Adam when we had our black days... Just want to help you as well. You're not scared of crying in front of thousands, but you are in front of us?"
Bono did not feel like to argue. He let his head rest on Edge's shoulder as his friend hugged him tightly.
"Not willing to disappoint anyone, really." was Bono's reply.
Edge tried to understand what he meant. "About what?"
"About... about the shows, about me..."
"And why on Earth would anyone have to be disappointed with you now, Good Lord? For once, you did not do anything..." messy, he would have said but stopped. This was not a time for jokes, and he did not want to underline it.
"Well, you all have been disappointed by me before, haven't you? When the album was recorded, just an example, and I was around the world..."
"All right, what does it matter now? We already settled it."
"Ok. And I promised not to make it happen again. I'm not a baby. I'm a grown up man and I can take this. There's worst than this you know? He was an old man... well… just part of life." I hope he gets convinced, he thought pronouncing the last words. I won't be able to get on long with this shit.
Edge felt him shiver. "Yes, of course. I know you’re strong." he said in his ear.
This reminded Bono of when it was him who had said these words to Larry, who pretended to be all right, while holding him. He remembered about Larry fighting his embrace, holding back the tears. And then surrender after he continued to talk to him. But he was not a teen anymore - he would not break up.
He could feel his eyes fill with tears. He got up and turned to the window.
"OK, I see. Not in the mood of sharing thoughts. Well, Bono, you know where to find me." Edge left the room and the others looked at him as soon as he was in the corridor with questioning faces. He shook his head and they all left.
Bono lay still on the couch, staring at the window.
He had been through a lot of feelings since the tour in the UK had started. He could well remember the anger he felt in Manchester, just as he was told his dad was going to die soon, and the understanding that anyone had for him as he messed up on stage and he cut short the show. He felt guilty for leaving the stage without a word to anyone.
Probably the others had discussed about it and decided to let go, and it was not even mentioned anymore. He felt quite strange about it. In the twist of emotions of those days, they had probably decided to let their rule to be honest with each other even if this meant being rude, but still they might be angry for it.
Angry with him… his dad was always angry with him… He tried to remember whether his mother was always angry with him as well, but either he could not remember or she was not.
The flood of thoughts had started, and the anger he seemed to cause in other people was his main concern.
And Ali... Oh, Ali must be very angry with me. Why did I run out the other night?
As a result of all of these thoughts he felt as the most evil person in the Solar System. Not forgetting that he had just made Edge leave, and avoided Larry for so long that he was not going to speak to him anymore...
So alike him, so his son... He was being just what he had hated his father being.
I really need to sleep... no I don't have to. When I dream about him, it is always about us fighting. With this consideration he found the strength to get up and get dressed. He felt pathetic all day long; everyone looked at him with sympathy as he tried with no success to conceal how he really felt.
On stage that night he felt even more pathetic, as tears flooded on his face and his voice was shaking, while he wanted to sound as good as possible. His efforts to carry on were really huge, and his band mates could clearly see that on his face.
As the last note of Walk On was played, they greeted the public in the rather small arena, and left the stage, Adam first, followed by Bono and then the others. As he took the steps to go backstage, Bono’s legs gave in and he lost his balance. Larry was very near to him, and he caught his friend putting his arms around his waist. Adam turned hearing the noise behind and helped Larry to bring Bono to a chair nearby.
"Bono, what's up?" Larry asked, concern on his face.
Bono remained silent, trying to catch his breath.
“Let’s bring him back to the hotel, so he can relax a bit. It is too busy here.” Edge said.
“Yes, and he needs something to eat I guess” Adam added.
Larry helped him to walk to the car and they went back to the hotel.
Bono was totally dependent on the others in getting to his room and being put in bed. He did not have the strength or the will to tell anything and he did not well understand what was happening. He was still gasping for breath from the effort on stage, and he felt very hot. It was quite strange.
His friends went to their room to get a shower thinking he would be better if he could rest.
He fell in a sort of stupor for a while but after a short time he felt a suffocating sensation being alone.
He was able to get up and reach Edge’s room, and yet it seemed like he ran a marathon; but he needed the others, he needed voices to fill his head. I have been bad to them in these days, and I hope they will not be angry, he thought. He stood for a moment outside Edge’s room to catch his breath and he could hear them all talking and he felt like he was going home. He was cold, and he could feel warmth coming from the other side of the door. He knocked and Edge opened the door in a rush, worried that something might have happened to Bono.
“Hello everybody” he said trying to look calm, although his cheeks still flushed and breathing properly was still hard for him.
“Hey, what are you doing? You might fall again don’t go around alone. Why didn’t you call me?” Edge’s face showed a deep concern. He took hold of Bono's arm and guided him towards a couch.
“I’m ok. I would like to stay here with you all. I feel so uncomfortable being alone. Please, go on talking. I will stay here on the couch and rest while you talk. I’ll be ok like this.” Bono said, sitting next to Larry. He had talked with a rather submissive tone, in a plea-like manner that was rarely seen in him, and his friends were astonished.
“Well, of course you DO stay here. Where would you want to go anyway.” Edge answered as he brought to him some water seeing him still frantic to catch his breath.
Adam started to talk about the show, and the other two followed him, while they all kept an eye on Bono, and tried to say something a bit funny to see if it helped.
Chapter 4
Bono had a faint smile on his face but was quite absent minded, and after a little time Larry felt Bono’s head leaning on his shoulder as the singer seemed to fall asleep.
“Lar’, don’t let him get asleep now. He has not eaten anything yet and he was far too weak tonight” Adam said. “Bono, wake up please. You should have something to eat before you sleep. You’re not going to perform like this tomorrow” he added, this time in a loud voice.
Bono, who was just in a sort of drowsiness, had heard him and tried to answer something “Yeah… ok, just let me… here… for a while. I’m cold.”
He settled his head on Larry’s chest and the drummer embraced him and held him as he realized he was trembling.
Adam was going to speak again, but Larry shook his head in his direction with a look that allowed no reply. Larry wanted to let Bono calm down as he seemed still fatigued from the show, and he tried to make him the more comfortable he could to help him to relax.
The other two had resumed talking in a low voice and Larry tried to tell something reassuring to his friend while pulling his hair away from his face.
Bono was feeling really bad and did not wish anyone to see it, but he was losing control, being weak and confused. Even keeping his head up or his eyes open were a struggle for him and he was much relieved when he was able to lay in Larry’s arms. He was trying to keep an ear to the conversation and to put in some words, just to pretend to be fine, but he found himself talking quite a lot of nonsense, and he was fighting not to get asleep. His head was very painful and he felt hot although he was shivering.
When Larry touched him to free his face from his hair, he felt his friend’s hand as a gift from heaven, so nicely cold on his skin, and he grabbed it and put it on his forehead.
He realized what he had been doing only when Larry, alarmed, talked. “Hey, you are so hot. Edge, come here. He’s feverish. Touch him.”
He tried to push Edge’s hand away, but he was not fast enough. He just took hold of Larry’s shirt and raised his face to watch him in the eyes, to be sure he understood that he did not want to be alone in his bed.
