I feel like I just got dumped.

[arw]

Ok not exactly but I feel like it. One of my friends, who I am very close with, has a boyfriend now. We've both been pretty lame in the man department since we met about a year and a half ago. Maybe that's why we hit it off so well. We met at work and by the end of the first month I knew her, I felt like we'd been friends forever.

We go out all the time. We are both really each others only friend that we can just call one another up at the last minute and go out and do something.

About a month ago we were at a bar and some dude asked for her phone number. Well now all of her emails consist of "James this, James that" Or "I can't because James and I are going out."

I'm not jealous she found a guy. I don't want this to sound like I am jealous. I'm actually really happy for her because she went through a painful divorce a few years ago when she was only 26 so I'm really glad that she is finally able to find someone. I really can't express how happy I was when she told me she had a date with James because it was such a huge step in the right direction for her. I've had to spend several nites listening to her cry over her ex husband and what a jerk he still is to her so I'm really glad she is making an effort to find someone else.

On the other hand, I'm really irritated with her for just tossing me aside like a bad habit. I've never, ever done that to any of my friends and none of my other friends have done that to me. We've always made time to be with just the girls. I'm just very shocked by her behavior. It's one thing to spend a lot of time with him, it's another to completely not want to make any sort of plans with me because James might want to go out. I'm so frustrated I could

I have plenty of other people to call up and go out with so that's not what I'm upset with. It's just her whole attitude of "oh sorry I can't because of James" that's really pissing me off.

 

[u2popmofo]

I know how you feel arw.

Every friend of mine, except one, totally dropped me from their list of "friends" once they got married.

Seems lame to me to do that to people, very lame.

 

[bluephisto]

Give her a few more weeks to get the in love thing undercontrol and then tell her how you feel. I'm sure she'll understand that you want to see her too.

 

[Angel]

This happens way too often. I agree with bluephisto- talk to her, but be prepared for her not to change back.

 

[cell]

i was one of those girls who put off seeing my family friends they had to tell me how they felt when i started dating.

i agree with angel and bluey. you have to talk to her and tell her how you feel. im sure she'll understand

 

[MissVelvetDress_75]

i am guilty of doing that to my friends and my friends have done it to me. it is annoying, i have lost some friends because i became too absorbed in my relationships with my boyfriends who are all now ex boyfriends.

now most of all of my friends here are married and now have families. i hardly talk to them anymore and when we do, it is not the same. they talk about their husbands, their homes and their children. i have nothing to contribute to the conversation.



but yeah i know how it is to loose a friend to a boyfriend.

 

[zonelistener]

Guys are just as guilty in this department, believe it or not!

*raises hand.

Arw9797

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

I have been guilty of it in the past, and it's happened to me as well. Bleh.

 

[Giant Lemon]

This happens way too often. I agree with bluephisto- talk to her, but be prepared for her not to change back.

Yeah, I know how it feels when a friend suddenly is all consumed with her boyfriend and has no time for you anymore. Like everyone else has said, there's nothing you can really do except to tell her how you feel.

 

[arw]

She's sooooooo senstive. I'm just afraid she will take it the wrong way if I try to tell her anything.

I guess since we've only been friends for a short time and she hasn't had a boyfriend since I met her, I didn't know how she would be. I've known all my other friends since at least high school, if not earlier, and we've always said that our friendships are important too, so we make time for each other. I've just never been friends with anyone who has completely forgotten about me once they find a guy to go out with.

 

[MissVelvetDress_75]

don't press it because she may become defensive and push you away. just let her know you want have a girls night every so often. most people who enter new relationships tend to be in that "stupid stage" when all that matters is the person they are with. it will soon fade and they will want to hang out with their friends again.

 

[Angel]

You guys are all mean. (I slightly jest ) But I have never done that to my friends!



Boyfriends come and go... friends last forever. Remember that next time.

 

[MissVelvetDress_75]

i am known to be a bitch and self absorbed.

if i land a boyfriend here in atlanta, y'all will probably never see me around these parts for a long time.

 

[tiny dancer]

I've been down that road a couple of times, so I know how you feel. Take care of yourself.

 

[Lemon Meringue]

I know this won't make you feel any better, but this happens to everyone. People don't necesserily do it on purpose, they just get caught up in the excitement of their new relationship. Hopefully, once the newness wears off, she will be ready to spend more time with her girlfriends again.

Hang in there.

 

[Mrs. Edge]

I apologize in advance for the tone of this response...I am really mad at the phone company and it's put me in a bad mood.....


I can understand her getting excited and distracted by the boyfriend. However, if you tell her that you miss her and want to see her again, if she gets defensive/sensitive and can't handle it, she is a bad friend!!!! There is no excuse for that behaviour.

I am one of those married people that ALWAYS makes time for my friends. They are my life. I am now going through the phase where they have babies and that's all they can talk about. That is so annoying! One thing is for sure, if I ever have a baby, it will take up as much of the conversation as any other topic, and no more. No one wants to talk about children's toys and diapers and stuff like that.

Back to your problem, I definitely think you should talk to her. Your feelings are just as important as hers, and she probably has no idea how you feel.

 

[Lilly]

You guys are all mean. (I slightly jest ) But I have never done that to my friends!



