i'm not sure if i should post this cuz i usually don't post super personal stuff about me on the forum, but i figured i might as well. if worst comes to worst, i can always delete the thread, right? hehe...
after reading icelle's thread about her deadbeat ex-husband, it got me to thinking of the crap my dad had to go through with his ex-wife.
a little background info:
my dad was about 19 at the time, he was dating this girl. unfortunately, she got pregnant. of course, they're not sure if she purposely got herself pregnant or not, because she thought my dad's parents were super well off (they kinda were i suppose, his dad was a retired navy officer and his mom was a hausfrau). well, of course they weren't going to share this wealth with an irresponsible teenage son who knocked up his girlfriend, so they were on their own. ha!
to her.
anyway, they of course had to get married. so come september 1969, they have a daughter. now you can really tell as to why they had to get married. he was a young republican in maryland, that sort of shit (single parents) would so not fly, even during the flower generation.
so, my dad went on his way, continuing with his education in college, and working to support his deadbeat wife and newborn daughter. the whole time they were married, she never once worked for one moment. he was working THREE part time jobs IN ADDITION TO school. i think i have it tough? shit. btw, he did finish his degree in four years, so he was going to school full-time.
by 1972, she'd had enough. he "wasn't around enough" for her liking. well no shit, he has to work his ass off to support her sorry behind. plus, she was kind of a hippie. she was a blonde cher, really. so, they got divorced. it was a typical thang, where she got the kid and he'd be paying child support until their daughter was 18.
fast forward to 1976, when my parents met. of course, my dad told my mom all about his daughter, and she met her when she'd come to stay on weekends and such. they really struggled to pay for child support. i don't know any specifics, and besides i wasn't around then so something like "oh it was $200 a month" would mean nothing to me since i don't know what money was worth back then.
my dad's parents still tried to stay close to their granddaughter. unfortunately, my dad's ex-wife was an alcoholic druggie who used the child support money for her, as well as any other money or gifts (that she'd return for cash) my dad's parents would send her. anything that was sent to my dad's daughter would be spent on his ex-wife, and there wasn't a damn thing anyone could do about it.
of course, she was your typical bitchy ex-wife who didn't see what she did wrong, that maybe if she had been a little less lazy and tried to get a job so my dad wasn't carrying the whole burden, maybe they'd still be together and i'd call her mommy instead. oh, she fucked up my sister real good. she's now followed the same pattern. bang a guy, then marry him. then get divorced a couple years later. last time i saw her, she had two kids with two different men.
anyway, when my dad's father died in 1982, she was 13 years old. she came to the funeral dressed like a hooker, mainly because the clothes she was wearing were way too small because that's all she had. his ex-wife even offered to "sell" her to my parents (they got married in 1977), for the remainder of the child support he owed. for reasons they can't understand today, they said no.
i think once she turned 18, that was really the last my parents saw much of her. she was flower girl at their wedding (when she was 8). she was so cute, and looked similar to how i did when i was a kid.
fast forward to when i'm around eight years old. i don't remember the exact year anymore. la gear high tops were in style, i know that much. we're up in maryland visiting my dad's relatives for christmas and new year's, and we also get to see my sister. i'm ecstatic. to this day, it's been the first and only time i've ever met or talked to her.
we exchange christmas gifts. we go to the mall, and she gives me a pair of la gear high tops (hence me remembering that they were cool at the time). i meet my niece and nephew and brother-in-law. i have a great time, and think having such an older sister is cool, because since she's all grown up (she had to be at least 20) there wouldn't be any stupid sibling rivalry, like with a 3-4 year age difference, where the little sister follows the big sister around and bugs her to death. hell, holding my nephew felt more like holding my little brother.
flash forward to 1995. we move to memphis. when we met her, we were still living in florida. we sent them a package of christmas gifts for them and the kids and also to let them know of our new address and phone number, in case she tried to call us or something. the package came back refused. no reason. for all we know, it's because they moved and the new tenants were like "this isn't me," or she thought she fucked up and thought they'd be mad at her (this happened a lot they told me).
and now i've never seen her again. i don't even know where she lives anymore. it sucks really, to know there's family out there that i don't even know where they are, and if they're all right, especially someone i should be as close to as my sister. i look so much like her, we both resemble our dad so much. looking back at the pics we took of our visit up there, i look like her now, if you gave me late 80s/early 90s hair of course. i wish i knew how or where to find her. i don't even know if she has the same last name anymore. hell, maybe she's changed her name altogether. i just wish i could know her, if anything, to show her how her little sister turned out, and that she has a brother-in-law.