As an answer, Larry just held him and asked Adam to bring something to keep him warm.
Adam came around with a duvet and set it on Bono’s shoulders.
“I’m sorry.” Bono said, quite ashamed of the rush he had caused. “I am just tired.”
“Of course you are. And you did not eat nor take care of yourself. Soaked in rain and stuff like that.” Adam replied, trying to look annoyed more than concerned. “When were you going to tell us you were not feeling well? Or were we supposed to come and find you on the floor of your room or did you consider collapsing on stage a good teathrical option?”
“I did not realize… I… don’t know…” Bono said in a low voice. He did not listen to everything that Adam was shouting at him, because the fact that he was angry made him uncomfortable and the confusion he felt in his head worsened.
Edge realized that Bono was not very stable and tried to settle the argument. “Come on, let him be quiet. You can tell him about this when he will be better.”
“He won’t do anything I suggest to him when he is better, you know that. The only hope I have that he even LISTENS to me is to have him when he’s like this!” Adam shouted.
“Hey, stop it. If you want to shout you go out. If you want to be of any use, bring an aspirin or something like that.” Larry said hastily. ”And don’t forget what I told you the other day, so please, behave.”
Adam looked at Larry in a sort of amusement, seeing how protective he had become of Bono, while Edge went in search of some medicines.
Amidst all the fuss, Bono’s eyes were full of tears and he covered them with a hand, pushing his face in Larry’s chest.
“Calm down. We’re just concerned. I am just very much concerned about you. I don’t want to see you like this. I did not want to be rude. I’m not angry.” Adam said softly to him.
But Bono was not listening to them anymore, lost in his own thoughts and in the weakness he was feeling “I… I thought I had forgotten how it was like… now I know I remember it too well. I don’t know…” he said. “… I don’t know if I can stand to bear it all again.” He said, trying to hide some more in Larry’s arms, ashamed of not being able to control himself. “Or if I want to…”
Larry tightened his embrace, whispering calming words at his friend’s ear.
“I’m so tired. What should I do?” Bono asked among the sobs.
Adam sat on the arm of the couch, and Edge stood in front of Bono and they both joined their friends’ embrace.
When Bono had fallen asleep, they turned off the light. They were silent and looking at their friend’s pale face.
“Do you think we should tell anyone? Will he need a doctor? He seems on the verge of a nervous breakdown…” Adam asked Edge.
“I don’t think so. He is better off with not too many people around… he does not need anything else than time to recover, some sleep and some help from his friends. I hope we can handle this.” The guitarist said.
Bono was in and out of a feverish sleep for some hours, until the medicine took its effect, and his temperature lowered. When he finally came to himself he realized he was still leaning on Larry’s shoulder, and the drummer was sound asleep.
Edge and Adam were sleeping on the bed, still dressed.
Wow, I must have put up a rather interesting show… They are all here caring for the most childish man in the world… another award I should be up for…My children would not be so annoying even at their best effort…
He got up trying not to awake Larry, and being still not firm on his legs he struggled to reach the balcony. The night air was cool, and he was relieved sensing the breeze on his face. Maybe now I will be able to use my brain…He had confused memories of the evening before, but he was conscious he had talked too much and let the others know he was in despair.
“You just cannot wait for getting a cold, can you?” a voice abruptly interrupted his thoughts.
“Sorry Larry I tried not to make too much noise but it seems I haven’t been attentive enough” he said, without turning.
“It’s OK. So, are you feeling better?”
“Yes I am. Actually, I think I must have taken some sort of a cold in the past days.”
“I do not think this is the case. I believe that you are tired. Oh, sorry, not the right concept. I am sure that you are exhausted.” Larry said. “Now, if you also want to get a cold you can stay here in your shirt and boxers and you can be faithful that your excuse will become much more credible.”
“Why would I want an excuse? I am fine now. It was nothing important.” Bono answered, trying to keep his voice as steady as possible.
“So, should I assume that you kept us all up for nothing important? And what about the things you told us a couple of hours ago?”
“That… that was just… nonsense. I was feverish.” Bono was starting to feel bad again and was also running out of good reasons to give for his attitudes.
“You act like you are fifteen, you know that, don’t you?” Larry burst out, lack of sleep and grief for his friend making him lose his temper. “I hoped you had regained some of your good sense. But it seems that I just thought too high of you in all of these years. It’s disappointing…”
Bono assumed Larry was referring to what happened in the room in the evening and he felt like being stabbed in the back. Larry was the last person in the world he wanted to disappoint. He did not let him finish to talk. “I… I know very well I disappointed you all tonight. I’m sorry, I told you it was this bad cold I got. I was actually acting my shoe size, and I’m still ashamed for that. Now it’s time I go to bed. You should sleep too. Tell the others I am sorry for having kept them up, also.”
And before Larry could even realize that he got his words the wrong way, he went back into the room and ran out of the door.
Edge was awakened by the door slamming. He looked around and saw the open window.
Larry was still on the balcony trying to realize what happened.
“What the hell did go on in here?” Edge asked, half asleep.
“Oh Edge… I think I just screwed everything up… he got my words the wrong way…” Larry answered, almost crying, “He was trying to tell me that he was just ill with a cold. I told him he was acting like a child, that I was disappointed… and then when he answered I think he was talking about tonight…”
“We will settle it. You had the best intentions… it can happen with… with Bono, I guess. Things can get slightly messed up with him sometimes…” Edge tried to comfort Larry, but his mind was focused on Bono, and he hoped his friend did not get too much heartbroken at this conversation.
“It should not have happened now… Do you think you would get him convinced that I was actually not referring to that?”
“No, of course… We will do something.” Hello! Hopefully I'm not annoying you with my story... If you don't like it, just tell me! Here are chapters 3 and 4
DISCLAIMER: All invented by me on the basis of my mind's reaction to listening to the Elevation tour shows in the UK, not own U2, not making money from this....
PG for language
Too much alike him - Chapter 3
Bono woke up feeling bad, as it happened in the last two days. He had been sick, and he could barely stand on his feet. I can't break up now... just three dates. And it will be better, then.
But he lacked all of the energy that had kept him up in the past month. He could see no lights of hope around him, he felt like he was trapped in a long tunnel with no way out.
He went back to his bed after taking some aspirin and tried to lay still not to feel the pain coming from every part of his body.
There was a knock on the door, and Edge entered his room bringing some hot coffee and muffins.
Bono waved hello to him, and Edge observed his friend's pale face and his sad blue eyes, pain in his own eyes at the sight.
"Come on, you never come down for breakfast, never eat anything after the shows... I think you should really be eating something before I get you to the rehearsals."
Bono got up slowly, and Edge realized he had not even undressed before going to bed. He put his sunglasses on and grabbed some coffee, drinking in silence.