Boyfriends come and go... friends last forever. Remember that next time.

chicks before dicks



i completely agree with angel...it's a shitty thing to do to up and leave your friends for testosterone. i'm in the middle of this discussion with my BEST friend for the THIRD time...and it always ends up with her going "oh that's right, i'm so selfish, i'm so sorry i hurt you so much, i suck..."

i'm not even going to hear it this time. i'm so pissed off...the dentist had better give me some hard drugs tomorrow, cos i'm going to be spending some long amounts of time with her and i don't think i can handle it sober.


arw - tell your friend how it makes you feel. it makes me feel like i'm expendable, and i'm completely dejected from the one person who is sposed to always be there for me.

 

[zonelistener]

chicks before dicks

 

[ILuvLarryMullen]

If you're worried about her getting upset send her an email along these lines:

Hey (insert name here),

I haven't seen you in forever, I miss hanging out with you. We need to play a girl's night out. Let me know when is a good time for you and we'll go [ to the movies, to a bar, out to dinner, whatever you normally do] or something.

Your friend,
Amanda.




If she doesn't respond to this then she is a jerk-face .

 

[arw]

I think maybe she's sensed something with me because she's emailed me a lot more than normal. Or maybe she sees that we haven't spent much time together lately because she keeps asking me what's going on or what's new and then asks me if I'm ok when I don't answer her immediately. She's just asking me stuff she wouldn't normally ask me.

I think I'm going to not say anything to her and just see how things go. I have other friends I can hang out with that I really don't see as often as I should so maybe now is a good time to call them up.

I had plans with her (and James) and a group of other friends on Saturday nite but I wasn't feeling that great so I didn't go. She called me at least 5 times on Saturday nite and then emailed me a bunch of times yesterday to see if I was ok. I thought she was going to be really pissed off that I didn't show up or call to tell anyone I wasn't coming but she was the exact opposite. I guess it made me feel like maybe she hasn't forgotten about me.

 

[IWasBored]

before you know it you'll be hanging out listening to more stories about how hot fugly is

 

[arw]

Fugly! I wonder if she tells James about Fugly? I hope not!

 

[IWasBored]

Fugly! I wonder if she tells James about Fugly? I hope not!

that would be hilarious if she did! it would probably be in the Top 10 Ways to Damage a Relationship; discussing what ugly celebrities you find hot...

 

[arw]

I think because there's only a few months left until we meet him, her talk about Fugly will increase.

 

[IWasBored]

for your sake i hope it's nothing like me after a concert...cos for a month afterwards that's ALL you're going to hear...fugly this, fugly that

 

[spinninghead77]

It's awful when your friends make you feel like that. I am going through the same sort of thing right now.

I have 5 really close girlfriends. The 6 of us met up for dinner/drinks once a week after work, we went shopping together, had girls nights out on the weekends, and spent time together with our boyfriends (whom all knew each other).

Then two of us ended our relationships and moved out of town. We are only 50 km away now, but we live in the city and don't have cars. Everyone has been really busy back at home, buying new houses, getting engaged, etc. and they have become closer in our absense.

However, the girl that I live with got a new boyfriend with whom she spends 7 days a week. The only times that I see her are when she is at home alone for a few hours (doing laundry and such) or when he is over. Most of the time she is out with him, or at his apartment.

I have a new boyfriend now too, whom I love dearly, however sometimes its still nice to have your girlfriends around and I am lonely. I try to invite everyone to do things but it seems like everyone has really full lives without me.

It's all very sad sometimes. Especially since we were always very cliquey and therefore I don't have alot of other close friends.

 

[DrTeeth]

chicks before dicks

That's what I always say

 

[MissVelvetDress_75]

it is always nice when you find out your married friends are having "couple nights" and you are not invited because you are not in a relationship

 

[arw]

Ok so we finally got together last nite. The only reason is because I have a job interview at the place she works at later this week and I needed her to show me where to go. We went to dinner afterwards and she didn't shut up about this guy once to even ask me what's going on with me. Then finally she just said something like "oh I'll stop talking because you obviously don't care about the fact that I am happy now." I felt like crap after she said that and I don't think it was fair for her to say something like that to me now. I have a lot of stuff going on in my life right now that I'm not happy about and she knows I have been having a hard time the past few months. I was so irritated that she would have the nerve to say this. I understand the newness of her boyfriend and her wanting to talk about him, I just can't believe the only thing she said to me was that I don't care about her being happy now and she didn't even ask how I am.

Then I made a comment later on about how I don't have all that much to talk about because I never leave the house anymore. I wasn't referring at all to the fact that we never go out but she didn't see it that way and got snotty with me. I was referring to the fact that I haven't worked since Valentine's Day and there's not much to talk about. It was just a bad nite all around last nite. I was hoping we could talk about me and what's been going on but she ignored me everytime I tried to change the subject. I'm just really unhappy with her now. I haven't been around anyone who has acted like this since I was in high school and I just am not sure how to deal with it.

I have two potential jobs that I could find out about by next week. I told all of my friends who have been really supportive of me these last few months that when I finally get a job we are going out to celebrate and I want to buy everyone a drink or two for all the many times they have paid for my drinks. I wonder how supportive she is going to be when that nite finally comes. She'll probably pout that the nite isn't about her.

Ok I'm just venting and I figured this was the best place for me to do it. I think I'm done now.

 

[Mrs. Edge]

I can see why you would want to vent, that is really annoying.

All I can say is if she's anything like me, she's really self centered. That doesn't mean she doesn't want to hear about you, it just means she won't think to ask. What you have to do is just barge in and TELL her about you, say "you know, I'm really bummed about xyz..." and force your way into the conversation. Then she will (presumably) say something supportive. But then again, maybe she really is lacking in all social skills. That's a bummer. Glad you have other supportive friends to celebrate with.