80sU2isBest
Rock n' Roll Doggie Band-aid
- Joined
- Nov 12, 2000
- Messages
- 4,970
>THE "TWO-COW EXPLANATION" OF WHAT MAKES....
>
> ....A CHRISTIAN:
> You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.
>
> ....A SOCIALIST:
> You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your
> neighbor.
>
>
> ....A REPUBLICAN:
> You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?
>
>
> ....A DEMOCRAT:
> You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for
> being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows,
> forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people
> you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to
> your neighbor. You feel righteous.
>
>
> ....A COMMUNIST:
> You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you
> with milk.
>
>
> ....A FASCIST:
> You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the
> milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.
>
>
> ....DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
> You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have
> to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one
> cow, which was a gift from your government.
>
>
> ....CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE:
> You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of
> cows.
>
>
> ....BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
> You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks
> the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.
>
>
> ....AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
> You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce
> the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
>
>
> ....A FRENCH CORPORATION:
> You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
>
>
>
> ....A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
> You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the
> size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
>
>
> ....A GERMAN CORPORATION:
> You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100
> years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
>
>
> ....A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
> You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows.
> You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them
> again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open
> another bottle of vodka.
>
>
> ....A SWISS CORPORATION:
> You have 5000 cows, none of which belongs to you. You charge for
> storing them for others.
>
>
> ....A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION:
> You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American
> corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation
> declares bankruptcy.
>
>
> ....A TALIBAN
> You have two cows. You turn them loose in the Afghan "countryside"
> and they both die. You blame the godless American infidels.
>
> ....A CHRISTIAN:
> You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.
>
> ....A SOCIALIST:
> You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your
> neighbor.
>
>
> ....A REPUBLICAN:
> You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?
>
>
> ....A DEMOCRAT:
> You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for
> being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows,
> forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people
> you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to
> your neighbor. You feel righteous.
>
>
> ....A COMMUNIST:
> You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you
> with milk.
>
>
> ....A FASCIST:
> You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the
> milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.
>
>
> ....DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
> You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have
> to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one
> cow, which was a gift from your government.
>
>
> ....CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE:
> You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of
> cows.
>
>
> ....BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
> You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks
> the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.
>
>
> ....AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
> You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce
> the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
>
>
> ....A FRENCH CORPORATION:
> You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
>
>
>
> ....A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
> You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the
> size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
>
>
> ....A GERMAN CORPORATION:
> You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100
> years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
>
>
> ....A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
> You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows.
> You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them
> again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open
> another bottle of vodka.
>
>
> ....A SWISS CORPORATION:
> You have 5000 cows, none of which belongs to you. You charge for
> storing them for others.
>
>
> ....A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION:
> You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American
> corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation
> declares bankruptcy.
>
>
> ....A TALIBAN
> You have two cows. You turn them loose in the Afghan "countryside"
> and they both die. You blame the godless American infidels.