Edge sat on the bed next to him and put his arm around his shoulders. He could tell that he would not have argued this time. He looked so vulnerable. "You don't feel any better, do you? I am a lot worried. We all are. You try to run from us, it's been six days now, and I'm sick of avoiding the subject with you. I want to know if you feel good enough to go on with the shows, if you need anything, if you want to talk... When we are on stage, you come towards me and I can see you are feeling bad but I don't know what is really happening to you and I just hug you. But if I ask you what is the matter you pretend you do not hear me. I'm very happy to support you throughout the show, of course, but I would like you to talk to me about what you felt when we are here afterwards. Just to help you. Larry wanted to have a talk with you, but he's afraid of getting you angry... You helped him, you helped me, you helped Adam when we had our black days... Just want to help you as well. You're not scared of crying in front of thousands, but you are in front of us?"
Bono did not feel like to argue. He let his head rest on Edge's shoulder as his friend hugged him tightly.
"Not willing to disappoint anyone, really." was Bono's reply.
Edge tried to understand what he meant. "About what?"
"About... about the shows, about me..."
"And why on Earth would anyone have to be disappointed with you now, Good Lord? For once, you did not do anything..." messy, he would have said but stopped. This was not a time for jokes, and he did not want to underline it.
"Well, you all have been disappointed by me before, haven't you? When the album was recorded, just an example, and I was around the world..."
"All right, what does it matter now? We already settled it."
"Ok. And I promised not to make it happen again. I'm not a baby. I'm a grown up man and I can take this. There's worst than this you know? He was an old man... well… just part of life." I hope he gets convinced, he thought pronouncing the last words. I won't be able to get on long with this shit.
Edge felt him shiver. "Yes, of course. I know you’re strong." he said in his ear.
This reminded Bono of when it was him who had said these words to Larry, who pretended to be all right, while holding him. He remembered about Larry fighting his embrace, holding back the tears. And then surrender after he continued to talk to him. But he was not a teen anymore - he would not break up.
He could feel his eyes fill with tears. He got up and turned to the window.
"OK, I see. Not in the mood of sharing thoughts. Well, Bono, you know where to find me." Edge left the room and the others looked at him as soon as he was in the corridor with questioning faces. He shook his head and they all left.
Bono lay still on the couch, staring at the window.
He had been through a lot of feelings since the tour in the UK had started. He could well remember the anger he felt in Manchester, just as he was told his dad was going to die soon, and the understanding that anyone had for him as he messed up on stage and he cut short the show. He felt guilty for leaving the stage without a word to anyone.
Probably the others had discussed about it and decided to let go, and it was not even mentioned anymore. He felt quite strange about it. In the twist of emotions of those days, they had probably decided to let their rule to be honest with each other even if this meant being rude, but still they might be angry for it.
Angry with him… his dad was always angry with him… He tried to remember whether his mother was always angry with him as well, but either he could not remember or she was not.
The flood of thoughts had started, and the anger he seemed to cause in other people was his main concern.
And Ali... Oh, Ali must be very angry with me. Why did I run out the other night?
As a result of all of these thoughts he felt as the most evil person in the Solar System. Not forgetting that he had just made Edge leave, and avoided Larry for so long that he was not going to speak to him anymore...
So alike him, so his son... He was being just what he had hated his father being.
I really need to sleep... no I don't have to. When I dream about him, it is always about us fighting. With this consideration he found the strength to get up and get dressed. He felt pathetic all day long; everyone looked at him with sympathy as he tried with no success to conceal how he really felt.
On stage that night he felt even more pathetic, as tears flooded on his face and his voice was shaking, while he wanted to sound as good as possible. His efforts to carry on were really huge, and his band mates could clearly see that on his face.
As the last note of Walk On was played, they greeted the public in the rather small arena, and left the stage, Adam first, followed by Bono and then the others. As he took the steps to go backstage, Bono’s legs gave in and he lost his balance. Larry was very near to him, and he caught his friend putting his arms around his waist. Adam turned hearing the noise behind and helped Larry to bring Bono to a chair nearby.
"Bono, what's up?" Larry asked, concern on his face.
Bono remained silent, trying to catch his breath.
“Let’s bring him back to the hotel, so he can relax a bit. It is too busy here.” Edge said.
“Yes, and he needs something to eat I guess” Adam added.
Larry helped him to walk to the car and they went back to the hotel.
Bono was totally dependent on the others in getting to his room and being put in bed. He did not have the strength or the will to tell anything and he did not well understand what was happening. He was still gasping for breath from the effort on stage, and he felt very hot. It was quite strange.
His friends went to their room to get a shower thinking he would be better if he could rest.
He fell in a sort of stupor for a while but after a short time he felt a suffocating sensation being alone.
He was able to get up and reach Edge’s room, and yet it seemed like he ran a marathon; but he needed the others, he needed voices to fill his head. I have been bad to them in these days, and I hope they will not be angry, he thought. He stood for a moment outside Edge’s room to catch his breath and he could hear them all talking and he felt like he was going home. He was cold, and he could feel warmth coming from the other side of the door. He knocked and Edge opened the door in a rush, worried that something might have happened to Bono.
“Hello everybody” he said trying to look calm, although his cheeks still flushed and breathing properly was still hard for him.
“Hey, what are you doing? You might fall again don’t go around alone. Why didn’t you call me?” Edge’s face showed a deep concern. He took hold of Bono's arm and guided him towards a couch.
“I’m ok. I would like to stay here with you all. I feel so uncomfortable being alone. Please, go on talking. I will stay here on the couch and rest while you talk. I’ll be ok like this.” Bono said, sitting next to Larry. He had talked with a rather submissive tone, in a plea-like manner that was rarely seen in him, and his friends were astonished.
“Well, of course you DO stay here. Where would you want to go anyway.” Edge answered as he brought to him some water seeing him still frantic to catch his breath.
Adam started to talk about the show, and the other two followed him, while they all kept an eye on Bono, and tried to say something a bit funny to see if it helped.
Chapter 4
Bono had a faint smile on his face but was quite absent minded, and after a little time Larry felt Bono’s head leaning on his shoulder as the singer seemed to fall asleep.
“Lar’, don’t let him get asleep now. He has not eaten anything yet and he was far too weak tonight” Adam said. “Bono, wake up please. You should have something to eat before you sleep. You’re not going to perform like this tomorrow” he added, this time in a loud voice.
Bono, who was just in a sort of drowsiness, had heard him and tried to answer something “Yeah… ok, just let me… here… for a while. I’m cold.”
He settled his head on Larry’s chest and the drummer embraced him and held him as he realized he was trembling.
Adam was going to speak again, but Larry shook his head in his direction with a look that allowed no reply. Larry wanted to let Bono calm down as he seemed still fatigued from the show, and he tried to make him the more comfortable he could to help him to relax.
The other two had resumed talking in a low voice and Larry tried to tell something reassuring to his friend while pulling his hair away from his face.
Bono was feeling really bad and did not wish anyone to see it, but he was losing control, being weak and confused. Even keeping his head up or his eyes open were a struggle for him and he was much relieved when he was able to lay in Larry’s arms. He was trying to keep an ear to the conversation and to put in some words, just to pretend to be fine, but he found himself talking quite a lot of nonsense, and he was fighting not to get asleep. His head was very painful and he felt hot although he was shivering.
When Larry touched him to free his face from his hair, he felt his friend’s hand as a gift from heaven, so nicely cold on his skin, and he grabbed it and put it on his forehead.
