Tranqulity, for the moment, at the top; zero velocity at the apex.
Momentum returns to zero again, my friends
my friends? eh, that's not the point
The point is...
There's not point so don't even worry about that, reader.
Let me just talk to you, or at you for a moment about what I'm "feeling" (at the moment)
Content.
I don't really need anything
I mean, even if I had to let go of my laptop, which would be unpleasant,
I'd just move on, and find some other way to get back t o this point
This placidty that I feel
I wonder, I am wondering, if this is a good thing
Heh, good or bad, simple terms, I k now I know...
But yeah, it's so.... strange.
I see the people, and I see them get uphappy, or strive for something
Yet.....
it's so..... strange
I feel unhuman to a certain extent, but
(I kinda like it, to tell the truth. I don't have to play all those silly games, heh)
Apperantly I'm destined for an easy life....
As only a hare would/could have it.
I do not see many needs for anything at all.
Maybe just efficiency, or understanding
Maybe I could find a passion there, in helping people undersand each other........?
(
)
ANd there is love, something I have looked greatly into, and felt greatly of.
I am thankful for the love others have shown me.
But when I think about loving another......
I'm too easy, I think.
I'd just say, or I'd just want to "I love you"
And boom, that's it. That's all. For me, it would be that simple.
I would like to live my life alongside another, maybe it would be....
More challenging to try to keep that person happy, and help them reach their goals?
What are my goals?
Heh, I don't really know.
Maybe I should get some?
I don't really know
What's the point?
It doesn't honeslty, really matter if they are acheived or not.
Sure it would impact my immediate state of being, I'd be more happy if they were achieved, and less happy if they weren't
But........
Everything is that way
Maybe I shouldn't be so concerned about this, and just enjoy this placidity.
But that really isn't typical of me, either - I look for efficiency, to improve.
That dastardly, bastardly INTJ trait of mine
ANyhow.......
So............
The only thing I can think of is if I throw myself into life somehow. Love is a good way to do that - that would be challenging, I'm sure. Or like, some carerr goal, but that's not too important to me, either.
Maybe something with education, or understanding, as I mentioned before. Maybe maybe maybe....
Can I help anyone here?
Is there anything I can do for someone who reads this?
just a question, or thought.
I don't really know if I'd be able to do anything, regardless, heh heh heh.
I guess I should use this time to finsish up some old projects - like getting my licence, and finishing 'my journey'. Rake the leaves, those should be done. And do the dishes.
But then what?
Tomorrow evening, I'll probably be in this same state again, unless life rushes in and throws me out of balance for a bit, again, but that's not all that unexpected (by me), is it?
.............
And I realized that I've removed my self so far out of the common human existance (not being arrogant, but just trying to picture things), that I probably don't even relate well enough to other people. I mean, I understand them, and try to, but so much of things really are indifferent to me. What upsets me? What do I really find disturbing?
On one hand, I'd really like to push for global unity, togetherness, improving mankind as a whole, and making our existance more purposeful, educated, and functional.
But on the other....... I understand that the way of most of mankind is to be cuahgt up in some turmoil, and I don't really know if it is for the best to have what I described above come through to existance.
ANd I also realize that such a thing to strive for, well, that too is merely a manifestation of who I am, a typical rabbit thing to ask strive for - peace and tranquility, efficiency, etc etc etc. understanigng, etc....
Is that ideal, is that evolved, is that neccesary, even?
I don't know.
Everyone of us, every human, has their own definition, their own scope, their own view.
So should I even bother with explaining my own?
I don't know.
It feels, almost, like I am looking around, waiting for osmeone or something to show me "what am I supposed to do?"
I don't have any major internal desires at the moment, so maybe the Buddha would be happy about that. Yet I haven't fond a religion that intrigues me enough, or that I agree with enough, to use as a guidline.
I guess I'll just go to sleep, and wake up tomorrow to see what life throws at me, and figure out the best way to deal with it.
(hmm.... receptive approach)
Or I wonder...... should I .......
attack the world tomorrow, and proactively seek.........
..........seek what?
I wonder...... what would I, Jesse, "FH", HWI, etc etc, what would I be motivated by? What would really get me going?
Love? Possibly..... possibly.
Interacting with other humans on some level, I'm sure that would be something interesting.
After all, it's not that hard to feel content alone, I guess.
............. I don't really know.
See, I really just want to ask, hey, does anyone need anything? Is there some adventure I can go on or something?
But at the same time, I've got way too much pride to take a back seat, or be a pawn in someones big chess game. Hahahahaha...
Aren't I full of contradictions?
confusing, but, clear to me, mostly.
I feel so deep when I write this
But at the same time, it's all so shallow, since there is...... little backing up all these words
but I guess it's rather insignificant anyways. I mean, how many people are going to read this? 7?
and I'm sure I won't look back on it too many times, heh.
Tht's how it goes.
So I've just spend, with this and my FYM philosophy post, about an hour, maybe, venting about nothing. I wonder why. Did I....... hope to find some sort of answer in thsi? I don't know. Did I hope to connect with someone on this? not really.
I guess it was just a...... a slightly proactive, aggresive, outward thrust into life, a subtle pebble in the pond, or ocean.
watch those ripples...........
watch the motion............
"returning".................
that;s all for now,
FH