What do I do???

[Do Miss America]

Ok I'm gay, but that's not my confession. My confession is I'm torn.

I have a girlfriend, been with her for a long while now and I love her to death.

About 9 months ago I moved to another state, away from my girlfriend. I moved for career reasons and have to be here for 2 years. The long distance thing sucks. It's hard as hell. Now my girlfriend lives back in my home state. Where her family and my family live. Our families are friends, my family adores her, they've invested a lot in this relationship also. And for a lesbian that's huge.

Now that we're living apart we only see each other maybe once a month if we're lucky. I live in a city where I don't really know a lot of people and it's really hitting me hard.

I'm losing interest in being with her now. I don't know if it's the long distance thing, being lonely, or what. Now to make things even worse is I've met another girl. Nothing has happened between us(for when I'm with someone I'm the most faithful person) , but we've been talking a lot. The kicker is she lives back in my homestate as well. So it would have to be long distance as well.

I'm really not interested in having another long distance thing but I would be interested in seeing her when I'm in town. I love my girlfriend, but I'm really thinking about trying the "let's see other people" thing. I know it's a huge risk, but I think waiting until I move back home to pursue this would be the best. I'm just afraid she's going to say "all or nothing".

What should I do? Does the "let's see other people" really work for anyone?

 

[Macfistowannabe]

I never tried it, and I'm glad I haven't.

 

[Do Miss America]

I really need help.

 

[trish0860]

I definitely think you should wait til you get back home before you do anything. But it sounds like you already know how your girlfriend is going to react. If you are really still in love with her you wouldn't want to be with someone else, in my opinion. If it were me, I wouldn't be able to accept the "let's see other people" thing. I'd rather just break up. It sounds like you think your girlfriend will feel the same way and you know her better than anyone. Is it worth losing your relationship with her to see this other person?

I know your families are close and thats a great thing. But if you feel that your relationship is over, you can't let the fact that your families get along affect your decision to move on.

It sounds like you have alot to think about. Hope I was able to help a little bit. Good luck!

 

[Macfistowannabe]

I would advise against seeing other people without her consent, and I lack evidence that proves the "see other people" line works very often. For sure, every relationship has its moments. It might be a matter of seeking friends to stabilize your needs of companionship.

 

[Doozer61]

i think sometimes we use the "lets see other people" as the easier softer way to actually break up without actually using that terminology.

for me, when i started even thinking it, that was when i knew that my heart may not be completely in that relationship. and then i had to figure out what i really wanted before saying those words.

long distance is hard. hell, i am in a relationship right now and we live 5 miles apart and its hard.

i think you have to figure what you want and how to get your needs met.

 

[all_i_want]

it doesnt work.. when one of you meets some she really likes, it will practically be over. the only time i tried using it was in a similar situation.. it didnt work.

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

Just my humble opinion - I don't know you obviously, so I can just go by my impression of what you wrote. It sounds to me like it's more loneliness, it sounds like you have a lovely relationship w/ her.

My advice would be to stay with her and try to tough out the loneliness. Good luck

I just get the impression that you love her quite a bit and really want to stay w/ her, and the loneliness is what's causing your other feelings. Have you talked to her about this?

 

[Do Miss America]

Thank you all.

 

[Do Miss America]

I would advise against seeing other people without her consent,

I would never do that.

 

[Do Miss America]

Just my humble opinion - I don't know you obviously, so I can just go by my impression of what you wrote. It sounds to me like it's more loneliness, it sounds like you have a lovely relationship w/ her.

My advice would be to stay with her and try to tough out the loneliness. Good luck

I just get the impression that you love her quite a bit and really want to stay w/ her, and the loneliness is what's causing your other feelings. Have you talked to her about this?

That's the exact question I'm trying to figure out. Is it the lonliness or is it something else?

I have talked to her a little bit about it. I mean she's having a hard time with it also.

Well she's on a mission trip this week and we can't even talk on the phone. I have a lot to think about.

Thanks.

 

[melon]

You can't do both, most likely. Pick which relationship you value more and stick with it. Assume that once you make your decision, there's no going back.

I have been dealing with a long-distance relationship for a while now, and now my b/f is probably going to France for a year. It doesn't work for everyone, but I'm confident we will survive.

Melon