He realized what he had been doing only when Larry, alarmed, talked. “Hey, you are so hot. Edge, come here. He’s feverish. Touch him.”
He tried to push Edge’s hand away, but he was not fast enough. He just took hold of Larry’s shirt and raised his face to watch him in the eyes, to be sure he understood that he did not want to be alone in his bed.
As an answer, Larry just held him and asked Adam to bring something to keep him warm.
Adam came around with a duvet and set it on Bono’s shoulders.
“I’m sorry.” Bono said, quite ashamed of the rush he had caused. “I am just tired.”
“Of course you are. And you did not eat nor take care of yourself. Soaked in rain and stuff like that.” Adam replied, trying to look annoyed more than concerned. “When were you going to tell us you were not feeling well? Or were we supposed to come and find you on the floor of your room or did you consider collapsing on stage a good teathrical option?”
“I did not realize… I… don’t know…” Bono said in a low voice. He did not listen to everything that Adam was shouting at him, because the fact that he was angry made him uncomfortable and the confusion he felt in his head worsened.
Edge realized that Bono was not very stable and tried to settle the argument. “Come on, let him be quiet. You can tell him about this when he will be better.”
“He won’t do anything I suggest to him when he is better, you know that. The only hope I have that he even LISTENS to me is to have him when he’s like this!” Adam shouted.
“Hey, stop it. If you want to shout you go out. If you want to be of any use, bring an aspirin or something like that.” Larry said hastily. ”And don’t forget what I told you the other day, so please, behave.”
Adam looked at Larry in a sort of amusement, seeing how protective he had become of Bono, while Edge went in search of some medicines.
Amidst all the fuss, Bono’s eyes were full of tears and he covered them with a hand, pushing his face in Larry’s chest.
“Calm down. We’re just concerned. I am just very much concerned about you. I don’t want to see you like this. I did not want to be rude. I’m not angry.” Adam said softly to him.
But Bono was not listening to them anymore, lost in his own thoughts and in the weakness he was feeling “I… I thought I had forgotten how it was like… now I know I remember it too well. I don’t know…” he said. “… I don’t know if I can stand to bear it all again.” He said, trying to hide some more in Larry’s arms, ashamed of not being able to control himself. “Or if I want to…”
Larry tightened his embrace, whispering calming words at his friend’s ear.
“I’m so tired. What should I do?” Bono asked among the sobs.
Adam sat on the arm of the couch, and Edge stood in front of Bono and they both joined their friends’ embrace.
When Bono had fallen asleep, they turned off the light. They were silent and looking at their friend’s pale face.
“Do you think we should tell anyone? Will he need a doctor? He seems on the verge of a nervous breakdown…” Adam asked Edge.
“I don’t think so. He is better off with not too many people around… he does not need anything else than time to recover, some sleep and some help from his friends. I hope we can handle this.” The guitarist said.
Bono was in and out of a feverish sleep for some hours, until the medicine took its effect, and his temperature lowered. When he finally came to himself he realized he was still leaning on Larry’s shoulder, and the drummer was sound asleep.
Edge and Adam were sleeping on the bed, still dressed.
Wow, I must have put up a rather interesting show… They are all here caring for the most childish man in the world… another award I should be up for…My children would not be so annoying even at their best effort…
He got up trying not to awake Larry, and being still not firm on his legs he struggled to reach the balcony. The night air was cool, and he was relieved sensing the breeze on his face. Maybe now I will be able to use my brain…He had confused memories of the evening before, but he was conscious he had talked too much and let the others know he was in despair.
“You just cannot wait for getting a cold, can you?” a voice abruptly interrupted his thoughts.
“Sorry Larry I tried not to make too much noise but it seems I haven’t been attentive enough” he said, without turning.
“It’s OK. So, are you feeling better?”
“Yes I am. Actually, I think I must have taken some sort of a cold in the past days.”
“I do not think this is the case. I believe that you are tired. Oh, sorry, not the right concept. I am sure that you are exhausted.” Larry said. “Now, if you also want to get a cold you can stay here in your shirt and boxers and you can be faithful that your excuse will become much more credible.”
“Why would I want an excuse? I am fine now. It was nothing important.” Bono answered, trying to keep his voice as steady as possible.
“So, should I assume that you kept us all up for nothing important? And what about the things you told us a couple of hours ago?”
“That… that was just… nonsense. I was feverish.” Bono was starting to feel bad again and was also running out of good reasons to give for his attitudes.
“You act like you are fifteen, you know that, don’t you?” Larry burst out, lack of sleep and grief for his friend making him lose his temper. “I hoped you had regained some of your good sense. But it seems that I just thought too high of you in all of these years. It’s disappointing…”
Bono assumed Larry was referring to what happened in the room in the evening and he felt like being stabbed in the back. Larry was the last person in the world he wanted to disappoint. He did not let him finish to talk. “I… I know very well I disappointed you all tonight. I’m sorry, I told you it was this bad cold I got. I was actually acting my shoe size, and I’m still ashamed for that. Now it’s time I go to bed. You should sleep too. Tell the others I am sorry for having kept them up, also.”
And before Larry could even realize that he got his words the wrong way, he went back into the room and ran out of the door.
Edge was awakened by the door slamming. He looked around and saw the open window.
Larry was still on the balcony trying to realize what happened.
“What the hell did go on in here?” Edge asked, half asleep.
“Oh Edge… I think I just screwed everything up… he got my words the wrong way…” Larry answered, almost crying, “He was trying to tell me that he was just ill with a cold. I told him he was acting like a child, that I was disappointed… and then when he answered I think he was talking about tonight…”
“We will settle it. You had the best intentions… it can happen with… with Bono, I guess. Things can get slightly messed up with him sometimes…” Edge tried to comfort Larry, but his mind was focused on Bono, and he hoped his friend did not get too much heartbroken at this conversation.
“It should not have happened now… Do you think you would get him convinced that I was actually not referring to that?”
“No, of course… We will do something.” If I just knew WHAT to do… Edge was thinking about possible solutions.
“Well, knocking at his door is absolutely useless.” They realized Adam had not been around them and understood that he had already tried to talk to Bono. “Don’t look at me that way, someone has to ACT while you talk in this band… However, either he’s not in or he does not want us to know he’s in…”
DISCLAIMER: All invented by me on the basis of my mind's reaction to listening to the Elevation tour shows in the UK, not own U2, not making money from this....
PG for language
Too much alike him - Chapter 3
Bono woke up feeling bad, as it happened in the last two days. He had been sick, and he could barely stand on his feet. I can't break up now... just three dates. And it will be better, then.
But he lacked all of the energy that had kept him up in the past month. He could see no lights of hope around him, he felt like he was trapped in a long tunnel with no way out.
He went back to his bed after taking some aspirin and tried to lay still not to feel the pain coming from every part of his body.
There was a knock on the door, and Edge entered his room bringing some hot coffee and muffins.
Bono waved hello to him, and Edge observed his friend's pale face and his sad blue eyes, pain in his own eyes at the sight.
"Come on, you never come down for breakfast, never eat anything after the shows... I think you should really be eating something before I get you to the rehearsals."
