shart1780
Rock n' Roll Doggie
This will be long. Kind of a rant.
The last couple years haven't been going too well in my house. Overall we lead a good life but my dad has had some really bad issues lately. He has started drinking again (not heavily. Maybe once every few weeks) and it got him a DUI. This was a huge wake up call for him... supposedly. He had to go through a ton a money, a criminal record, raised incurance, disrespect from the family etc. etc.. He vowed to me personally that he would never drink again.
Well, that was a lie. He's been drinking on and off again, and he doesn't seem to be too worried about the fact that if he got pulled over again he'd end up in jail for a long time and he probably wouldn't be able to run the business he owns, which is basically what supports our family and he'd be in jail for a while. He's not an alcoholic or anything. He only drinks maybe once or twice a month. The scary part is that he knows the consequences and just doesn't seem to care.
My mom also has a very bad health problem. Her stomach is cramped up every minute of her life and any stress will make it so she can barely breath. She's been to the hospital a few times.
What's been going on lately is a little complex. My brother is basically a nerd loser (hate to say it, but it's true). He's 23 years old, still living at home, working about 12 hours a week (at a cushy job my dad gave him, which he isn't doing very well with) and going to school part time. He hardly ever leaves the house, has only one friend who he rarely sees and recently got out of a bad relationship which he seems to want to go back in to. My mother has to basically restrict this grown man from his video games and computer before he'll do anything constructive, and many times when he gets restricted from those he'll just go sleep for awhile or something. My other recently found out that he's been lying about his college grades and should have graduated by now. This upset her A LOT because she's still supporting this man child and he's lying like a kid. My mom is the only one who ever disciplines him or scolds him for his behaviour and my dad seems to not really care.
My dad, over the past year or so has basically shut all of us out of his life. Ever since my brother and I have gotten older he seems to not want to deal with us very much. We really only communicate on a casual level. He only ever really talks to us about his work. When I try to talk to him about personal things he kind of shuts me out. He is extremely defensive whenever we accuse him of even small things and sometimes loses his temper. When this happens he either locks himself in his room, goes on a drive or goes to the bar at the restaurant he owns.
My mom usually tries to make the best out of everything. She's really the most amazing person I've ever met. No matter what she takes care of him. When he comes home plastered like an idiot she sits with him and talks to him and feeds him. She always tries to make the situation better and the issues in our family are rarely her fault. But my dad likes to blame everyone but himself.
Tonight I came home from work and everything seemed fine. We were all in a good mood and joking and whatnot. I was upstairs listening to music and I heard my dad talking very loudly. I shut it off and listened for a bit and he was yelling at her, accusing her of something. Apparently she thought he swore, and she made a joke about how he swears around everyone else but us. Well, he didn't like that at all. He started going off on her about how she's accusing him of living a double life between home and work (which in this sense he is. He swears like a madman at work and tries to make it sound evil at home). We all know this, though, and don't mind THAT much, although we don't like it. We never get angry at him about it. Well, my mom apologized and said she didn't mean any harm and HE WOULD NOT LET IT GO. He basically boxed her in so she was forced to defend herself, although what she did was pretty silly and unimportant.
Maybe I shouldn't have, but I butted in. I went downstairs and told them to stop arguing. He told me to mind my own business. I didn't. I told him he's overeacting and that it's not that big of a deal. He told me that mom's trying to accuse him of living a double life. I told him to stop and that this doesn't need to be such a big deal. I almost felt silly arguing with my dad like he's a little kid. He would not let go of the joke my mom made. Eventually he left and went on a drive. My brother and mom did too.
So about half an hour later he comes back and after a bit I go into his room to talk to him. I ask him why he got so mad and what's going on. Again, he tries to blame it on my mom and the stupid unimportant little joke she made. It was obvious he was getting kind of annoyed with me. I immediately told him I don't want to fight but that he needs to stop blaming it on her. I told him that she's a great wife and that he needs to stop acting so immature. He WOULD NOT let go of the joke she made, still, and I got fed up. I told him to stop BSing me and to talk about the real problem. I told him that our house is messed up and that I can tell that he doesn't want me or my brother involved in his life on a deep level at all. He rolls his eyes at me and I tell him to cut the BS and stop guilt tripping me.
After that I started crying and he sobered up a bit. I told him that I don't feel like he ever wants to talk about anything besides his business and that I barely even feel like I have a dad. I told him that my mom tries her best to make things ok and that it seems like he doesn't care at all. I told him that my brother is basically a loser and that he doesn't care to discipline him at all. I told him that I want to have a relationship with him but he shuts everyone out and causes problems. I waited there for a response for about half a minute and he didn't say anything. I said Ok, whatever and walked away.
That was the first time I really confronted him about how I feel. It was hard for me to open up to him because for about the past 8 years he's been like a stranger to me. I'm pretty disappointed, because he doesn't seem to want to respond even now.
What the heck am I supposed to do?
Sorry if that was too long.
