trust

[blindinglights7]

No doubt that trust is one of the most important things in a relationship. That is not even a question in my mind. I'm just having a hard time with it.

What is trust and what is it based on? Do you ever fully regain trust with a person who has broken your trust before? Can you trust a person yet protect yourself from being hurt at the same time? Can you trust a person too much? There can be a false sense of trust, right? What is a relationship if there isn't complete trust? Can you completely trust somebody but not submit to them? How can you want to trust somebody so much, but you can't make yourself completely trust them?

He has broken my trust before. I want to trust him with all my heart, but because of the past a little part of me can't or so it seems. A difficult aspect of the situation is that he trusts me completely, because I have never done anything to make him not trust me. There's just this little voice in my head screaming, "Protect yourself! Don't let anything or anyone hurt you like that!"

I just don't know what to do and this is tearing at my heart. If I need to be more specific about my situation I can be. Just let me know.

 

[Bonochick]

My feelings used to be to trust someone until that person gives me reason not to. However...after a guy tried to abduct me, I learned that trust most definitely must be earned...because sometimes that reason not to trust someone can come too late.

Once earned trust is broken, it can be earned back...but you have to be willing to give it some time. If someone repeatedly burns you though...or does something extremely awful...perhaps he or she is simply someone who just can't be trusted. Not everybody is trustworthy.

 

[jenU2child]

I think trust is very important, but it has to be earned. Of course, a slate can start clean, but it can get tarnished. The other day, my boyfriend was late picking me up and he apologized profusely. He said "It feels so bad to do this, because I know I have a problem with promptness. It's like at work, only more important, because I really don't want to loose your trust,"

I guess trust depends on the type of person you are, too. It can be a generous trust or a very stingy type of thing.

 

[Carek1230]

Trust is very important in any relationship-romantic or friendship only. If trust is broken I believe it depends on the situation and the boundaries and values of the individuals involved whether that bond of trust can be restored and how or how long it will take.

 

[Mr. BAW]

She's asking, "what is trust? and what is it based on? no one's answered.

 

[blindinglights7]

She's asking, "what is trust? and what is it based on? no one's answered.

I'll take anything about trust in general.

 

[starsgoblue]

He has broken my trust before. I want to trust him with all my heart, but because of the past a little part of me can't or so it seems. A difficult aspect of the situation is that he trusts me completely, because I have never done anything to make him not trust me. There's just this little voice in my head screaming, "Protect yourself! Don't let anything or anyone hurt you like that!"

I just don't know what to do and this is tearing at my heart. If I need to be more specific about my situation I can be. Just let me know.

I am curious to know in what way he has broken your trust....there is a world of difference between, for example, trusting someone to show up for a date on time and trusting that person to not cheat or physically harm you. Some things I think can be negotiable and some just can't be once a line has been crossed.

 

[blindinglights7]

Re: Re: trust

I am curious to know in what way he has broken your trust....there is a world of difference between, for example, trusting someone to show up for a date on time and trusting that person to not cheat or physically harm you. Some things I think can be negotiable and some just can't be once a line has been crossed.

He cheated... for a long time he was indecisive about which girl he wanted to be with. Sometimes I worry that something could happen with the other girl, because they are still really good friends. At this point, I have talked to him and he has reassured me. It's not like I don't believe him... it's just taking time to learn to trust again.

 

[Hewson]

She's asking, "what is trust? and what is it based on? no one's answered.

Including you.

 

[CKONE]

If there is doubt your heart is warning you.

If there is no doubt you will trust him completely anyway whether their is a risk of getting burned or not. Your feeling won't lie!

 

[Mr. BAW]

Including you.

Sir, please return to the Sports page, there's nothing here you can contribute...I was just preparing my thought on trust when I asked that question....

 

[Hewson]

Sir, please return to the Sports page, there's nothing here you can contribute...I was just preparing my thought on trust when I asked that question....

Its been 2 days, that better be one deep thought when it finally shows up.

 

[VertigoGal]

I think once someone has broken your trust, there is really nothing that can be done to completely restore it. I also agree with the idea that it has to be "earned" in the first place.

I think there's a difference between actually trusting someone again...and simply letting go of the fact that there are certain things you can't control about what the other person chooses to do. Maybe that could apply to your question about trusting meaning submitting. Putting your full trust in someone gives them the power, but only focusing on the aspects of the relationship you can control gives you the power. Although obviously if the behaviour is repeated a second time that doesnt mean you should ignore it. Hmm shockingly I'm making no sense whatsoever tonight...

Try your best not to beat yourself up over not being able to fully trust him. It's not your place to do that, it's his place to try to earn back as much of your confidence as he can. And I guess you're stuck trying to learn to live with someone you don't necessarily "trust," without driving yourself insane.

 

[SunBloc]

Really interesting subject.. Trust is one of the things we treasure most, but can't quite get our arms around what it is exactly.

Maybe it's because we set different levels of trust for different people on an ongoing basis. It could be more like a fluid thing & communication - in all its forms (or lack of it) is probably the biggest thing that determines our comfort level for trusting. I guess my point is that we have control over who & how we trust.

I think you should trust yourself first blindinglights7. If your conscience is telling you something, there's probably something there to work out. I think it is possible to get past a break in trust, but the relationship will probably be changed.