Bono got up slowly, and Edge realized he had not even undressed before going to bed. He put his sunglasses on and grabbed some coffee, drinking in silence.
Edge sat on the bed next to him and put his arm around his shoulders. He could tell that he would not have argued this time. He looked so vulnerable. "You don't feel any better, do you? I am a lot worried. We all are. You try to run from us, it's been six days now, and I'm sick of avoiding the subject with you. I want to know if you feel good enough to go on with the shows, if you need anything, if you want to talk... When we are on stage, you come towards me and I can see you are feeling bad but I don't know what is really happening to you and I just hug you. But if I ask you what is the matter you pretend you do not hear me. I'm very happy to support you throughout the show, of course, but I would like you to talk to me about what you felt when we are here afterwards. Just to help you. Larry wanted to have a talk with you, but he's afraid of getting you angry... You helped him, you helped me, you helped Adam when we had our black days... Just want to help you as well. You're not scared of crying in front of thousands, but you are in front of us?"
Bono did not feel like to argue. He let his head rest on Edge's shoulder as his friend hugged him tightly.
"Not willing to disappoint anyone, really." was Bono's reply.
Edge tried to understand what he meant. "About what?"
"About... about the shows, about me..."
"And why on Earth would anyone have to be disappointed with you now, Good Lord? For once, you did not do anything..." messy, he would have said but stopped. This was not a time for jokes, and he did not want to underline it.
"Well, you all have been disappointed by me before, haven't you? When the album was recorded, just an example, and I was around the world..."
"All right, what does it matter now? We already settled it."
"Ok. And I promised not to make it happen again. I'm not a baby. I'm a grown up man and I can take this. There's worst than this you know? He was an old man... well… just part of life." I hope he gets convinced, he thought pronouncing the last words. I won't be able to get on long with this shit.
Edge felt him shiver. "Yes, of course. I know you’re strong." he said in his ear.
This reminded Bono of when it was him who had said these words to Larry, who pretended to be all right, while holding him. He remembered about Larry fighting his embrace, holding back the tears. And then surrender after he continued to talk to him. But he was not a teen anymore - he would not break up.
He could feel his eyes fill with tears. He got up and turned to the window.
"OK, I see. Not in the mood of sharing thoughts. Well, Bono, you know where to find me." Edge left the room and the others looked at him as soon as he was in the corridor with questioning faces. He shook his head and they all left.
Bono lay still on the couch, staring at the window.
He had been through a lot of feelings since the tour in the UK had started. He could well remember the anger he felt in Manchester, just as he was told his dad was going to die soon, and the understanding that anyone had for him as he messed up on stage and he cut short the show. He felt guilty for leaving the stage without a word to anyone.
Probably the others had discussed about it and decided to let go, and it was not even mentioned anymore. He felt quite strange about it. In the twist of emotions of those days, they had probably decided to let their rule to be honest with each other even if this meant being rude, but still they might be angry for it.
Angry with him… his dad was always angry with him… He tried to remember whether his mother was always angry with him as well, but either he could not remember or she was not.
The flood of thoughts had started, and the anger he seemed to cause in other people was his main concern.
And Ali... Oh, Ali must be very angry with me. Why did I run out the other night?
As a result of all of these thoughts he felt as the most evil person in the Solar System. Not forgetting that he had just made Edge leave, and avoided Larry for so long that he was not going to speak to him anymore...
So alike him, so his son... He was being just what he had hated his father being.
I really need to sleep... no I don't have to. When I dream about him, it is always about us fighting. With this consideration he found the strength to get up and get dressed. He felt pathetic all day long; everyone looked at him with sympathy as he tried with no success to conceal how he really felt.
On stage that night he felt even more pathetic, as tears flooded on his face and his voice was shaking, while he wanted to sound as good as possible. His efforts to carry on were really huge, and his band mates could clearly see that on his face.
As the last note of Walk On was played, they greeted the public in the rather small arena, and left the stage, Adam first, followed by Bono and then the others. As he took the steps to go backstage, Bono’s legs gave in and he lost his balance. Larry was very near to him, and he caught his friend putting his arms around his waist. Adam turned hearing the noise behind and helped Larry to bring Bono to a chair nearby.
"Bono, what's up?" Larry asked, concern on his face.
Bono remained silent, trying to catch his breath.
“Let’s bring him back to the hotel, so he can relax a bit. It is too busy here.” Edge said.
“Yes, and he needs something to eat I guess” Adam added.
Larry helped him to walk to the car and they went back to the hotel.
Bono was totally dependent on the others in getting to his room and being put in bed. He did not have the strength or the will to tell anything and he did not well understand what was happening. He was still gasping for breath from the effort on stage, and he felt very hot. It was quite strange.
His friends went to their room to get a shower thinking he would be better if he could rest.
He fell in a sort of stupor for a while but after a short time he felt a suffocating sensation being alone.
He was able to get up and reach Edge’s room, and yet it seemed like he ran a marathon; but he needed the others, he needed voices to fill his head. I have been bad to them in these days, and I hope they will not be angry, he thought. He stood for a moment outside Edge’s room to catch his breath and he could hear them all talking and he felt like he was going home. He was cold, and he could feel warmth coming from the other side of the door. He knocked and Edge opened the door in a rush, worried that something might have happened to Bono.
“Hello everybody” he said trying to look calm, although his cheeks still flushed and breathing properly was still hard for him.
“Hey, what are you doing? You might fall again don’t go around alone. Why didn’t you call me?” Edge’s face showed a deep concern. He took hold of Bono's arm and guided him towards a couch.
“I’m ok. I would like to stay here with you all. I feel so uncomfortable being alone. Please, go on talking. I will stay here on the couch and rest while you talk. I’ll be ok like this.” Bono said, sitting next to Larry. He had talked with a rather submissive tone, in a plea-like manner that was rarely seen in him, and his friends were astonished.
“Well, of course you DO stay here. Where would you want to go anyway.” Edge answered as he brought to him some water seeing him still frantic to catch his breath.
Adam started to talk about the show, and the other two followed him, while they all kept an eye on Bono, and tried to say something a bit funny to see if it helped.
Chapter 4
Bono had a faint smile on his face but was quite absent minded, and after a little time Larry felt Bono’s head leaning on his shoulder as the singer seemed to fall asleep.
“Lar’, don’t let him get asleep now. He has not eaten anything yet and he was far too weak tonight” Adam said. “Bono, wake up please. You should have something to eat before you sleep. You’re not going to perform like this tomorrow” he added, this time in a loud voice.
Bono, who was just in a sort of drowsiness, had heard him and tried to answer something “Yeah… ok, just let me… here… for a while. I’m cold.”
He settled his head on Larry’s chest and the drummer embraced him and held him as he realized he was trembling.
Adam was going to speak again, but Larry shook his head in his direction with a look that allowed no reply. Larry wanted to let Bono calm down as he seemed still fatigued from the show, and he tried to make him the more comfortable he could to help him to relax.
The other two had resumed talking in a low voice and Larry tried to tell something reassuring to his friend while pulling his hair away from his face.
