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Old 06-14-2006, 09:22 AM   #301
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Old 06-14-2006, 10:08 AM   #302
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misunderestimated
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Old 06-14-2006, 07:08 PM   #303
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Old 06-15-2006, 06:46 AM   #304
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misunderestimated

just tremendous
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Old 07-12-2006, 08:58 AM   #305
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Would mine be "NewYorkFan"?
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Old 07-12-2006, 12:27 PM   #306
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Would mine be "NewYorkFan"?
No it'd be the Eaglesflyersphillies76ers. It's not NY's fault that your teams can't bring it home.
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Old 07-13-2006, 11:33 AM   #307
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zing !
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Old 08-21-2006, 12:54 PM   #308
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SunBloc

The Outter Planets

Colonsville, Uranus - Today, speaking for the Millitary Allaince of the Outter Planets (MAOTOP), Uranian Prime Minister Alzip Exxechezorn de Zagon issued a harsh reprimand and perhaps a threat to the SunBloc planets Mercury, Venus, Earth and Mars. "We speak as one when we state here today that equality cannot be brought by downgrading our little friend Pluto from Planet to Floating piece of Ice. This insult will not be had by those of us that live beyond the asteroid belt."

In response to Earth's prouncement last week that Pluto, ninth from the sun, may indeed not be planet due to it's size and orbit, the MAOTOP planets held a session on Uranus to work up a response. "We will not let Pluto go. Pluto is an important part of MAOTOP and the solar system. Though the suns rays warm not Pluto's icy surface we will not allow the arrogant bigots of the SunBloc to strip Pluto of it's rightful role of 9th planet. And doing so would totally fuck up the mnuemonic devices we learned as kids. What would my very educated mother just serve us nine of should Pluto be removed? Nothing? We stand here in unity and defiance and say no. We want pizzas....Pluto. Both. Shut up, Earth. You're pissing me off. Last time one of you inner planets pissed off MAOTOP you remember what happened? Remember that planet between Mars and Jupiter? BAM!Asteroid Belt nowadays. Don't think we won't make another."

In response to MAOTOPs pronouncement the SunBloc nations said that the idea to downgrade Pluto "was just an idea, no big. Chill out. Those big planets out there, they're like steak heads, you know? It's like when you go the gym and the big juiced up dudes start snapping at the little guys for not moving fast enough, or not lifting enough or not resetting the weights to like half a goddamn ton when they're done. You know? Lunatics. And who knows. Maybe we'll leave pluto and add a couple of more planets. I dunno. Maybe we want 12 planets. 50 planets. What do those 'roid heads think about that?"

An official decision is due later this year.
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Old 08-21-2006, 12:57 PM   #309
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Quote:
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I'm female
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Old 08-21-2006, 01:43 PM   #310
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Frenchie

Anybody From Any Country That's Not France. Ever.

Minutes from Security Council Meeting 082106.

Frenchie surrenders. "In light of recent events, we surrender," Frenchie says after Luxembourg stated that "London Bridge" by Fergie was #1 for the week on the iPod playlist. Luxembourg responded with, "Right of course" and moved on to the next issue, Resolution #4510.b, dealing with the situation in Lebanon. Frenchie surrenders to Isreal , Lebanon and Hesbollah, who not being a country can not able to accept the surrender. Lebanon and Israel both shrug it off.

At this point Honduran janitor Hector Morales sneezed thus prompting Frenchie to surrender. Morales accepts the surrender and went to empty the trash bins in the cafeteria.

The US Ambassador John Bolton (brother of pop god Michael Bolton) demands Frenchie's surrender. Frenchie plays the spite card and refuses. Bolton begins whining and accusing Frenchie of aiding terrorists. Morales returns, sneezs, Frenchie surrenders, Bolton says the US accepts the surrender, Frenchie says s/he was not surrending to Bolton but to the janitor who gave him/her a start with the sneeze, Bolton says"Too late, no backsies." Frenchie says something very existential. Bolton picks up phone, calls Cheney, apparently does not get authorization to attack Frenchie. Bolton weeps. Kofi Annan calls for order.

Lithuania raises hand, Frenchie surrenders, Annan calls on Lithuania, Lithuania says, "No, we got nothing. I just bet Ecuador I could get Frenchie to surrender by raising my hand. Ecuador owes me $5USD." Annan instructs Ecuador to pay Lithuania $5USD. Annan takes 2 of the dollars. Lituania received $3USD. Bolton grabs Frenchie and demands a true surrender. Frenchie refuses. Boltons threatens to sic Germany on Frenchie. Germany tells Bolton to sit down and STFU. Bolton calls Cheney. Annan calls for order again.

Lithuania raises hand. Frenchie surrenders. Ecuador slaps forehead with hand and says, "No puedo creerlo. Double o nada? Come on!" Annan takes $4. Lithuania gets $6. Lithuania does the cabbage patch dance in it's seat. Frenchie surrenders.

Annan puts his $6 away, calls an end to the meeting and gets lunch. Frenchie ordered French Fries, French Toast and French Coffee and then throws them all at Bolton.
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Old 08-21-2006, 02:16 PM   #311
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SunBloc - The Outter Planets -- It's brilliant!!!


