Why do women like assholes?

[The_acrobat]

At the end of 2000, I broke up with my longtime girlfriend. Through most of 2001, I took a much needed and much deserved break from dating. It was nice. I started dating in the fall, and three times I've gotten the "we shouldn't see each other anymore, you're too nice." I'm too nice? WTF?

A little about me. I'm not one of those sensitive pussies who sits around and recites poetry, or tells a girl I love her prematurely. I only demand to go out with a girl maybe once a week. I'm a farmer, so I've got that whole "rugged" thing going. But I try to treat women with respect, because that's just the way I am.

But I talked to a bunch of girls, and they say they like guys who are assholes to them. They like the chase....the thrill of victory after taming a guy who treats them like shit. They say that if a guy likes them, then there's not a challenge or a thrill out of it.....

I'm not saying all women are terrible people. I'm just wondering why women like the assholes. Girls, your perspective on this topic would be welcomed.

[edgerulz]

i have been in the same situation (except i'm not a farmer) and i did my own research and my girl friends that i talked to said that they love a challenge, which is b.s.

as men, we have to make the first move to ask them out (99% of the time) and if we do, then they know we want them and it's not a challenge for them. it's no win man..

as far as being assholes, it's just that us nice guys finish last.

"women: you can't live them, pass the beer nuts."

[Mrs.Clayton]

I don't like assholes, nor do I hang around them. But it is a trend I've noticed in many of my female peers.

[Angel]

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I disappeared in you
You disappeared from me
I gave you everything you ever wanted,
It wasn't what you wanted

[This message has been edited by Angel (edited 01-12-2002).]

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

Speaking for myself, I don't like assholes.

Find me a nice guy who won't play games, I'm there. Women wanting to play games, those are the ones usually who go for the asshole-types. They deserve each other, if you ask me.



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I know your garden's full
But is there sweetness at all?

[HelloAngel]

Until I grew to fully respect and know myself, I went out with "assholes."

Once I learned to love myself, I went out with the nice guy who always finished last.
He's first in my book now

[zonelistener]

Originally posted by HelloAngel:
Until I grew to fully respect and know myself, I went out with "assholes."

Once I learned to love myself, I went out with the nice guy who always finished last.
He's first in my book now

Yay, there's hope!

[foray]

I'm proud to say my boyfriend is what those girls would call wimpy

4a

[speedracer]

Originally posted by The_acrobat:
At the end of 2000, I broke up with my longtime girlfriend. Through most of 2001, I took a much needed and much deserved break from dating. It was nice. I started dating in the fall, and three times I've gotten the "we shouldn't see each other anymore, you're too nice." I'm too nice? WTF?

Be grateful for this. Taking their words at face value, it means that those girls have a tendency to wreck "nice guys".

[Pate20]

I once saw a book: "Evil men reach every bed", in German. I fear it is true.

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I let the melody shine
Let it cleanse my mind
I feel free now

[Gina Marie]

Hmmm-I think it may have to do with having issues of low self-esteem, etc.-and your past history that may make you feel you somehow don't 'deserve' to be treated well-just what Hello Angel said.

Speaking for myself-I often feel this way, and it's still a constant struggle. I want respect-I don't want an a**hole. But I also don't want someone who begins to take me for granted so much that he becomes complacent and 'boring'-maybe that's where the lack of a 'thrill' begins.

I've had enough of being treated like crap-for me a 'victory' would be to have someone not treat me like that.

[Autumn454]

I don't like assholes! I do know lots of girls who are with them and I don't know why. I mean I know this one girl who goes with this geek with no job who puts her down and he looks and talks like Barney Rubble and she idolizes him! It makes me sick!

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~Burned by the fire of love~

[unforgettableFOXfire]

Ive noticed the same thing, and that "too nice thing" Ive had that before too like 20 times too many... I dont understand it personally, why rather than have someone treat them well and whos pretty much garunteed to never hurt them intentionally, they would choose someone who in a month will be cheating on them, treats them like crap, and guards them covetously from having any guy friends. But hell, not like it matters, I couldnt get a gf if I paid her anyway......

[kobayashi]

Originally posted by edgerulz:
i have been in the same situation (except i'm not a farmer)

sorry to intrude but i just choked on my cheerios when i read that.

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i was born for your magazine
i am trapped in the society page of your magazine

[Salome]

Originally posted by The_acrobat:
Why do women like assholes?

because they are very handy when you need to go to the toilet?

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Salome
Shake it, shake it, shake it

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

[adam's_mistress]

I wouldn't say I dated or hopped in the sack with anything that moved. I wasn't particularly picky, but I had my standards and I wanted to be respected.

For the most part, the men I had long term relationships were nice guys. Really nice, in fact, though they weren't the right ones for me obviously.