Bono was feeling really bad and did not wish anyone to see it, but he was losing control, being weak and confused. Even keeping his head up or his eyes open were a struggle for him and he was much relieved when he was able to lay in Larry’s arms. He was trying to keep an ear to the conversation and to put in some words, just to pretend to be fine, but he found himself talking quite a lot of nonsense, and he was fighting not to get asleep. His head was very painful and he felt hot although he was shivering.
When Larry touched him to free his face from his hair, he felt his friend’s hand as a gift from heaven, so nicely cold on his skin, and he grabbed it and put it on his forehead.
He realized what he had been doing only when Larry, alarmed, talked. “Hey, you are so hot. Edge, come here. He’s feverish. Touch him.”
He tried to push Edge’s hand away, but he was not fast enough. He just took hold of Larry’s shirt and raised his face to watch him in the eyes, to be sure he understood that he did not want to be alone in his bed.
As an answer, Larry just held him and asked Adam to bring something to keep him warm.
Adam came around with a duvet and set it on Bono’s shoulders.
“I’m sorry.” Bono said, quite ashamed of the rush he had caused. “I am just tired.”
“Of course you are. And you did not eat nor take care of yourself. Soaked in rain and stuff like that.” Adam replied, trying to look annoyed more than concerned. “When were you going to tell us you were not feeling well? Or were we supposed to come and find you on the floor of your room or did you consider collapsing on stage a good teathrical option?”
“I did not realize… I… don’t know…” Bono said in a low voice. He did not listen to everything that Adam was shouting at him, because the fact that he was angry made him uncomfortable and the confusion he felt in his head worsened.
Edge realized that Bono was not very stable and tried to settle the argument. “Come on, let him be quiet. You can tell him about this when he will be better.”
“He won’t do anything I suggest to him when he is better, you know that. The only hope I have that he even LISTENS to me is to have him when he’s like this!” Adam shouted.
“Hey, stop it. If you want to shout you go out. If you want to be of any use, bring an aspirin or something like that.” Larry said hastily. ”And don’t forget what I told you the other day, so please, behave.”
Adam looked at Larry in a sort of amusement, seeing how protective he had become of Bono, while Edge went in search of some medicines.
Amidst all the fuss, Bono’s eyes were full of tears and he covered them with a hand, pushing his face in Larry’s chest.
“Calm down. We’re just concerned. I am just very much concerned about you. I don’t want to see you like this. I did not want to be rude. I’m not angry.” Adam said softly to him.
But Bono was not listening to them anymore, lost in his own thoughts and in the weakness he was feeling “I… I thought I had forgotten how it was like… now I know I remember it too well. I don’t know…” he said. “… I don’t know if I can stand to bear it all again.” He said, trying to hide some more in Larry’s arms, ashamed of not being able to control himself. “Or if I want to…”
Larry tightened his embrace, whispering calming words at his friend’s ear.
“I’m so tired. What should I do?” Bono asked among the sobs.
Adam sat on the arm of the couch, and Edge stood in front of Bono and they both joined their friends’ embrace.
When Bono had fallen asleep, they turned off the light. They were silent and looking at their friend’s pale face.
“Do you think we should tell anyone? Will he need a doctor? He seems on the verge of a nervous breakdown…” Adam asked Edge.
“I don’t think so. He is better off with not too many people around… he does not need anything else than time to recover, some sleep and some help from his friends. I hope we can handle this.” The guitarist said.
Bono was in and out of a feverish sleep for some hours, until the medicine took its effect, and his temperature lowered. When he finally came to himself he realized he was still leaning on Larry’s shoulder, and the drummer was sound asleep.
Edge and Adam were sleeping on the bed, still dressed.
Wow, I must have put up a rather interesting show… They are all here caring for the most childish man in the world… another award I should be up for…My children would not be so annoying even at their best effort…
He got up trying not to awake Larry, and being still not firm on his legs he struggled to reach the balcony. The night air was cool, and he was relieved sensing the breeze on his face. Maybe now I will be able to use my brain…He had confused memories of the evening before, but he was conscious he had talked too much and let the others know he was in despair.
“You just cannot wait for getting a cold, can you?” a voice abruptly interrupted his thoughts.
“Sorry Larry I tried not to make too much noise but it seems I haven’t been attentive enough” he said, without turning.
“It’s OK. So, are you feeling better?”
“Yes I am. Actually, I think I must have taken some sort of a cold in the past days.”
“I do not think this is the case. I believe that you are tired. Oh, sorry, not the right concept. I am sure that you are exhausted.” Larry said. “Now, if you also want to get a cold you can stay here in your shirt and boxers and you can be faithful that your excuse will become much more credible.”
“Why would I want an excuse? I am fine now. It was nothing important.” Bono answered, trying to keep his voice as steady as possible.
“So, should I assume that you kept us all up for nothing important? And what about the things you told us a couple of hours ago?”
“That… that was just… nonsense. I was feverish.” Bono was starting to feel bad again and was also running out of good reasons to give for his attitudes.
“You act like you are fifteen, you know that, don’t you?” Larry burst out, lack of sleep and grief for his friend making him lose his temper. “I hoped you had regained some of your good sense. But it seems that I just thought too high of you in all of these years. It’s disappointing…”
Bono assumed Larry was referring to what happened in the room in the evening and he felt like being stabbed in the back. Larry was the last person in the world he wanted to disappoint. He did not let him finish to talk. “I… I know very well I disappointed you all tonight. I’m sorry, I told you it was this bad cold I got. I was actually acting my shoe size, and I’m still ashamed for that. Now it’s time I go to bed. You should sleep too. Tell the others I am sorry for having kept them up, also.”
And before Larry could even realize that he got his words the wrong way, he went back into the room and ran out of the door.
Edge was awakened by the door slamming. He looked around and saw the open window.
Larry was still on the balcony trying to realize what happened.
“What the hell did go on in here?” Edge asked, half asleep.
“Oh Edge… I think I just screwed everything up… he got my words the wrong way…” Larry answered, almost crying, “He was trying to tell me that he was just ill with a cold. I told him he was acting like a child, that I was disappointed… and then when he answered I think he was talking about tonight…”
“We will settle it. You had the best intentions… it can happen with… with Bono, I guess. Things can get slightly messed up with him sometimes…” Edge tried to comfort Larry, but his mind was focused on Bono, and he hoped his friend did not get too much heartbroken at this conversation.
“It should not have happened now… Do you think you would get him convinced that I was actually not referring to that?”
“No, of course… We will do something.” Hello! Hopefully I'm not annoying you with my story... If you don't like it, just tell me! Here are chapters 3 and 4
DISCLAIMER: All invented by me on the basis of my mind's reaction to listening to the Elevation tour shows in the UK, not own U2, not making money from this....
PG for language
Too much alike him - Chapter 3
Bono woke up feeling bad, as it happened in the last two days. He had been sick, and he could barely stand on his feet. I can't break up now... just three dates. And it will be better, then.
But he lacked all of the energy that had kept him up in the past month. He could see no lights of hope around him, he felt like he was trapped in a long tunnel with no way out.
He went back to his bed after taking some aspirin and tried to lay still not to feel the pain coming from every part of his body.