Thank you thank you. I can die happy now!







one more
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Old 08-21-2006, 03:03 PM   #312
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Did anyone ever figure out the correlation between my name and my archnemisis?
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Old 08-21-2006, 10:27 PM   #313
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Dalton is the rug capitol and Cheticamp (or whatever it was) was the carpet capitol. Or something along those lines. I win the prize!
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Old 09-18-2006, 03:25 PM   #314
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RedKat

Black Dog

When we first got together, Black Dog was so suave, so debonair. The first night we met he told me the way I moved made him sweat, made him groove. He told me he liked the way I shook my thing, and he promised to make me burn and mae me sting. Well, that was the first sign he was full of shit. Let me tell you, there was burning, and definetly stinging, but NOT what I envisioned. No way no how. So I was all set to walk away, but thn he got all puppied eyed and said he couldnt keep away. Something about honey drippings...I dunno, but i took him back.

Second sign that I should dropped him right quick: ADD. He had it back. Dude rocked backed and forth, rolled around. He could not stand still. He said he had a fire in his heart, and the it was drawn to the fire in my heart. Said he dreamed of me. And stupid me, I took him back again.

He said, "I'll do anything. Tell me what to do now." So I told him.

Well, it didn't take long before I threw him out. I took his money, I took his car. I told my girlfriend Sherry I was moving to Hollywood to be an actress, a star. I was hoping maybe this would get him away from me, make him stop coming round. Well, it kinda worked, then he turned bitter. He started bad mouthing me. Said I had big legs, no soul. Bastard. Next time I see him I'm gonna tell him to start praying and ask God for a stupid ass woman that'll hold his hand and put up with his shit, cause I ain't havin it no more.
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Old 09-18-2006, 03:26 PM   #315
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Old 09-18-2006, 04:46 PM   #316
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Old 09-20-2006, 03:27 PM   #317
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F*CKING HYSTERICAL !!

I think Frenchie's is my new favorite.

Lithuania does the cabbage patch dance in it's seat.
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Old 10-16-2006, 10:10 AM   #318
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00Kevin

Please note: This is a sequel to 00Kevin's archenemy which can be found here.

For six years 00Kevin ran from MI6, and then one day, in a market in Papua New Guinea, that which he deemed impossible happened. He didn't notice her at first, just another body in a crowded market. Almost casually she walked up to him, grabbed him by his hair and pulled him into a back alley. She had pulled a gun with stunning agility and held it at his gut.

"Ah, if it isn't double Oh Kevin. Or should I call you oh-ten?"
"Don't call me that. NEVER CALL ME THAT. Who are you?"
"Me? I'm double oh seven..."
"Double oh seven? What? How did you-"
"....seventy four."
"Huh? Double oh seven seventy four?"
"Yeah. Bunny. Snow Bunny."
"So...that means that the maxmum budgeted headcount for MI6 is now...100,000?"
"MI6? HA. MI6 is old and busted. MI8 is the new hotness."
"MI8? Where did that come from?"
"Nine eleven chaged everything."
"Who's nine eleven?"
"Nine eleven is a date. Nine-eleven? Not ringing a bell?"
She slaps him.
"Hey, you just hit me!"
She slaps him twice more.
"Hey, why are you hitting me? Stop hitting me! I don't know this nine eleven, and I don't know why he or she, felt the need to change the rules, but...if I were to join MI8 could I be double oh something or other?" SLAP "STOP THAT!"
"It's post nine eleven, Kevin, I can do anything I want." She moistens her finger and inserts it into Kevin's ear. He screams in pain as he falls to the ground.
"The Geneva Conventions! Wet willy's are illegal according to the Geneva Conventions!"
She feigns a punch and Kevin fliches. She hits him twice rapidly in the arm and she says, "Two for flinching." She then wipes the punched area, thus sealing his chance of retaliating with the "No wipe" rule. She pushes the gun into his back. "Geneva Conventions, Schaneva Shneventions. I laugh at them now." She cuffs his hands behind his back. "Back to jolly old England with you Oh Ten."
"Don't call me that. Serisouly." SLAP "STOP THAT! Jesus....How did you track me down?"
"Actually I wasn't looking for you. I'm here for the cricket tourney."
"Really? Who you like this year?"
"Pembroke looks good. But I'm pulling for Dublin."
"Dublin? Come on, mate. Dougherty's looked like shite the past few games. Not a chance. I'm putting my money on Leeds." SLAP. "Stop that! Oh - Look - isn't that Dougherty there?"
"Where?" She turns quickly and 00Kevin tries to run off. She grabs his hair again and slaps him.
"STOP HITTING ME!"
"OK, fine." She releases the cuffs, grabs both his wrists and makes him slap his own face. "Stop hitting yourself, stop hitting yourself. Why are you hitting yourself? Are you crazy, hitting yourself like that? Stop hitting yourself."
"KNOCK IT OFF! This is inhumane." She puts the cuffs back on him and throws him to the ground. She places her finger an inch from his face and twirls it in circles. "I'm not touching you, I'm not touching you, I'm not touching you." SLAP. "Ooops, I touched you. My bad." Agent 00774 checks her watch and realizes that the cricket game begins shortly. "Listen oh-ten - "
"Don't call me that."
"You stay right here. I'll be back in a bit. Don't move." She reaches into the back ohis pants and pulls his underwear mid way up his back. "OOOOHHHH!!!! NICE!!! Sick wedgie there, oh ten."
"Don't call me that."
Agent 00774 drags her foot over 00Kevin as she walks toward the park where the game is about to begin. 00Kevin squirms down the alley, all the while swearing his revenge on MI6, MI8 and Agent 00774.
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Old 11-08-2006, 10:45 AM   #319
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Just came across this ...
one word: BRILLIANT.

If you are still in commission...would you mind taking the time to do me?

Its seems its been a while since you've had any.
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Old 11-08-2006, 11:21 AM   #320
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I second that....

this is by far, my favorite thread.
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