Now as far as short term relationships go that's another story. There were some assholes in the mix. And at that time I was certainly not perfect, I was kind of an asshole too. Actually no, I *was* an asshole. During that point in my life it was as though I sought the assholes out. Birds of a feather flock together, you know? They were usually the "good looking but a real wanker" types. The thrill of the chase and the thrill of the dance was there. I was not so innocent and neither was the guy. In these situations we knew what the other wanted, it was kind of agreed that it wasn't permanent. It was just for kicks and we both went into the relationship knowing that so nobody got hurt. Chock it up to low self esteem or sowing my wild oats, but in the end it gave me a solid idea of what I wanted in a person should I find myself interested in something long term. The reason being for this was, many people including myself want the security of a long term relationship. I wanted to explore my options, wanted to find out what made me tick. That "experimental" phase in my dating career didn't last long, but long enough to give me an idea of what I wanted in a man.

Now on to heartbreak. I met that wonderful man. We were friends first but always interested in pushing the envelope. When we did it was a whirlwind relationship. My folks loved this guy, his parents loved me. He was a gentleman, he made me happy, we had everything in common. He doted on me hand and foot and I did the same. He was the "one" and I could feel it in my heart. But then, a few months down the line, something happened. I don't know what. Perhaps this man was bored with me which sent him looking for the thrill of the chase like I once had, but completely disregarded one disclaimer: mutual respect for the situation. Of course since he was the "one" I didn't want to treat this relationship like a game, or a chase, or a fair weather thrill. But at any rate he cheated on me with a married woman whom I was friends with (as well as her husband.) He dumped me after they both arranged to backstab me, and he wound up impregnating this person less than a month later. He then married her after her nasty divorce was final. I was shattered. What did I do wrong? How could this seemingly perfect man void of all assholeish-ness treat me. How could this person who had high morals suddenly avert to the lowest of the low and have an affair with a married woman? Let alone a woman who was married to his friend?

That I will never know, but it took me a year to get over him. Perhaps it was the thrill of the chase to get in bed with a married woman, maybe it was because they were both really assholes on the inside. I'll never know, but one thing is clear, they both deserve each other and what's coming to them.

Fed up with men and looking for a thrill, I wound up meeting a person most people would call an asshole. He was a bad boy, a "pretty boy" punker, a heavy drinker, a hard partier, and had a long string of nasty relationships under (eh hem) his belt. To be honest when I took him home that one fateful night, I anticipated a first for me: a one-night-stand so I didn't set myself up for heartbreak. We stayed up all night and watched the sun rise the next day. We talked and talked. We spoke of likes and dislikes, relationships, we spoke of how we treated other people. I won't say what else we did but you can guess anyway. For someone who appeared to have a crusty exterior, I found him rather sweet on the inside. He left the next day and I did a strange thing even though I thought it might get me hurt. I called him and thanked him for the most fun evening I had in well over a year.

He must've been grateful, because a couple hours later he was on my doorstep. A few months later we got married, and we've been going 7 years strong ever since.

I don't know why I've gone off on a tangent here for so long giving you my love life story, but I thought I'd share. Are there 2 different kinds of assholes out there: one that hides under a wonderful exterior, and one that's hiding under the asshole image on the surface? Perhaps - but I guess some assholes aren't what they seem. For every person you have to consider the source, but a wise person once told me that every source has its root.

The asshole issue goes both ways. I know plenty of women who are just as much an asshole as the next asshole guy. I guess it just takes a certain kind of chemistry between two people to explore the root of a person's asshole-ness. Had I continued to judge my (now husband) by his gruff exterior, I wouldn't have gotten to know the wonderful person inside. I could've just thrown it all away but I took a chance, and it's fair to say he took a chance with me given the state of my heart at the time we met.

*shrug*

[Mrs. Edge]

I think everyone loves the excitement and challenge of winning someone over. This is something that is also drummed into us through the movies and TV.

Of course women want nice guys. BUT, I have known some nice guys who have bored me to tears, and some nice guys who have thrilled me beyond words! I think it just boils down to common interests, chemistry, spark etc.

Although there may be some allure in taming an asshole, eventually that gets really old, and really frustrating b/c you realise they are never going to change.

[WildHoneyAlways]

My best friend is a so called "asshole." He really is. I can't stand to see the way girls act around him and vice versa. Women love him, I have no clue why. He is an attractive guy but not drop dead beautiful. He has the ability to tell women exactly what they want to hear. I know him all too well so I call him out on this. I think this is why women like assholes, they are so full of shit and are good bullshiters.

[Zoomerang96]

to be completely fair, guys are complete pricks too.

you dont have the time to write an email at the least, but you have enough time to look through interference, then through this stupid forum and through THIS thread to find something you dont like and then take the time to ream that person that cares about you, out, then i think you really need to *cough cough, deal with it much better.

sorry, my bocefus juices are flowing, and thats rarely a good thing.

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-death bear

[This message has been edited by Zoomerang96 (edited 01-13-2002).]