A work in progress - the fatal blow

[burns]

um ok i'm very new to this section of the forum

this poem deals with that ever so common, but never easy ordeal of rejection. I wrote it last night after actually being rejected. To be honest it's still in progress but i thought i'd share what i do have:
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My heart no longer beats
My mouth no longer speaks
Your eyes penetrate my soul
I stand before you gazed in awe

Why did you say those things to me,
Why did you sing that song,
My tired and withered body,
Could not stand, could not take anymore

Where she moves in for the kill
Where i crouch in coward despair
She takes a fatal swipe
My face in pain, it tears.

As you laugh, As you leave
As I crawl, as i bleed
When i fall to the abyss
caress me love, in pure bliss

When i draw my final breath
When i go to close my eyes
She'll embrace me in her arms,
We'll be together, once again

Won't we?
WON'T WE???!!!
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I'v also written some other poetry that isn't as bleak as this, i'll have to find and post it in due course

thanks for reading, any feedback would be great

 

[wizard2c]

reply

Very good writing. You are very subtle in your rejection. Me......my rejection would be fire and brimestone type. Are you hoping she comes back to you? Me.....I would be saying.....gone with you and don't come back.

Post some more of your writing...like to read it.

carol
wizard2c