The last couple years haven't been going too well in my house. Overall we lead a good life but my dad has had some really bad issues lately. He has started drinking again (not heavily. Maybe once every few weeks) and it got him a DUI. This was a huge wake up call for him... supposedly. He had to go through a ton a money, a criminal record, raised incurance, disrespect from the family etc. etc.. He vowed to me personally that he would never drink again.
Well, that was a lie. He's been drinking on and off again, and he doesn't seem to be too worried about the fact that if he got pulled over again he'd end up in jail for a long time and he probably wouldn't be able to run the business he owns, which is basically what supports our family and he'd be in jail for a while. He's not an alcoholic or anything. He only drinks maybe once or twice a month. The scary part is that he knows the consequences and just doesn't seem to care.
My mom also has a very bad health problem. Her stomach is cramped up every minute of her life and any stress will make it so she can barely breath. She's been to the hospital a few times.
What's been going on lately is a little complex. My brother is basically a nerd loser (hate to say it, but it's true). He's 23 years old, still living at home, working about 12 hours a week (at a cushy job my dad gave him, which he isn't doing very well with) and going to school part time. He hardly ever leaves the house, has only one friend who he rarely sees and recently got out of a bad relationship which he seems to want to go back in to. My mother has to basically restrict this grown man from his video games and computer before he'll do anything constructive, and many times when he gets restricted from those he'll just go sleep for awhile or something. My other recently found out that he's been lying about his college grades and should have graduated by now. This upset her A LOT because she's still supporting this man child and he's lying like a kid. My mom is the only one who ever disciplines him or scolds him for his behaviour and my dad seems to not really care.
My dad, over the past year or so has basically shut all of us out of his life. Ever since my brother and I have gotten older he seems to not want to deal with us very much. We really only communicate on a casual level. He only ever really talks to us about his work. When I try to talk to him about personal things he kind of shuts me out. He is extremely defensive whenever we accuse him of even small things and sometimes loses his temper. When this happens he either locks himself in his room, goes on a drive or goes to the bar at the restaurant he owns.
My mom usually tries to make the best out of everything. She's really the most amazing person I've ever met. No matter what she takes care of him. When he comes home plastered like an idiot she sits with him and talks to him and feeds him. She always tries to make the situation better and the issues in our family are rarely her fault. But my dad likes to blame everyone but himself.
Tonight I came home from work and everything seemed fine. We were all in a good mood and joking and whatnot. I was upstairs listening to music and I heard my dad talking very loudly. I shut it off and listened for a bit and he was yelling at her, accusing her of something. Apparently she thought he swore, and she made a joke about how he swears around everyone else but us. Well, he didn't like that at all. He started going off on her about how she's accusing him of living a double life between home and work (which in this sense he is. He swears like a madman at work and tries to make it sound evil at home). We all know this, though, and don't mind THAT much, although we don't like it. We never get angry at him about it. Well, my mom apologized and said she didn't mean any harm and HE WOULD NOT LET IT GO. He basically boxed her in so she was forced to defend herself, although what she did was pretty silly and unimportant.
Maybe I shouldn't have, but I butted in. I went downstairs and told them to stop arguing. He told me to mind my own business. I didn't. I told him he's overeacting and that it's not that big of a deal. He told me that mom's trying to accuse him of living a double life. I told him to stop and that this doesn't need to be such a big deal. I almost felt silly arguing with my dad like he's a little kid. He would not let go of the joke my mom made. Eventually he left and went on a drive. My brother and mom did too.
So about half an hour later he comes back and after a bit I go into his room to talk to him. I ask him why he got so mad and what's going on. Again, he tries to blame it on my mom and the stupid unimportant little joke she made. It was obvious he was getting kind of annoyed with me. I immediately told him I don't want to fight but that he needs to stop blaming it on her. I told him that she's a great wife and that he needs to stop acting so immature. He WOULD NOT let go of the joke she made, still, and I got fed up. I told him to stop BSing me and to talk about the real problem. I told him that our house is messed up and that I can tell that he doesn't want me or my brother involved in his life on a deep level at all. He rolls his eyes at me and I tell him to cut the BS and stop guilt tripping me.
After that I started crying and he sobered up a bit. I told him that I don't feel like he ever wants to talk about anything besides his business and that I barely even feel like I have a dad. I told him that my mom tries her best to make things ok and that it seems like he doesn't care at all. I told him that my brother is basically a loser and that he doesn't care to discipline him at all. I told him that I want to have a relationship with him but he shuts everyone out and causes problems. I waited there for a response for about half a minute and he didn't say anything. I said Ok, whatever and walked away.
That was the first time I really confronted him about how I feel. It was hard for me to open up to him because for about the past 8 years he's been like a stranger to me. I'm pretty disappointed, because he doesn't seem to want to respond even now.
What the heck am I supposed to do?
Sorry if that was too long.
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although it may be more hopeful for your dad has at least attempted to stop. mine wont admit he has a problem, and that it affects us. 
They never admit theyre hurting the family. 