so thanks to that bitch of an ex-wife of my dad's, i don't know my sister.
after reading icelle's thread about her deadbeat ex-husband, it got me to thinking of the crap my dad had to go through with his ex-wife.
a little background info:
my dad was about 19 at the time, he was dating this girl. unfortunately, she got pregnant. of course, they're not sure if she purposely got herself pregnant or not, because she thought my dad's parents were super well off (they kinda were i suppose, his dad was a retired navy officer and his mom was a hausfrau). well, of course they weren't going to share this wealth with an irresponsible teenage son who knocked up his girlfriend, so they were on their own. ha!
to her.anyway, they of course had to get married. so come september 1969, they have a daughter. now you can really tell as to why they had to get married. he was a young republican in maryland, that sort of shit (single parents) would so not fly, even during the flower generation.
so, my dad went on his way, continuing with his education in college, and working to support his deadbeat wife and newborn daughter. the whole time they were married, she never once worked for one moment. he was working THREE part time jobs IN ADDITION TO school. i think i have it tough? shit. btw, he did finish his degree in four years, so he was going to school full-time.
by 1972, she'd had enough. he "wasn't around enough" for her liking. well no shit, he has to work his ass off to support her sorry behind. plus, she was kind of a hippie. she was a blonde cher, really. so, they got divorced. it was a typical thang, where she got the kid and he'd be paying child support until their daughter was 18.
fast forward to 1976, when my parents met. of course, my dad told my mom all about his daughter, and she met her when she'd come to stay on weekends and such. they really struggled to pay for child support. i don't know any specifics, and besides i wasn't around then so something like "oh it was $200 a month" would mean nothing to me since i don't know what money was worth back then.
my dad's parents still tried to stay close to their granddaughter. unfortunately, my dad's ex-wife was an alcoholic druggie who used the child support money for her, as well as any other money or gifts (that she'd return for cash) my dad's parents would send her. anything that was sent to my dad's daughter would be spent on his ex-wife, and there wasn't a damn thing anyone could do about it.
of course, she was your typical bitchy ex-wife who didn't see what she did wrong, that maybe if she had been a little less lazy and tried to get a job so my dad wasn't carrying the whole burden, maybe they'd still be together and i'd call her mommy instead. oh, she fucked up my sister real good. she's now followed the same pattern. bang a guy, then marry him. then get divorced a couple years later. last time i saw her, she had two kids with two different men.
anyway, when my dad's father died in 1982, she was 13 years old. she came to the funeral dressed like a hooker, mainly because the clothes she was wearing were way too small because that's all she had. his ex-wife even offered to "sell" her to my parents (they got married in 1977), for the remainder of the child support he owed. for reasons they can't understand today, they said no.
i think once she turned 18, that was really the last my parents saw much of her. she was flower girl at their wedding (when she was 8). she was so cute, and looked similar to how i did when i was a kid.
fast forward to when i'm around eight years old. i don't remember the exact year anymore. la gear high tops were in style, i know that much. we're up in maryland visiting my dad's relatives for christmas and new year's, and we also get to see my sister. i'm ecstatic. to this day, it's been the first and only time i've ever met or talked to her.
we exchange christmas gifts. we go to the mall, and she gives me a pair of la gear high tops (hence me remembering that they were cool at the time). i meet my niece and nephew and brother-in-law. i have a great time, and think having such an older sister is cool, because since she's all grown up (she had to be at least 20) there wouldn't be any stupid sibling rivalry, like with a 3-4 year age difference, where the little sister follows the big sister around and bugs her to death. hell, holding my nephew felt more like holding my little brother.
flash forward to 1995. we move to memphis. when we met her, we were still living in florida. we sent them a package of christmas gifts for them and the kids and also to let them know of our new address and phone number, in case she tried to call us or something. the package came back refused. no reason. for all we know, it's because they moved and the new tenants were like "this isn't me," or she thought she fucked up and thought they'd be mad at her (this happened a lot they told me).
and now i've never seen her again. i don't even know where she lives anymore. it sucks really, to know there's family out there that i don't even know where they are, and if they're all right, especially someone i should be as close to as my sister. i look so much like her, we both resemble our dad so much. looking back at the pics we took of our visit up there, i look like her now, if you gave me late 80s/early 90s hair of course. i wish i knew how or where to find her. i don't even know if she has the same last name anymore. hell, maybe she's changed her name altogether. i just wish i could know her, if anything, to show her how her little sister turned out, and that she has a brother-in-law.
so thanks to that bitch of an ex-wife of my dad's, i don't know my sister.