There was a knock on the door, and Edge entered his room bringing some hot coffee and muffins.
Bono waved hello to him, and Edge observed his friend's pale face and his sad blue eyes, pain in his own eyes at the sight.
"Come on, you never come down for breakfast, never eat anything after the shows... I think you should really be eating something before I get you to the rehearsals."
Bono got up slowly, and Edge realized he had not even undressed before going to bed. He put his sunglasses on and grabbed some coffee, drinking in silence.
Edge sat on the bed next to him and put his arm around his shoulders. He could tell that he would not have argued this time. He looked so vulnerable. "You don't feel any better, do you? I am a lot worried. We all are. You try to run from us, it's been six days now, and I'm sick of avoiding the subject with you. I want to know if you feel good enough to go on with the shows, if you need anything, if you want to talk... When we are on stage, you come towards me and I can see you are feeling bad but I don't know what is really happening to you and I just hug you. But if I ask you what is the matter you pretend you do not hear me. I'm very happy to support you throughout the show, of course, but I would like you to talk to me about what you felt when we are here afterwards. Just to help you. Larry wanted to have a talk with you, but he's afraid of getting you angry... You helped him, you helped me, you helped Adam when we had our black days... Just want to help you as well. You're not scared of crying in front of thousands, but you are in front of us?"
Bono did not feel like to argue. He let his head rest on Edge's shoulder as his friend hugged him tightly.
"Not willing to disappoint anyone, really." was Bono's reply.
Edge tried to understand what he meant. "About what?"
"About... about the shows, about me..."
"And why on Earth would anyone have to be disappointed with you now, Good Lord? For once, you did not do anything..." messy, he would have said but stopped. This was not a time for jokes, and he did not want to underline it.
"Well, you all have been disappointed by me before, haven't you? When the album was recorded, just an example, and I was around the world..."
"All right, what does it matter now? We already settled it."
"Ok. And I promised not to make it happen again. I'm not a baby. I'm a grown up man and I can take this. There's worst than this you know? He was an old man... well… just part of life." I hope he gets convinced, he thought pronouncing the last words. I won't be able to get on long with this shit.
Edge felt him shiver. "Yes, of course. I know you’re strong." he said in his ear.
This reminded Bono of when it was him who had said these words to Larry, who pretended to be all right, while holding him. He remembered about Larry fighting his embrace, holding back the tears. And then surrender after he continued to talk to him. But he was not a teen anymore - he would not break up.
He could feel his eyes fill with tears. He got up and turned to the window.
"OK, I see. Not in the mood of sharing thoughts. Well, Bono, you know where to find me." Edge left the room and the others looked at him as soon as he was in the corridor with questioning faces. He shook his head and they all left.
Bono lay still on the couch, staring at the window.
He had been through a lot of feelings since the tour in the UK had started. He could well remember the anger he felt in Manchester, just as he was told his dad was going to die soon, and the understanding that anyone had for him as he messed up on stage and he cut short the show. He felt guilty for leaving the stage without a word to anyone.
Probably the others had discussed about it and decided to let go, and it was not even mentioned anymore. He felt quite strange about it. In the twist of emotions of those days, they had probably decided to let their rule to be honest with each other even if this meant being rude, but still they might be angry for it.
Angry with him… his dad was always angry with him… He tried to remember whether his mother was always angry with him as well, but either he could not remember or she was not.
The flood of thoughts had started, and the anger he seemed to cause in other people was his main concern.
And Ali... Oh, Ali must be very angry with me. Why did I run out the other night?
As a result of all of these thoughts he felt as the most evil person in the Solar System. Not forgetting that he had just made Edge leave, and avoided Larry for so long that he was not going to speak to him anymore...
So alike him, so his son... He was being just what he had hated his father being.
I really need to sleep... no I don't have to. When I dream about him, it is always about us fighting. With this consideration he found the strength to get up and get dressed. He felt pathetic all day long; everyone looked at him with sympathy as he tried with no success to conceal how he really felt.
On stage that night he felt even more pathetic, as tears flooded on his face and his voice was shaking, while he wanted to sound as good as possible. His efforts to carry on were really huge, and his band mates could clearly see that on his face.
As the last note of Walk On was played, they greeted the public in the rather small arena, and left the stage, Adam first, followed by Bono and then the others. As he took the steps to go backstage, Bono’s legs gave in and he lost his balance. Larry was very near to him, and he caught his friend putting his arms around his waist. Adam turned hearing the noise behind and helped Larry to bring Bono to a chair nearby.
"Bono, what's up?" Larry asked, concern on his face.
Bono remained silent, trying to catch his breath.
“Let’s bring him back to the hotel, so he can relax a bit. It is too busy here.” Edge said.
“Yes, and he needs something to eat I guess” Adam added.
Larry helped him to walk to the car and they went back to the hotel.
Bono was totally dependent on the others in getting to his room and being put in bed. He did not have the strength or the will to tell anything and he did not well understand what was happening. He was still gasping for breath from the effort on stage, and he felt very hot. It was quite strange.
His friends went to their room to get a shower thinking he would be better if he could rest.
He fell in a sort of stupor for a while but after a short time he felt a suffocating sensation being alone.
He was able to get up and reach Edge’s room, and yet it seemed like he ran a marathon; but he needed the others, he needed voices to fill his head. I have been bad to them in these days, and I hope they will not be angry, he thought. He stood for a moment outside Edge’s room to catch his breath and he could hear them all talking and he felt like he was going home. He was cold, and he could feel warmth coming from the other side of the door. He knocked and Edge opened the door in a rush, worried that something might have happened to Bono.
“Hello everybody” he said trying to look calm, although his cheeks still flushed and breathing properly was still hard for him.
“Hey, what are you doing? You might fall again don’t go around alone. Why didn’t you call me?” Edge’s face showed a deep concern. He took hold of Bono's arm and guided him towards a couch.
“I’m ok. I would like to stay here with you all. I feel so uncomfortable being alone. Please, go on talking. I will stay here on the couch and rest while you talk. I’ll be ok like this.” Bono said, sitting next to Larry. He had talked with a rather submissive tone, in a plea-like manner that was rarely seen in him, and his friends were astonished.
“Well, of course you DO stay here. Where would you want to go anyway.” Edge answered as he brought to him some water seeing him still frantic to catch his breath.
Adam started to talk about the show, and the other two followed him, while they all kept an eye on Bono, and tried to say something a bit funny to see if it helped.
Chapter 4
Bono had a faint smile on his face but was quite absent minded, and after a little time Larry felt Bono’s head leaning on his shoulder as the singer seemed to fall asleep.
“Lar’, don’t let him get asleep now. He has not eaten anything yet and he was far too weak tonight” Adam said. “Bono, wake up please. You should have something to eat before you sleep. You’re not going to perform like this tomorrow” he added, this time in a loud voice.
Bono, who was just in a sort of drowsiness, had heard him and tried to answer something “Yeah… ok, just let me… here… for a while. I’m cold.”
He settled his head on Larry’s chest and the drummer embraced him and held him as he realized he was trembling.
