Well, a bit of a turn this week.
Wife thinks it may be better if we just head for splitzville. I'm not really even fighting it really.
She came up to me the other night before bed time and we had a talk about everything. Bottom line was this:
1. She feels that I would be happier doing my own thing. She feels that is the impression I give her, since in her eyes, I haven't really given anything up for the relationship (is that a requirement????). She says I still act the same way I did as a single guy, and it's hurtful to her.
My response was, ARE YOU F'N CRAZY????? Let's see, I give up my pets, and the prospect of pets going forward (she was iffy on a dog). With proper consideration, I gave the OK for her to quit her job and take a break before school, therefore being the sole provider in the family. Anything within reason was given to her. She told me she appreciates me working and allowing her the time off, but I need to do more things like housework, less golf, less football, less everything really.
It's not worth fighting. I'm completely numb, and it's the same fucking argument over and over. We don't seem to be making any gains.
2. She feels that she is walking on egg shells anytime she wants to go out or do something. She feels that both of us can't really be ourselves without upsetting each other.
This one I agree with. I used to have some serious anxiety issues early on in our relationship (nearly 18 months ago). I went to counseling, and it improved. Even she admitted it. I have been trying to get her out of the house with her friends for the past 2 months. I trust her, but she still reverts to past issues. Yet when she shows any jealousy at all, some how the irony is lost on her. Of course this stuff doesn't happen often at all, but when it does it seems to be a big deal. Almost seems like the roles have reversed from when we first met, to how we are now.
And as far as me acting like a single guy, this doesn't mean I flirt with women. It means that I get to do whatever I want, whenever I want. Which again, to me, is a lie.
I told her that I feel like I'm walking on egg shells the minute I walk in the door due to her depression. If I say, "Honey, what's going on this weekend" she'll immediatly jump on me stating I'm going to ask to go golfing, or do something else. I told her that was B.S. because I'm a person who likes to have a plan. Doesn't mean I'll follow it, but I like to know what's going on. So instead of it being a harmless question, it gets treated like I'm trying to get away from her.
And yes, I do ask that question when I'm invited to go play golf. It's better than me saying, "Honey, I'm playing golf, do we have anything going on?". And of course if we do have something going on, I turn down golf. And to give some perspective, since May 24th (the first day I golfed this year, and in many years for that matter), I have played golf 9 times this year. 2 of those were on a Wednesday afternoon that I took off from work, so I was home around the same time as when I normally get off work. So I dont' want to give the idea that I'm golfing every single day. So 7 times in 4 months. I know guys that golf 7 times during the week. Of course, what is a small amount to one person, is a large amount to another (my wife).
So yeah, not really sure where I'm at right now. If I had to put a percentage, I'd say 80% we're through. I think the description of being numb is accurate. Will I hurt more? I think so, but probably after everything is final and she's out.
I talked to her last night about what happens next, if we do decide to go down this path. She got pretty emotional when I told her about how we need to sit down and talk about who gets what.
Of course if there was ever a "easy" divorce, ours might be one. She has told me she doesn't want allimony. And even if she did, I think it'd be a waste of her time. We've been married for 8 months. A judge in Iowa is going to look at what each person brought into the marriage, and what they contributed, and what they should get back.
My wife had a job when we got married. Quit because she was tired of working, and now she has a job again (starts next week). My wife had her student loans and car loan prior to meeting me.
90% of the furniture is hers. I had to get rid of most of my stuff because of the cat dander. Some might be slapping their heads right now, but it was really time for me to get new stuff anyway. I told her I would want the sofa, as it'll be my makeshift bed for a while. So after it's all said and done, I'll have my TV, PS3, Sofa, and Boflex. Pretty sweet pad huh?
I am a little concerned about any feedback her family might give her, but I have no control over that. I think we'll discuss this more at our next counseling session, but I'm already of the idea that I will go ahead and pay for the lawyer if we're both going to agree on how we split things up.
This all really sucks, and just goes to show how weird life is. 5 months ago I wouldn't have thought this would happen. Then bam, wife goes into depression, I become more distant, and she becomes more needy (and of course I'm sure I do some things to her that annoy or bug her).
I'm afraid of how my parents will react. I know they're going to do the whole "We told you so bit", as they always feel they know best *After something bad happens, they always say I should have just listened to them to begin with, regardless if they knew about it prior*.
As for me, I'll survive. My therapist that I saw for a while prepared me for things like this. This is not the end of the world if I lose my wife. It's just an experience that I will need to get through. I do have a decent bunch of friends, and I have an outlet in my martial arts that allows me to work off stress, and in a way that benefits me....which is punching and kicking the crap out of things.
I don't want to lose my wife, but another part of me is just tired of going through this every week. Now that she's talking about ending it, I'm thinking it may be the best thing. I guess it's better to end something before it really gets bad.