On the subject of friendship/romance: A continuation

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Resident Photo Buff
Staff member
Sep 1, 2000
Somewhere in middle America
It's been a while since I've been in here, but this seems to be where the more articulate people hang out
, so I thought it would be nice to get some input again on a familiar subject...

A little over a year ago, I started this thread in here lamenting my woes in the area of friendship/romance. I decided to reread it tonight because, well, I had nothing better to do
. I have to admit, I found it funny to think of how short-sighted I was in my gloomy state then, but I was struck by how something I said back then is really coming into the light now, and I'd like to get some of your opinions on the idea. Anyway, here's a quote from my last post in that first thread:

One good thing I've learned is that in long term friendships that are strong, there is a real and true love for the other person that develops - maybe not a romantic love, but still a love that I think opens the possibility for more down the road. I've known my best friend since the 7th grade, and I had a huge crush on her for the longest time, but through it all we were really good friends. Now, nearly 10 years after we first became friends, we can talk comfortably about those days and we've even talked about the possibility of something more (I say this without really getting my hopes up, because we live in separate states and i haven't seen her in 3 years). But there is an acceptance in that friendship that we both share a lot of the qualities that we like in a romance, and I guess our friendship has grown and matured enough that we can accept that and not try and hide it. We've joked that if we're still single in 5 years...

Now, fast forward a year. Both my friend and I have graduated college, and both of us are now living in California (although we're about a 6 hour drive apart). I finally got to see her again a couple weeks ago and we'll definitely be seeing each other more often from now on.

The truly interesting part is that the love I talked about back then is present as ever. My best friend is going through a tough time, and right now I'm basically doing everything I can to make her happy or at least minimize the pain. Our friendship has strengthened so much in the past few months that I feel the possibility of something more very enticing and very real. It's really hard to describe our friendship to people who don't really know us. The only way I can describe it is as the most pure and true friendship I have ever been in, and I would say the best example of true friendship I've seen out of any of the people I know. It's an incredible thing to still call someone your best friend after 10 years, but even more amazing considering for 4 of those years we never saw each other at all, and for another 2 of those years we only saw each other once a year.

For the majority of our friendship I haven't been geographically close to her, but our faith in each other, honesty with each other, and genuine love for each other has been both a great inspiration and an immense comfort to me. Friends come and go, lovers come and go, but she is and always has been there for me, as I have been and am there for her.

I know I'm rambling a bit, but I feel the need to emphasize that this is no ordinary friendship. Lately we've been basically spending each afternoon chatting for hours about anything and everything, and it's quite clear that when she has had time to heal and if the timing is right, our love for each other could quite easily progress into life-long romance. We've both said that the other is the kind of person we'd like to end up with.

There's a part of me that likes to think that maybe we're destined to be together and it's just now that we're both realizing that maybe we didn't need to look outside of our friendship to find the one that would take care of us and be our life-long best friend, confidante, comforter, supporter and lover. And there's a part of me that doesn't want to get my hopes up because even strong and mature friendships like ours can be a little strange when mixed with romance. I think it's obvious which part of me I prefer listening to, though

10 years ago I looked at this beautiful girl - with gorgeous blue eyes impossible to hide from, this talented performer with a beautiful voice and sensitive spirit, this caring and compassionate individual who doesn't have a mean streak in her - and I knew I needed her in my life. 10 years later I look at the incredible woman she's grown to be, but still vulnerable to hurt and pain, and we both know we need each other in our lives, except now maybe as more than friends. Nothing would make me happier than being the one to make her happy for the rest of her life.

So, now that I've dumped all that out, I ask for any advice, input, insight, comments or experiences any of you might have that could help.
I feel obligated to leave you with some poetry
, so here is a poem, of sorts. The words are not mine, but I share the feelings behind them. And I think most of you will recognize it.

In a little while
Surely you'll be mine
In a little while I'll be there

In a little while
This hurt will hurt no more
I'll be home, love

When the night takes a deep breath
And the daylight has no air
If I crawl, if I come crawling home
WiIl you be there

In a little while
I won't (be) blown by every breeze
Friday night running
To Sunday on my knees

That girl, that girl
She's mine
And I've know her since

Since you were a little girl
With Spanish eyes
Oh, when I saw her
In a pram they pushed her by

My, how you've grown
Well it's been
It's been a little while

Slow down my beating heart
Man dreams one day to fly
A man takes a rocket ship into the skies
He lives on a star that's dying in the night
And follows in the trail
The scatter of light

Turn it on
Turn it on
You turn me on

Slow down my beating heart
Slowly, slowly love
Slow down my beating heart
Slowly, slowly love
Slow down my beating heart
Slowly, slowly love

I can understand exactly what your saying...
It will be six weeks that Emeraldscorpio and I have been married...and I love him more and more each day..

Hope this relationship you have going, brings you lots of happiness..It is great to be in love..

****Formerly known as Miss Bonovista..Now known as Mrs.Emeraldscorpio.****
Hi Diemen,

It's my pleasure to respond to this post. I think it's great that the two of you share something as extraordinary as you described. Who knows where this friendship will lead to in the end. I don't believe in destiny but I do think that with a little more time spent between you two, maybe it will change into a romance. Maybe she's thinking the same thing, too. And she sings, as well, does she? Hehe, what a complement to your piano-playing.

I enjoyed reading your post. You may not like me saying this, but I know what it's like to have an extraordinary friendship, too ((beam)). However, I never wanted it to be more than platonic; that's one difference. I felt a little envious when reading your post, I must confess (bad, bad foray) cos I kinda lost the friendship I had with him. We weren't allowed to be close friends in the first place, so we ultimately decided to go separate ways; it's a situation I never get into specifics with anyone
. Don't get suspicious, though--it wasn't anything illegal lol. It's just that if we had continued with our close friendship, we would've stepped on too many toes. I think that was the purest friendship I ever had, too, just like how you feel, probably. Now, I'm just grateful that I had a glimpse of what true friendship & love is, with all its pain and sacrifices, even if I can't have it now. I wouldn't have traded the experience for anything else.

All the same, I wish you all the best with this friendship/romance. Hope to hear from you soon, take care. Sorry, I don't have advice for you, cos I don't think you need any


the only thing I know is that I know nothing

[This message has been edited by foray (edited 09-06-2001).]
Thanks for the reply vista and foray.

One of the great things about our friendship is that if we were to get together, it would probably make a lot of people happy. Her parents love me (they treat us almost as a couple when we're at their house...it's great
), my parents really like her, and I've had more than a few friends say that we'd make a great couple (although I've had that said about people who were definitely not my type, so I take it with a grain of salt). And it would make my grandma happy because I've already gotten the "so when are you going to find someone" hints...

And I'm not really a big believer in destiny because I think it can be dangerous to assume destiny will make things happen regardless of how much work you put in, etc. But still, it has a nice ring to it every once in a while
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