Confessing my weakness
And the cat makes more noise and I there’s just no way, no chance
That I could sleep tonight.
5:46 in the morning, not an unfamiliar sight, but I’m afraid
It’s back to this again……
I can’t stand when it’s like this, again…
Why does this cat look at me like he knows some sort of an answer
Yet I know he doesn’t
Why is it so… why is it like this?
I don’t know…. I don’t know.
Why did I have to fall for someone like you…
There are so many things in this life that I just don’t give a damn about
There are so many things out there that affect me not
But when it comes to you and I, I can’t seem to even
Think it out.
Why do I have this horrible feeling deep down inside
That I’ll love you forever
Why does this….. make me cry?
I don’t even know what to say anymore
I feel like I should just delete these words and look away
But I can’t deny the truth, for whatever it is worth
And I can’t stand that…. …. That I don’t know if this is real.
(and it all comes down to)
If you could just say that you want me to love you
Not just for now, but for tomorrow, too
Then that would be alright
Then it would be so
But I can’t love what doesn’t love me
So there in lies an issue, you see.
And the worst thing for you is making choices so how can I prove it either right or wrong?
I can’t even write a song…..
My dear, my darling, my one (true?) love… what is this all about?
Can you tell me something, can you tell me how you feel
Or is this just a figment of my imagination
Is this just another meditation
On pain
On nothingness
On fools and why they fall in love
On why I don’t like that word at all….
Because my mind is saying that I can’t really love you, ‘cause I don’t know who you are.
My heart hurts so much that I can’t sleep, and I can’t think that far.
There is such a stupid, typical pain inside me that I’m in disgust
How can I fall into such a trap
How can I make this mean so much?
Girl, I realize that my love is my one weakness – the one thing that I’ll let have sway over me.
Yes, it is true that I do, that I do;
I live for the person I love.
And the trouble for me is I don’t know if it’s you
Because love to me
Means you love me back.
So yes it’s up to you
And I don’t like that too
Because how can I live with or without that?
Don’t you know that for the rest of my life I’m going to carry this scar?
It’s not on my forehead, dear, but it’s in my heart
Ever time I hear your first name in someone else’s random conversation
The only thing I feel is more pain and more frustration
And I can’t stand that - - from me most of all.
These stupid sappy emotions
Fleeting and meaningless
Yet they are all I’ve got tonight, alone
Alone as I write here
These words, and you may never see them.
” ‘Cause I need you now…
To take the cup
To fill it up
To drink it slow”
I can’t let you go
And I don’t know why, because I really think I should.
And the worst part is you can still say that you don’t want me to let go….
But if you do, then I really might not be able to
I just want to know…..
But I can’t ask you.
Though maybe I should……………………………
Because I’m sitting here on my bed
Confessing my weakness
And here it is in a few different words:
When it comes to love, I need someone with a tender heart,
Because mine’s the weakest in all the world.
I just don’t want someone I can love for ever
I have to give my life for you.
And I can’t stand the thought that I’m doing it now
Because I don’t know if you want me to…
……
……………….
And I’m feeling like Bruce Springsteen for some odd reason
I’m feeling like maybe this is just something ‘bout the season
I don’t even know if these words mean anything at all
So I’ll show them to the world, I’ll Dream Out Loud
Everytime you ask me
“What do you dream about?”
I can’t honestly say it’s of you.
Because I can’t even sleep
And I can't even dream
So how can I dream of you?
I can’t even sleep…
I can’t even sleep
If you want me to.
……..
....
.......
At last...... ............. …. A moment of ‘peace’…
I feel indifferent about these words, for a second.
Maybe two, but no more, and that’s the truth…
Even after I’ve finished writing
It all won’t change a thing
So what am I doing now
I feel I’m lingering…
Because……
……. Well at least I’ve come to a point where I feel like I don’t need to say anymore…
I’d go back and look this over, but what’s the use. It might just wake me up even more. One more thing…. Sometimes I can’t stand when my words rhyme, or I say the right thing to say. I can’t stand to sacrifice an honest answer for a positive result. But it again returns to me – what’s the real point? Do I deny myself? Is that anymore true?
It’s never been a question of what I want, no.
It’s just if it can work, if it can be.
Transcend the dreams…
Make them a reality.
My curse, my gift…..
Thanks for reading, everyone.
Good………..
……Good morning.
PS:
And there’s one more thing that I shall confess
It’s that I hate playing games for the sake of success
But maybe it is something that I’d do
If it meant that I could win the heart of you…
(which disgusts me, to no end, because if I take that risk… what would I have left?)
I don't know how or when I will respond to this post, this thread. There are a lot of things I don't know right now
And there is this damn horrible pain in my legs, in my hips....
It only feels better when I'm moving around.
Like I should be running, dammit.
Like I should be running