Adam was going to speak again, but Larry shook his head in his direction with a look that allowed no reply. Larry wanted to let Bono calm down as he seemed still fatigued from the show, and he tried to make him the more comfortable he could to help him to relax.
The other two had resumed talking in a low voice and Larry tried to tell something reassuring to his friend while pulling his hair away from his face.
Bono was feeling really bad and did not wish anyone to see it, but he was losing control, being weak and confused. Even keeping his head up or his eyes open were a struggle for him and he was much relieved when he was able to lay in Larry’s arms. He was trying to keep an ear to the conversation and to put in some words, just to pretend to be fine, but he found himself talking quite a lot of nonsense, and he was fighting not to get asleep. His head was very painful and he felt hot although he was shivering.
When Larry touched him to free his face from his hair, he felt his friend’s hand as a gift from heaven, so nicely cold on his skin, and he grabbed it and put it on his forehead.
He realized what he had been doing only when Larry, alarmed, talked. “Hey, you are so hot. Edge, come here. He’s feverish. Touch him.”
He tried to push Edge’s hand away, but he was not fast enough. He just took hold of Larry’s shirt and raised his face to watch him in the eyes, to be sure he understood that he did not want to be alone in his bed.
As an answer, Larry just held him and asked Adam to bring something to keep him warm.
Adam came around with a duvet and set it on Bono’s shoulders.
“I’m sorry.” Bono said, quite ashamed of the rush he had caused. “I am just tired.”
“Of course you are. And you did not eat nor take care of yourself. Soaked in rain and stuff like that.” Adam replied, trying to look annoyed more than concerned. “When were you going to tell us you were not feeling well? Or were we supposed to come and find you on the floor of your room or did you consider collapsing on stage a good teathrical option?”
“I did not realize… I… don’t know…” Bono said in a low voice. He did not listen to everything that Adam was shouting at him, because the fact that he was angry made him uncomfortable and the confusion he felt in his head worsened.
Edge realized that Bono was not very stable and tried to settle the argument. “Come on, let him be quiet. You can tell him about this when he will be better.”
“He won’t do anything I suggest to him when he is better, you know that. The only hope I have that he even LISTENS to me is to have him when he’s like this!” Adam shouted.
“Hey, stop it. If you want to shout you go out. If you want to be of any use, bring an aspirin or something like that.” Larry said hastily. ”And don’t forget what I told you the other day, so please, behave.”
Adam looked at Larry in a sort of amusement, seeing how protective he had become of Bono, while Edge went in search of some medicines.
Amidst all the fuss, Bono’s eyes were full of tears and he covered them with a hand, pushing his face in Larry’s chest.
“Calm down. We’re just concerned. I am just very much concerned about you. I don’t want to see you like this. I did not want to be rude. I’m not angry.” Adam said softly to him.
But Bono was not listening to them anymore, lost in his own thoughts and in the weakness he was feeling “I… I thought I had forgotten how it was like… now I know I remember it too well. I don’t know…” he said. “… I don’t know if I can stand to bear it all again.” He said, trying to hide some more in Larry’s arms, ashamed of not being able to control himself. “Or if I want to…”
Larry tightened his embrace, whispering calming words at his friend’s ear.
“I’m so tired. What should I do?” Bono asked among the sobs.
Adam sat on the arm of the couch, and Edge stood in front of Bono and they both joined their friends’ embrace.
When Bono had fallen asleep, they turned off the light. They were silent and looking at their friend’s pale face.
“Do you think we should tell anyone? Will he need a doctor? He seems on the verge of a nervous breakdown…” Adam asked Edge.
“I don’t think so. He is better off with not too many people around… he does not need anything else than time to recover, some sleep and some help from his friends. I hope we can handle this.” The guitarist said.
Bono was in and out of a feverish sleep for some hours, until the medicine took its effect, and his temperature lowered. When he finally came to himself he realized he was still leaning on Larry’s shoulder, and the drummer was sound asleep.
Edge and Adam were sleeping on the bed, still dressed.
Wow, I must have put up a rather interesting show… They are all here caring for the most childish man in the world… another award I should be up for…My children would not be so annoying even at their best effort…
He got up trying not to awake Larry, and being still not firm on his legs he struggled to reach the balcony. The night air was cool, and he was relieved sensing the breeze on his face. Maybe now I will be able to use my brain…He had confused memories of the evening before, but he was conscious he had talked too much and let the others know he was in despair.
“You just cannot wait for getting a cold, can you?” a voice abruptly interrupted his thoughts.
“Sorry Larry I tried not to make too much noise but it seems I haven’t been attentive enough” he said, without turning.
“It’s OK. So, are you feeling better?”
“Yes I am. Actually, I think I must have taken some sort of a cold in the past days.”
“I do not think this is the case. I believe that you are tired. Oh, sorry, not the right concept. I am sure that you are exhausted.” Larry said. “Now, if you also want to get a cold you can stay here in your shirt and boxers and you can be faithful that your excuse will become much more credible.”
“Why would I want an excuse? I am fine now. It was nothing important.” Bono answered, trying to keep his voice as steady as possible.
“So, should I assume that you kept us all up for nothing important? And what about the things you told us a couple of hours ago?”
“That… that was just… nonsense. I was feverish.” Bono was starting to feel bad again and was also running out of good reasons to give for his attitudes.
“You act like you are fifteen, you know that, don’t you?” Larry burst out, lack of sleep and grief for his friend making him lose his temper. “I hoped you had regained some of your good sense. But it seems that I just thought too high of you in all of these years. It’s disappointing…”
Bono assumed Larry was referring to what happened in the room in the evening and he felt like being stabbed in the back. Larry was the last person in the world he wanted to disappoint. He did not let him finish to talk. “I… I know very well I disappointed you all tonight. I’m sorry, I told you it was this bad cold I got. I was actually acting my shoe size, and I’m still ashamed for that. Now it’s time I go to bed. You should sleep too. Tell the others I am sorry for having kept them up, also.”
And before Larry could even realize that he got his words the wrong way, he went back into the room and ran out of the door.
Edge was awakened by the door slamming. He looked around and saw the open window.
Larry was still on the balcony trying to realize what happened.
“What the hell did go on in here?” Edge asked, half asleep.
“Oh Edge… I think I just screwed everything up… he got my words the wrong way…” Larry answered, almost crying, “He was trying to tell me that he was just ill with a cold. I told him he was acting like a child, that I was disappointed… and then when he answered I think he was talking about tonight…”
“We will settle it. You had the best intentions… it can happen with… with Bono, I guess. Things can get slightly messed up with him sometimes…” Edge tried to comfort Larry, but his mind was focused on Bono, and he hoped his friend did not get too much heartbroken at this conversation.
“It should not have happened now… Do you think you would get him convinced that I was actually not referring to that?”
“No, of course… We will do something.” If I just knew WHAT to do… Edge was thinking about possible solutions.
“Well, knocking at his door is absolutely useless.” They realized Adam had not been around them and understood that he had already tried to talk to Bono. “Don’t look at me that way, someone has to ACT while you talk in this band… However, either he’s not in or he does not want us to know he’s in…”
