Make up FAKE Bono phrases

[mikal]

yeah....imagine the chords to "One" being played, but instead of Bono singing the 1st verse, he continues to talk about important things.

here's one i just thought of:

"Martin Luther King once said 'i have a dream'......well i have a nightmare......that nightmare is 'hunger'......"

 

[GirlsAloudFan]

This donut is not a jelly donut...this is CREAM FILLED PASTRY

 

[corianderstem]

My favorite fake Bono speech, from here:

Timothy McSweeney's Internet Tendency: Short Imagined Monologues

Bono Gives the Rush Hour Traffic Report

Listen, everybody. Listen up. There's an epidemic in this country. An epidemic of waiting. An epidemic of sitting. In traffic.

There are people waiting in line. Day after bloody day. People. Wanting to go home. People. Sick. And tired.

Of waiting.

People. Waiting for the government to fix the problems of the people. People. Waiting for a sign. For a sign that says "END CONSTRUCTION ZONE"!

Waiting.

To see the flashing lights. In the distance. Under a blood-red sky. The flashing lights that say, "I've passed the three-car pileup on the westbound turnpike." I see people. Sitting in their cars. Burning their fossil fuels. Their transmissions. I-DL-ING! On the Expressway. Sitting. On I-95.

Waiting.

You want to know what I see? A car fire on Route 422? A stalled vehicle blocking the right lane on the A.C. Expressway? No. I see an overturned tractor-trailer on 76. Spilling its toxic load. Poisoning the innocent commuters. And I see people. People looking down the barrel of a 10. Mile. Delay.

People.

They want to know. When will this madness end? How long until I reach my exit? How long will the U.S. government, and its hired contractors, be repaving Interstate 476? It has to end. And if we don't do something about it our children are gonna suffer. And our children's children. And our children's children's children. And our children's children's children's children.

People.

Waiting.

Back to you, Jim.

 

[ElectricalStorm]

My favorite fake Bono speech, from here:

Timothy McSweeney's Internet Tendency: Short Imagined Monologues

Bono Gives the Rush Hour Traffic Report

Listen, everybody. Listen up. There's an epidemic in this country. An epidemic of waiting. An epidemic of sitting. In traffic.

There are people waiting in line. Day after bloody day. People. Wanting to go home. People. Sick. And tired.

Of waiting.

People. Waiting for the government to fix the problems of the people. People. Waiting for a sign. For a sign that says "END CONSTRUCTION ZONE"!

Waiting.

To see the flashing lights. In the distance. Under a blood-red sky. The flashing lights that say, "I've passed the three-car pileup on the westbound turnpike." I see people. Sitting in their cars. Burning their fossil fuels. Their transmissions. I-DL-ING! On the Expressway. Sitting. On I-95.

Waiting.

You want to know what I see? A car fire on Route 422? A stalled vehicle blocking the right lane on the A.C. Expressway? No. I see an overturned tractor-trailer on 76. Spilling its toxic load. Poisoning the innocent commuters. And I see people. People looking down the barrel of a 10. Mile. Delay.

People.

They want to know. When will this madness end? How long until I reach my exit? How long will the U.S. government, and its hired contractors, be repaving Interstate 476? It has to end. And if we don't do something about it our children are gonna suffer. And our children's children. And our children's children's children. And our children's children's children's children.

People.

Waiting.

Back to you, Jim.

That's great

 

[Galeongirl]

That reminds me of a poem. Waiting for Godot.

 

[rdy4thdl]

"so we asked the Edge....how is that new fabric sofener workin out for ya?, and he said........Its Better...."(crowd goes wild).

 

[theedgeu2]

"We're re-applying for the job of most experimental band in the world."

 

[Vlad n U 2]

"So one day I was sitting at home, watching Oprah and my cat thought it was a good idea to sit on my head. That's funny because I don't even remember having a cat."

 

[nirniva]

I love you, EYKIW.

 

[zooropop40]

Fantastic thread idea! Cant wait to see where this goes...

Anyways, here's my entry:

"Our process of making albums is very different from most bands. Usually, I sit down and think "if God was to make a U2 album, what would it sound like?" and then we make that album"

 

[lemonfly]

"I know what the 360 tour is. So it can't be art".

 

[mirrorballman]

3:32
YouTube - U2 - Zoo TV - Opening Night (1992)

"I've reconsidered, we really do need the pop kids. I love Katy Perry..."

 

[The Disciple]

"The upcoming album can be described as Manic Metal made in Uranus. The Edge will be bathed in flame-retardant on stage due to bouts of spontaneous combustion. We've really hit our stride."

 

[Rafiennes]

The Edge's playing has literally been on so much fire that we've started writing The Fantastic Four musical. This is a new tune called The Human Torch Lament.

 

[Tommy WM]

Bono's ramble before ISHFWILF:

"We'd like to thank Soulja Boy for giving us lift off. A great young man with amazing talent. Almost like a young Isaac Hayes thing going on there....with a cross between James Brown's soul and Jay-Z's swagga. I caught the Edge singing some Soulja Boy earlier. I don't think the rap world has been influenced this much since LL Cool J and Run DMC. It's safe to say Soulja Boy is here to stay...and thank God because the music scene was lacking a rapper like Soulja Boy. Just an amazing guy with a great, great group of people around him. Anyway thank you Soulja Boy!"

 

[Rafiennes]

There've been a lotta tweets about this next song...maybe too many tweets...this is 'Stand Up Comedy'!

 

[nirniva]

Bono's ramble before ISHFWILF:

"We'd like to thank Soulja Boy for giving us lift off. A great young man with amazing talent. Almost like a young Isaac Hayes thing going on there....with a cross between James Brown's soul and Jay-Z's swagga. I caught the Edge singing some Soulja Boy earlier. I don't think the rap world has been influenced this much since LL Cool J and Run DMC. It's safe to say Soulja Boy is here to stay...and thank God because the music scene was lacking a rapper like Soulja Boy. Just an amazing guy with a great, great group of people around him. Anyway thank you Soulja Boy!"

I Still Haven't Found YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!