Boris is a moose.

[FizzingWhizzbees]

One of my friends, let's call him Boris, has started acting really weirdly towards me and as I really have no idea how to respond to this I thought I'd just rant about him here and ask all you cool ZC people for some advice.

So. Boris seems to have developed an obsession with making fun of me and insulting me every time we speak. At first it was just little sarcastic comments like "you'll be fifty by the time you finally get a degree" (I had to take a year away from college and he finds this amusing) or "is your job too challenging for you?" (I work in a shop, which is possibly the least challenging job in the world) or making stupid comments about what I look like. And at first it bothered me because I thought of him as a good friend and so I valued his opinion.

Now it's got to the point where it seems his only response to anything I say is to make a sarcastic comment. I'll say I liked a particular film and he responds that it's stupid. I comment on a book I've read and he says that reading fiction is a waste of time. He's even resorted to making fun of where I live, as though this is supposed to be offensive to me. It's just loads of little comments, like if I say something jokingly like "I'm such an idiot" then he replies "yep, that's right!" I know these things sound really stupid and petty, but when someone makes about 20 of those comments in the course of a conversation it gets really annoying.

So...I don't know how to take all of this. Part of me thinks that Boris just enjoys making other people look/feel stupid because that's the only way he can feel good about himself. On the other hand, I think perhaps he's just decided he doesn't really want to be friends anymore and is trying to make me go away by acting like this. The stupid thing is, if that's how he feels it's fine with me. All he would need to do would be to explain how he feels and I'd just leave him alone. We haven't really been close friends in a long time since he did something which really destroyed any trust I had in him, so it wouldn't really bother me if I didn't speak to him anymore. But he hasn't actually told me that's how he feels so I don't want to just start ignoring him because I think that's a horrible way to treat someone. So should I confront him about this and ask if he really just wants to end our friendship and all these idiotic comments are just a way of trying to make me see this. Or should I just wait and see if he explains why he's acting like this?

Anyway, I'm sure I've rambled on for too long already so I'll shut up here. If anyone has any fantastic ideas about how I should deal with this, that would be great. On the other hand, if you just want to say "Boris is a moose" or some other insult, that's good too.

 

[Wild Angel]

I understand. My mother does that to me. It's like, they act like it's a joke, but you think deep down they mean or they wouldn't have said it, right? Even if they deny it, you always wonder. The bottom line should be if you are offended and you don't think it's funny he should not being doing it. If you tell him this and he laughs at you or gets mad at you what kind of friend is that?

 

[Justified]

I would approach him about his comments. I for a good while would respond to a male friend of mine with nothing but sarcastic remarks. But that is because I liked him more than just a friend and he would do and say things that would make it very easy for me to be a smart ass towards him. Now he and I are no longer friends, we crossed the line and it should not have been crossed and we are no longer talking at least not now. But if I were you I would talk to your friend and tell him that you are bothered by his comments, do it before you build up a lot of frustration with his comments and before you blow up on him.

 

[TheBrazilianFly]

Hey FizzingWhizzbees you're good people and this Boris guy is an asshole who does NOT deserve your company. Next time he says something annoying why don't you tell him to shut the fuck up and that if he ever open his mouth again to make fun of you say that you'll smash his head against a wall and that he won't like it. If he proceeds in making fun of you smash his head against a wall. He won't like it.

All right maybe that's a little violent but that's how I would feel in the very first moment. Just tell him straight that you don't like that attitude and if he tell you something you don't want to listen like "I don't care", simply stop hanging out with him, if you're friends are smart enough and friends of yours enough then they'll stop hanging out with him too and slowly but surly this kid will have no one at his side and he's going to have his payback. I think you should confront him and let him now of how you feel and stop this thing once and for all. One thing is for sure to me, you and him do not belong together. You're a much better person than stupid Boris.

 

[wolfeden]

sounds like you need to bring him up short, next time he does it look him right in the eye and say "Do you really mean that the way it sounds? Because it's hurtful and I don't like it."

sometimes people get into weird grooves with stuff like that and honestly don't realise how nasty they sound... and sometimes they don't care either.
confront him on it when he does it -- and play it from there by how he responds.

 

[yertle-the-turtle]

Hi Fizz,

I think the best thing you could do is straighten him out about it. I doubt he means it, but if you show/tell how hurtful you find his comments, I'm sure he should shut up.

 

[nbcrusader]

"Boris, your sarcastic and deragatory comments toward me are hurtful, getting very tiring and are no longer welcome. If there is something bothering you, please let me know. Otherwise, I expect that you will refrain from making these comments in the future."

 

[FizzingWhizzbees]

Thanks for the suggestions everyone. I was thinking about emailing him and asking what's going on, but now I think I'm going to wait until I next see him in person or talk on the phone and then ask him to explain himself.

 

[Laura M]

Next time you get a chance to talk to him I would mention it, if he doesn't apologise or still behaves the same way I think you are better off without him. A good person like yourself doesn't deserve folk being rude to them

about working in a shop - I hate working in shops, I think it's one of the hardest jobs, you're always rushed off your feet, customers are always rude and hold you responsible for anything that is wrong with their purchase. I can't believe you have stuck with your job for a year A temp job for 5 months in Mothercare wrecked me and now I am in Dot Perks

 

[FizzingWhizzbees]

Boris just gets weirder by the minute. I explained to him that his constant criticism, sarcasm and derogatory comments are bothering me. His response?

First he accused me of not having a sense of humour. Apparently I should just smile and laugh when he spend half an hour making fun of me.

Then he said he can't be bothered to have to watch what he says so he doesn't offend me. Yes, it must be such hard work to have to avoid calling your friend stupid, how unreasonable of me to suggest otherwise!

Finally he said that I must just want friends who agree with me all the time. No, I'd just prefer to have friends who don't seem to enjoy being unkind to me. Is that so much to ask? I'm fine with him disagreeing with me, criticising me when I deserve it, etc. I'm just not fine with the fact that he can't seem to hold a conversation with me without calling me stupid, making fun of me and generally acting like a complete creep.

Meh. I think I'm going to be avoiding him for a while. I'd rather spend my time with friends who don't appear to hate me.

[/rant]

 

[martha]

Sounds like an excellent choice.

And if you find that you don't want to have him back as a friend, that'll be his loss.

 

[TheBrazilianFly]

Awesome!! Did you said that to him? Thanks for keeping us updated.... no, I don't have a life.