Unceasingly

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Holy John

Acrobat
Joined
Jun 6, 2000
Messages
317
Location
Montr?al, Qu?bec
These lines do not sound as "poetic" as the original ones I've wrote, the reason being that the original ones are written in French (like all my writtings of that kind) and so the way I wrote it may not feel the same in English. I also make a reference to the Battle of Verdun and the "Holy Road" (Voie Sacr?e in French). The Battle of Verdun was one of the bloodiest battle (if not the most bloodiest) battle of World War I, in France. It lasted for 6 months I think, in I9I6. Hundred of thousands of soldiers, both French and German, lost their lives there. And for those of you knowing how horrible the Trench War during WWI was, you can imagine how Verdun must have look like. For the Holy Road, it was, for the French, the only road leading to Verdun (Verdun had an important French Fortress and was an important strategic point). This battle is very important in the French culture.

So, here my "poem" goes. It is short though.

-

Disillusioned, I go for the Liberation of my youth dream
My heart full of tears I didn't cried
I took the only weapons that are left
To fight the ferocity of an hidden ennemy

Under a provocative sky, I run in blindness
Leaving unceasingly my trench
To find my unbearable antagonism
Each time bringing me into my own distress

It's been a while that this dirty war lasts
My heart is only a sad Verdun
Unceasingly bombarded by the eagle of my morbid thoughts
The Holy Road is now only reduced to a lost souvenir

Unceasingly under pressure to call an armistice
In the failure of a new attempt of hope
I raise the only white flag left
Making of myself my own capitulation

-

My original (French) version :

D?silusionn?, je pars ? la Lib?ration de mon r?ve de jouvence
Le coeur gros et d?bordant de larmes que je n'ai pu pleur?
Je reprends les seules armes qui me reste
Pour combatre la f?rocit? d'un ennemi dissimul?

Le ciel provocateur, je fonce ? l'aveuglette
Sortant sans cesse de ma tranch?e
Pour trouver l'insupportable antagonisme
Qui me ram?ne chaque fois dans ma d?tresse

Et voil? plusieurs temps que dure cette sale guerre
Mon coeur n'est plus qu'un triste Verdun
Sans cesse bombard? par l'aigle des mes tourments
La Voie Sacr?e n'?tant plus r?duite qu'? un vague souvenir

Sans cesse sous pression de demander une armistice
Dans l'?chec d'une nouvelle tentative d'esp?rance
Je hisse le seul drapeau blanc qui me rest
Faisant de moi-m?me ma propre capitulation

-




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My soul is corroded by fear
My mind corrupted by blindness
My only escape is flying away...
 
I think you did an incredible job of putting yourself in the place of those soldiers and trying to connect somehow with what they must have been feeling. I wish I could read your original French version, but I doubt any of its power is lost in the English one.

I think the first stanza is my favorite.

Originally posted by Holy John:

Disillusioned, I go for the Liberation of my youth dream
My heart full of tears I didn't cried
I took the only weapons that are left
To fight the ferocity of an hidden ennemy

Originally posted by Holy John:

Making of myself my own capitulation
 
Verdun was a battle that left a scar on me when i read about it...the forts there were of little strategic worth when compared to areas further up the line but were of such value to the morale and presige of france that the germans decided that they could succeed in bleeding the french force to death- to kill more of them than of us in simple terms as the french fought 4 a symbol of pride...so it is one of the darkest points of ww1 in my eyes...

beautiful stuff hj
 
Thank you for your comments, but I didn't wrote this poem as an ode to war or an ode to soldiers. Verdun is only a little reference.

cheers

------------------
My soul is corroded by fear
My mind corrupted by blindness
My only escape is flying away...
 
Originally posted by Holy John:
Thank you for your comments, but I didn't wrote this poem as an ode to war or an ode to soldiers. Verdun is only a little reference.
that's why I think your poem is so incredible
it touches a lot of personal issues and manages to put it all in the scenery of a war

I repeat that I think this truely is a work of art

------------------
Salome
Shake it, shake it, shake it
 
Originally posted by Holy John:
thanks


adios forever guys

confused.gif
that sounds ominous...
frown.gif


Your poem was beautiful in English but better in French
smile.gif
 
Originally posted by Holy John:
Thank you for your comments, but I didn't wrote this poem as an ode to war or an ode to soldiers. Verdun is only a little reference.

cheers


Yes, I understand, and I think it's a great metaphor.
smile.gif



[This message has been edited by travu2 (edited 05-28-2001).]
 
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